I hate to start off by yelling at everyone, but for the love of God, if you’re going to use the comment feature fill out ALL of the parts, The email won’t be posted online (it’s used so I know who’s writing what), but everything’s there to help me give you guys a voice through your responses. I really don’t want to move this to livejournal and you guys obviously want to give me feedback. If you have questions as to how to do this, the link with instructions is at the top of this page.

Okay…that’s enough of that…onto the real entry.

Let me start by thanking everyone who found the “friends only” page. Whenever there’s something new on there, I’ll let you know. I don’t see myself using it too too often. So, again, to the people who were supposed to find it, thanks for playing along. To the two who saw it but weren’t necessarily supposed to…good for you. That’s one up on me. Needless to say, if I wish to keep something from you it won’t matter. For the most part, though, I don’t see that being the case. Feel free to check there if you want.

Next, I figure a bit of an update is in order. There’s only a few weeks left in the semester and I think I have the answer I was looking for before. I definitely belong here. I think I was just panicking in part because of events that were totally out of my control and in part because of things I had control over without exercising any of it. Those storms have passed (or, in the case of the latter, have a light at the end of the tunnel), so I think things will be better now. If not better, then hopefully at least something that may resemble normal.

Classes are okay. Each class has some things I’d love to be able to redo, but overall I’m in a good spot right now. Even stat seems to be a lot less daunting now (even with a final paper looming) than it ever did this summer. Part of all of this, I think, has to do with the fact that I’m a lot more comfortable with my classmates than I was earlier in the semester. They have a long way to go to reach the level of the people I know in PA (both in Philly and State College) and may never get to that level…but once a week or so we all go out and get a few drinks. Fun times all around. It certainly makes me feel a lot better to be here.

What this time in DC has allowed me to do is reexamine who I am. I do that on a constant basis anyway, but the move, the new experiences, and the change of pace allow for a fresh perspective on things. This has been the first time I’ve really had a clear enough mind to really do it properly (and by it, I mean assess who I am and what type of person I should show to others). This is the fourth (or so) time I’ve really done this.

Over the last 22 plus years, I’ve been trying to fight several stigmas. Oddly enough, I’m the only one who really carries them over, so I wind up compensating for things that people I just meet don’t even know about. I feel like I talk too much, but it’s hard for people I just meet to understand why I feel that way when I barely talk to them. People I meet now (for the most part) think I’m some kind of cuddly teddy bear type, unaware of the violent nature I used to show (and apparently still show on occasion, though I try to work on that too).

I bring all this up because recently I’ve once again been faced with unfavorable impressions of me. Instead of coming from myself (where, frankly, they normally originate) or from my friends, they’re coming from family and people I hardly know. In prior incarnations of myself, I’d assume that I had done what others had accused me of doing. I would get down on myself and promise to change, to make myself better.

Now? I’m not perfect and I will still strive to be a better person. I do still make fun of myself a tad too much (though in moderation it works very well). I do need to continue to keep any kind of violence in check with people who can’t handle it. I’ll be damned, though, if I’m going to change because someone who just met me doesn’t like the way I am. If I’m too dorky, fine. If I act too awkward, or nice, then so be it. If I’m too scary for someone, that’s someone else’s problem, because it’s damn sure not mine. I’ve tried for too long to be everything to everyone. I know now I can’t do that. At Penn State and at GW, people don’t really seem to have too much of a problem with me, so I think I’ll stay the way I am.

What’s the new incarnation of me like, then? A lot like the old one. Just with a little more confidence…and a little more anger.

Jer- More confidence, more anger, cuddly teddie bear...you are really using some good discriptions of yourself. Now, I would like to add one....

Magic Picture That If You Stare at it Long Enough You See Something.

We heart you dude, just the way you are...now please don't hit me anymore

-Andrew- That's the best comment I think I've gotten since I opened this part of the site up for feedback. Ladies and gentlemen, the bar has been set.