Okay, so this should possibly be in the "friends only" section given that it was this type of thing that got me in trouble in the first place. Still, I think it's fun.

My friend Val posted on her site Maxim Magazine's 100 facts about women and responded to each of them. Now, as a guy, I don't have that much to say. Some of them, though, were too perfect for me not to say something. If you're interested in seeing the whole list or a woman's take on these things, click here. Here, though, are the highlights.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

You learn something new every day.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn't get along with other women because she's either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

Now I have female friends who don't (or didn't) have any girlfriends of their own. How "batshit crazy" or "mean" they are is up for debate, but either way they're good people. I don't agree with that at all.

93. Girls who say, "I love sports!" are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they're talking about, are not.

Possibly true, though they don't factor in the possibility of a need to specify a game: a football or hockey game on the same day or if the guy and girl root for different teams. Both of my ex-girlfriends to this day root for different teams than I do.

88. "If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late." -Claire, 27

Damn. I've either been calling the next day or never (and no the "never" is not out of playing games, but from being too nervous or embarrassed to call. I'm just that stupid sometimes).

83. Women always want to believe what you�re saying is true.

I should hope so, because I'm not someone who typically lies. I'll get into that point later, but I deal with people honestly and wouldn't want anyone to think I was doing otherwise. It's just easier that way.

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

I think Val put it quite well here:

"This is just dumb. This suggests that having a friendship with a woman is worthless unless you're getting laid. If I ask a favor from my guy friend, that means that I'd be there for him if he should ever need me. If friends asking each other for help in times of need equals "using people" then, sure, I guess."

If I'm helping someone, it's because I want to, not because I think I could get some out of it.

70. Unless they're lesbians, she won't approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they're ugly. And, really, even if they're lesbians.

This better not be true, since I have way too many female friends to just drop over a girl. Besides, I wouldn't put up with that kind of attitude anyway.

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you'll be "friended."

You're talking to the reigning King of the Friend Zone (now accepting members of all genders!). I don't need two dates for that to happen. Hell, I don't need any!

64. An online dating service's survey found that a woman's ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.

This requires no response on my part.

62. A British study claims a woman's chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

Neither does this.

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

If this is seriously true, please let me know. I'm one of those people who always wants to help, so I always attempt to offer solutions.

51. Don't call her "cute." In her mind it's the same as "not vomit-inducing." "Sexy," OK. "Hot," yes. "Fucking awesome," only if she's at least slightly buzzed.

Oops. That's my general reaction, though I'm not someone who ever mentions to a girl that I think that about them, so I've never exactly gotten in trouble over it.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn't mean she doesn't care about someone else's opinion.

This confuses me, though I've never minded short hair.

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn't know.

I include this simply to make a point: I'd always prefer someone who was comfortable with who they were than someone who thought they needed surgery to change themselves in some drastic way.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

Not likely.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

I'd love to see what the definition of good but flawed man is. I'm guessing attractive jerk, but am willing to hear arguments to the contrary. If I'm right though, it's sentiments like these that will eventually lead me to joining a monastery...of agnosticism, but still.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

Only included because of the Anchorman reference, which is astounding. Good job, Maxim!

20. All women think they're smarter than their partners in some significant way.

They can think whatever they want. I think I'm smarter than my sister despite the fact that she's a doctoral student who is getting a full ride. Why? Simple: she married Mark.

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

I'm not likely to complain...unless it's insanely retarded or has Hugh Grant. Not much difference I know, but it's there I suppose.

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

No, but diplomacy is. Honesty is only as good as the tact used to temper it.

15. Girls don't want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

They don't? Aww.

11. She likes one of your friends.

Quite possibly. Wouldn't be the first (or, indeed, second) time.

9. The minute she decides she's even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

There's something wrong with this? Look, I'd rather have someone who was too interested than not interested enough, and I'm not going to make someone paranoid that they're "going too fast" in their mind. This just doesn't bug me...assuming it's ever happened.

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L'Oreal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

See the above about "being comfortable with yourself" though I know that it's hard to say one way or another. I just think naturally dark hair is sexier just for the fact that it is natural.

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That's your five o'clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we're not suggesting you shave.)

The goatee is staying people...for a long, long while. Stuff like that isn't going to change it.

2. Buying a present for your girl? She'll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

I'm hopeless when it comes to picking out gifts. If my hypothetical girlfriend were to have such a problem, she might want to remember three things:

a) I'm giving something, and that should be something in and of itself
b) I'm going to do my hardest to get something she likes, which is made easier if she just tells me what she wants
c) If nothing else, at least I'm not bringing her along to pick out her gift (and yes I've done that before, albeit not with a girlfriend).

I'm just saying.

So I thought this was interesting anyway. If nothing else, I think this just confirms that I'm a weirdo. That's okay, though...so are all my friends.

Valerie- I enjoyed your commentary - it was quite humorous. Also, your goatee is not a problem. It's the stubble that grates on the face. A grown-in mustache or beard is soft and therefore comfortable.

The key with the problems/offering solutions bit is to listen to what she's saying. If she includes things like "I just don't know what to do" or "What would you do in this situation?" or "What would you recommend?", then yes. She is asking for advice. However, if all you hear is complaining about something that pisses her off with her family or school or work or going on about how the world is against her, she's probably just venting and wants to hear things like "Oh, that sucks. I'm so sorry. I'm here for you. Yeah, I know how you feel. Oh, that's terrible. Blah blah blah." In these situations, she might get pissy if you try to offer solutions instead. She just wants sympathy and emotional support.

--Andrew - Dualy noted. I guess I've been doing...okay then. I'm overbearing and longwinded by nature, so I'm sure that's just expected when I listen to people's problems. Beyond that that's pretty much what I've been doing, so hooray for me!

--Kevin -The key with the problems/offering solutions bit is to listen to what she's saying. If she includes things like "I just don't know what to do" or "What would you do in this situation?" or "What would you recommend?", then yes. She is asking for advice. However, if all you hear is complaining about something that pisses her off with her family or school or work or going on about how the world is against her, she's probably just venting and wants to hear things like "Oh, that sucks. I'm so sorry. I'm here for you. Yeah, I know how you feel. Oh, that's terrible. Blah blah blah." In these situations, she might get pissy if you try to offer solutions instead. She just wants sympathy and emotional support.

Learn the phrase "I told you that bitch crazy"

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