Well, not much happened today, though Jennifer said we may get recorded so we can burn a cd of ourselves, my friend said she'd search for the old address of this record company we could send it to. I hope she finds it. I made two new songs,Faceless and The Angels were Silent...also I had made one called, "Will you be there?" I'll be adding those into our band lyrics this weekend when I have a few minutes to spare or so. For shame on me, for shame, for shame, I just found out NIN had done a song for the Quake soundtrack! Well, gotta go. Cheers.

Hey, sorry I haven't updated this journal for a few days. Mainly I was trying to figure out how to do it again. Yup, absent minded me back at the site.... or ahem, page. What's the difference between a website and webpage, can someone explain this to me, please? Anyway, the "Deep" lyrics from NIN are in here, they're also on NIN's website. http://www.thefragile.com ...so check out the site, it rocks. Well, I made yet another song, I really gotta start putting them into our band lyrics page, don't I? I'll do that as soon as I finish typing this up. Anyone ever heard Taproot's Day by Day? Ooooh, I like that song. My buddy, Allison, is gonna add a fanfic on this site/page. So I guess this is going to be an anime/band site. How much does that rock? A lot. I'm still trying to figure out how the hell to set up a damn image gallery. -.-` Well, off I go to get the lyrics up. And the "Deep" lyrics up... and more Orgy lyrics up. Luckily this shit doesn't take long.

Sorry I haven't typed in you for a while, truth is, 1.) I didn't feel like it at first. 2.)My computer was being a dipshit. Jenny's in Florida, lucky girl, while I'm stuck down in Texas. Le sigh. Franky may not be typing for quite sometime, if ever, because her dad set some setting crap on her screen name. Now that's gotta suck some. I'm listening to the song "Deep" right now, I've been waiting so long to listen to it and wha ha! Now I can. This makes me quite happy. Allison's fanfic will be popping up on this site/page very, very soon. I'll put up more of the Orgy lyrics soon, it's just it's a very, rather boring, process. I don't feel like finding my papers of the lyrics from Orgy right now. I'll do it sometime though, I promise. Just not at the moment. Well, I'm gonna travel. Bye Journal and Journal Readers.-poof.gone.-

Obviously I wont be typing into this journal all the time, but oh well, right? I doubt anyone who'd read it, looks to see if I typed something new every damn day.I scanned another image I drew, I may put it up, may not. Our band's doing more swell. Franky's lyrics to "Nearly Drowned" which I accidently put in here as "Drowned" my mistake, I'll fix that soon, sorry Frankster.I finished the book Allison lent me to read, "Sabriel" wow, I give it, from 1-10, a 100! Yah, shows how much I liked the book, huh? It's by Garth Nix. Interesting from the start. If you enjoy fantasy books, I very much recommend this story, it starts and ties up in the end oh so well. Next I'll be reading the sequel, "Lirael", at the moment I'm listening to NIN's "March of the Pigs" hehe... uh..... no, that wasn't a "hehe" no, it was a cough, a very odd cough. Don't make fun of my giggle-like coughs! Uh... I think I'll go now, cheers. OH! Before I do go,I just heard that Deftones and Disturbed will be in a DBZ Soundtrack, can someone give me more info on this please, I'd be very obliged...

Hey anyone who reads all of this...well, the blah page is up. It's mainly for just...well... blah! Nothin special about it really, just a plce where I can put up anything...I guess! The band needs to get together again, but we wont be able to during this weekend. Sigh, because the band's been getting lazy, me especially, I wrote one song today, but I can't even remember the tune to it. It's almost as if i'm going through a blocked moment or something. Well,I better go. Chow.

