Wanda: {Country music playing the background} Whooeee! Hi ther folks, welcome to another show of Trailer TRASH Talk. I'm your host Wanda P. Gutwrench and it's great to see you'll again! As you might be able to tell I've redecorated the trailer a bit. Yeah, I went shoppin in the back of Walmart again. I'm tell you, you'll never believe some of the great stuff they have out in the dumpster. I just climb my ass on in ther and go buckwild, whooee! {Laughs} Ok, so on today's show we have a sorta special guest. You've probably heard me talk about him before seein hows I hates him more than my ex-husband Bubba...no good bastard. Anyway, we here at Trailer TRASH Talk have tried on several occasions to set up an interview with Mr. Williams, but his fancy smancy executive management has refused us each time. So me the and girls from gun club took ourselves over ther to England where he's from and we done kidnapped his ass! Whooee, yeah we did! See what happens? Do you see what happens when you mess wit the bull?

Audience: {Shouts} YOU GET THE HORNS!

Wanda: That's right, that's right! Well, enough belly achin around, let's bring em on out! Loretta, Tammie could you please bring Mr. Williams out here?

Robbie Williams is escorted out on stage by Loretta and Tammie who are both carrying shot guns. His hands are tied and he's been gagged with some kind of silky material. They walk him to a seat directly across from Wanda and he sits down.

Wanda: Well, would you lookey what we've got here!

Robbie: {Muffed by gag} Mmmmm...

Wanda: What's that? Speak up boy, I can't understands you.

Wanda reaches over and ungages Robbie.

Robbie: {Wiggling in seat} Fucking bloody wankers, let me go!

Wanda: {Looking at the gag} Well I'll be a monkey's behind, I've been looking all over for these panties.

Robbie: {Spits uncontrollably} Aww I'm going to be sick!

Wanda: Whut? They're clean...

Robbie: You bitches had better let me go right this second!

Wanda: {Getting out shot gun} Pardon me, could you say that again? I don't think Betsey heard you.

Robbie: {Looking at the gun} Uh....

Wanda: That's what I thought. Now Bob-o, can I call you Bob-o?

Robbie: What?

Wanda: Good, now Bob-o you should probably know that the people here in Texas don't like you very much and for some time now we've been wantin to ask you a few questions about your new Cd. Since my show is fancy and we're on cable access we decided to kidnap your ass for the good people of Texas and ask these questions.

Robbie: What questions?!? What in the bloody hell are you talking about?

Wanda: I'll tell you Mr. British Pop Star. Does the title Forever Texas ring any cow bells?

Robbie: Yeah, it's one of my songs. So? What about it?

Wanda: {Talking to audience} He's a snippy one ain't he?

Audience: Yeah!

Wanda: And you know what we do to snippy guest....

Audience: Wheel of Whooee!

Wanda: That's right!

Robbie: What the hell are you wankers talking about?

Wanda: Girls could you please bring out the Wheel of Whooee?

Robbie: The wheel of fucking what?!?

The Loretta and Tammie bring out the wheel and place it on the stage next to Robbie. They then grab Robbie and stand him up.

Wanda: Go on, give her a good old spin!

Robbie: Fuck you.

Wanda: {Cocks gun} Whut you say little boy?

Robbie spins the wheel and it lands on "Honey, I Feel Like Chicken Tonight."

Audience: {Chanting} Chicken, chicken, chicken....

Robbie: What does that mean?

Wanda: Well Bob-o, what that means is this!

Loretta and Tammy strip Robbie naked.

Robbie: What the?!? Give me back my bloody clothes you trailer trash bitches!

They then smear honey all over Robbie. After they're done with that, millions of white feathers come flying down from over head and cover Robbie. The audience goes wild. Finally the ladies place a plastic beak on Robbie's nose and shove him back down in the chair.

Wanda: Whooee, now wasn't that fun?!?

Audience: Yeah!

Wanda: {Looking at Robbie} Maybe that'll teach you to keep your sassy comments to yourself and to respect the people whos kidnapped you!

Robbie: {Looking at his feathered arms} What in the bloody hell just happened to me?!?

Wanda: {Laughing} Oh, that was Trailer TRASH Talk's version of tar and featherin. Just another age old Texas tradition! Now back to this blasphemous song, Forever Texas. We got many letters from angry Texans askin why you chose to bad mouth such a fancy state like ours. So that's my first question, what's your beef with Texas?

Robbie: {Laughing} Well, I think hicks are funny...

Wanda: {Yelling} HICK?!?

Robbie: Yeah, we get the Jerry Springer show over in England and I'm kinda hooked on it. It's just so fucking funny to see you all sleeping with your cousins, to see your trailer wars and to see your 12 year old daughters get pregnant by some 30 year old toothless trucker named Tiny...

Wanda: {Taking deep breaths} Girls please bring me out the tazer gun....

Robbie: What?!?

Wanda: Yous got a lot of guts you knows that?

Robbie: Wait, what do you mean tazer gun?

Wanda: First you write a song making fun of Texas then you call us hicks to our face while making fun of our lifestyle?

Loretta brings Wanda the tazer.

Robbie: Wanda wait, let's talk this out....

Wanda: {Putting down the gun on her desk} Ok, but one racist statement about the South and it's turkey's done for you.

Robbie: Ok, it's a deal.

