The Golflympics are currently being held in Great Brettain. This is your number 1 source for all golflympic results, medal tallies, and anything else you need to know about the golflympics!
Yo, this is 4 all of you Golflympic fans out there, the official golflympic poll.
The Opening Ceremony
The 1st ever Golflympics officially began 02/08/04 at 10:45am, with the opening ceremony taking place. This historic moment will hopefully soon be available for all to purchase on dvd and vhs. The first event, golf, was also held on 02/08/04. For more info, continue reading.
Medal Tally
Fanste Gold:
Golf, Swimming (d) Silver:
Archery (d), Javelin Bronze:
Long Jump
Brett Gold:
N/A Silver:
Golf, Archery (d), Long Jump Bronze:
Javelin
Jacky Gold:
Swimming (d), Javelin (d), Long Jump Silver:
N/A Bronze:
Golf, Archery
Klem Gold:
Archery, Javelin (d) Silver:
Swimming Bronze:
N/A
Becki Gold:
N/A Silver:
N/A Bronze:
N/A
Jasmine Gold:
N/A Silver:
N/A Bronze:
N/A
(d) Drawn with another competitor
Events So Far
1. Golf
The golf event was played on the opening day of the golflympics and the gold was taken home by Fanste. Brett could have drawn to get a share of the gold, but missed an easy putt. He made the next, slightly closer putt and won silver. He made the following statement in a press conference afterwards, "Well, yeah, sure gold may look better, but silver's more prestigous, isn't it?" When he learnt that gold was more prestigious, he responded with a number of curse words. Jacky placed third, winning the bronze, followed by klem in fourth, jasmine in fifth, and becki in last place.
2. Archery
The archery event was played on the second day of the prestigous golflympics and the gold was taken home by Klem with a 23. Brett had a final shot to draw, or even win, but missed everything, and drew with fanste for 2nd place. Jacky, once again, placed third, winning the bronze, with a dismal performance.Hahahahaha! Jasmine and Becki once again, did not place.
3. Swimming
Swimming also took place on the 2nd day of the golflympics. Jacky performed much better in this event, to finish equal first with Fanste. Klem, with a reasonable performance, finished 2nd to get the silver. Brett was, how shall i put it, $h!73house, and finished getting the bronze. Jasmine and Becki did not participate in this event, they were doing 'work'.
4. Javelin
The fantastic Javelin event took place on the 3rd day of the Golflympics, which was amazingly about 5 days after the 2nd day of the Golflympics. Jacky performed quite well after amazingly coming back from a paper cut, which threatened his Golflympic hopes and dreams. What was even more amazing, is that both Klem and Jacky got exactly the same length, resulting in a tie for the gold medal. Fanste came 2nd with a slightly shorter shot, and Brett honourably (not really but it makes him feel better), won the bronze medal. This leaves Brett as the only compettitor (apart from Jasmine and Becki, but they don't really count) who hasn't got a gold medal. Poor sucky Brett!
5. Long Jump
Long Jump also took place on the 3rd day of the prestigous Golflympics. Jacky performed well in this event too, which lead the judges to be suspicious of him. He is currently under investigation, because it is thought that the drugs he took to heal his finger, may have been performance enhancing. If the investigation proves this to be true, he will be stripped of any medals he received during the time that he was under the influence of the drugs, and they will be given to Brett because he wants some more.Anyway, back to the results, Jacky, with a suspicious perfomance, beat Brett to take out the Gold medal. Brett won the Silver, and Fanste, with a suprisingly disappointing performance (possibly due to Jacky spiking his drink or something, placed 3rd and received Bronze. Klem came last, hahahahahaha!
The F.I.S.H. Have Terrorised GB!!!
The F.I.S.H. (Fighting Inuit Syko Horde) have used a car bomb to damage the right toe of world-renowned Golflympic snooker player, Mybuttsmells Ilovemybutt Andiwanttokissmyownbutt. He won't be playing snooker EVER again so oh well no more snooker. Fortunately, we have found their base. It is located in Town A from the D.I. which we are already at war with so we don't have to move troops. YAY! We may also have to destroy road junction P on the wishes of President Jacky.
We have received a message from the F.I.S.H. in the form of eight birds flying North for the Winter that were each carrying 3 million and 8 bacteria except for one which was absolutely clean. This message when compared to Egyptian hieroglyphics then translated to english means 'If you do not comply with our demand for $1000000 then we will release 12 prostitutes into the Butterfly Mall. These prostitutes will lead young men with fat wallets to a hotel for some connected sex. These prostitutes all are HIV+.' As you can see the men will be helpless to the prostitutes.
The FISH have conceded Town A and Point P has been destroyed! The people of Great Brettain, the whole 3 of them, should rejoice in the streets. Of course, prostitutes shall be provided for those of you who are a little over excited.
A reminder that just because we have Town A doesn't mean that the FISH aren't lurking somewhere in a dark and unearthly place, like my bunghole. This just means that we can go near Town A without fear of retribution.
Retribution - getting raped up the ass for extended periods of time.
Rape - See rapist
Rapist - Someone who goes around sexing people.