Hullos, Michelle here again, you know one thing I hate about when I actually do cry? How sleepy I get afterwards. I found out why it's called webpage instead of website. Domain reasons. Now I feel like such a dumbass. Oh well. I did two illusrations today, one of an angel, not the type so many people picture them as, and one that's just of a woman's back with almost a zipper embedded on her spine with design in the background. You know what's sad? I only like one song of Tori Amos, and that my friends is, "Crucify" the rest I don't even like an ounce. Sheesh. Moving onto another subject, I'm writing up more lyrics and I plan to have them up by at least sometime in July. JULY?! Yeah, I know, but I said this site is often updated--but not how often. Heh heh. Soon I'm going to change the look of this webpage, it's getting pretty boring to look at, so just keep checking in to see the now going to be often changes. Jennifer's birthday is July 1st so...Happy Soon-to-be Birthday Jennifer! *ahem* Okay, I think my art's beginning to swirve into a more different turn. Before I drew a lot of anime, perhaps too much, and now it's moving to a different step with much more detail and background. I keep getting a growing craving to draw a woman near a sea shore with her arms lifting and water swifting up with them...I have no clue why. I'll draw it later today perhaps.Oh, and I'll start putting up these new images soon. They'll have their own page labeled, "The Oddend Editions." Sound pretty damn kewl, eh?......okay maybe not. Well, too bad, I'm trying to add more on this webpage. Damn. Well off I go now. Chow.

HEY!!! Geez, I'm terribly sorry I haven't been typing in this Journal for such a while, it's just I've been so busy annnnd I got lazy. ~_~` Well, we're still on the magical look for the perfect drummer (which must be a girl.) and with still no luck. We haven't been doing much with the band also because of the pep squad camp and such. I guess. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse, hm? I have more new songs but it's just, ugh, I don't like the time consuming process of typing it in there. Well, Franky's ROTC and me and Jenny's Pep Squad rocks. No matter what some weirdo may say about the pep squad being "Bleacher Creatures" ..Just to clear things up, yeah, the pep squad may be on the bleachers doing the dances a lot but guess what? We kick ass so much that we don't even need to be on the center field just to get the attention we get from our great performances. We only go out there when it truly counts.*S* The spirit groups are much more well-known than..*ahem*...other things...BUT, ANYWAY, I had to let that out somewhere because SOMEONE just sincerely asked for it and I know, I know, it makes me stoop to her level to say that stuff, but when someone brags like she did, then puts down ROTC and Pep Squad..(Which ROTC I was thinking of joining because it sounded so interesting, but joined Pep Squad instead-reason: I have no clue.) phhh, she gets what she gives! So HAH! *lmao* Well anyway... I'll be putting up more of the songs soon, so don't worry. Also, NIN pictures and lyrics will be up, and Jennifer's going to be having Fuel pictures and I think lyrics up as well. ^_^ WHO SAYS PEP SQUAD LADIES CAN'T ROCK?! hehehehehe.. well, I'll go now, sorry I didn't type in for a while. Oh and Laura, don't eat spagetti with your Uniform shirt on! ;) ... Eh, well, chow.

