Ifrit's Journal

I'm sure I wanted to say something, but I just don't know now. My mind's gone blank. Give me a minute. *puts LotR on* Ahhh, I remember way back when I was called Legolas. Anyway, I've gained 10 pounds. Like nothing's wrong. It just kinda happened. And I need to do something to stop it. I don't like being 140 or 145. I was happy at 135. Everyone's been talking about exams and everything. Sis is done, Tetsuo will be done after this week, and yet Monday morning... I have to do the mile. Damn it. Oh, I'm probably going to get hired by Quassy. That should be pretty cool. I gotta call my mom to work out when I'm going down there. Hey, David Blaine's on. Cool. Man, I'm getting really really hungry. Now I remember why I don't do these entries. I got an MP3 FM modulator. Now I can play my PSP and have it come out through my car stereo. When he levitates. Oh man. I wanna do that. So bad. I dunno what to say again. The mod is cool though. It needs 2 AAA batteries which isn't that bad. It should take a pretty long time to kill those. Yep. Killing. The government is probably looking at what I've typed right now. I called Akira two weekends back and talked to him. I wanted to hang out, but he was sick. I've tried calling him over and over and over and over. He hasn't answered since. I've left over 20 messages on that machine. I should call right now at 11:22 PM. He's probably up right now. I'm sure it would piss people off, but I might get through. I just wanna hang out with him, ya know? I need someone to spar with, and know he's a good match. Or at least, he was. He could probably beat me up know. Anyhow, I'm bored. And hungry. Muff and I watched The Princess Bride today. It was odd. I think Muffin and I have been doing better. We went to the Athenian this... morning? I'm not sure. But it was fun. Kristen was over the other day, but she had to work evenings both nights so we didn't really get to hang out very much. Oh well. I'm tired. Later.
Thursday April 12: All right, the day after the uber stressor, I turn into Super Duo/Ifrit/Tai person/guy/dude/man/boy. This was the eleventh. I come back to the student center from taking a health exam and Winry is there with Muff. What? Isn't she usually in Drawing class now (being 9:30 and all)? Her back was shot. She threw her back out about fifteen minutes before leaving for her nine o'clock class. Then she was "kicked out" by her prof. because she was in immense pain. She needed to go to the chiropractor so he could fix her. But she couldn't drive because you need your arms to be able to drive. And shift gears. And all that driving stuff. I agreed to drive her there with proper navigation. Because I'm a good friend. If you're my friend and I car about you (normally I care about my friends) I am willing to do things for you. Within reason. So we went to Dunky's. The end.
Just kidding. After Dunky's we were on our way. The whole time getting the doors and helping Winry carry stuff around. When we got there her doc was workin on another patient. He was taking his time and really using that wierd hammer thing of his. When it was Winry's turn it was quick and painful for her. I felt really bad, but glad I could help. After he was done he said to come back tomorrow. I think the follow up is to further help cure the problem. She was also told to relax her shoulders, which I knew was not possible if you're to carry something over your back. You're shoulder naturally lifts to keep the strap from falling. So we went back to the campus and Muffern was still freakin out about an essay that was do that afternoon and was wroking on some last and that morning. I went to and she skipped math (I hope to God that she passes that class). I took lots of notes, some very small which she still needs to copy, and she continued to slowly work while being distracted by random odd people, the only one of which I knew was Alex from Japanese last semester. I think he dropped out. So she struggled until five of two and finished. I was intending to skip Japanese. I hate skipping classes I need to be in, but this was more important. We rushed out to the car and I raced to Winry's house. When we got there, the email attactment would'nt open on Winry's Mac and the wireless connection was secure and needed a password. So Winry called Sephy while I whipped out my ever awesome PlayStation Portable. We resaved the file onto my PSP as an html document and opened in on Winry's Mac. It worked. It was fitted and printed and stapled. We left Winry at her house without her Beetle and raced back to the Diloreto lot. On the way she realised she needed other things stapled to the essay. I could do that. I was positive. She had her doubts, which was understandable. We got into the lot. It came to my understanding that these papers were to go on TOP of the essay. A BIT harder, but still. I could handle it. I unbent and took out the staple, poked a knife in the staple holes so that they matched up on the unstapled paper, then put the staple in the indents of each unstapled sheet, then sliped the essay back in one page at a time. I then bent the staple back into place so it would hold. She then went to class. Forty to fifty minutes late. I parked and went into Davidson to potty. Then the comp lab to see if the hundred bucks was true, and if it was just for printing. It was and it was. I came back and waited for Muffin by the entrance. When she came out it was through the other door. So I caught up to her and we went to the mall to grab teriyaki. My head hurts and I have no food, so I'm going to stop now. I kinda need to. Thank you and you're welcome to both Muffin and Winry for that day. Later.
Tuesday April 10:I'm gonna fight this serious migraine for as long as I can and let you in on my life. Somewhat. Only problem is, I currently have an open can of pineapple slices next to me, so you're going to have to compete for my attention. *eats a second slice* Don't I have a tale to tell. You don't even know. You poor naive computer program, you. My head's been hurting slightly for the past... few days now? Yeah, since Sunday. Forkin' Anthony on the drums. It caused it to go from a chance of a headache to a slight migraine. But this really stressed me out. I still can't believe it.

*gobbles another slice*

Last night I was up until three trying to get my drawing and design assignments done. They came out all right, and both were critiqued today. The design one was me trying to sell a Nissan Skyline. It's in the air jumping over another car. It's red so it pops while the other car is blue so it receeds. *eats another* I thought it was pretty good, but it still had problems appearantly, so I'll probably get a high eighty for it. The drawing assignment was what would come out if my head exploded. I had the word STRESS crushing a clock and there were a few dollars the clock was resting on. There were a few Advil and some pennies lying around. On the right side, I had Muffin, and on the left side I put my tv with a racing game on pause and the steering wheel controller on the ground. My swords were also on top of the tv. Couldn't leave that out. So I explained to everyone that I'm stressing over time and money and I'm running out, I need the pills for the chronic migraines I get. *slobbers down another* My girlfriend has been somewhat mad at me lately (they were saying she looked sorta like that, and when I said that, the prof. said he got that out of the face. Like that look of unhappiness but understanding of someone close to you) and on the left side is my fun on hold. I was asked what the swords represented and I said it was part of the fun. And I went on to explain that I like playing around with swords and stuff. The only thing wrong with it was that the labeling. The three words I used got me. I knew it was touchy using words, but I had to put them in there. *shrugs* It was still a compelling piece.

