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December 23,2005

Apologies for the length between updates (in all sections of the site), but the last few weeks have been pretty busy. I’ve already started an overhaul of the site, making pages look better and experimenting with color schemes. It’s most certainly not over with yet, so any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.

I think this worked pretty well last semester, so I’m bringing it back. The semester report card:

1. Academics – B+: It looks as though I’m gonna wind up with two Bs and a B plus. For grad school, when all I’m really interested in is a degree, this is exactly what I want. The highlight, for sure, is the 97 I got on my stat paper. That paper scared me not only for the fact that it was stat, but because at the beginning of the semester it reminded me so much of my evil psych paper (so evil that it got its own commentary a year ago). To get that grade on a graduate paper is astounding to me.

2. Typical Grad School Experience- A-: This is a little trickier to define than it’s undergrad counterpart. Still, meeting at all different places for study sessions, official school events held in bars, and talks by an array of experts within the PA field all add up to what I would describe as a typical grad school experience (outside of the classroom of course). Assuming I get a job in my field by the end of the year, this will likely be an A by the time I graduate.

3. Social Life (Friends) – B: Comparatively, there was no way this could have been eligible for an A. For that to happen, I would have had to have fallen in with a group similar to the PSU crew right off the bat, and it took me a semester to even do that with them. As it is, it took a while (and several false starts) before I finally settled in. The people of SPPPA seem to be great, however, and towards the end of the semester things got a lot better socially. Here’s hoping this trend continues through bar trips, trivia nights, and other fun times.

4. Social Life (Dating) – D: I didn’t fail! Well, I didn’t warrant an F anyway. For the first time in a while I can say I’ve made progress, even if it still hasn’t produced any results. I’ve at least been trying, and I get a feeling that as long as I continue with this something will happen eventually (right?)

5. Apartment – A-: The apartment is awesome. I love being there. The only thing working against it is that it does feel isolated in there. I rarely see anyone on my floor and, since it’s a studio, it means an awful lot of time by myself in front of the tv, computer, or doing work. It’s alright…just gets a little much after a while.

6. School/Overall – B: The campus itself is a dramatic shift from Penn State. Penn State had a large campus separate from the small town it was attatched to. George Washington University, on the other hand, is a small campus neatly blended into a major city. Yet, it seemed to fit just as well once the adjustment period passed. That’s what this semester has been about for the most part: adjustment. With that in mind, I’m very happy with a B. Sure a few things went wrong. Sure the group at Penn State broke out with problems like 13 year olds break out in pimples. These are things that will happen, and there isn’t much to be done about them except to be there and to trudge on as best as possible. Despite the complications involved with such a change of pace, things went okay and have the potential to be even better next semester. Here’s hoping.

What can be expected next semester? I’ll almost certainly have a new job, meet new people, and hopefully have even more fun stories to tell. As before, if any of you are in DC and want to share in the ride, just let me know. I’m always happy to host.

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December 8,2005

Okay, okay, so the last few entries have been depressing/angry/angsty, but that's just what's going on with me right now. I'm still stressed now, but that should be gone after I get this blasted paper done. For now, here's something a little lighter and more fun. Yes it's silly and stupid, but I (and, given the time of year, likely you as well) need a little of that right now. Feel free to respond through the comment feature, email, IM, whatever. (Thanks to Marc, from whom I ripped this clean).

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you miss me?
33. Do you think i miss you?
34. Are you going to post this on your myspace/blog/website to see what I say about you?

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December 3,2005

I hate to start off by yelling at everyone, but for the love of God, if you’re going to use the comment feature fill out ALL of the parts, The email won’t be posted online (it’s used so I know who’s writing what), but everything’s there to help me give you guys a voice through your responses. I really don’t want to move this to livejournal and you guys obviously want to give me feedback. If you have questions as to how to do this, the link with instructions is at the top of this page.

Okay…that’s enough of that…onto the real entry.

Let me start by thanking everyone who found the “friends only” page. Whenever there’s something new on there, I’ll let you know. I don’t see myself using it too too often. So, again, to the people who were supposed to find it, thanks for playing along. To the two who saw it but weren’t necessarily supposed to…good for you. That’s one up on me. Needless to say, if I wish to keep something from you it won’t matter. For the most part, though, I don’t see that being the case. Feel free to check there if you want.

Next, I figure a bit of an update is in order. There’s only a few weeks left in the semester and I think I have the answer I was looking for before. I definitely belong here. I think I was just panicking in part because of events that were totally out of my control and in part because of things I had control over without exercising any of it. Those storms have passed (or, in the case of the latter, have a light at the end of the tunnel), so I think things will be better now. If not better, then hopefully at least something that may resemble normal.

