thanksgiving

I actually spent last night on call so when I came home this morning all I wanted to do was sleep. Forget that it was Thanksgiving!
I went to my parents' place for lunch and was sleepy yet again.

Well, this was a beautiful Thanksgiving weatherwise. I can't remember it being so sunny on previous Thanksgiving celebrations. The only damper was the fact that my relatives were hit by a drunk driver last night while on their way home. They're ok, thank the Lord, but they still had to spend the day in the hospital. Our pastors brought them an entire Thanksgiving meal, but my relatives were so tired and sleepy from all the pain meds, they had no appetite. I'm glad, however, that there's such great support from both my family and our church.

So we asked about the drunk driver to see if he was ok. He was unscathed & brought straight to jail. I honestly hope that guy puts his life into perspective. Why did he get drunk? Why did he drive? What if my relatives died? He'd be a murderer. People take drinking way too lightly until someone dies.

stuffed

I attempted to stop eating past 6 this week so that I could make way for Thanksgiving, but I have no self-control. There have been too many excuses to eat. We celebrated Thanksgiving at church on Sunday and then I had a buffet tonight. But still, I find it so pleasurable to eat when I'm in good company.

For lunch, I did not feel comfortable eating simply b/c I felt like I was on my own interview. The interviewees asked me why I chose the program and I had to pick my brain for last year's answer. I found it some how and gave my perfectly rehearsed, but dusted off answer. I'm wondering if the applicants even listened to what I said or if they were trying to think of more questions to ask me (that's how I felt last year.) Two of the applicants seemed interested, while the third was extremely quiet. I didn't feel like probing the third one simply cuz her name was too hard to pronounce and she was way across the table. The committee will ask me tomorrow what I thought of them and whether I'd like to work with them. I don't know how I'm supposed to read them in a one hour lunch conversation, but I'll probably have to give good marks to the other two.

rash

dermatologists hate the word "rash." Rashes can be a number of things so you have to explain it in terms of how it looks: maculopapular erythematous lesions to the abdomen. The names of the rashes are often more eloquent than their descriptions, but the treatments are mundane. Benadryl or hydroxyzine for pruritis (itchines) and steroid cream for everything.

I saw a "rash" on a 7 year old today and about 5 of us went in there to take a look. No one knew what it was so we called it a good ole "viral exanthem" or viral rash. Basically, kids can sometimes get a rash after having a cold and have no associated fever unlike the rashes in measles or chicken pox.

did I say that?

I'm doing the pediatric walk-in clinic right now so I see anyone 17 years and under. Before they see me, however, a nurse triages them and writes down their complaint on the chart. Today, I walked into a patient room, greeted the patient, and glanced over the complaint. Sore throat, congestion . . .testicular pain.

I addressed the complaints listed first and then asked,"Now it says that you're having some testicular pain?" I knew by the look on his face and his response that he wished he never told the nurse about it. "Well, it really doesn't bother me." But I pressed on trying to play off that I knew he was embarrassed. He had to know eventually I would have to examine him.

Half way through my EAR exam, my attending--also female--walked in and I told her about the testicular pain. "have you examined him yet?" The poor boy had to stand with me sitting on a roller chair in front of him. He stood there not knowing if he should take off his pants or not. I didn't know exactly how to phrase it so I let my attending do the deed. "You can just drop your pants," she said matter-of-factly. I still don't know how I can properly phrase that. Drop your pants just doesn't seem appropriate. Poor guy. I'm more used to having women change into a gown, but guys don't get that type of treatment--kind of a double standard.

anyway, I'm sure his testes pain was his main concern only masked with the complaint of congestion. Teenagers do not come to docotrs just for a cold (unless they have asthma).

hidden hills

I found a new treasure of a show to watch called hidden hills--tuesday nights after frasier. Last week's episode was so much on target as far as married life goes:

*men lust after the female figure as teenagers, but when they are married, and see a naked women in front of them everyday, it's basically no big deal

*men don't share secrets, but their wives do

*it isn't rare to ask your spouse if there's a zit on your back and if it's ready to pop

I love the show b/c it almost reminds me of the zaniness of ally mcbeal.

house blessing

we had our house blessing this past weekend and had our bible study group and relatives over. Friends of ours who live about a block away celebrated their house blessing as well so we just made it a joint effort. Dinner at our place and dessert (leche flan, casava cake) and coffee at their place. it was a success-- no barbeque sauce anywhere and I only served sprite and gingerale to prevent spillage stains!