*eats another* I'm starting to run out. I've got like four more.

So after classes Muffern needed to go to library to get some books for her assignments so we did that and I ate peach rings. Delicious peach rings. Those are some good candy. So those kept me occupied while we searched. I did help, I found one of them. Oh yeah, I'm talking with Muffy as well, so it's tougher than I said to do this. Oh hey, onee-san is on. I won't talk to her yet. So she checked out the books and we had decided before going in there that we head to OUR mall and get some teriyaki. One of these times, I'm gonna park at Macy's so we have no choice but to walk the whole mall. *three left* When those are gone, I'm done. Just so you know. My journal, my rules. So we started heading to the mall from campus. The highway can be so boring when you don't play with someone. I need a buddy to play with on the highway, or else I get bored. Muffin was out. Fell alseep with her books in hand. I wished I could get some sleep. Then I was starting to dose, like I do sometimes on the highway. I put the air a bit colder (because the warm air makes me calm, relaxed and a little tired) and turned up teh music a little. Oh, now onee-san is gone. kept dosing. Got off at 28 and climbed the mountain, still fighting myself. The whole while slightly drifting left because I find it near impossible to drive with both hands. *eats another slice* I was on Meriden road driving and dosing. It was getting harder to fight it off. My eyelids were so damn heavy. The songs switch and I blink for a second. I start thinking something about the music. Modest Mouse uses interludes that are like the beginnings of other songs. It was something about that. I open my eyes from what I tought was a blink, fighting my eyelids again for sight to find I've drifted more than half way into the other lane and a Maxima is trying to swerve out of my way. I grab the wheel with both hands and jerk back into my lane. I'm awake and definitely alert now. *eats the second to last slice, then puts pressure on his eyes to temporarily stop the pain* Duality by Slipknot. *laughs* But my head does hurt. I took pills though. So it should come down. Okay. So I almost got in an accident. Again. But this is the worst so far. This is why they say you should be awake and alert when you go to drive. Not running on four hours of sleep and not have eaten anything that day, besides a little candy. If I hit that car, it would have been my side. And my fault. I'm sorry if I scared you, Love. If that did happen, it was a good thing you were asleep until I jerked the car away, because you wouldn't have tensed up. I would have gotten it pretty bad. This is why my head hurts so bad. *eats the last slice* I know I didn't crash, but it's still trumatic. I know it doesn't show, but I've been sitting here for a while not knowing what to type. I'm just glad Muff's safe. I'm glad nothing happened to her. In the end, it's just a car, it doesn't really matter. It can be replaced. You know?
Thursday March 29: I wanna drift so bad... I'm going to watch the liveaction Initial D movie in a few, but I figured I'd do a little typing first. I wanna drive places. I want a 3000GT. I saw one in the Westfarms lot tonight, and I HAD to draw it. I've been drawing a lot more lately and I think I'm getting better at drawing cars. I like drawing. I don't wanna stop. Not matter actually happens with my life. I think I need to draw. I would go insane. It's great that Muffern and I are still going strong after all this time. That is, one year, nine months and twenty nine days. And about sixteen hours. About. But how's counting, right? We have our little fights, but we still love each other very much. I was thinking that when Muff's dad gets me new tires, before we put them on, I wanna do a little messing around in the parking lot across the street. I can't wait. It's not gonna be this weekend, but I can wait. Oh! This morning, on the highway before exit 31, the back right tire of a Sentra blew. The dude pulled over while driving on the rim. I don't know how I'd react to that. I mean, I handled the wheelwell getting under the tire and jerking the car left. But I dunno. Today wasn't all that special. Pretty normal really. Except that There was this speaker today at three in the gallery. I thought it wouldn't be a big thing, but it got to be three forty, and I had to walk out because I have a taxi service to fulfill. That's one job I can't quit. Damn my PS2 is old. I was in a good modd, but I'm over that now. Personally, I don't hate my life, I only hate certain aspects of it. Like the parent's constantly up my ass-pect. Or the wanting to get through college, but dreading going to class part. Or the part were my PS2 doesn't read anything anymore. I don't have a nice DVD palyer. I can't even watch a movie. The DVD won't play. It doesn't have a scratch on it. I remember buying Advent Children, and , fresh out of the case, the PS2 wouldn't read it. I wanna take it and just smash the shit out of it. I would trade it in for one of the slimmer ones, but I probably wouldn't get crap for it. If it'll play, I may try some drifting practice in GT3 to calm me down some. Maybe. I'm gonna try it out. Another title that wouldn't work fresh, GT4. I've barely played it because it won't work on my PS2. Yep, this works. I need a new FR that I can start drifting with. I'm getting bored with the 240, FC, and 8-6. Damn, did you know Mini Coppers are front whell dirve? Now you do. Wow, nice Supra. I have a shitload of cars in this garage, so It's like Christmas for me every time I go to pick a car. I have about TEN different Skyline's in here. Sweet, Miatas are FRs. I'm gonna try drifting in a Miata. Yeah, I have seven Skyline's. All different. *looks around some more* There's always the F-1 cars. Those are always a blast to drive. damn, I stop putting money into the Miata (it was the car I started with, that's why) as soon as I bought that Lancer. Damn. I'm going to stop ranting now. Later.
Tuesday March 27: Well, I - oh, coyotes! Sorry, watching the news. Yeah, I do that. For the weather. Anyway, I know I haven't updated in a while. If you wanna know what's been going on with my life just check Muff's journal. I'm sure I'm there. Maybe. Wow, I'm talking to R1|< and he missed out on everything from graduation til now. So I filled him in. I'm not gonna say much about spring break except that it was too short. It's not that bad though, because pretty much a month and a half from now skool will be out for the summer. Which will be nice. Other than working. I hope I can find something with flexable hours. I want a better job than Federated. I know, I know. Anything after Federated is luxury, but I need something good. And it doesn't hlep that no one's hiring. I'm gonna lose my car. And then cry. Like a baby. A lot. I mean, sure, Neo is cool and all, but he's only got a 4 incher. I need the V6 power. For Muffy's sake. Yeah. That. I will now do an interpretive dance for no retarded reason. *does so* The only reason I did that was because I had no idea why I typed "I will" at the beginning of that sentence. Wow, I get distracted too easily. I know I have ADD. Or even ADHD. *goes off and does things again* What was I doing? Oh, right, Futurama. *watches* *wanders off and gets a rich dinner* *comes back hours later* Oh man, I dunno if I told you/me this. I caught Brian at the Brass Mill mall not too long ago. His job didn't work out, so he went back to Cheshire Direct. Let me say this again. HE WENT BACK TO CHESHIRE DIRECT. So he started a garage band. It was great getting to see him again. It's cool to have an older friend. I don't have too many of those. But Brian is great. And Muffernz got to meet him. I forgive too easily? Is she talking about me? Talk about inappropriate? Am I inappropriate? I am. I know it. Unless I'm not. Or am I? The hell? What?

