Taurus(_): Uh oh luv, looks like Mr. Right is going to turn out to be Mr. All in the Family. When you come home early from work to surprise him, it's you who'll be surprised to find him and your sister going at it like a couple of spring bunnies. Oh and in your bed too... Don't worry, just take the keys to his Porsche, don't forget my Cd, "The Ego Has Landed (Part 32 Speical Limited Edition)" and go for a nice long driving through the mountains. Afterwards find a big rock, stick it on the accelerator, and watch that bitch fly. Man, how he loved that car.

Gemini(`): With the bitchy way you've been acting this month I'd be on the look out for falling houses. Why not buy a Robbie Williams doll for everyone you've been snotty to lately? What? They don't make Robbie Williams dolls? Well, why the fuck not? Nsync has dolls don't they? Well, then, I want a fucking doll!

Cancer(a): Have you ever heard of the word bankrupt? If not you should look it up and for fuck's sake cut those credit cards in half! Oh, but not before you buy another copy of my new Cd Sing When You're Winning (Part 77, It's the Exact Same as the 76 Before It Edition).

Leo(b): So your period's late, no big deal right? Not in your case. You had better subscribe to Better Parenting sometime within the next 9 months.

Virgo(c): Did you know that lightening only strikes once? Or is that it only strikes in one place once? Well, which ever it is, lightening is striking this month for you Virgo. I'm going to let you have the first and maybe last chance to buy the very brand new Robbie Williams "Angels" doll! *Whips out a doll* Huh? What the fuck do you mean it's just a Ken doll with a pair of wings?!? You fucking bitch!

Libra(d): That risky business deal you and your mate have been planning this month isn't going to go over too well with the police. C'mon man, did you really think robbing that bank was such a great idea? Hey, when they throw your ass in jail, say hi to Bubba for me and ask him if he got the autographed copy of Angels (Part 69 It's a Guy Thing Edition) I sent him.

Scorpio(e): Your going to be visited by 3 angry spirits. Apparently the new flat you moved into is haunted by a gang of thieving murders who haven't had a good shag in a couple hundred years...well, that is until last night. You might want to stop sleeping in the nude and look for a new place to live.

Sagittarius(f): A true friend stabs you in the front. Instead of sleeping with your bestfriend's hubby behind her back, why not ask her to join in on a threesome?

Capricorn(g): This month is a lucky month for you Capricorns. I have with me a one of a kind Robbie Williams "Angels" action figure doll. *Mutters* Stupid Virgos. Look it comes with a build it yourself crackhouse (crackwhores sold separetly) and it's just 19.99! Pretty cheap for such a fabulous doll, don't you think. Huh? What the fuck do you mean it's just a Ken doll with a pair of wings?!? When Nsync came out with those marionettes you didn't say it was just Ken with strings attached to his arse, did you? *Get's out gun* Now, your going to buy this damn doll or else!

Aquarius(h): Killer monkeys are going to break into your house and eat your toy poodle. Aww, what a shame. Perhaps you should get a real dog next time.

Pieces(i): This month your going to come into some extra money. Why not buy another Robbie Williams Cd or better yet *Opens up trench coat* we've got Robbie buttons, books, magazines, watches, necklaces, t-shirts, hats, tiger print RW thongs, and my personal favorite ROBBIE WILLIAMS "ANGELS" DOLLS...I sell to you real cheap and you luv me long time!