| Medication really sux. I wont get critically depressed.. in trade iam turned into a robot or a zombie of some sort. You dont get sad.. but u also dont get happy either. No ups or downs. No fluctuations. I guess ur mood stays the same.. my brain waves is just a straight line.
Sitting here in front of my computer… I am almost bored. (Notice how I used ‘almost’ because one cannot be “bored” while they are at a computer. It’s a saying used loosely and interchangeably.) Anyways, a lot of people have said I have changed a lot. Well you guys must be the sharpest tool in the shed I might say. Did you get a “smartest cookie in the jar” award when you were in grade school?? Shut up and don’t answer that. No shit I have changed. For all you kiddies that live under a rock, last year was my darkest hour... up to 2 months ago. If you do not know what kind of unbelievable shit I went through and how much SHIT I had to deal with… then shut the fuck up and do not call me mean or inconsiderate. I trash talk, yea. But I do it openly and not behind backs like a sniveling toad. Unlike most people, I back my talk up… yea I hate Henry & Robert Ha. Unless u was in a cave ur whole life you would know that. I know iam no longer the humorous and “smart” Chinese boy I once was.. so. I don’t give a shit. So in order to get to the point, and cut it short, eat shit and die. :D
Everyone seemed to have spent so much time on their appearances, making sure their precious brand names were visible. A countless number of dollars must have been spent buying their appearances.
Who are they trying to impress? Why do they do it?
I think it's a lack of discipline. These days, politicians, the media, and even teachers are scared to say anything that might be deemed "politically incorrect"... or freedom of self expression.. (especially at my new school, Abraxas) Handicapped people are no longer handicapped, but are physically or mentally impaired. Prisoners are no longer prisoners, but are freedom inclined. Opening a door for a woman or paying for a meal can be offensive because it might imply that the she can't do it herself. Strip clubs and pornography are not acceptable because they're degrading to women. It's not okay to torture convicted rapists, murderers, and child molesters because it would be cruel and unusual punishment (as opposed to what they did to the victims?). Eating meat is wrong because an animal had to die.
i'm not saying people shouldn't be allowed to dress up in their trendy rubbish. If you want to be a clone, fine. If you want to dress up in black and paint your face white and pretend to be a rebel, fine. But do it if you want to. Not to make some stupid point. Nobody cares. I tell you, people are becoming WIMPS. Dress in clothes that you like to wear n is comfortable. If you do, you should never have to look through your closet and say "I can't believe I wore this..". If you liked certain clothing at one point in your life, and you are an individual, you should always like that clothing. I don't think that all these people wearing the same clothes all dress that way because they like it. I think it's because they have very little or no individuality.
However, there are also people who are followers… but would like to go “above and beyond” and try to be “more of themselves”. An example easily seen is in the Xanga community. A blogging website that enables people to blog with custom webpage designs. I really really hate people who’s Xanga is not up to my expectations. Thus I am taking the time to do a full guide on what NOT to do to your Xanga:
-Putting a detailed picture that is repeated as your background, thus NONE of your text can be read except by highlighting it.
-Adding a song in the background that takes eons to load... and annoyingly starts over if the page is refreshed.
-Adding Java message alerts in the beginning like “welcome to my Xanga & remember to give me eprops!!”
-Comet Cursors- your mouse turns into a clock that follows your mouse movement. God fuck off already.