So cool. I had to do a dream for an assinment to be critiqued today for Drawing II(we get and assignment every Tuesday and get it critiqued by th class next Tuesday) so it finally gave me the opertunity to draw the one thing I can. Cars. Although, I only did one car. The 240SX. Because it can drift. I did a seven panel narrative of me drifting through a corner. It was actually liked. None of my crap was ever liked. I mean, it needed a few touch ups, but it was good overall. Net week we have to do our biggest fear. Muff said I should draw a bunch of change. Like nickles dimes and quarters and stuff. I dunno. I think I'm done for now. I think so. I'm so screwed tomorrow. I missed health and Japanese Monday. Oh well! HAHAHA! Later.

It started off normal. I woke up at 7:20, got ready, and called Muffin at 7:30 to wake her up so she can get ready. A little side note, I'm glad when I get to her house that she's ready to go. Because it would suck severely if I called and then got there and she was still asleep. I don't know what I would do at that point. Anyway, I get there, she's there, we go off to skool, and get there and I park in the garage in my normal area, which was somewhat empty. We go into the student center and sit for a little while. I run off to Kaiser for PE. I get in there and go around to the back and find the bubble. I go around the revolving doors and the pressure on my ears changes. I correct it without problem. Other than that, I didn't feel a lack of oxygen or that compressed feeling or whatever. The pacer test was all right though. I think I could have done a bit better if it wasn't for my damn breathing problems while running. I got through level seven, so I did pretty damn good. I was going to stop at the end of six, but I wanted to keep going. So basically, I pushed myself. It was... fun...?

I got back to teh student center and found Muff was gone already so I headed up to the Health Center. Sat around and then had my wrist looked at, I need insurance, then was back to the student center. It was somewhat early, so I headed for my car and plopped my coat and a book in the back so I didn't have to carry so much. That and to make sure Winry didn't lie to me. She did park next to me. I went back in and tried to catch up some more on Naruto. It's getting really crazy. Holy shit. I won't go into anything.

Muffern got back from class and we partied and Winry showed up and more partying. We have to go to math, so we can know how to do the take home tests. Without the class time, I'd be lost. But that's me.

Um, sat around some more then more class. Then I met up with Muffern and Winry and we drove over to Kate's house (a friend of Winry). She grabbed her (there was a lot of that) and we went off to the Westfarm's Mall. Um... at the mall we went in the Penny's entrance... I think and looked at lingerie for a while with a lot of talking. After that we went to HotTopic, and Winry bought me a Fullmetal Alchemist cap. I like it. And I thank you, Winry, muchly, for buying it for me. ^-^ It'll have to wait til it's warmer out for me to wear it, because it doesn't protect my ears like my ski cap does. It's still awesome though. We got pretzels and then ran around some more with a lot of talking. Well, let me fix this. The girls talked, I mainly listened. That's what I do. We ended up in Borders and I looked at manga. I want to go to the Brass Mill Mall now so I can look up some of the Japanese manga and see what Kanako Sensei ment in class. But it'll have to wait. I guess. Overall it was a learning experience. And now Muffy is killing herself trying to do her work. Yep... I'm tired... Later.

This morning was more snow. But I hate what man does to the snow so much. It looks like shit on the road, and I hate that. I love just standing outside in the dark watching the snow fall. It’s completely quiet and so calming and amazingly beautiful. I love winter so much. My favorite season by far. I spelt season s-e-z-o-n, but you’ll never know that thanks to technology. … … but thanks to my stupidity, you now know. I want it to snow. I guess the snow thing has to do with the fact that I am a winter child and was born during a blizzard. Props to me. I hated that my birthday had no snow in it what so ever. Speaking of my birthday, did I mention I quit my job on my birthday? I know I won’t ever forget that, but I thought it would be a good read. Happy birthday! Great present to myself.

This morning I drove to Muffern’s house to pick her up. That was first. I showed up about ten minutes later than I said I would be, but there was a bit of traffic on the highway, and I had to scrape the ice off of my windows. She was standing out there on the edge of the deck, and when I pulled into the driveway, she turned away. I think she seemed kind of mad. We drove to the college and she set up the WLAN and I took the laptop with me to my Design class. Now back to the present of my story.

I sat down alone at a table and started the comp. About a minute later, Winry came over and sat next to me. We talked for a while and about two hours later and the comp dying and having to switch to my PSP, Muffin came in. She always seems very cold when she comes in. Her nose and cheeks are rosy and stuff. Kinda cute. We sat together for a littler while, I pissed her off, as I always do, and then I went off to my Drawing 2 class. The older guy teach was kinda rough. I don’t know if I like him all that much. It seems like it’s gonna be a hard semester… Maya is in my drawing class again. Kinda cool. Same competition as last time. I think she may be better than me though. We’ll see after this semester. And more materials to get and make. Damn it. Well, today was a headache, but tomorrow shouldn’t be too bad. I have some hard studying of the katakana tonight. Should help this migraine I’ve got. Later.