Classes are okay. Each class has some things I’d love to be able to redo, but overall I’m in a good spot right now. Even stat seems to be a lot less daunting now (even with a final paper looming) than it ever did this summer. Part of all of this, I think, has to do with the fact that I’m a lot more comfortable with my classmates than I was earlier in the semester. They have a long way to go to reach the level of the people I know in PA (both in Philly and State College) and may never get to that level…but once a week or so we all go out and get a few drinks. Fun times all around. It certainly makes me feel a lot better to be here.

What this time in DC has allowed me to do is reexamine who I am. I do that on a constant basis anyway, but the move, the new experiences, and the change of pace allow for a fresh perspective on things. This has been the first time I’ve really had a clear enough mind to really do it properly (and by it, I mean assess who I am and what type of person I should show to others). This is the fourth (or so) time I’ve really done this.

Over the last 22 plus years, I’ve been trying to fight several stigmas. Oddly enough, I’m the only one who really carries them over, so I wind up compensating for things that people I just meet don’t even know about. I feel like I talk too much, but it’s hard for people I just meet to understand why I feel that way when I barely talk to them. People I meet now (for the most part) think I’m some kind of cuddly teddy bear type, unaware of the violent nature I used to show (and apparently still show on occasion, though I try to work on that too).

I bring all this up because recently I’ve once again been faced with unfavorable impressions of me. Instead of coming from myself (where, frankly, they normally originate) or from my friends, they’re coming from family and people I hardly know. In prior incarnations of myself, I’d assume that I had done what others had accused me of doing. I would get down on myself and promise to change, to make myself better.

Now? I’m not perfect and I will still strive to be a better person. I do still make fun of myself a tad too much (though in moderation it works very well). I do need to continue to keep any kind of violence in check with people who can’t handle it. I’ll be damned, though, if I’m going to change because someone who just met me doesn’t like the way I am. If I’m too dorky, fine. If I act too awkward, or nice, then so be it. If I’m too scary for someone, that’s someone else’s problem, because it’s damn sure not mine. I’ve tried for too long to be everything to everyone. I know now I can’t do that. At Penn State and at GW, people don’t really seem to have too much of a problem with me, so I think I’ll stay the way I am.

What’s the new incarnation of me like, then? A lot like the old one. Just with a little more confidence…and a little more anger.

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November 21,2005

(Note: All further notices of updates will be posted here. Thank you.)

While trying to sort through a very busy, turbulent, and confusing month, I remembered it was around Christmas. I always liked this time of year, from when I was a little kid (waiting for Santa to put presents under the tree) to now (when it means I get to see family and people I don’t get to see or talk to as often anymore). I’ve always associated it with happy times, egg nog, the feeling of satisfaction after seeing the house completely decorated for the first time, and, admittedly, cool stuff.

When I was little, the present I wanted most was a Nintendo. I was sucked into the hype (which was not helped by the fact that both of my best friends at the time – Marc D. and Joe) both had them) and thought it was just the coolest thing ever. For about six years or so, I asked for that every Christmas. Every year, I’d go to bed dreaming of Duck Hunt and Contra…every year I’d wake up disappointed. I look back and wonder why.

During that time span, instead of one piece of machinery, I got:

-A computer
- A table hockey game (think of an arcade bubble-style hockey game without the bubble)
- Loads of board games
- Action figures, including the more complex GI Joe stuff
- My first jersey (A white Eric Lindros jersey, back when he first came into the league)
- Tickets to a few sporting events (at least one hockey game and one basketball game come to mind)
…and, of course, the best present I’ve ever gotten – and one that will almost definitely never be matched – my dog.

Part of me views this as an example of how stupid I was then, but even at the time I do remember thinking in the back of my mind that I had some truly awesome stuff. My parents were always very smart people, and they knew that these things were more likely to give me enjoyment (and be used on a regular basis) than the Nintendo would have. Each of those were used on an almost daily basis (except for the dog, who of course was a 24/7 endeavor). They had an anti-video game stance for just that reason: either I wouldn’t use it often enough for it to be worthwhile or I’d use it too much to the detriment of everything else.

This point was driven home later when I actually got video game systems (first Game Gear, then Genesis, then Playstation). They probably didn’t get the use I envisioned when I first got them, and when they did it was at hours much past what would have then been considered my bed time.

I’d love to say I can look back and say how stupid I was, that I didn’t really appreciate what was in front of me. The fact is, though, I don’t think I’ve learned anything.

