|
Lifestyles of the Rich & Narcissistic
|
Hello and welcome to Lifestyles of the Rich and Narcissistic, I'm your host Roman Leach. Today we will be exploring the flamboyant world that is pop sensation Robbie Williams. This will take us to the English countryside where we shall dive into to his lavish array of cars, castles, and escort services. Right, so let's get started. First, we're going to take a look at the grand castle Robbie calls home. This castle, "Eat Your Heart Out Gary Barlow" as Robbie likes to call it, is one enormous bitch. Sitting on a shit load size of land, this marvelous villa is bigger than 3 Euro Disneys combined. When asked about the giant size of it, Robbie had this to say....
Robbie: Yeah....it is quite big isn't it? Indeed! Made from some of the finest granite, dating all the way back to the 12th century, this spectacular castle has been refurnished to suit Robbie's 20th century, party all night life style. Each of the castle's 50 bedrooms has been carefully decorated in wild animal prints ranging from Zebra to Hamster. It really is quite a breathtaking sight for any mass murdering animal killer to behold. We asked Robbie what motivated him to choose such a decor and this is what he had to say....
Robbie: I'm really famous so I like to be surrounded by fury dead things.....
Charming! Now each of the rooms also comes equipped with it's very own state of the art entertainment system. We here at Lifestyles of the Rich and Narcissistic couldn't help but also notice that in each system there was always a Robbie Williams Cd playing. In fact every room in the house had a Robbie Williams Cd playing continuously. We just had to asked Robbie about this strange phenomenon...
Robbie: Yeah....I'm so fucking fantastic I love hearing the sound of my own voice, that's why I've hooked up the castle to always play my music.
Shallow! Next we moved on to the dudgeon. As we made our way down the stairs, Robbie informed us that this was his favorite part of the castle...
Robbie: I redecorated this part of the castle all by my talented self. It's the room where I spend most of my time when I'm at home...
Quite right and as we entered the dudgeon we could see why. Robbie had managed to transform this gloomy room, which once imprisoned criminals, into the ultimate S & M chamber. Whips, chains, collars, and black leather occupied the room and Robbie told us that the shackles hanging from the walls were in fact the original ones that came with the castle when he first bought it....
Robbie: Yeah....I left those cuz I thought they might come in handy.
Scary! We quickly moved up to the master bedroom which we found was completely different from the other fur clad rooms in the castle. This one was very simple and had a plain white color scheme. The room was wall to wall mirrors and in the center of it there was a small mat encircled by 10 white candles. Hung on the wall directly in front of the mat was an enormous portrait of Robbie. In the picture he's cocked to his left side and is butt naked. Hmmm. Perhaps cocked was a bad choice of words.... We felt obligated but a bit scared to ask Robbie about this bizarre bedroom of his....
Robbie: Yeah...I am God and therefore need not sleep in a bed. I sit on my mat and pray to my nakedness. I am beautiful....
Fucking Loony! We ran as fast as we could out of Robbie's Castle of Horrors, but he managed to catch back up with us. In an attempt to distract him, so we could get away, we asked him about his collection of extravagant cars (Rolls Royce's, Aston Martins, and Hummers to name a few) that were modestly parked outside his estate and he said this as we crept away...
Robbie: I'm partical to the Hummers. Sometimes, to relieve stress, I like to pop in my Puff Daddy Cd and take a nice long drive through London so I can run down a few of the locals.Yeah....that always makes me feel better. And you wouldn't know it by looking at them, but hummers are really fast. I can't tell you how many times I've escaped from the police in one of them. Speaking of police, you know they never did find the last piece of shite journalist that came nosing around my castle.....
A few minutes later...
Roman: {Running for his life} Please, someone call the police, he's chasing us in one of his hot pink hummers! Help....!
Robbie: {Hanging out the window of his car} Ha ha, run! Run! I'm going to get you! {Puts on racing goggles} Ladies start your engines and let the fun begin, whua hahahahahaha!
Robbie takes off after Roman and his crew. 20 minutes later....
Roman: {Shackled up in Robbie's dudgeon} This has been another episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Narcissistic.
Robbie whips him.
Roman: {Screams} Ooowwww! Tune in next time when we'll be exploring the world of a pop star who just recently confessed that he likes to "touch" the lives of young boys...
Robbie: {Thinking} Michael Jackson?
Roman: No, Ricky Martin, but until then, this Roman Leach saying have kool aid wishes and mullet dreams!
Robbie whips him again.
Roman: OOOOWWWW!
|