I showed Muffy my short story Peel Out, and she really liked it. Very critical. I suck. There were good parts. Kayu had four story ideas going. I didn’t read them. I could. They are right over there. So I could read them. And I might end up reading them. I just have other things on my mind. I wanna draw my characters more and draw attire and learn new things on my own. But I’m gonna be taking Drawing 2 and Design 1 starting Tuesday… I think. So I should be interesting. I have no idea what a design class is. Graphic Design? *looks it up* Uh huh. I guess experience is the best learning tool we have. And I wanna write story ideas myself… but it’s hard because I can’t think of any great concepts. I’ve got my story in my head and I wanna finish typing it so I can go back and fix it. That and I have the other one as well. I’d like to find it. AND we just watched all of Fullmetal and that’s floating around in my head.

Speaking of FMA, Muff and I ha- well, Muff has started talking to Sonny Strait recently on myspace through my account and confused the masses. I feel I should go on there and introduce myself. I’d like to let them know I’m an actual person as well. I love Muffin though. She made Hughes laugh. … I think. I dunno. We have Math together! Yay! I’m surprised that worked out. Sis, Muff and I played Pay Day last night. It turned out to be fun, but after the third month it was ten to eleven and she had to go kinda. I said if she wasn’t busy to stop by again, but I guess she was, considering its twenty of six now. I wanna show Mufferen FFXII, but I know she has no desire to get into my stuff.

I found a USB cable in her top drawer of her items cabinet. So we scanned a bunch of her pictures. Now we can do shit! Yay! ^-^ w00t w00t! Anyway. Now I can scan all my drawings I did. Even that one amazing one. Maybe that’s the driving force I’ve been needing. That could be the reason I haven’t been drawing that much. I need new tires. And a new, better job. And a Miata. Maybe. I’d like one. Muff has great eyes. They can go from black to orange. I’m hungry. I think I’m gonna end this for now and get back to it tomorrow after the day is over. I’ll let ya know how it goes. Later.

Uh, other than that,I dunno. I skipped Drawing class today. I had to rush back to Muff's because she forgot her wallet with her ID in it, and you need that to get into her residence hall, and her room, and to buy things. Much more than just an ID. And she needed to get into her dorm so she could get her health work done. *turns on tv to see FMA* ... *turns it off* ... Man, I have to watch it over again. From the beginning. With Muffern. I want her to see it. I know she'd like it. I still haven't seen the ending so no one can ruin it for me. And right now I'm check to see if I have any readings for Comp. *looks through sylibus* OOOoooohhhh yeeeaaaaaahhh. I have a Hacker Midterm tomorrow. Forgot about that for a little while. I knew about it earlier. I swear I did. Work sucks. I've been unloading and scanning the boxes from trucks on my own, and I don't like the lack of co-workers around. I mean, yeah, it's less distracting, but I need people around. But man, Bill (manager, looks like Rob DeNiro) was like snapping at me. I went to stage a pallet (set a crate with boxes on it in a certain lane) and Bill was like, where you putting that? Here? How gave you the go ahead? Carlos told me to put it hear- Would told you to put it there(he's not yealling at me, but just asking meanly)? Carlos did. Well you talk to blah blah blah about it. Put it in this(pointing to a different lane) lane, I'll move that pallet. Whatever. I was directed by Carlos to stage those in a different spot. I'm following his orders because I feel I'm under him, and he's a coordinator. He's supposed to know where things go. Duh. Whatever. I'm starting to not like Bill. Then I came back with more of the same and he told me to put in a different row. I ended up putting that one PO in three different forkin lanes. Whatever. I don't care anymore. But man, he was working with Rich on an FMI truck (basically they throw shit in there and had it to us. Rich was saying that theres about 900 boxes and about 800 POs (the po thing may be slightly exaggerated ) and they just throw them in there and the pos will be like, for example 1321628. But thats not it, you'll find 1326138, 48, 68, 78, and 88, which is what we did find (thats an actual PO >.<) and we werent to touch 68 because it had no asn, so we cant scan it. And each po has to be scanned differently. Like you can start scanning 28 and swap to 48. you have to make different worksheets for each different PO. On a dotmatrix printer. Pieces of crap. We have a bunch, but like two work... ) And this is life. Yeah. Back to Bill and Rich working together. Bill was giving Rich boxes to scan and get out of the way. Calling him Rick every chance he got. It got annoying. We wondered later if he was doing it on purpose or not. But yeah, work is a barrel of fun. And I'll grab skids that are shit. And Bill's like, that's no good. I can't use that. What the hell is wrong with it? It's not falling apart. Rich pointed out that it had two planks in the center for support. And that makes it no good? The hell? And because I know the difference between good and bad skids. Skids are the wooden racks you put boxes on so you can take a jack and move the boxes on them. Boxes on a skid is then called a pallet. This system is odd. And I'm new, i can't tell the difference. Unless it's like broken in half. God. Oh hey, did I mention I have a LOT of money in the back right now? Yeah, it was 557.66, but doing all the math on the things I bought recently, it comes down to 509.53. I think. I save my receits, but it doesnt do me much good. I suck at life. Oh, yeah, the cemetary job has ended for the winter. Unless Jim calls. I liked that job. It was so laid back. I mean we got work done, but it was such a nice environment, no one ever yelling at you. No percents to force you to think you're not working hard enough, so you work your hardest and end up not doing the best anyway. Damnit. Well. I've ranted. A lot. i don't want to anymore. I'm getting tired. I'm gonna need another energy drink tomorrow. I think the Monster Assaults really help. A lot. Full Throttles, not so much, They get me through work though. Yet again, I say Whatever.