-Adding a scroll bar to EVERYTHING on your Xanga page
-Flash or other “cool looking” things as your header that lags everytime you scroll up and down
O wells… Xanga is dying so I really don’t care :P
You know what else I hate? 'wannabe EMOS'.. they just piss me off. It's a sad state of affairs when someone can try to be emo cause some individuals really are (n i really like those ppl) n not get stoned to death. GOD.. get it through ur head ur not a 'emo' or 'white punk guitar totin' person w/ issues. Stop trying to 'express' ur feelings.. u don’t have any worth worrying about. Real emos dont follow trends.. they do w/e they feel n ppl LIKE YOU FAKE ASS WANNABE EMOS copy n adapt b/e their lifestyle is 'trendy'. Theres a couple exactly what i like to categorize as a 'wannabe Emo'. They both go to MC n are short little stubs. They think they have emotional 'issues'.. SHUT THE FUCK UP. u don’t even noe what it to feel depressed or fucking sad so do me a favor n shut it before u get beaten 20 MILLION times. Another stupid 'wannabe emo' is some flip who plays volleyball... god ur fucking ugly.. stop trying to express ur 'feelings' by 'playing' the guitar since its 'cool' to do so now n 'dance'. (notice how i used ' n ' alot) Ppl who aren’t talking shitting bout u n / or giving u killing looks are probably in the same boat as u so they should also be thrown off a really really tall tall cliff.
When you start viewing everything around you with skepticism and cynicism, you eventually gain a completely different perspective, as if you are viewing the world from a completely different plane, a bird's eye view. you are empowered with the ability to see through things. (yes, for those of you with lesser mental capacity, i am speaking figuratively). you hear someone say something, you see a commercial on tv, or even tv itself. you begin to realize that its all bullshit propaganda. everything you hear, everything you see, and everything you read begins makes you realize that everything in this world is comprised of money, greed, and selfishness. you realize that everything around you is a lie, and exists for the sole reason of procuring wealth or furthering their own selfish desires. nothing seems real anymore. its almost as if you realize that you're one of very few with this special sense of awareness that detects all the bullshit that flies towards you from every angle. you become AWARE that much of your surroundings are fake, many of the people around you are FAKE, and it begins to frustrate the hell out of you.
its not a matter of arrogance: a lot of things that i hear nowadays sound so stupid to me that i dont even know what to do with it. if you practice long enough, you start seeing straight through people. you can see their intentions, and what they're really after in any given conversation. you can tell whether they are sincere or insincere, and even their relative intelligence. everyday, i see stupid people walking around with those annoyingly clueless grins on their faces. it really makes you want to slap them and demand to know what they have to be so happy about, yet most people are completely comfortable with it. beware: once you are trapped in that frame of mind, you begin to realize that many of the people around you actually sicken you. everyday, i realize i encounter more and more stupidity and more and more ignorance. but you know what i've realized? those ignorant people are happy. I think to myself... even if my beliefs and opinions regarding the things around me hold true... are they worth holding on for if it leaves myself with an empty, hopeless feeling that people will never learn?
there is no doubt in my mind that at least ninety percent of the people i deal with are complete and utter idiots. yet how ironic it is that they are the ones that are happy. they drive their ugly cars, pose as a stereotype that they're not, dye their hair in bright annoying colors, surf their life away, or play an unrefined american sport such as football... but they are happy. So i see no other option, than to give up on condemning humanity for our flaws and fallibilities. as in the end, you may be the most enlightened person of all, but you will lead a miserable life.
this contradiction frustates the fuck out of me. why are the ignorant stupid fucks the ones that are happy? why IS ignorance bliss? is it a good thing or a bad thing that i have realized what the world really is? and ultimately, are they the fuckin idiots or am i? if i cant even be content in the way that i live my life, then obviously i must be some sort of moron for condemning others. i wish there was a blue pill that i could take so i could remain in the bullshit fantasy world that everyone else seems to be so happy in.
so i guess i'll try to do my best to pretend to be happy like everyone else seems to be, but the mere fact that i have to act like something i'm not to be happy completely contradicts my opinions, and in itself, is utterly depressing. Afterall, ignorance is bliss
*sigh i love these highschool yrs.
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Dont get Xanga if all u do is jump on bandwagons n add EVERY random person u come across just to boost ur little fragile popular narrowed ego. Being everyone's penpal does not add points into ur reputation bank- only makes u an asshole. ill stick zee foot up thee arse no? Kudos if ur exclusive- only add ppl if they add u.. or DIE