Hey, well, i've updated some crap, like i said on the front webpage...today's journal entry, i'll tell you now, is going to be a long one that's more personal than updating. Sometimes i wonder if anyone in this household or anyone really, would truly give a shit if i were dead. (No, this isnt a suicidal hint or anything, i wouldn't try that.) I wish i could just see how people were if i were dead, if i could wish something i just might wish that. To see if anyone would come to my funeral, have the respect to wear black, and come not just to make sure i was dead. Sometimes it just makes me wonder. Have i really made any impact on any person? Probably no. If so, probably not too much. Nothing drastically done. Just meaningless. I havent even felt at all in the spirit of the December times... birthday wise or Christmas wise... every morning it seems as though i have a knot in my throat and i wonder what i'm doing here, i wonder if anything's truly worth getting out of the safe serenity of my bed for. It's as if i have no meaning, i know my mom would cry some if i were to die, my dad would get over it rather quickly though, my friends i dont if they'd cry some or get over it quickly. I keep getting a dream that i'm walking in the cold breeze along a sidewalk, falltime, and suddenly i turn around and see no one there, just leaves brushing through the wind, i turn back around and start to walk with tears in my eyes and that same knot in my throat, just walking with nowhere to truly go. Sure i'll keep on living, i wouldn't do such a thing as kill myself, even if i truly felt like there was just no way out at all, ever, anymore. I guess i can thank religion partially for it, if it weren't for religion, i may have done it already. Stupidly, the thought of chance on me going to hell scares me. It's weird, i feel so empty inside. And the worse part of it is the fact that even with the boyfriend i used to have, i was at least a little more happy, i felt used, but at least i knew...or thought... someone cared. But, even that pathetic sense of belonging is gone. I'm frightened though, that once things start going smoothly, something will go wrong being it's happened so many times. I wont get way into that though, only friends can ask for more information on that one... that's too personal to lay out in the open like what i'm doing here. I don't get why i was even truly born, or how a person can just walk through life, never doing hardly anything huge...and feel like he/she has accomplished something even though his/her life was actually wasted, just completely wasted. I swear, if it werent for music, i'd be more insane than i already am. It's better than me ever taking drugs, killing myself, or taking alcohol to work through my problems. Though music doesnt really work through my problems, but better yet just calms things down. If i'm just in a "blah" type mood and keep listening to a song over and over i'll get sick of it, but yet, if i have a feeling that connects to it, i could listen to that song and never get tired of it. I know this must sound incredibly stupid/idiotic, but music is the only thing i can connect to, it's a connection, even say, just a specific rhythm in a song can make me listen to that song over and over, i can't put all my feelings in writing, but with the music i listen to, it's already done for me, even through just tune. The day i go deaf is the day i die, for knowing what i'm missing is much too hard to live with. Some people i know actually have said to me, they wish they were so lively, or even happy as me... now that scares me. The fact that i've grown so well of hiding makes me wonder, but what stings the most is the fact that i don't even know what makes me so unhappy, it's like something's missing inside me. The inability to find what that hole is in my heart drowns me more than i thought possible. No, i'm not always unhappy, don't get me wrong, i have my happy moments. But i'll admit that i've only involuntarily smiled because of the happiness i had at the time...only about 1-4 times in my 15 years of life. I don't know if that's good or if that's hell. Maybe i'm just waiting for something to happen that's huge. Maybe i'm just waiting for that perfect person who'll actually find me as someone other than what everyone else finds me as. I don't know anymore. I just hope this knot in my throat goes away.....
-till better days.

Howdy, sorry about yesterday's entry, it's just,well... Uh, anyway...i'm on my...PERIOD, yes, yes indeed, so these past few days have been hell. See all you guys out there? You've got it damn good, you dont get a period every month, think how sucky that is for us girls? So if you have a girlfriend, or just a close friend who's a girl, go do something nice because well, what i just said. Today's updating probably wont be a whole lot, at least not for now, blah. Cramps...pain... blah... well, i'll leave Franky's computer to her so she can do her Fextra report. (Another thing updated.) Cheers.

Hey, i'm listening to number 2 on the End of Days soundtrack, i'd say what it's called but i'm seriously too lazy to go check.lol. Well, more updating is popping up, i'm going to see if i can add some "story" section into this site...webpage. Oh yes, and i found out some people had no clue about this so i shall be nice and spread the word: In Nirvana's "Nevermind" cd, track 12 has a hidden song, if you'll call it that, just fast forward your cd till around "13:38" minutes under the 12 track and the song will pop up. Secret song! I'm so terribly relieved, no school tomorrow. Thank you so much Jesus, i mean really, if it weren't for his birth we wouldn't be having this awesome time off. Aren't i quite the religious forsaker? Lately it's seemed like i've had no life, always typing up my journal and such, but damnit i'm ominously bored here, cut me some slack. I keep needing to remind myself to buy a new journal since my offline one is finished. I need paints and a small canvas right about now, i want to draw/paint my odd looking angel. I'm in a bit of a rut at the moment, i don't know which cd is going along best with my mood. I guess i'll just listen to KoRn's "Issues" cd... starting though with "Falling Away From Me." God i love the drums in KoRn songs... Well, if anyone has an interesting fictional story, e-mail it to imperfectionist@thefragile.com and i'll add it in here, it can be almost any type of story, the only thing i wont truly allow that i can think of at the moment is anything with huge sexual content, just because you're a horny bastard doesn't mean you have to spit it out on all of us :) ...Well, just enter in a story and if it's allowed in you'll see it for yourself, okay? I'm going to try and find my old story that i had (which i never finished in the end.) to add it in there too. Maybe we'll even start rating these stories, eh? I don't know, i'll add a poll for that question. Well, i better get to this crap so, cheers.