And this. I did go out on Halloween. With Muff and Kristen. I was a Ninja again. It was nice and warm out. I liked it. I didn't get much candy, but it was fun. And we tried to find Jaron's house, but I couldn't find it. I wanna talk to him. Jaron! Talk to me! Muffern was a girl from the '40s, and Kristen was a man. She had a Date! but she left him for Luigi. *laughs* Well. I'm off. If you need Christmas or birthday presents for me, just think Final Fantasy. I would love FF stuff. Later.

I keep feeling bored. So much. I'm bored right now typing this. I wannt play an awesome game on my PSP. I want some new cool RPG I can really get into. PopoloCrois and Legend of Heros aren't good enough. I want either Tales of Eternia of Crisis Core to play. Or both. I want to play the awesomes. I told Winry (complete change of topic I know... Well, not really. It relates. I know it does) I need a life, and she replied with "Go find one." I do have a life. And she's relaxing on her bed in front of me. I spend the majority of my free time with her. Without her, I would be nothing. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. No idea. Muff, I want you to know that without you I would be in Florida right now. And that's not a good thing. I would be miserable. I would have stayed with Pharen, gotten the AIDS and... died. I'm not sick, but I'm not well. I'm glad I stayed here. I want to have four seasons. Even though winter takes up half the year, I still love it. I just hate what people do to it. With the sanding and plowing and making it look like shit. Fall, I don't like so much. Stupid trees die. Acorns making the roof of my car into the surface of the moon. The coldness and yet it's hot mid-day. When it's not windy. Speaking of Winry, *laughs* I spotted her baby today! She has homestarrunner bumperstickers. And a carebear bobblehead. I want a fastbreak. I LOOOVVVE them. I am kinda hungry. I had McDonand's today and didn't poop it out right away! Go me! I only had one double ham and a small fry. I hope they don't ban fries. I love their fries. it is now 11:23 and I am hungry and in PJs. I can't leave this hall to get food, nor can leave this hall because if I do I will be consindered checked out and won't be able to get back in. I would then have to sleep in my car. Poor stupid me. I wanna draw. Badly. I have to draw some anime soon or I will go insane. I think I might, just a little, after I'm done here. Just to prove to myself how much I truly suck at life. I'm stupid. No one should hang around me. I look all happy all the time, but I think really really really really really really really really really deep down inside, so far down that even I wouldn't know about it, I truely am depressed. And I can't do anything about it. I wanna go back to meditation. I think it help with becoming a mediator (one to communicates with the dead). It's supposed to help tap into your shut down sections of your brain. I used to do it every night. I don't think anyone's getting the idea yet. Giving mixed messages. It was for telekinesis. I swear one night, at one point, I was hearing voices. They weren't loud, there was definitely more than one, and they were mummbling. Ever since then, I kinda slowed to not doing anymore. That and I believe the prozac I was on caused a change in the chemical balance in my brain and my brain is running too fast for me to sit there in a comfortable position, relax all the muscles in my body going up from feet to head, and then empty my mind. I know I used to be able to. I can't anymore. Too much is on it all the time. It's always racing. I think that may be a reason my memory is failing me. My mind is always at full throttle. AND I drink energy drinks once in a while. My memory has gotten so bad I will forget things Muffern told me minutes before... I wish I could make the walls of my mind blank. I think it would help. Also, I used to sit in front of the woodstove and do it at night. I loved the feeling of the heat on me. That I would sometimes just sit there and watch the flames. I miss that home, dammit. Another thing in Florida I wouldn't have. That woodstove. I think I'm going to try to get back into it once it starts getting a bit colder. I know at my grandparents house there's a woodstove. Maybe getting back into this can help my memory problem. I should stop rambling. I think this one should have been titled Ramblex3.

I think I'll talk about the Cannon Fodder thing now. The really annoying bitch from J-club was wearing my ninja shirt tonight. It really threw me back. That was my shirt. It was my christmas present from Kayu and it really fits with who I am and how I act. I mean, I wear that shirt with my black sweatpants so that I really don't make a sound. And if I had my plain black wristband I'd be waering that along with the belt on my arms. I hate it though. I wear and do things before anyone else decides to. That Kingdom Hearts manga series that came out? That was me. I asked if they would do FFVIII as like a novel or manga and they said they couldn't take requests. And look what happened. That's just one example. I just hate seeing other people wearing the shirts I own. The three panel ones, I don't care so much. Those are kinda supid in their own right. And Nanashi, if you're still reading this, I don't care if you have the psycho shirt. We got it around the same time anyway. It fits you well. It looks like it fits me, like, I can look like I can kill sometimes, but really, I'm not gonna harm anyone unless it's in fun or they start it. If they start it, then I'll go psycho. But whatever. She was wearing jeans and "leather" jacket over it. Ruin the whole ninja thing there. That and she's not the thinest girl I've ever seen. That was a rant. Different for a ramble. I'm still wearing mine the right way. They're all dorks anyway. I'm a fan, not a dork. There's a difference.

I'm done. I wanna draw, I wanna eat, I wanna lot of things. I'm never gonna get everything I want outta life because there's too much. And the list only grows with time. Whatever. Later.

Math was... eh, okay... I guess... I don't like the idea that I need to take 099 and that you need it to graduate, but it doesn't count towards credits in the long run. Stupid. We started today with simple adding and subtracting and multiplying and dividing, which is all like 3,4,5th grade work. But whatever. I hate skool. And tomorrow I get to learn simple english and then teh highlight is I get to learn Japanese! Yay Japs! And today I joined the Japanese Culture Club or whatever. Appearantly there's a meeting tomorrow night, so we'll see how that goes. It's not like, "this is what happened in Japan-" it's more about anime and manga and all that shit. So I am kinda interested. I wish Muffern would have joined so that she could learn some more anime titles. Ranma, DBZ and Sailor Moon is not enough. At one point (the point when I finally went over) they were watching GetBackers. I thought that was cool. I had ask how many guys came over, and one of the girls said not many. It was more girls that were into it appearantly. Man, if Jaron was going to Central, he would be all over that club. And speaking on manga, I have some catching up to do. GetBackers I know there's at least one more, HellSing I don't think is ever going to come out with another one, Trigun Max I haven't been keeping up on, Ragnorok stopped... I dunno. Anyway.