In junior high and much of high school, a girlfriend became my new Nintendo. No, I don’t mean I asked for one every Christmas (though kudos to you if that was your first reaction). It didn’t matter what else I had in front of me, there was always that part of me that thought things would be even better if I was going out with someone. Of course, without having actually gone on a date I had little concept of what that actually meant. Once Kelli came along, not only was it not everything I had hoped it would be (which, to be fair to her, wasn’t hard. I had such an idealized picture that had ANYTHING gone wrong it would have been one too many), but things actually started getting worse. Granted, the downturn had to do with many things and that wasn’t necessarily one of them, but I think it finally killed the ideal that I had held. I tried for a little while to get it back, but after the whole thing with Marie ended I figured it was time for a change of focus. Now, I’d like to think I’m more practical about it. I don’t want to find someone because it would make everything better, but because I think it would be fun and I haven’t experienced that in a while (a relationship, not fun).

Now, of course, it’s something else. I may have my flaws, but I think that the people who know me would say that, on balance, I’m a damn good person. Yet, despite the encouragement, despite even the helpful criticism which at least puts a name to the flaws I can work on, I still have this feeling of dissatisfaction. This time, it’s not over some machine or some girl. In fact, I’m not even sure what it’s over. I suppose it’s me, though at the same time I’m happy with who I am and what I’m about. I guess its dissatisfaction with my lack of perfection. I’d like to have everything, to be everything to everyone, but I know I can’t. Unlike the last two, this is something I won’t be able to find out for myself how wrong I am. No human being can attain perfection. It’s a foolish thing to even aspire to. All it’s doing now is forcing me to harp on my flaws, causing me to play mind games with myself at the worst possible time. When you’re trying to meet new people, to settle into a new school in a new locale, and even when trying to figure out if someone is going to be that next “certain someone,” there are enough things to worry about and enough obstacles to overcome. If I start with this shit too... well, lets just say the end result is the previous entry.

I don’t know how, but I have to figure out how to not to need to be perfect (hooray for awkward sentences!). Hopefully then I’ll figure out how to stop this cycle once and for all.

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November 13,2005

I’m trying to figure out the point where I can officially say coming to DC was or was not a mistake.

I’m sure that I’m overreacting. It was so clearly the best thing for me to do when I was making my decision to go to grad school that it almost seemed like a no brainer. Even had I gotten into Penn I don’t think it would have held me in Pennsylvania. Hell, even my mother, who really wanted me to stay close to home, told me after Penn rejected me that she knew DC was the best place for me to be.

If all this is true, why do I feel like I’ve made a mistake? I’m sure recent events haven’t helped, since I feel so far away from the people I’ve been attempting to aid. I think it also has to do with the fact that every time I’ve made progress at something (really anything) here, I’ve quickly squandered it. I’m not necessarily saying things would be better if I was in Huntingdon Valley (or even State College, though I have a little more faith in myself when I’m there). I just feel like I’d be in better control of my situation, or at least in a better position to do something about the stuff that’s been going on.

I’ve been breaking my own golden rule: don’t try to help people if you yourself aren’t in a good position. Maybe a year ago I could have claimed that, but as much as I try to pretend otherwise I don’t think I’m alright. There’s almost TOO much nothing going on and I’m still not sure how to handle it after a few years of having stuff to do and friends to be with.

I don’t know what the answer is, other than to hope that I find it the same way I’ve found all the answers in my life: by continuing to move forward and taking the right path when it comes along.

Which reminds me…if someone with a credit card wants to help me out with something (preferably one of my PSU friends) please IM me.

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November 6,2005

“Both sections had similar elements: staying true to what we hold in our hearts, the notion of falling just short, a large emotional investment, and the concept of hope. It hurts for Kevin because of the time and energy he put into trying to do things right, only to have them go wrong anyway. It hurts for me as a spectator, forced to watch another one of my rooting interests fall short again. The only cure for the hurt suffered is the same thing that caused it in the first place. It is the same thing that brings sports fans back, time and time again, to support their teams. It is the very thing that, during this or any time of year, gets people to roll the dice in an attempt to find a date. Simply, no matter what failures lie in the past, there is hope that next time will be different.”

I wrote this in February of this year, when the Eagles had lost the Super Bowl and when it looked like Kevin and Ada wouldn’t be getting together. Here we are, nine months later, and once again I find these words have painful significance. I felt as frustrated then, at what would be the beginning of their time together, as I do now at the end.

It’s true I knew ahead of time this was coming. Ada had informed me during my last trip to Penn State that she would be splitting off from Kevin. I had always said that, apart from the two of them, there was perhaps no one who had more of an emotional investment in their relationship than I did. Perhaps no one, aside from the two of them, was as sorry, shocked, or concerned about how it all went down as I was. Regardless of whether these musings are true or not, it hit me hard despite the fact I knew it was coming. Of course, there were bizarre circumstances that caught even me by surprise, but it’s not my place to really get into all that. No, this post is only meant to mark the end of an era.

