“…so then she says, ‘Jokinen?” And the guy says, “‘No, I’m serious!’”
Todd Bertuzzi threw his head back and roared with laughter at his own humor. Unfortunately, his audience wasn’t as amused.
Markus Naslund shook his head, golden curls falling into his eyes. “Oh, that was lame, Todd.”
“Lame?” objected Todd. He frowned. “That’s a hilarious joke! I made it up myself!”
“I can tell,” Markus said, rolling his eyes. “It sucked!”
Todd immediately went from frowning to a full-out grumpy expression. Markus tried to suppress a smile and only half succeeded. No matter how many times he’d seen Todd with his grumpy face (and it had been quite a few), it always struck him as incredibly cute.
“I’ll show you who sucks,” Todd growled, tackling Markus. Markus squeaked and fell backwards onto the hotel room bed on which he had formally been sitting comfortably. Todd immediately pinned him down, still growling as he captured Markus’ mouth with his own.
Markus wrapped his arms around the bare upper body of his lover, eagerly opening his mouth to allow Todd to slide in his tongue. Todd was fresh from the shower, his skin warmed from the hot water and silky smooth, and his mouth was the minty-sweet of his toothpaste.
Markus smiled into the kiss, settling against the warmth that was Todd. It warmed not only his body, but his heart too. Markus let his mind drift toward the state of peace that he had only discovered the first time he had lain in the strong arms that held him now. Suddenly, the delicious sensations rippling through his body were stopped. Todd, grinning against Markus’ mouth, dug his fingers into Markus’ sides just under his arms and began to squeeze.
“TODD!! QUIT IT!” Markus shrieked, trying to wriggle out from underneath Todd. However, the much bigger and heavier man was not about to be moved, and laughing again, he continued to tickle Markus unmercifully.
“Oh no you don’t, big shot,” he teased. “On the plane ride here, you did nothing but bullshit about all the goals you were gonna get. How many did you end up with? One. And it was on a shootout, so it doesn’t really count.”
“Like hell it doesn’t!” Markus yelped, still trying to escape Todd’s fingers. “Stop it! Get off me! Leave me alone!”
“Aww, but you were so cute during your interview.” Todd, still grinning, finally relented. He and pulled his body off of Markus, sitting up near one edge of the bed. Markus slid away, scowling. At least, he was scowling as well as he could while still giggling in between his panting breaths.
“You weren’t so bad on your own interview, birthday boy,” Markus said finally, when his breath was under enough control to speak. “By the way, how old are you again?”
“You want some more of this?” Todd crept toward Markus. “If you want some more…”
Markus giggled again and slid further away. “Stay away from me. Being tickled by you is almost as bad as having to listen to your stupid jokes.”
Todd sniffed. “You have no sense of humor. Mo loves my jokes.”
“Mo’s jokes are even worse than yours.” Markus laughed, stretching body comfortably onto the bed he and Todd were sharing in their hotel room in Florida. He waited for the return quip from Todd, but it was slow in coming. He looked up curiously to find a small frown on Todd’s face. “Ah, so you admit it then?”
“I admit nothing,” Todd replied absently. He sighed.
Markus sat up, even more curious. There was really no reason for Todd to be down; they had just left early from the hotel after-party following the All-Star game. They had had a great time this weekend, and the West had barely scratched out a 6-5 win on the first-ever All Star shootout. It added greatly to the excitement already surrounding the game. It was Todd’s first-ever All-Star game, and Markus knew that he has having a blast playing with and against the best the NHL had to offer.
Now, suddenly, Todd seemed unhappy. In fact, it had been his suggestion to leave the party early, the first time Markus could remember him making such a suggestion. Of course, Markus had just assumed Todd wanted to get away and have sex. But the thoughtful expression was still on his face; Todd was definitely distracted.
“What’s wrong? Hurting from the game?”
Todd snorted. “Please. It was the easiest game I’ve ever played. There was no hitting at all.”
Markus laughed. “It’s the All-Star game, Todd, that’s the point. It’s just supposed to be for fun.”
“How can it be fun with no hitting?” Todd grinned, then shook his head. “No, I’m just…”
“What?” Markus asked softly. For all the teasing and sniping the two exchanged, they really cared deeply for each other; for them, saying “fuck you” was often a way to say “I love you.” Unconventional, perhaps, but it worked for them. Markus reached out and stroked his fingers through Todd’s dark hair, still wet from the shower.
Todd sighed and looked up at Markus, smiling softly. “I miss Mo.”
Markus smiled back, and sighed as well. He should have known. “I miss him, too.”
“It’s just not the same,” Todd said, getting up and beginning to pace the room. “It’s not right to be celebrating a win without him.”