Wanda: Now back to my questions. I'm gonna read you a few lines from your song and you will nicely explain to us what they mean.

Robbie: Ok....

Wanda: "Give me Texas wisdom." Are you tryin to be sarcastic here?!?

Robbie: {Looking at the tazer gun on Wanda's desk} Um no?

Wanda: Then what do you mean, give me Texas wisdom?

Robbie: {Thinking} Uh, well....

Wanda: {Tapping her steel toed boot} We're all waitin.

Robbie: What I meant was that you all from Texas are just so smart. Yeah, yeah, I meant that I wish I could think like you Texans.

Wanda: {Rasing eyebrows} Really?

Robbie: Yeah, of course.

Wanda: Alright, that makes sense, we are pretty smart.

Robbie: Sure you are! I mean you did manage to get past my security and kidnap me.

Wanda: Yeah we did, didn't we? Ok, well, what about this line, "Massive Systems and a luscious behind." Are you tryin to say that we Texas women have big asses?!?

Robbie: {Thinking} Yeah...

Wanda grabs the tazer.

Robbie: But in a good way.

Wanda: {Putting back down the gun} What do you mean in a good way?

Robbie: Well, a lot of guys like big bottom girls....

Wanda: They do?

Robbie: Hell yeah!

Wanda: Do men from England like big bottom girls?

Robbie: {Leaning over Wanda's desk and winking at her} Especially men from England.

Wanda: {Blushing} Well I'll be damn. I had no idea!

Robbie: It's true, all of it.

Wanda: Alright I got just one more lyric from your song.

Robbie: Ok shoot.

Wanda: "Mother said 'Son if you do it too long you'll go blind.'" Do what too long?

Robbie: Um...uh....milk a cow?

Wanda: Huh?

Robbie: Yeah, milk a cow. I meant if you milk a cow for too long you'll go blind!

Wanda: Whut? I never heard of that....

Robbie: Sure, think about it. Your sitting there all day going at it, up and down, up and down on the utters, your eyes just can't take that. I think it's actually been proven by a doctor in Sweden....

Wanda: {Eyes big} Really?

Robbie: Yeah.

Wanda: Hmmm. You know, I think we've gots Bob-o pegged all wrong...

Robbie: Yeah, I love hicks!

Wanda: Whut did you say?!?

Robbie: Uh, um, I said I loved {Looking at tazer gun} um....uh...dicks?

Wanda: Whut?

Robbie: Yeah....dicks.....

Wanda: Are you tryin to tell us your gay?

Robbie: {Swallowing} Um yeah, I guess...

Wanda: {Throws hands up} Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place?

Robbie: {Shrugs} Uh surprise?

Wanda: We here at Trailer TRASH Talk love gay men, don't we Loretta?

Loretta: {Shoots gun in the air} Sure do.

Robbie: Great....

Wanda: Yeah, we just love that one gay singer....what's him name again?

Loretta: Ricky Martin.

Wanda: Yes! That's the boy's name, Ricky Martin. I just love him.

Robbie: Really...sounds great and all but I really got to be going now.

Wanda: Whut? Oh yeah, well I guess since we were all wrong about you we can let ya go this time...

Robbie: Fantastic!

Wanda: But, next time we call you for an interview don't refuse. I mean it hurts our feelins, right Loretta?

Loretta: Yeah, and when I hurt {Pokes Robbie in the chest} you hurt.

Robbie: Right, got it.

Wanda: Ok, Loretta untie him.

Loretta starts to untie Robbie as Tammie comes running out on stage.

Tammie: {Screaming} Wait!

Wanda: Damnit child, what's burnin your panties?!?

Tammie whispers something in Wanda's ear.

Wanda: Oh really?!? I see. Loretta, tie that no good sack of lyin scum back up.

Robbie: What?!? No, I thought we were letting me go because you realized you were wrong about me... Remember? I'm the good gay guy?

Wanda: Tammie just got off the phone with her brother Billy Bob and he says you can't go blind from milkin cows.

Robbie: Huh?

Wanda: She also says that they don't got no cows in Sweden...

Robbie: Did I say Sweden? I meant France.

Wanda: I smell a rat...

Robbie: {Sniffs air} I don't smell anything, but how about we let me go?

Wanda: {Loads tazer gun} That's a negative. Bob-o, do you know what we do to liars here at Trailer TRASH Talk?

Robbie: Um, you let them go?

Wanda: Nice try, but wrong. We play duck hunt, that's what we do.

Robbie: Well then, I guess it's a good thing I'm a chicken....

Wanda: {Mocking Robbie} Did I say duck? I meant chicken.

Robbie: Oh shite!

Wanda: Tie him up girls. {Looking into the camera} Well, that's all the time we have left for today's show....

Robbie: Get your hands off me you she-hicks!

Wanda: Tune in tomorrow when our guest will be exercise guru Richard Simmons.....

Robbie: {Tied to a conveyer belt} Ok, ok, ok! Your right, I lied about it ALL! I was being sarcastic, I was saying Texas women have big arses, and your right I wasn't talking about milking cows I was talking about....

Loretta shoves a gag in his mouth.

Wanda: Until then, remember, you mess with the bull...

Audience: {Shouts}YOU GET THE HORNS!

Robbie: {Spits out gag} AND I'M NOT GAY!

Wanda: Buh bye now.