There’s a new picture on the website, taken at Krissy and Dubbs’s party after the Purdue game. It shows the group in its entirety, and is something that I’ll always be thankful that I have. I insisted on that picture being taken because I “thought it would be hard” to get that group together again. The truth was thought had nothing to do with it. I already knew. I didn’t realize, of course, the degree to which I’d be right (at least in the short term). I’m glad I have that picture. I know I’ll never get too down anymore, because just one look at it will remind me of what I had. It’ll remind me of some of my best friends and the best times of my life.

I guess now, though, it’ll remind me most of them. It’ll remind me of when they met, of the time when Kevin and I went into Victoria’s Secret (in what had to be the closest thing to being a part of one of those “A horse walked into a bar” jokes I’ll ever be), finding flowers (and the Darkhorse trip afterwards), and all the times I saw them together and knew…just knew…how happy they were.

I’ve written my last eulogy, so let this instead be a toast. To the times that once were, that they may be here again soon. To the friends I have made, that you find happiness in all that you do. To those suffering through hard times, that you always remember the good times, that you may realize the bad times are only temporary, and that you have people who care. To Kevin and Ada (specifically): that you may always see me as friend and confidant and that you may stay true to what you know is right.

We all have times in our lives, for good or for bad, which push us in directions we may not want to go in. These situations are often confusing, due to the billion different directions in which we feel ourselves being pulled. In these times, my advice to you all is to stay true to yourself and what you feel is right. Block out the noise, the advice of those you don’t trust, and focus on what you need to do to ensure you have no regrets. Do this while respecting others, and you’ll get yourself through whatever dark times you may be facing.

I now give my final toast. To all who hope: may you continue to hope, for we are all entitled to our dreams. Just like nine months ago, I hold out hope for the lovable loser, for a star crossed sports city, and for a guy who remains, to this day, misunderstood. One day, I’ll be able to look back and laugh, knowing that I was in on all of this from the beginning.

Since I started with a quote, I’ll end with one as well. It’s one I will always believe, one that I will always hold in my heart until the day I die. It affirms the fact that life isn’t perfect, and it’s all the better for it. In times like this, I feel it’s the most appropriate thing I can say:

“The sweet is never as sweet without the sour.”

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October 26,2005

This is part three of the “week of updates.” On Monday I added the “Sports Fan’s Ten Commandments.” I changed my mind on what to add Tuesday (I didn’t like how it was turning out), so instead I did something I’d been meaning to do for ages: update the quote page. Today…well it’s just a regular commentary entry. The next two will be more interesting I promise you. Thursday’s update, if appreciated, will be appreciated by all members of the site, while Friday’s should be more for my closer friends. Let’s just say I may start slow, but I like to finish strong.

Anyway, here are some highlights from the last week or so:

-Friday night, Jon Stewart came to GW for homecoming weekend. Actually, they call it “Colonials Weekend” since GW has no football team. He was, as was to be expected, awesome. Stewart did a lot of bits on Bush, Miers, and others, but I loved the fact that he brought back some of the old bits from before he was famous. Some of the better lines:

“Liberals try to put Bush in narrow categories. Bush is stupid! Bush is a Nazi! Bush is a stupid Nazi! Stupid Nazis are funny-they’re the ones who hate Jaws.”

“Why are people so against gays in the military? ‘Corporal! Shoot that man!’ ‘I can’t…he’s adorable. Look at his eyes!’ No…what I think they’re really afraid of is 16,000 gay guys with automatic rifles saying ‘Who’s a fag?’”

“People shouldn’t push their stuff on others. If you’re the only Jewish family in town, let the Christians have their Christmas. I know we have a holiday too, but…it’s the birth of their savior! Our holiday is based around the oil lasting longer than we thought it would!”

“Jews have tons of holidays. I take days off sometimes and I don’t even know why. Our holidays are great too: Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. You don’t eat for one day and all your sins are forgiven. Most Jews don’t even take it that seriously anymore. ‘Oh, it’s 2pm and a little cloudy…time for a sandwich!’ Beat that! Beat that with your lent! Forty days…one day…even in sin you’re paying retail!”

“Where’s Osama? We haven’t seen him since season one!”

(In response to a line of questioning) “Okay, the first guy wanted to shake my hand, the next person wanted me to autograph her shirt, and the next wanted a kiss on the cheek. What are you gonna ask for, a reach around?”

Like I said…fun times were had.

-I had a fun weekend home. I need to keep track of where my stuff is though. An Apples to Apples game turned into trivial pursuit because I couldn’t find it (which proves my theory that messy rooms can be more organized than clean ones if it means you know where everything is). This would have been fine if we didn’t spend an hour trying to answer what would be the game winning question. Still, it’s always great to spend time with family and friends.