Howdy, sorry about yesterday's entry, it's just,well... Uh, anyway...i'm on my...PERIOD, yes, yes indeed, so these past few days have been hell. See all you guys out there? You've got it damn good, you dont get a period every month, think how sucky that is for us girls? So if you have a girlfriend, or just a close friend who's a girl, go do something nice because well, what i just said. Today's updating probably wont be a whole lot, at least not for now, blah. Cramps...pain... blah... well, i'll leave Franky's computer to her so she can do her Fextra report. (Another thing updated.) Cheers.

Sorry i haven't done in entry, well, here's one. Hello. I probably wont update much, if at all today. Aren't we all glad it's not Christmas anymore? I actually had put in an entry last night, but i got disconnected and my computer froze up. It doesn't matter anyways, the entry was just my heart pouring out all over this journal saying why i can't stand emotions. It's weird, i feel so empty inside with no true reason. I was getting back to a more relaxed state of sanity and then within a few days i morphed back into the some strange person who doesnt know herself, see what this Christmas has done? This holiday time? Well, no, that's just truly a scapegoat, though it did make matters all the worse. So here we go: I'm feeling empty inside, i dont know the reason why, i've been crying in intervals for about a week now,the knot in my throat is now seeming to enlarge, and i'm living on my last string of sanity. If anyone would like to tell me off or anything of the sort today, i swear they're getting their head chewed off. This is much worse than my pms, friends, much worse. God, if you're out there, please do some miracle right now, knowing that this feeling is back again makes me actually kind of scared, i hated it before and God i hate it now, if anyone has had this type of feeling before, e-mail me or something, especially if you're not in the rut right now, only were. I can't draw, i can't obviously write, i can't even get my mind to stay on something again. Yesterday i thought it was beginning to get better, loosin up a bit till the afternoon rolled on in. Oh, and for any people who can supposibly explain meanings of dreams, could you do me a favor and review this one: i'm looking up at this stained glass window and i see light shining through it, almost like i'm addicted to it, then slowly it starts to disappear and next thing i know, i'm laying on a tile floor bleeding, i truly don't understand it really. Someone please e-mail me on that as well. (imperfectionist@thefragile.com) Well, updation: if anything other than this journal, probably i'll add a quiz #2, or perhaps i'll make my blah page. Well, i better go... tchao. chow. bye. cheers. whatever.

Later...

Howdy, i'm at Franky's again, she doesnt want to commit to the true American standards of TIME. Oh wells, anyways, Franky updated, as in added, a link into her Bio. (The Calling.) I don't know what i'll add just yet, but in time i think i'll find something to update or add. Oh yeah, she wants me to also enter into here notify of her making another song, it'll soon be in the list of our lyrics. Statement of the day: Franky has a very sick mind. (Yeah, duh, who knew, am i right?) Franky's on her period so she's being all sicky poo and was trying to shove a soap bar that was "distortedly" figured into my mouth. Yep, i am the victim, mhmmm, yessiree. Is it just me or does Blink 182 suck ass even more right about now? I'm having a bad hair day just to inform you all. Well, i'm gonna go, maybe i'll enter more in here later tonight. Tchao.

