I am no one. I am nobody. That’s for sure. I never believed in myself and I damn hate myself for that. I hate people because they always piss me off. I am nonsense – no worth, useless. I have always tried to live up with society’s expectations. Do this and do that and then you’ll be just fine. Society sucks. I have always tried to be on top, be the best so I could make up to my being worthless. By striving I know, in one-way or another, people would accept and love me. But I guess I was wrong. I was totally wrong. All I did was care and think only of myself. I was selfish. All would have wished I were never born.

And then, there came you – unexpected. You believed in me. At least I felt that you did. So I loved you for that. Everything turned around since then. It felt so nice being a new person and not the old worthless and anti-social I once were. From then on, I started to love and believe in myself. In my mind and in my heart, I carry within all the positive outlooks that were dimmed before.

As I can remember it’s been so long. So long those days, weeks and months passed without me realizing it. Basically, my world started to revolve around you. I remembered, we talked and talked as if tomorrow will never come – our dreams, our nonsense things, and our opinions… almost anything… not forgetting all your promises.

Until now, I held on to that. I hoped and hoped. I prayed and prayed. I waited and waited. But it never came true.

All the while I thought I changed. Well, maybe I did but not for long. I then returned to the same person I was – no one, nobody, or probably even worst than that. And I was thinking, whom shall I blame? Half of me pinpoints at you. YOU!!! Got that? You!!! You shouldn’t have come to me in the first place. I was happy that you did. But it felt like you intended to leave me. I know you did, I felt it now. No, I felt it before. But I ignored it. And that half of myself pinpoints at me for that. I was so stupid after all. Why the hell that it was so clear that you didn’t love me but stupid “I” didn’t see. And I cried.

Until now… although I realized I have to fix something in myself. Maybe it was something in me that caused my life to turn like this. I want to change. I want something better. I am willing to do that. Yet I didn’t know how.

I started a new life on my own without totally knowing how. All I know is that I started to forget you. It was hard but sometimes life really hits you hard in order to learn. I also started to love myself better. It was then that I realized that things always happen for certain reasons that sometimes we completely can’t understand. All the pain and all the guilt inside me had suddenly changed into something better, something more caring and worthwhile. And I must say that I am happy now. I am completely changed and I know who I am. I even gained a lot of friends that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

And wherever you are right now, I thank you for what I am now because you thought me what it was like to hate, to be hurt and to find myself once again.