Yesterday was Muffy's move in day, so we brought all her stuff over, and moved her in, she had some troubles with the laptop, but all we needed was an ethernet cable and all our problems were pretty much fixed, except for the clean access thing. But all she needed was to update her antivirus definitions. So she's set. She's doing cool. She has a room mate Samantha. She's O-K. They may need to bunk their beds if the doctors note doesn't work. Sam doesn't like the height of the top bunk and Muff... Just can't get up there. But yeah, I don't see why the beds weren't just bunked in the first damn place. I'm sure there would be a bit more space in the room if the beds were bunked though. W/e. I like the freedom of the skool. I just wandered all morning because I was let out an hour early from art and then had an hour with nothing to do. It's gonna be like tomorrow too... Only more drastic. I'm gonna have nothing to do between 10:45 and 12:30... kinda sucks. I may stop in Wolcott and deposit this check for $96. I lost 19 bucks beacuse of my checking book and checks and shit. Dammit, I thought I had 140 in there, but I've got 121 now. Which means I only have 20 bucks on my debit card I can spend... If I put the 96 in there I'll have 217, which will feel a bit better.

I NEED to find a job. I have "ted"'s # over here, and after this weekend I'll give him a call and see what he can do for me. *Picks a snot outta his nose* I'm kinda board. Although I am listening to la musica rock. |..|,>.<,|..| Woots to me. I'm lagging like a bitch... The fuck is going on!? My music is all messed up and shit. Hmm... I think I'll wear my Wolfwood shirt tomorrow. If I can find it. If not, I'll wear my dark blue InuYasha shirt. It's for the club. Cuz I'm a geek. I have FMA charms on my keyring. I have a plush of Ed Elrich in the back of my car. InuYasha is here, at home with me, guarding the room with his giant katana of doom. I'm not even gonna try to spell it. Well... I'ma go for now. I'll update better later. See ya all around. Later.

Next was Friday. No way. As if you didn't know that Friday came after Th - I'm feeling more like an asshole every minute. Yeah. I've been ruining Muffern's life lately. On Friday we picked up Kristen and went off to Queen St. to fid a Pizza Hut. The three of us didn't find one. We ended up having McDonalds. Ungghh... We went out on the lake after that. It was kinda fun. I got to work my arms? Weee? Muffy and I slept for a while (I dunno whether Kristen slept or not) and then Kayu entered. We got dressed up for RHS and then went off to the show. Kevin started early with the Meatloaf singing and sang different songs. I asked Muff if she had her car keys with her. She didn't. Fuck. Son of a bitch. I locked her keys in her car. Hell. We called AAA with Kayu's card, but that wasn't gonna work. SO we then called Tina and she called a locksmith. Muff and I ended up standing at the car for the first half of the show. Her mom rescheduled the guy to come at 10:30 so we could get back to the show. We watched the second half and then I ran out to the car to wait for hte guy. The girls came out and I asked Muff if she asked Haldan if he had a wire hanger. We came out with one, but it was kinda flimsy. The locksmith arrived in a blue Nissan Sentra. I kinda expected a tow truck and a biker-looking guy. We was mexican and an ass. It took him a while, but he got the door unlocked. Muff had to fork over $100. v_v Dammit. I feel like he ripped her off. So at this point Muffern has 6 bucks in her wallet.

The next day Kristen, Muffy and I went with Muff's father to NYC to see RENT. It was pretty cool. I dunno. I personally think it could have been better. I mean it was fun, still completely emotional and all, I just thought it could have been better. We ate at Sardis while I had a huge migraine (what else is new). We got back at around nine-ish. We then went out to RHS. I think it ended up that her dad gave her money. I did NOT lock the keys this time, not that it mattered. Muff has two spares now. One is here and another is in her wallet. I asked Haldan where he gets his "Shirts." They're kilts. Utility kilts. Ya can find 'em online but they range in price from $150 to over $300. Holy shit. He also said there were one-legged pants at Hot Topic that were pretty comfy, but I know Hot Topic is with the pricyness. Although I have a card for 15% off next purchase. ANyhow, the midnight show was awesome. The Muffin won against the narrator. He ran out of come-backs. HE pulled out all the stops though. He was doin a great job though. Before he lost. There was a lot of AP. IT was cool. I didn't lock the keys in the car. After the show that usher gave Muff a flower, and some random older dude told her to wake up, it's only 2:30 in the morning. Then we met with Halden and Rachel again. I felt honored and pivilaged to have him use my chair those two nights. I'm sure it was better for him too, so that some random guy doesn't go "WTF, mate?" It's been fun. It was raining the entire night. Haldan went into a hugging circle. He hugged me first, then Muff and Kristen and Rachel. I crushed him. *evil laugh* I think it was payback for being spanked and having kicked Muffern in the butt. The drive home was fun. It was raining the whole time. Kinda dangerous. But I had a driving buddy most of the way. It was a red FOrd Focus. From around the end of 384 (not sure exactly when we started our cat and mouse game) until the top of Southington Mountian. I stayed in his tracks the majority of the time, so I was able to keep up with him without problem. We were up til about 4 in the morning.

Today we got up at noon and did stoof. Muffy got in the shower and I grabbed the DS. Today is the bug-off, and I gave Tortimer a Hecules Beatle. 176 mm. Wow. Muff was really ticked at me and I'm mean to everyone in the world and then she caught a birdwing and is beating me now. So she's happier. We're gonna be heading out to the fair soon. So I'ma leave now. I'll update again some time. It's been fun.
Later.

I dunno, I guess the reason I don't update as much in the summer is because not as much happens in the day-to-day. With school there's about seven classes worth of stuff to talk about. *shrugs*

On Tuesday, After finishing my update, I went and waited for Muffin. It got to be 12:25 and I was really worried about her and wondering if she was just sitting there in front of the academy. So I went with Neo to check. She wasn't there. We came back to the house and an academy car pulled up. Stupid Cavaliers. I don't like Chevrolets. But yeah, I'm stupid for worrying yet again. After that we slept until quarter after four. Um, I was sent home for seven and then practiced drifting some more in Gran Turismo 3. I'm gettin pretty good with the 240. I still think I need more practice though. I took the father to work for 11, but he got there at 10:30. That was wierd. I wonder why he went in for 11 and not 10 like normal... Oh well. I stayed up and talked to Muff, who had driven home from the grandparents house. Then I slept until 7:15.