the kids were crazy as always though. I left them to play monopoly and when I returned, all the money and games pieces were thrown all over the room. AND they wanted me to clean it up! crazy kids . . .

we're watching Lord of the Rings right now with all the new scenes. I don't even remember the old scenes so it's not that big of deal to me at the moment.

holding mommy's hand

boys are cute when they're 10. I watched this hefty 10 year old act extremely independent until he had to have a shot. While the nurse wiped his arm with an alcohol pad, he said,"Wait, wait!" Mom came to the rescue and said what he couldn't say at this tender age. "Do you want me to hold your hand?" The boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath as his mom held his hand and kissed his forehead. Before he knew it, the shot was over and he felt brave and independent again.

For a moment I felt what his mom probably feels as she watches her son grow up. She's losing him to machisimo, slowly and slowly.

but you see one in the mirror everyday

the pediatrician I'm working with tells me time and again how she hates doctors and vowed never to see one again after she delivered her first child.

cry baby

Somebody once told me that she could tell a doctor was a good physician if s/he didn't make a child cry. WHATEVER! Try as you may, a little 2 year old is going to cry when you attempt to look into his ears. I absolutely abhor looking into a baby's ears because you have to hold them down like animals to do so. They writhe around like snakes and kick like mules regardless if you bribe them with a sticker beforehand. Then, if they have earwax galore, which prevents you from seeing their eardrum, you must subject them to irrigation.

My heart races when I have a kid who cries and shouts as I'm examining them. I feel sorry that they're sick and then I feel completely incompetent that I can't examine them without them crying. There have got to be pictures set up in the exam room showing parents how to hold their children during exams. It would make like so much easier and faster for both doctors and kids.

And so my week long vacation is coming to an end

We went to a crowded vietnamese restaurant with only two waitresses who also acted as cashiers. They were literally running all over the place forgetting to refill water and procrastinating on taking people's orders. The food, however, was awesome--and no bugs this time.

I hung out with my brother today who made me watch the entire Depeche Mode music video DVD. I do like Depeche Mode, but I can't stand their videos. They're weird--every single one of them. But It did bring back memories of high school and all the rest of the great groups like Erasure and New Order.

I really have my brother to thank for enlightening me with the likes of "new wave," but I did introduce him to Morrisey and The Smiths. Of course, if it weren't for the fact that I moved to a school mostly dominated by rich, white people, who tended towards that type of music, I might have been listening to more rap. Not that there's anything wrong with rap . . .

Which reminds me, I all of a sudden know the chorus to Eminem's new rap song Lose Yourself. When I drive, I find myself bobbing to the music like I'm driving in a convertible low-rider, top down, and cruising on Sunset drive. What in the world has become of me? Music is so powerful, and while the lyrics are very encouraging they still are littered with expletives. Radios censor these and I don't sing them (they aren't part of the chorus), but I still feel it could have been written without them. And so I rationalize.

Yes, for the most part, i voted "conservatively"

Society basically has no standard of morality. We change but we do not evolve because that would mean we actually improve ourselves when we don't. We alter the standard based on what a majority thinks is okay. This is the first year I have heard several expletives on major network TV stations that I never heard when I watched TV as a child. These words are not acceptable TO ME and I really hope in 10 years they don't become acceptable in polite society. People throw things out there and they become more and more commonplace. Will I hear my children saying #?!* to eachother because of what they hear on whatever becomes the next Rugrat equivalent? My parents taught me not to curse and yet at times I do (when I have a close-call in traffic mostly). But the moment I curse, I have a pang of conviction (not guilt) which was instilled in me from my upbringing. I hope I never lose it.

All of a sudden I relaize why I'm writing this. I've been listening to too much secular music lately. I need edification and redirection.

Fifty-fifty

While washing clothes today I realized marriage really isn't 50/50. After folding about three loads of laundry, I put the clothes up in their respective places and smiled about how I take up 5 of the 6 drawers in our main dresser and most of the closet space. I am such a closet hog and consider myself lucky to have a husband who doesn't care as much about clothes or shoes as I do.
He'll soon find out that I had to move some of his shirts from the main dresser so I could put more of my shirts there.

when treasures become junk
I all of a sudden have more clothes to put away b/c I picked up more of my stuff from my parent's place that I had kept there before moving to our house. As much as I am trying to keep this house from becoming cluttered with junk, I also can't bring myself to throw away some of these clothes with sentimental value.

