As they ate, Nuriko couldn't help but think of who brought on all this change. Ever since Miaka came, everyone's life has been altered in some way. Since he was 10, Nuriko has been living as a girl, a mourning for his little sister Korin, who's life was tragically cut short in front of him at the tender age of 8. Until Miaka, he was Korin, candidate for empress, and his true identity, Chou Ryuuen, had never been revealed. Now, it was known, and he was no longer eligible to become empress. He figured it would come out sooner or later, but he and Hotohori would figure something out...
"What's wrong?" Hotohori asked as Nuriko sighed.
"Huh?" he blushed. "Oh, just how much things have changed since Miaka came here."
"Yeah." There was a dreamy quality to Hotohori's voice, and it sent a stab through Nuriko's heart. He knew why but he had to ask, just to get it out of the way.
"Do you love her?" Hotohori jumped at the words, Nuriko was red, looking down intently at the carpeting in the room. Hotohori closed his eyes and leaned back on the chair.
"Is it that obvious?"
"To me." Nuriko's face grew darker by the moment, fighting back tears.
"How long?"
"Since the first day." Nuriko's voice was stable, but he lost the war on his emotions as a lonely tear fell from his eyes. "Though I could tell she was Tamahome's..."
"Which makes us in the same boat, ne?" Strong fingers lifted Nuriko's chin and wiped the stray tears from his face. He didn't notice Hotohori had gotten up from his seat. "You know, the more I look at you, talk to you, the more I realize how it could've been..."
"What?" Nuriko's face was plainly confused. "It could've been..."
"You." he smiled. "I could've chosen you." Nuriko sat frozen unsure how to respond. He heart was going a mile a minute. Is he saying what I think he's saying?
"I've thought that forever."
"Then why?" Nuriko finally found his voice again, though it was shaky and trembling. "Did you already know..."
"No!" he laughed. Hotohori's eyes sparkled. "I had no idea you were a man at the time but something was telling me not to. I'm not sure how to explain it." He let go of Nuriko's face to pull a chair to face Nuriko. He sat down and jerked his head to the side, silken hair falling away from his face only to return to the original spot. "Something just told me, but the more time I spent with you, the more I thought..." he blushed suddenly. "Gomen... it's unfair to say this to you now."
"It's okay," Nuriko hastily replied. "You need to get it off your chest." Truth be told, it was a belated fairy tale for him. Somehow, he needed to hear these words.
"You were...you are beautiful, and witty, and strong emotionally as well as physically. You are perfect, but a man and I was foolish enough to fall..." Hotohori caught himself before the rest could be said.
You...loved me? Nuriko thought he had died. Hotohori was reassessing himself intently, and Nuriko decided to strike.

His kiss was desperate, bittersweet, rough, and yet gentle. Hotohori, surprisingly, returned it, standing them both up and wrapping his arms around him. It was passion that drove them, but not for long. They were so lost in each other that they jumped at the sound of the bells from outside. It was midnight. Remembering themselves, they separated hastily stammering apologies.
"G-Gomen nasai..."
"No, Nuriko, it's okay." They were both blushing as Hotohori hastily set the chairs back in their proper places. Nuriko hurried toward the door.
"Nuriko, wait!" He turned around slowly and Hotohori grabbed him in a tight embrace. Nuriko could feel his desperation, his confusion, his utter conflict within himself, and it made him want to cry. It was he, after all, that was causing all of this trauma to Hotohori, and he didn't want it to go on, the pain flowing from the emperor into Nuriko's delicate frame.
"It's hard to stop loving once it's started..." Hotohori's voice wavered, like on the verge of tears.
"But you know we have to!" Tears were streaming down Nuriko's face. Hotohori wiped them away as if from a porcelain doll.
"But can we be normal again now that it's in the open? Can we still be friends after all that's happened?" It was a desperate plea; Hotohori's eyes begged for an answer, knowing Nuriko could comfort him. Nuriko placed his cheek on the emperor's chest.
"We'll be there for each other always, Hotohori. Lovers, friends, it wouldn't make a difference. We can be there for each other." They kissed again, sweet and gentle, but short. When they let go, Hotohori went to his bed, and Nuriko grabbed the tray.
"Oyasumi, Hotohori." Nuriko turned toward the door.
"Oyasumi, Nuriko," he smiled, and as Nuriko left, Hotohori's voice was barely audible. "Wo Ai Ni."

Nuriko closed the door with tears in his eyes. Whether they were from joy or grief, he had no idea.
"Watashi mo, aishiteru." As he walked away from the dream, the voice echoed in his brain.

It could've been you... "It could've been me..." Even smiling, the tears wouldn't stop.