Notes for such straight men as may be tempted to approach me.

Approaching someone young enough to be your daughter/granddaughter is not on

Really, this is a no-brainer. Cracking on to someone young enough to be a female descendant is just disgusting. There is no way on the Goddess' green Earth that she will be interested in someone old enough to be her daddy or worse. Never mind the fact that you clearly like 'em young and innocent and virginal, which is gross and disturbing. Just don't go there.

Approaching someone obviously drunk, miserable or ill is not on

This says bad things about your tastes. Rather than someone strong, intelligent and consenting, you clearly like 'em weak, sick and helpless. Again, gross and disturbing. Please, get therapy.

Approaching someone obviously gay is not on

I'm sure you believe, and your porn has reinforced your views, that all these lesbians need is a big strong man. Real sex, and they'd see the error of their ways. Guess what? If a woman is a lesbian, she is having real sex. Sisters are doing it for themselves. I don't know about any others, but I have tried men, and found them unattractive. No, you're not man enough to convert a lesbian. You'd need surgery and hormone treatment for that. Now run home and have a wank.

Approaching someone after 10 o'clock at night is not on

Maybe I'm not gothic enough, but sensible conversation happens in the daytime. If you approach a woman on the streets after 10 o'clock at night for sex, you are implying that that is the only reason she could possibly be on the streets at this hour. It is men like you who make it dangerous for women to walk home at night. You are contributing to the cultural myth that a woman out on the streets at night must be after sex. Don't do it.

What it all comes down to is:

Don't approach strangers who have shown no interest in you in an environment where sex is not generally on offer. It's rude, she doesn't want, and it's not done in polite society. Impress me, and prove that your mother ever taught you any manners. And for Janis' sake don't kerb-crawl. That's saying that the woman is a prostitute and you're going to have sex with her. It's beyond the fucking pale.

Play fair.

If you break the above rules, don't bleat and whine when bad things happen. The above rules are about how not to come off as a rapist, and so if you break them, a woman is perfectly within her rights to assume that your intentions are not honourable. As such, if she tells you to fuck off and die, and pulls some kind of weapon on you, you don't get to act shocked. Like any victim who's encountered the judicial system can tell you, you're asking for it.

This rant was brought to you by the men who want to have sex with me while I'm walking home alone at night.