Only thing about this is what happened during the Eagles game. My grandfather came over during halftime for dinner. When the game came back on, both he and my mother joined my father, sister, brother in law, and I for the game. For those who watched the game, it was exciting to the finish. I was happy because the Eagles won, but I’m a different guy during games (especially games in which the team doesn’t play as well as I think I should). Combine this with my mom’s unexplained presence (she hates football and generally stays away) I said some things I regret saying - nothing too harsh, but also nothing that I’d even dream of saying under normal circumstances. It was a bizarre game-and it only foreshadowed the week ahead.

- Tuesday sucked. There’s no other way to put it. I got my part of my 201 project done early (working with one of my groupmates). What was my reward? Rest? Relaxation? The rest of the week off? Of course not! I come home to an email telling me that a required student/faculty research forum was scheduled for 5:30 on Friday…the day I’m supposed to start a three day weekend in State College! I was PISSED. I’m still pissed! I had the entire weekend planned and it got sent to hell despite the fact the professor mentioned NOTHING of it in class on Monday. Combine that with the Flyers losing and pissing off one of my better friends and I had a rotten night. It didn’t get better until I had a tequila sunrise.

- Today…well today was just bizarre. A phone call from one of my three best friends telling me that the problem she had that couldn’t get worse amazingly did. Then, despite the fact that I NEVER get second chances, I somehow wind up with one with one of the girls from the Pulling an Andrew section (shameless plug). It still really wasn’t a date, as it was just kinda things evolving from stat class, but I made sure to blow it nonetheless. How? Well, it reminds me of a piece of advice from Chris Rock. To paraphrase, a man who fails with women is a man who can’t keep his mouth shut. This, of course, is problem number 12 that I have, but definitely applicable here.

So what gives? What does this tell me? A year ago, during my “conversation with God” entry, I wrote that nothing happens without reason – everything comes from somewhere. One year ago I wrote that I had to be prepared for anything. Today…well, I apparently haven’t learned my lesson. I still fail to look down the road with any degree of consistency (and largely get it wrong when I do). In college I could get away with this: my life was insulated from stuff that went on around me thanks to my friends. Now, though, it’s really hurting me. I’ll say now what I said then: I’ll get it eventually. I told myself to expect more of the same until that day. Of the things I could have been right about, it just had to be that one.

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October 15,2005

(I figured it was time to do a real entry)

Things that went through my mind while waiting for my turn to play pool at the GW/AU social:

-As a movie buff (read: geek), the one thing I always notice that separates the good characters from the great is the entrance. Sure, you can have a Charles Foster Kane who shows up first in a very mysterious way that means absolutely nothing for the vast majority of the movie. You can also have a Maximus, whose entrance lasts for a good ten minutes into the movie. I think the best ones, though, are those that are relatively quick, make an immediate impact on the viewer (to let them know that they’re important), and immediately give you a sense of who they are and what they’re about. Bonus points go to those whose entrances mean even more on a second viewing. I’m trying to come up with a list of ten, of which I’ve only been able to figure out five so far (in no particular order…yet): Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean), Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Rocky Horror Picture Show), Darth Vader (Star Wars), Rick Blaine (Casablanca), and Tyler Durden (Fight Club). I’m open to suggestion for the other five. Once I get my list, I’ll probably post it in the extras section. (/nerdiness).

- Normally I stop following baseball once the Phillies (and to a lesser extent the Red Sox) are eliminated, but I did happen to catch what happened at the end of ALCS game two. For those that missed it, the score was tied 1-1 in the bottom of the ninth with two outs. The Angels’ pitcher threw the ball to the White Sox batter, who swung and missed for the third strike. The ball was low and it was difficult to tell if the ball hit the dirt or not, meaning it was hard to tell if the third strike stood on its own or if the catcher had to throw to first base. The umpire, while signaling the strike, never signaled to either the batter or the catcher that the batter was out. The hitter, noticing this, runs to first as the Angels are going into the dugout. The hitter is ruled safe, and the next batter drives in the game winning run.

So fine, controversial calls happen. That’s not what bothers me. The umpire did the job to the best of his ability, the batter made the smart move by running, and the catcher screwed up by not throwing to first. Fine. At that point, the score was still tied, there were still two outs, so it really didn’t mean much until later. Why, then, is this the umpire’s fault? I’m no fan of officiating (trust me, I’m a Penn State fan), but who told the catcher it was okay to throw the ball away when the umpire obviously didn’t call him out? The umpire later copped (under pressure from a public that still can’t hold the right people responsible) to not giving as strong of a signal as he should have, but to focus on that misses the point. The Angels were lauded afterwards for handling the situation, and they should be. They had the right read on it: they needed to keep playing and they didn’t. It’s just a shame that they couldn’t be appreciated for telling the truth, rather than “rising above a loss caused by the umpires.”

