Split Personalities
Push Gold Stone
Under the Big Top
::::Cube press the stone, and the same sequence begins all over again. As if the fire from hell themselves lifted up upon mankind, smoke clouds them and flickering light makes it very difficult to see. After about 3 seconds, it's over and they can see normally again.::
Chris Hardy: .... that sounded to familiar!
Ice Cube: Oh my god I hope we are home this time! This is really giving me a headache!
Chris Hardy: Well, at least we aren't around with cavemen again. Remember how bad that was?
Ice Cube: Yeah.... but Hardy, I've already noticed something that is weird.....
Chris Hardy: What?
Ice Cube: You're as tall as me!
Chris Hardy: What? No you're just messing with me, I've always been the shorter one when it came to height.
Ice Cube: I'm serious dude, either you grew ....... or I shrunk! Oh no! Where are we?!?!
::The Jackasses look around. There's isn't much to be seen. A mirror, bunch of barrels, a tiny car, some hay on the ground.....::
Guy:: Hey! You two! You're on in five!
::The guy walks out, leaving them to say nothing.::
Ice Cube: Who was that?
Chris Hardy: I don't know....
::Oh no... Hardy just saw himself in the mirror....::
Chris Hardy: HOLEY FLIPPING CHEESEBURGERS I'M A MIDGET!!!!!!
Ice Cube: AAHHHH!!! ME TOO!!!!!!!
::That guy comes back in!::
Guy:: Ssshh!! Would you keep it down! Yeah, you're circus midgets! Big surprise! You make a lot of money so shutup and be ready!
::That guy leaves again!::
Ice Cube: .....................
Chris Hardy: ....................
:: Ahhh.... peace and quiet!::
Ice Cube: Holey cow dude! I feel...... tiny!
Chris Hardy: I've never EVER wanted to be a midget! Damnit what did I do to deserve this! Quick! Push one of those damn stones and let's get out of here!
Ice Cube: All right hang on....
::ARGH! It's that guy again!::
Guy:: MIDGETS! Let's go, you're up! Do you want you're paychecks or not? Come out here and entertain this audience!
::Finally he leaves, and that better have been the last time!::
Chris Hardy: Paycheck?
Ice Cube: Audience?
Chris Hardy: Well, no need to rush, I guess we can stay and have some fun!
Ice Cube: Agreed! Let's knock 'em dead!
::The curtains swing, the lights flash and crowd reacts as if this really WAS the greatest show on earth! The Jackass Midgets walk out into the center ring! Ice Cube is on the mic!::
Ice Cube: Yes! Thank you ladies and gentleman. Yes! We are short aren't we!
Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Chris Hardy: We're going to have a good 'ol time here tonight, but hey Ice Cube, something has been bothering me lately.
Ice Cube: What's that my fellow midget?
Chris Hardy: I'm trying to see if I can lift these weights see, and the problem is.... I KEEP COMING UP SHORT!!!
Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Ice Cube: Well, I think I can help you there. All we need is a little practice!
Chris Hardy: How do we do that?
Ice Cube: Here in my hand I hold two.... count 'em two.... marsh mellows!!!!!!!
::DUN DUN DUNNN!!!!!!!!!!::
Ice Cube: Putting the marsh mellows on both ends of this here stick, Hardy will now attempt to lift them above his head! Keep in mind this is very dangerous and should not be attempted at home!
Meanwhile at Home!
Kid: Mommy! Get me some marsh mellows and stick!
Back at the Circus...
Ice Cube: Hardy will only have 10 seconds to lift these marsh mellows above his head, or...... something bad will happen!
Chris Hardy: Ok kids, cheer me on!
Crowd: LO-SER! LO-SER! LO-SER!
Chris Hardy: No no no! Chant for ME, not Ice Cube!
Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris Hardy: Can I have ten seconds on the clock please!
::The ten are put up there thanks to the technician people!::
Chris Hardy: Now, I, Hardy... the circus midget... will attempt to lift these heavy marsh mellows over my head! Here we go!
Ice Cube: He's struggling in the early going!
Crowd: TEN!........ NINE!.....
Ice Cube: Uh oh, he's in trouble!
Crowd: EIGHT! .......... SEVEN!
Ice Cube: He's got it one inch off the ground! Another 3 and half feet to go!
Crowd: FOURTEEN!...... EIGHTY-SIX!......
Ice Cube: Where'd you people learn to count? Canada?
Crowd: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
::Hardy gets the marsh mellows above his head!::
Ice Cube: Oh my god ladies and gentleman he's done it! He's accomplished the impossible!
Chris Hardy: Thank you! Thank you! That was for all the little people out there!
Ice Cube: Anybody you'd like to thank?
Chris Hardy: Yes I'd like to thank Rumplestilskin, Pinnochio, Minnie-Me... and that poor midget I found in the street earlier this evening!
Ice Cube: Well folks... did you have fun with us midgets?
Crowd: NOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Chris Hardy:: And why is that?!
Crowd: MIDGETS SUCK!!!!! LET'S THROW THINGS AT THEM!!!!
::They begin chucking things at The Jackasses!::
Chris Hardy: Look out! Cotten Candy!
Ice Cube: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! THEY HAVE PEANUTS!!!!!!!
Chris Hardy: Quick! Push a stone and get us the hell out of here!!!!!!!
Push Silver Stone