Postman Pat 2000 - By Tim Stewart

The scene: Sleepy Greendale, early in the morning. We can see fires in the distance. A red van swerves through the streets, skidding to a halt in front of the post office.
The door opens and Postman Pat steps out, strides over to the door, and flings it open.

Pat: (Shouting)
DAMMIT MRS GOGGINS! THATS THE THIRD LETTERBOMB THIS WEEK!
WHAT SORT OF COUNTRY IS IT WHEN INNOCENT PEOPLE CAN'T OPEN THEIR MAIL IN PEACE?

Mrs Goggins: (alarmed)
But Pat, what can we do? The terrorist organisation
Green Spider won't stop until they get the money.
And, Pat?

Pat looks up, he camera zooms in to a close up.

Mrs Goggins:
We had a call while you were out. Pat, they've taken Jess.

Pat's jaw drops.

Mrs Goggins:
Pat, they want one million dollars in cash, and they want you to deliver it by friday.

Pat: (shaking with rage)
DAMMIT MRS GOGGINS!

Pat turns and strides out the door, opens the back of his van, and pulls out a shotgun from the mail-bag. He turns back towards the post-office where Mrs Goggins is standing in the doorway.

Pat:
Dammit Mrs Goggins, they shouldn't have made it personal.

He jumps in the van and pulls away, tyres squealing.

Mrs Goggins runs after the van, shouting warnings.

Mrs Goggins:
NO PAT! THEY'LL SEE YOU COMING! EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR BRIGHT RED VAN!

The scene: Green Spider's hideout. It is an apartment block in the slums of Greendale.
'Punks', and 'Hos', stand outside. Pat's van shrieks to a halt in front of them. He Climbs out, holding the shotgun in one hand, and six letters in the other. He walks up to the doorman, a Chinese pimp named Chino, who looks nervous.

Pat: (To Chino)
I wanna talk to the man.

Chino:
Screw you, postie.

Suddenly, pat hits chino in the gut with the butt of the shotgun, and grabs him in a headlock.

Pat:
You're not gonna give me any shit now are you Chino?

Chino:
Okay okay man! Go on up! Let go!

Pat: (Lets go of Chino, and smirks)
Thanks Chino.

When Pat enters the building, and starts on the stairs, Chino takes out a radio, and speaks into it.

Chino:
He's on his way up, and he's packin' heat.

The scene: A dark stairwell, Pat walks up confidently, shotgun in one hand, six letters in the other.
Men appear above him on the stairwell, they are all armed. Pat tucks the letters into his belt behind him, cocks his shotgun, and fires. A man falls over the rail, his friends start firing. Pat runs on, dodging bullets, firing, killing anyone in his way. He ducks into a doorway to reload, and comes out blasting. He makes his way up to he top door, and shoots off the lock. Men with guns are inside. Pat pulls the trigger, and the closest punk is flung off his feet, and flies through the window. Pat pulls the trigger again, but is greeted with a CLICK! He's out of ammo. Faster than lightning, Pat reaches behind him, taking out an envelope. ZOOM! Pat throws it at one of the Green Spider's bodyguards, taking his head off. Pat enters the room, flinging envelopes at anyone he sees. One envelope hits Spider on the leg, making him drop his gun, and he falls to the ground.
Finally, Spider and Pat are the only ones left in the room.
Pat faces him, a few meters away. Spider could reach his gun before Pat could reach him, but can't tell if Pat has any more letters left.

Pat:
Now I know what you're thinking, 'Did he fire six envelopes or only five?

Pat stands with his hand at his hip, ready to fling the last envelope, if it is there at all.

Pat:
The truth is, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But seeing as these are brown manila envelopes, the most powerful envelopes in the world, and could slice your head clean off, you've gotta ask yourself one question, 'Do I feel lucky?'
Well do you punk?

Spider looks over at his gun, and decides its not worth it. He crawls away from it. Pat picks it up, then starts to walk away, not turning his back on Spider.

Spider:
Hey, I've got to know.

Pat grins evilly, and, quick as a flash, whips his hand behind his back, and pulls out…
Nothing, but Spider has already shit himself.

Pat walks into the bedroom, and finds Jess, his trusty black and white cat, tied up on the bed. Pat unties him and carries him out.

Jess:
Oh lordy, what have you been up to?

Pat lights a cigar, and takes Jess back down the stairs. Outside, the chief of police is waiting for him.

Chief:
Pat, nice going.

Pat:
All in a days work, Chief.

Chief:
Well, not really, you're a postman.

Pat:
Yeah, well, someone has to police this scum, and I'm the man to do it.

Chief:
Pat, you know we can't condone your vigilante style. Please don't do this sort of thing again.

(He pats Pat on the back, gives him the thumbs up, and shakes his hand while saying this.)

Pat:
Hear you loud and clear Chief.

Pat looks around him, sniffs the air, and walks to the Van. Jess follows him.

Chief:
What will you do now?

Pat opens the door, and turns back to the chief.

Pat:
I'm gonna deliver the mail.

Pat speeds away, leaving the chief standing on the sidewalk.

Chief: (To himself)
What a crazy guy.
But he's the only chance this town has.

the end?

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