- I’ve been in DC for two months now. What I’ve learned so far is that I can do the work at this level. That’s very refreshing. Even though I haven’t gotten fantastic grades yet, I feel confident that the worst of my efforts is behind me and that my grades will only improve. That’s the way it worked in undergrad and I know what I have to do to succeed. My apartment finally feels like home, even though I lag a little when it comes to doing food shopping. It’s also nice to know that I have fun whenever I see my sister and brother in law (though, as seen below, not always when they talk to me online) and that, within a four hour drive, is the Penn State experience in condensed, weekend sized portions.

The worst thing I can say about all of this, though, is that I’ve been trying for ages to fix some of the weaknesses I have. Some will never be fixed: I’ll never have great hand/eye coordination, I’ll never be a great athlete, and I’ll never be completely organized. I don’t have a problem with any of those statements and couldn’t care less about them anymore. There are, though, some things I still feel I can fix. Not only that, but some of these were things I thought I HAD fixed. When I left Penn State (especially after the awesome grad party I had) I figured my days of social awkwardness were over. I was president of ILH for a year and a half for crying out loud. I had to deal with all sorts of people, whether I liked them or not, and never really had a problem doing so. This even carried over (to a degree) to my summer job. So when I got to DC, I figured I could pick up where I left off without much of a problem.

Though the first few days looked promising, I started getting in my own way again. The two biggest instances of this were the two listed in the “Pulling an Andrew” section. Forgetting about the dating aspect of those, the biggest effect they had was to undo the work I had done (assuming it had been done in the first place) over the last few years at Penn State. While I loved the time I spent last weekend (and the weekend before), and as much as I can’t wait to go back, it’s kinda bad that my socialness seems to flick on and off at the town limits of State College. Was I ever really good, or was it an aberration incurred by a few enthusiastic friends and me feeding off of them?

Note: This is just me venting. If any of this concerns or upsets you, sorry in advance.

-Onto lighter matters. It’s interesting the things you pick up as a student studying politics in DC. I recently subscribed to Barak Obama’s podcast. This is an actual quote from his latest entry: “With all the serious topics we’ve been discussing over the last several months: the issue of the avian flu, the problems with Katrina and our response, today I want to focus on what I consider to be one of the most important issues facing the country, and that is whether the Chicago White Sox are going to the World Series.”

Its stuff like this that makes me glad I got on the Obama bandwagon early. Ladies and gentlemen, your future Commander in Chief!

For the record, he was talking about the White Sox in part because he threw out the first pitch before the aforementioned game. Also, to add an air of legitimacy, he did spend the second half of his podcast discussing Harriet Meiers. Still, I like that he takes the issues, and not himself, seriously. Such a combination is often lacking in politicians. Hopefully, Obama is around in some capacity for a long, long time.

-For those that care about my recommendations: "My Name is Earl" is the best sitcom NBC (or for that matter, ABC or CBS) has had since Seinfeld was still good. I'm a huge Jason Lee fan, but the premise and writing alone should be good enough to convince anyone to watch. Also, though I obviously haven't seen it yet, "Good Night and Good Luck" looks amazing. I can't wait to see it.

-One last thing (I can hear the groans already! I know it’s too long, but deal with it): I’ve gotten some comments lately regarding the content of the site. Not complaints (at least not as I interpreted them), but simply comments. With viewership of this website being much larger than I anticipated when I opened it (double digits!), I’d like to give you all some control. Is there anything you’d like to see more of? Is there anything you want me to get rid of? It should be noted that, as its my site, I still have final say on what stays and goes. Also, to anyone who suggests more eulogies…appreciate what you have (greedy bastards…).

Comment on this entry: 5 Comments

October 13,2005

These are strange times indeed.

Forgetting for a second about stuff related to school, looking for work, or Craig's List, this website (and I guess me on the internet in general)seems to be pretty wacky lately. First came the result of that weird quiz, which I still say is so wrong (at least on my match) as to be laughable. Yes, I'm really only taking issue with the conservative part, but hey. Then came the comments. My dear sister has what is simultaneously the best and the scariest comment since I added the feature. Granted not all of you may be able to fully appreciate what implying that I need a female version of my brother in law means. To you, I offer this: my brother in law called to APOLOGIZE for my sister and to claim he had nothing to do with it. I believe him. Still, the whole damn thing is amusing.

Then, of course, there was the other response, from someone who refused to identify themselves and left no trace as to who they were. No one who I know has access to this site has a first name starting with "B." Probably nothing too exciting...just bizzare.