Mo was a great friend of theirs. He was their linemate, their partner in crime, and frequently their lover. He had been with them through good times and bad, and was a constant in their lives. Now, on this night of excitement and victory, he wasn’t there, and they both felt his absence. Todd felt it more keenly, it seemed. Of course, it was his birthday, so that was to be expected. Markus looked at him sadly. It didn’t seem right that Todd should be sad on his birthday. Markus pondered a bit.
He turned to face the TV, which was on with the volume low. It was on the local news, which was showing highlights from the game earlier that night. Right now they were replaying a bit of interviews with the three stars of the game. An idea occurred to Markus then, and a slow smile began to spread across his face.
“Todd,” he said slowly. “There were a lot of impressive younger players this weekend, huh.”
Todd looked at Markus like he had just turned a new and interesting shade of purple. “Uh, yeah, I guess. So?”
“So, they were pretty talented, but I’m betting they still have a lot to learn about how the NHL works.”
Todd shook his head, even more confused. “I don’t know, they looked like they had a pretty good handle on their game. I’m not sure what you’re…”
He trailed off as Markus’ smile became both wider and more evil. His face took on an expression Todd thought he recognized. His eyes widened.
“Oh, you’re not saying we should…”
Markus chuckled.
“But we haven’t done that since…”
“I know.” Markus’ eyes took on a gleam that was usually only reserved for just before games. “Well?”
“Markus…” Todd shook his head and laughed despite himself. “I don’t know…”
“Yes you do!” Markus found Todd’s shirt and tossed it to him. “Cover yourself, you shameless whore.”
Todd sputtered. “Whore?! I’m the whore? I’m not the one who first jumped Mo in the-”.
“We have work to do,” Markus interrupted smoothly. “The only question is who we should-”
Markus was interrupted by a thump on the wall that separated the hotel room from the hallway outside. The thump was followed by muffled giggling. Todd raised his eyebrows and beckoned to Markus. Together they opened the door to the room and peered out.
A very amusing sight greeted them. Jeff O’Neill stood in the hallway, stooped over with his hands resting above his knees. He stood so because he was laughing too hard to stand completely upright. Next to him was Dany Heatley, who was not standing. He sat slumped against the wall, and was giggling helplessly. It was apparent that the thump Todd and Markus had heard was Dany hitting the wall and sliding down against it to the floor.
As Jeff extended his hand to Dany, Markus and Todd burst into laughter. Startled, Jeff pulled too hard, and he and Dany went crashing into the opposite wall. All four men laughed harder.
“Having a little trouble walking, are we?” Todd snickered. Jeff’s eyes were slightly unfocused as he grinned back.
“Not me,” he laughed. “The rookie here had a bit too much fun at the party. We didn’t think he should try to make it back to his room by himself. He’d probably get stuck on the elevator. No one would know he was missing until he didn’t turn up at his next game.”
Dany giggled. “You’re full of shit, Jeff,” he said. He had definitely had a few, as it was highly unlike Dany to be that brash in front of more veteran players. But it was apparent that he wasn’t that drunk. His eyes remained clear and he only wobbled slightly. Markus guessed he was playing up the part because he was having so much fun.
“I’m fine,” Dany continued. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Well, excuse me!” Jeff rolled his eyes. “That’s what I get for trying to help the younger generation, I guess.”
“Yeah, cause you know, you’re so ancient, Jeff.” Markus winked.
“Old as Moses,” Dany added, and giggled again as Jeff glared.
“It’s okay, Jeff,” Markus continued, eyeing the young and undisputed star of the All-Star game. “We’ll make sure he gets to his room.”
“Fine with me!” Jeff began to make his way back toward the elevator bank. Just before he turned the corner and went out of sight, he called back “Just don’t annoy Todd and Markus too much. Respect your elders!”
“Fuck you, Jeff!” Todd yelled back.
“Happy Birthday, Todd!” came the faint reply.
Markus was helping Dany up. “On your feet, Hot Shot.”
Todd opened the door for the two of them and Markus led Dany back into their hotel room. Dany blinked at the two men warily. “Where are we going?”
“It’s time for a little training, Hot Shot,” replied Todd with a grin.
“Training?” Dany looked even more wary. Something occurred to him then. His eyes widened a little and he began to grin.
Todd laughed. “Don’t be so vain,” he said. “It’s not that kind of training.”
Dany pouted. “So, what are we doing?”
“You’ll see,” Markus grinned. “It’s an NHL tradition. You don’t want to be left out of a tradition, do you?”
“I guess not…” Dany was still wary but he smiled tentatively at Markus and Todd. “How come I never heard of it before?”
“You ask too many questions,” Todd gave Dany his best grumpy expression.