Take for instance my lime green and pink GUESS sweatshirt my mother bought me in 7th grade (that's 15 years ago). I had made all A's that 6 weeks and begged my mother for this $30 sweatshirt. Even now I think that is expensive. I wanted it because I had nothing name brand and being the very low self-esteemed, bespectacled junior higher at the time, I knew it would impress my friends. Without question, my mother bought it for me and for about 6 weeks, I was "cool."

I felt cool with my pseudo feathered hair (filipino hair doesn't feather well) and I actually did impress my friends. I remember this very rich 8th grader in my homemaking class complimented me on it. What a big deal I though that was. But the "coolness" was transient as people got better clothes and I could only wear the sweatshirt every 3 weeks or so.

I still have my sweatshirt as a reminder of how dumb superficial stuff like that is. I also want to show my daughter it one day--make it kind of like a Wonder Years episode where I say,"It's not what's on the outside that's important . . ." I know it's such mush and smarminess, but still, I'm keeping the sweatshirt.

And that's why we've made the top 5 fattest cities in the United States list

Krispy Kreme opened its first store in our city last month. The day it opened, people camped out and cars lined up for 2 hours to get a dozen donuts. A month later the lines are still there. Why oh why didn't I buy stock in Krispy Kreme years ago?

the worst patients

are other health care professionals-especially the ones with psychiatric problems. I had to do an ellipitical excisional biopsy of a dysplastic nevus (potential cancerous mole) from a nurse the other day. She kept telling me how anxious she was and asked me if I had done the procedure previously. "No, I'm a newbie." Being a nurse, she knew all about interns and how we experiment on people. I called in my attending and the patient told me,"You must not know what you're doing because you called him in." I explained that our attending always has to supervise the procedure which placated her a tad. Luckily, as soon as the lidocaine was in, she calmed down saying." you know you'll be on top of my list if I don't feel pain." Talk about pressure. Lucky for her, I had performed a similar procedure an hour before so my hands didn't shake as much. By the end of it, I had won her over and she congratulated me on a job well done. I think she liked the fact that I acted really humble and didn't act like I was "some know it all" intern. NURSES HATE THAT.

begging for candy

Ten years old should be the limit for trick-or-treating--eleven and twelve if you're still cute. Those kids who don't even bother to get dressed up for Halloween and still have the nerve to go trick-or-treating in their casual clothes really irk me. If you're too cool to get in a costume, you're too cool for Halloween and everything that goes along with it--namely candy! Those kids deserve the worst candy-- like peppermints.

Which reminds me, I used to get so embarrassed when my mom would buy generic candy to give out at Halloween (peppermints) and then only give one each. Cheap, I tell you.

in service exam

Every first Friday of November, residents have to take an inservice training exam. We battle sleep for fours hours while reading vignette after clinical vignette--and it isn't even worth anything. That's how I felt during the 4th hour of taking this test. True, true , true, true--i scratched in the bubbles thinking "I have a 50% chance of getting this question right--good odds!"

the one gloved man

I saw "Thriller" about 5 times in the past week and again this morning. I miss the old Michael Jackson. In elementary school we all thought so highly of him. He didn't have the stigma about him that he started to accumulate as his skin got lighter and his face started looking more mask-like. It's too bad he got addicted to plastic surgery cuz he should have stopped around his Thriller album. He was actually good looking then. My dad used to tell me the reason Michael Jackson had such a high voice was b/c he had his balls cut off (orchiectomy). I believed him but now of course, he has children so that theory goes down the drain.

the lost culture

I'm a little sad that my children won't be able to experience what it's like to be a child of a non-Americanized Filipino immigrant. They won't know anything about the accent we make fun of or the wooden spoons or tinikling dancers on the wall because I'm for sure not going to hang any of that stuff in my house. But there's more to it than that. There's this Asian filipino way of life. I fear that my children will be too Americanized and in a way, i don't want them to be that way. Growing up cognizant of the distinction between being American and being Asian-American makes me who I am. I can't explain it completely, but most Asians know what I mean.

The culture entails being hard-working, non-confrontational, hospitable, but there's so much more to it. I've worked hard not be like my parents in the "p-c" way, but there's so much of the culture that I'd like to keep. Since I don't speak the Tagalog language fluently and have married a non-filipino asian, I'm not likely to pass on very much Filipino-ish culture to my children. I'm hoping my husband, who's more Asian than I am, can pass on the Asian culture (his version) to our children. After all, our children will look more Indian than Filipino and as it is, I often look more Indian than Filipino.