This is all well and good, but nothing seems more bizzare than the poll results. Before I go too far into them, I had pretty much made up my mind to go. The people who voted yes are accounted for, and they make up the vast, vast majority of the people I was actually listening to. I made it a commentary thing to see how many responses I got, and the results were quite interesting. Seven people told me not to go. At the very least, some combination of one to seven people voted a total of seven times for "No." There was no proper explaination and I don't know who voted that way. That's fine...all that means is more people than I thought look at this.

If you're new here, welcome. Feel free to poke around all the different parts of the site and provide feedback. I have nothing to hide and the worst I can do is scare you away.

If you're some joker from Penn State (which, given the people who ARE accounted for, would most likely leave Dubbs, Val, and Scott)...very funny guys. You know you want me there.

So many unanswered questions, most of which aren't even addressed here. Life wouldn't be fun without a little mystery, I guess.

Comment on this entry: 2 Comments

October 12,2005

This will be brief, since it's 4:30 in the morning.

People have been asking me for a bit to go up to State College again, and to be honest I would love to do it. Since my friend Kat is also going to be up the weekend before halloween, it seems like the logical time to do just that.

The problem is that, upon looking at my course schedules, I have the dataset for my big stat paper due that Monday, plus my second stat exam the following Wednesday. As of right now, I'm not doing so well in that class and can't really afford another bad grade. Since that is the only work currently due (other than reading), I'm really torn as to whether or not to go.

I could simply leave it for the comment feature, but I decided to try something new. Please vote in the poll...your input is much appreciated.

(Note: Another full entry coming soon.)



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October 3,2005

Some quick site related stuff.

Sorry about the missing second parts to entries. All entries from here on out will be done through Word, then pasted on here. That'll eliminate the need to promise future extensions (and not deliver).

Second, because of questions due to the comment feature, I've explained how it works. If you have a question regarding that, click on the link at the top of this page first. If that doesn't answer your question, then please feel free to let me know.

Now, to the fun stuff. As many of you know, I have a small addiction to online quizzes. The amusing part(s) should be relatively self explanatory. Take a look for yourself.

Your dating personality profile:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Intellectual - You consider your mind amongst your assets. Learning is not a chore but a constant search after wisdom and knowledge. You value education and rationality.
Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.		Your date match profile:

Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.
Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.
Your Top Ten Traits

1. Liberal
2. Intellectual
3. Adventurous
4. Practical
5. Sensual
6. Funny
7. Big-Hearted
8. Shy
9. Stylish
10. Wealthy/Ambitious
Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Practical
2. Conservative
3. Intellectual
4. Sensual
5. Adventurous
6. Funny
7. Outgoing
8. Athletic
9. Big-Hearted
10. Traditional

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Discuss.

Comment on this entry: 5 Comments

September 8,2005

Before I get to the serious stuff, my predictions for the NFL Season (playoff teams in bold:

NFC
EAST: Eagles, Cowboys, Giants, Redskins
NORTH: Vikings, Bears, Lions, Packers
SOUTH: Panthers, Falcons, Saints, Buccaneers
WEST: Cardinals, Rams, Seahawks, 49ers

AFC
EAST: Patriots, Jets, Bills, Dolphins
NORTH: Steelers, Bengals, Ravens, Browns
SOUTH: Colts, Jaguars , Texans, Titans
WEST: Chargers, Chiefs, Broncos, Raiders

A few notes before the playoff predictions (which mean nothing, since I'm doing another set, round by round, once they start) - The toughest things to figure out were the order of the NFC West (because they're all so bad) and the wild cards in the AFC (because they're all so good). In the end, I decided the best course of action was to take as many surprises (within reason) as possible. The Cardinals, Bengals, and Jaguars all missed the playoffs last year and play in competitive divisions. However, I do think last year has some things to teach us. The Bills will be last year's Bengals...with (ostensibly) a rookie quarterback, it will take time to regain the form they had at the end of last season with a seasoned vet at the helm. They'll be a playoff team next year. I'm not sold on Kyle Boller, and I just feel sorry for the Browns. There are three REALLY good teams in the AFC North...and then you have the team that will draft Matt Leinart in May.

Anyway...playoffs:

AFC
WC:Steelers over Jaguars
Bengals over Chargers

DIV:Patriots over Bengals
Steelers over Colts

AFC Championship: Patriots over Steelers

I do think the Pats will slip a little, and I'm not really sold on Roethlisburger. The fact is, though, that both of these teams maintain the strengths that got them to the same point last year. I honestly believe that Corey Simon is not the answer for the Colts...at least not enough to fix that defense. This year, they don't even make it to Foxboro. In the end, Brady outduels Roethlisburger again to go to another Super Bowl.