“Just trust us,” added the more subtle Canuck as he reached for the phone. “Have a seat.”
Dany sat down and watched as Todd rummaged through the bedside table until he came up with a pad of paper with the hotel logo on the top.
“Did anyone leave the party early besides us?” Markus asked Dany. Dany squirmed a bit as he thought.
“Fedorov did,” he answered finally. “He said his hands were bothering him.”
“We all know why that is,” Todd giggled. He sat in the chair next to the small table, pen and paper in hand. After chewing on the end for a bit, he snickered and began to write.
“Perfect,” Markus grinned. He dialed the phone. Dany shook his head, wondering what he’d gotten himself into.
“Hello,” Markus said as someone apparently answered the other end of the phone. “May I have the number for Mr. Sergei Fedorov’s room, please? This is an internal call.”
He waited a bit, while Todd came over and sat on the bed, a sheet of paper full of scribbles in his hand.
“Thank you,” Markus said. He handed the phone receiver to Dany. “It’s ringing!”
“Just follow the script, Hot Shot.” Todd thrust the piece of paper at Dany, who took the receiver and glanced down at the paper in his hand. He scanned the first few lines and he grinned.
“But won’t this make him mad?”
“That’s the point, stupid!” Todd giggled again as Dany blushed.
“Hello?” a deep but sleepy voice sounded in Dany’s ear.
“Uh, hello,” Dany replied. He cleared his throat, and looking down at the sheet of paper, he began to read. “How are you, Mr. Fedorov?”
“Fine,” answered Sergei, sounding a little annoyed. “What do you want?”
Markus and Todd gathered close behind Dany to listen into the receiver.
“I just wanted to let you know what a great job you did in the game this evening,” Dany continued, the closeness of the other two men giving him a little more confidence. “I’ve been a huge fan of yours for years. Do you think you could come down to the lobby and give me your autograph?”
Sergei had apparently heard the “f”-word and the “a”-word and had decided that the conversation had gone on long enough. “No, I don’t think so...” he began, and Todd nudged Dany to continue before they lost him.
“Yeah, that figures,” Dany cut him off. “Just like a Russian to be a dick.”
There was silence for a second. “Excuse me?” Sergei asked, surprised.
“You think you’re too good for your fans, don’t you, you asshole? Well guess what, you ain’t shit.” Dany said. He read the next line he was supposed to say and his eyes widened. He looked at Todd imploringly as Sergei sputtered on the other end of the phone.
“I can’t say that,” Dany mouthed.
“Oh, yes you can!” Todd answered, barely whispering.
“You can’t even give one fucking autograph, you’re too busy jacking off and thinking of Anna, huh?” Markus and Todd covered their mouths with their hands and screamed silent laughter. Their shoulders shook with the effort of holding it in, shaking the bed on which they sat. Dany bit his lip to stop himself from laughing, too. His eyes teared as his ears were bombarded by an angry Russian.
“Listen up shithead!” It was apparent that Sergei was flaming pissed. “How dare you call me and-”
“What are you going to do about it, you pussy?” Dany answered, trying not to laugh. “You wanna do something about it? I’m right downstairs. Come on down and I’ll teach you how a real man fights.”
“That’s what you want, huh?!” demanded Sergei. “You little shit! You think I’m gonna run down there and-”
“No, I don’t,” answered Dany, and now he was flying without a net. Into the prank, he set the paper aside. Markus and Todd lifted their eyebrows at each other. The kid definitely had skills. “I don’t think you’re going to come down here. I don’t think you have the balls to do it.”
“You better start running now, asshole!” Sergei answered, and the other end of the phone was slammed down. Dany looked at the receiver and grinned. Markus and Todd exploded into laughter, rolling on the bed.
“Oh that’s great!” Todd gasped.
“See, Dany,” Markus said through his laughter, his face flushed. He lifted shining eyes to the younger man. “Todd and I wanted to teach you a lesson. You seem to take things very seriously, and that’s good. You’re going to make it far in this league, I know it. But you have to remember, that it’s supposed to be fun, too. And not just at the All-Star game.”
“He’s right,” Todd said. “You have to enjoy every moment. This is going to be the best time of your life, Hot Shot.”
“Even if that means pulling mean tricks on future Hall-of-Famers?” Dany grinned.
“Especially that,” Todd laughed. “Whenever you can. C’mon, Markus, we gotta get downstairs. I can’t wait to see his face!”
“Me too!” Dany answered, grinning.
“Oh no you don’t, Hot Shot,” Markus grinned. “You’re going to be busy.”
Dany blinked. “Busy doing what?”
Todd had been rummaging through his bag. Finally he came up triumphantly with a small plastic tube in his hand.
“Busy putting lube into the keycard slot of Sergei’s room.”
***