Wednesday I picked up the father from work and drove to Muff's. I fell asleep with her and we got up at around 9:30 and hung out for a while. She showered and then we went over to her doctors office at noonish and they wouldn't be back til one. I had cramps so we went home, I did away with my stomach problems and then ate ramen. We went back out at one and gave the desk lady Muffern's paperwork. After that we went out to Stop & Shop and bought Lunchables, Jones Fufu Berry soda, two Monster Khaos', which is energy + juice (that's what the can says), and other stuff. So we came back, ate lunchables, and then went out on the lake after I killed myself making sure the raft was inflated enough. It was nice and all but the wind and the waves kept pulling us back toward shore. After a while we came back here and did stuff. I know when the parent figures got home we went out to Dickie's house to feed his cat, because he is away in Canadia. We found a Pizza Hut and ate. We felt very fat and couldn't eat too much. The Cinnastix were awesome though. Really good stuff. We had stuffed crust cheese pizza as well. Good stuff, but we couldn't eat very much of it. I dunno why, we didn't eat anything out of the ordinary. It was odd.

We got back and I pooted a lot, and she pooted, and all was horrible until the pooting was overed. Wow. I'm a loser. Um, we did stuff and then she went to bed. I don't even know when she went to bed, just that she did and I was still awake. I was playin AC:WW. I paid off 75,000 of the mortgage and now it's down to 215,000 bells. Almost there. Then I wanted to draw. I said I had an idea I wanted to put down on paper. So I did. I liked it. I like so much, I make it awesome. The pants are insane. *laughs* Oh-kay. Yeah. I wish I could scan it and show you. I guess I could take a pic of it and send it to my email, but I dunno how to do that. That and the picture wouldn't come out that great anyway. That and I don't have the money to waste on that kinda crap.

ANYHOW, it is Tony Ibacuni. I drew him with one wing twice before. One was a kind of torn flap, I dunno how to explain it, it's like a bat's wing kinda. That would be like an evil type of wing for him. Another time I drew him with an angel wing. It looked kinda cool, but I don't think Tony would have an angel wing if he were to gain a wing. So, for this insane drawing I drew him with his devilish wing, got rid of the shirt, gave him a trench coat that is barely hanging on to his shoulders and comes down to a V ending at his lower stomach, held there by two crossed belts going across his waist. The left sleeve has been torn at the bicep, closer to his elbow, and he's wearing a first for my drawings, a three row studded bracelet on the left wrist, and holding a masamune in his left hand. His right sleeve is fully there, and cuffed back at the wrist because it's cool like that(kinda like it's too long) and torn. I parted his hair. Let me repeat that. I parted his hair. You've seen my drawings of him, yes? Three clusters all coming down on the same side? Well, I put the shortest on the right side, outta the way of the way of either eye. There are two strands in the middle, and his biggest cluster stayed on the left. I think the middle got split up between the other two. Yeah. There are cross sraps over his chest to keep the top of the coat on. Um, I didn't do anything to his pants except make the shading on them amazing; that and tucked them into his "shoes", which is to say they are boots. Crazy-ass boots. No cross lace this time. It's sraight-laced, and strapped at the top. There's a belt on each that goes around and is clipped in the front.... THe wole piece is insane for someone who has only drawn once all summer. I drew him once two days ago! That's it! I can't stop looking at it. I can't help but marvel. It's awesome. I wanna frame it so it never gets smudded or wrinkled or destroyed. I want it to last forever. I ened up drawing it with a mechanical pencil and then once it was done I wanted to shade it. I need a normal pencil to color pants, because if you use the side, it comes out with a denim texture to it. So I did that, and being the perfectionist that I am, I went over the dull outline with the regular pencil. It came out a lot darker. I ended up outlining the entire thing again. I'm a nut case. I ended up going to bed at one in the morning.

Muff and I got up at eight to my phone ringing, and laid around for a while. When we finally got up we dragged around. We sat outside for a half hour in wait for that stupid car to pull up. And now she's off driving somewhere. And I'm here typing. I think we might go out on the raft again today, but I dunno. And I'd to mention that it says on the front of her book for the academy "Learn to drive for a professional." Really? *laughs* How does one become a "professional"? Is there a test? I mean, would a person who drives around every day be considered a pro? Whatever. I'm gonna go now, I have a couple things to do before the Muffin love gets back. Later.