NFC
WC: Panthers over Cowboys
Falcons over Cardinals

DIV: Eagles over Falcons
Panthers over Vikings

NFC Championship: Eagles over Panthers

I don't see how any team has improved enough to catch the Eagles, and I don't see how the Eagles have deteriorated at all, let alone to the point that they'll lose to any NFC team. The Panthers I think are the biggest threats to the Eagles in the conference, and the next best team as well. The only reason they play on the opening weekend is the fact they have Atlanta, Tampa Bay, and a motivated New Orleans six times a year plus the AFC East. Minnesota, meanwhile, has an easier time within their own division and gets the browns, making for what should be at least four gimme wins. The Cardinals will lose in their first home playoff game since...well since I've been alive anyway. In the end, the Eagles pull it out, leading to:

Super Bowl XL: Eagles vs. Patriots

The two best teams go at it again. The difference will be the loss of Teddy Bruschi, since he (in my opinion) brought things to the Patriots that are not simply replaced by the next guy in line. He contributes more than just talent and his success with the Pats has been more than just the scheme. In my opinion, he, not Deion Branch, should have been Super Bowl MVP in Jacksonville for his stellar play and because he is to the defense what Tom Brady is to the offense: the undisputed leader. Also, the Patriots had a horrible time covering Owens in the Super Bowl with one bad leg. If Owens is healthy this time around, who on the Pats will cover him? How will they account for Westbrook, who scored a TD in Super Bowl XXXIX? It all comes down to the Patriots defense, which is missing its heart and soul.

It will be close...very close. However, the Patriots get a taste of their own medicine when David Akers hits the game winning field goal with seconds left on the clock. Eagles win 20-17.

That took a lot longer than I thought. There will be a part two when I wake up in the morning. Comment on this entry: 0 Comments

September 5,2005

It's been a while since the last update (which was never completed, since after writing the first bit everything kind've mellowed out). I am now in DC and am into my wonderful apartment (incidentally, this commentary is a great place to catch up on what's going on in my life if you don't have a lot of time to talk (/shill)). The classes at GW seem interesting (except for statistics) and I think I should do well (except in statistics, which has a final project that seems eerily similar to my bastard psych paper that warranted it's own commentary not too long ago). The people I've met have been great, probably a product of the maturation process that has likely completed itself before arriving in graduate school. DC as a city is spectacular, with tons to do. I even got to a Phillies game at RFK stadium (that they lost...but whatever). Best of all, I found a great Eagles/Nittany Lions bar in Georgetown called Rhino. Now I won't miss a thing. Yup, DC is in a lot of ways a very, very good situation. The only thing that seems to be holding me back from having a truly wonderful time is...me.

I've known for a while that I have the ability to do a lot of different things. I've excelled in academics, music, sports (to certain degrees), and social situations at different points over the last few years. Yet, I've never really had my head screwed on straight and never put it all together. My academic skill left me for a year or so early in college. I haven't played the cello since freshman year at Penn State (nor hockey since high school). Now, my social skills that seemed so polished just a few months ago have reverted to the same old nothing that I had before.

As much as it may seem like I'm complaining, I'm not. It's a simple fact that I came to grips with a while ago: until I get focused and motivated, it's going to be an up and down ride. Though I figured that out a while ago, it's only been in DC that I've figured out why. There have been lots of things that I've attributed to all the failures in my life (no matter what they may be or to what degree; after all, everyone has things they've failed at) ranging from my sarcasm to my procrastination to my looks. All of those were just excuses though. It wasn't until I had a dream (and I know that sounds corny, but most of you probably won't care about that if you read this anyway) that I figured out the real reason.

I had just graduated from GW. The SPPPA, somehow, arranged for seats on a shuttle that would go into outer space, where the new graduates would do space walks and other interesting stuff. Best of all, it was fully paid for. The thing is, I'm not too fond of heights...and those engines make a lot of noise, which I hate...and it just didn't seem like a good idea. I started arguing with everyone who was trying to convince me to go, saying that it was a bad idea. I didn't really believe it though. Upon waking up and reflecting on that dream, I came to a realization that I didn't want to admit: I'm a coward.

Really, that's what this whole thing has been about. My head isn't screwed on straight because I allow my fear of failure...rejection...whatever to psyche me out. I'm not bad at talking to people. I've had great conversations with lots of people of different backgrounds and personalities. I'm just afraid I'll say something stupid and be ostracized. I'm not procrastinating because I think I work more efficiently at the deadline (this happens to be true, but if that were merely the case those papers last year would have been written), I'm afraid of starting and missing something because of it, or doing it poorly. I'm certainly able to participate in class, despite the fact my hand never goes up. No matter how good the good may be, I'm too afraid of the bad to do anything about it.

They always say admission is the first step towards recovery. If this is true, I have a long road to go, but at least I'm starting. I can't always be too nervous to go after my career, volunteer in class or call a number and ask a girl on a date. I'll never get anywhere in life until I can finally reap the benefits from what lays behind what I fear.

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