I’m trying to figure out the point where I can officially say coming to DC was or was not a mistake.

I’m sure that I’m overreacting. It was so clearly the best thing for me to do when I was making my decision to go to grad school that it almost seemed like a no brainer. Even had I gotten into Penn I don’t think it would have held me in Pennsylvania. Hell, even my mother, who really wanted me to stay close to home, told me after Penn rejected me that she knew DC was the best place for me to be.

If all this is true, why do I feel like I’ve made a mistake? I’m sure recent events haven’t helped, since I feel so far away from the people I’ve been attempting to aid. I think it also has to do with the fact that every time I’ve made progress at something (really anything) here, I’ve quickly squandered it. I’m not necessarily saying things would be better if I was in Huntingdon Valley (or even State College, though I have a little more faith in myself when I’m there). I just feel like I’d be in better control of my situation, or at least in a better position to do something about the stuff that’s been going on.

I’ve been breaking my own golden rule: don’t try to help people if you yourself aren’t in a good position. Maybe a year ago I could have claimed that, but as much as I try to pretend otherwise I don’t think I’m alright. There’s almost TOO much nothing going on and I’m still not sure how to handle it after a few years of having stuff to do and friends to be with.

I don’t know what the answer is, other than to hope that I find it the same way I’ve found all the answers in my life: by continuing to move forward and taking the right path when it comes along.

Which reminds me…if someone with a credit card wants to help me out with something (preferably one of my PSU friends) please IM me.

Ada-Answers are never easy to come by. And even though you yourself are in a hard position at the moment, I thank you for all the help and support you have shown me. I know things look cloudy, but they will get better. If you ever want to talk, drop me an IM. I can't give you faith in yourself, but know that I have faith in you and all your endevors. Things will click.

Emotion and fuzzy wuzzies aside, if I had the spare cash I would give it to you.

-Andrew-Thanks. I don't really need the cash anymore...I figured out another way around what I wanted to do, so no big deal.

Valerie-I think a lot of people can relate to this in some way. I often make myself miserable with the ideas I have in my head of the way my life "should be." I am no stranger to that feeling of general emptiness where it feels like something is missing, but you can't figure out what it is. It explains why a lot of people turn to religion.