Hey, well, today i think i'm just going to be updating mini things like lyrics to things and of the many sort. As soon as Franky e-mails me or gives me a paper, something, with the lyrics of her song on it, i'll place it into our song page. I saw "Bless the Child" again, this time not with my friend Christa, but with my mother. It was a nice refresh, pretty good movie. Out of a 1-10 (1 being the worst, 10 being, duh, of course the best.) i'd give it a high 8. Tomb Raider though, i must sadly say, only gets a 5 because of it's very very very poorly done graphics. I still cant get it out of my mind, damn it sucked. lol! Sorry to all you Tomb Raider or Angelina Jolie lovers out there. Well, i'm gonna go, so tchao.

Hey, this will be pretty short considering i told Franky that i'd call her back, no updates today, well, i gotta go since i haven't spoken to her in a while, tchao darlings :)

Salut, ugh, i'm such an empty person now. It's freaky, no, this is not another one of my depressed modes, it's more a laugh at myself than anything else. Is it the cold weather? Though i doubt it is, cold weather usually leaves me to stay indoors, therefore giving me creative urges....creative urges arent here this year. Maybe it's like the "it just doesn't feel like 'name holiday here'" thing. Maybe once spring rolls on in my creative mood will too. I hope so, this is beginning to piss me off, hell it pissed me off the minute it began, lol. "Oh vell." Anyways, updation report: i haven't a clue, and guess what? Good news: Jennifer is finally going to update! *clap, clap, clappity, clap, clap.* I think i may try and add more lyrics if i get a tune in my head or something. Well, tchao for now.

Howdy fellow oxygen lovers, how are you all on this non gloomy day? I am about to go nuts because of this CREATIVE BLOCK DAMNIT. My theory now is either gloomy day, canvas and paint, or even both. I'll write back a little bit later, tchao for now.

Hey, woo I'm estatic today, I'm going to the Adema concert so I'm all psyched up. Has Jennifer updated yet? No. I'm all squishy inside (duh, me and the rest of the human...and non-human race.) But this time I'm not jsut squishy by blood and guts, it's also by excite. I heard about this place called "Sin 13" and I really want to go, I probably will go. Finally something that's for adults AND MINORS. They also book bands/artists/DJs to play there so perhaps later when I get the feel of the place I'll do that? I'm listening to Marilyn Manson's "Tainted Love." Not bad, I don't think it's quite as grand as the original, but it's so close to THAT good that it's spooky... well, no, not really "spooky"...whatever.. I'm such an idiot, I was stupid and paid a dollar to this education manifesto also, oddly enough, called "School," for this "Heart to Heart" thing, they give you a quuiz-like thing to fill out and then on Valentine's Day you get a list of 10 most compatible guys (or girls if you're a guy, they don't so gay or lesbi relations, which I'm straight, but still that seems incredibly rude for all the homo and bisexuals at our school, you know?) Anyways, after you get the lsit I don't know what the hell you do. I know I probably won't find my "Mister Right" by a school dateline, but I mean, what the heck? This my friends, is why you don't leave someone like me bored for too long, it'll leave me too much time to do something. For act of others survival: never let my mind wander. I like this lyric, "You'll never grow up to be a big-rock-star-celebrated-victim-of-your-fame, they'll just cut our wrists like cheap coupons and say that death was on sale today." Now that's not your everyday "I want you back" is it? Actually, it's not in the least. Back to the pathetic school dateline thing, I jsut hope they don't say on the intercom, "All students who did the Heart to Heart, please come down to the auditorium now." Then I'll probably be the only one getting out of my desk, probably saying as I run off, "Whaaaaat?! Yes, I am this pathetic!" Poo. Simply put, very succint, "Poo." Well, Sorry I took so long to make a new entry, life's been weirder than usual lately. Tchao. Cheers and drunken happiness. (actually, no, I don't drink. lol.)

Hey, I'm not sure, but I'm thinking of transferring this journal to a better equipt one, still thinking on it, anyways, I know this may sound...or.....uh...be read... as somewhat valley girl-ish, but damnit, I must go shopping! I also need to buy new eyeliner. I got these cute mood face thingies, hehe. Well, maybe I'll write back laters. Anyway, tchao.