Ya know, it says it autosaves the draft every minute or so. I don't know LJ that well, so where the fuck is the draft saved? Whatever. THURSDAY! Again... I had to wake up five in the morning, get the father from the work and drive him to the airport like every other week. Although it was Thursday this time instead of Friday. SO I get on 84 East, then take exit 51 and am on 91 North. I'm listening to Yellowcard, Lights and Sounds. I'm driving along. There's a sign saying exit 40 (this exit takes me to a smaller "highway" where the exits are not numbered and the "highway" ends at the airport) is a mile away. The CD ends. So I take out Dragonforce, Sonic Firestorm and put that in. I put it on the second track so that I have this one song to before I have to turn the car off. I change CDs on the highway. Yeah, I can handle that. I focus back on the highway now and see that exit 42 is coming up. What? What about 40? Shit. Just a sidenote here. These highways like to fuck with me. My exits are always messed up. They're easy numbers to remember, but they're never in order. In this case, 39 and 41 are together. When I come back from the airport, on 84 South, I get off exit 28, right before Southington Mountian. In that case, the exits go 29, 27 and then 28. WTF... Anyway, back to my little story. "Dad." ... "Dad, I think I just missed the exit." So I get off 42, find 91 South, and then get off 40, and it's all good. But wait! There's more! We get upstairs and the place is forkin packed as usual. He has me get in the line for the security, and metal detectors and all that, while he goes and "checks in"/gets his ticket. I'm moving, I'm moving, I'm moving. I'm getting closer and closer and closer. Um, dad? I look over and he's in line still. I'm pretty close. This lady in front of me in line, she calls someone in the check in line, and says something along the lines of "I'm almost at the security gates here and I don't have my ticket yet." Appearantly she's in a similar situation. I wanted to ask her, "You're waiting for someone too?" But I didn't want to die. So I left her alone. I look over at the father again, and he hand gestures that I let people cut in front of me. I guess that lady saw my "Well!?" gesture back and asked me the question I was going to ask her. I answer "Yeah, my dad's in the other line." I let out a little laugh. "We're gonna have to let some people cut us soon." So the two of us are letting people go, and he comes over after a few minutes, and I get to leave. I get back on that "highway" that takes me to 91 South, and I see a Honda Element in my rear view coming up on my right. This is two lane road and I am in the fast lane. When I'm alone on the highway driving to or from the airport I listen to the same CD. *Laughs* Infact, it's starting right now. It's Lostprophets, Start Something. I have the volume pretty high. I sing along loudly. I'm singing We Still Kill The Old Way. I'm feelin pretty good. I'm gonna die before I'm bored. I'm gonna be headin back to my Muffy's house now. This Honda Element is not going to pass me. And I really, really hate it when people pass me on the right side. I don't do it. So this disgusting THING is getting closer, by the time he pulls up beside me I'm flooding the gas and I pull away. I get pretty far ahead and then slow down again because I'm just tryin to have a little fun. I'm laughing and singing the whole time. He goes by, knowing he's defeated and goes off somewhere to die. The rest of the ride home is fine. I get home to my beautiful love and sleep. Later that day we go out to the mall to buy me clothes. I see Muffin's Nicole and tell her. We all meet up (Ashley Wickham comes from nowhere) and we head over to Hot Topic. I found a cool keychain for my keys. FMA! W00t! Yeah... Nic ended up picking out a black shirt and grayish halter top kind of thing. Muff picked out a pair of stocking with a slit of fishnet in the front. Bri paid and it came out to a lot. Because Hot Topic is like that. I tried the stuff on later and the skirt was huge. So my lovely love got some safety pins and I took off the skirt adn took it in. Then it fit perfectly. I'm good like that. A few pictures were taken. That was Thursday. Other stuff happened, but I need to type other stuff before my brain rots completely and my left hand falls off. My left pinky hurts a lot.

Friday was Rocky Horror. David, Tina, Nic, Muff and went to see the Rocky Horror Show in The Little Theatre of Manchester. Riff Raff was being played by Haldan Smith, one of Muffern's old crushes. We got to meet him and his girlfriend after the show. They were both pretty cool. We went outside after that and I was walking away for some reason while Muffy was gettin her hug. Haldan asked very baby like if I needed a hug, go I ran back, jumped and landed right in front of him and we hugged, and he lifted me off the ground and was swinging me kind of, then was humping me - while I was still in the air - and saying my name. Wow. That Friday. Saturday was RHS again, I wore the same outfit, and the ass in the back, appearantly and usher, misused some of my loves call backs. Bastard. I wanted to kick his ass. In drag. It would have been awesome. Anyway, after the show we met up with Haldan and Rachel and Haldan ended up coming over and kissing me. *shrugs* So what. Muffin ends up on the ground dying in laughter. I think she farted or something. No. But seriously, then Haldan walked over to the other side of me and sat down and said "See? That just made her night. I t doesn't take much to make her night." She was still on the floor dying. Yeah. So that was Saturday night. We didn't stay for the midnight show because I was worried about all the drunks on the road at 2:30 in the morning. I don't mind night driving, but that would worry me a little. I dunno what happened Sunday, I think Mastress and I just hung around. Eh. Same for Monday. We didn't do too much. Although, I found these huge bugs that come out at night in Animal Crossing: Wild World for the DS. I had two pocketfulls for the morning and paid off 126,000 bells of the mortgage. Then last night I caught three pocketfulls of madness and rarities and this morning paid off 236,000 bells. Wow. It's a really fun game. If you have a DS you should really consider it. You run around catching things and making friends with the animals in town, and can wear whatever shirts you want. You can even make your own designs, and and can put whatever you want in your house. Because Muffin and I share a game, I have a one of the smaller rooms, and the room has an asian theme to it. I have four different types of bonzai in there, a space station, a ninja hood and samurai wig on the floor, which I left basic. It's just a wood floor. And I have an Imperial wall setup. It's really cool.

What got erased from before is I will try to make this a more daily thing. I'll try. I can't promise, but I can try. I haven't drawn all summer, as we all know, so last night I took out the clip board, put a piece of comp paper on it, turned the board sideways and drew Tony. Nothing too hard. Just to get me back into the groove. Maybe later I'll do something a little bigger. I have this idea in my head that I wanna try out. So, life has been kinda interesting. Oh, on Sunday night, while driving to the airport to get the father, I drove over something on 84 right before gettting onto 91. I dunno what it was, I never saw it. Oh well, the Sonata is fine though. I had the RPMs up at 6 thou the after RHS on Saturday night though. That was kind of an accident. Another thousand and I woulda redlined the car. I'm just tryin to have fun. Gotta have fun in life. I'm gonna go know. Gotta wait for the Muffin to return from the driving lesson. Later!

We got out to teh parking garage after hellos (by the way, the siblings had no idea I was coming, just that someone was coming) and it started thundering. We got in the car as it started to drizzle and then it started to pour. .... Sorry, I have to pause... Bit of a headache. I have to bring the father to the airport tomorrow morning and should be sleeping by now... whatever. Continuing. That was a Monday. On Tuesday we went to Epcot (another surprise for them) and we got fastpasses for Test Track (which the brother loves). The return times were 2:40-3:40, with a surprise fastpass for mission space. We didn't go on that. We did go on Soarin'. That was pretty cool. I won't say anything because I don't wanna ruin it for anyone who hasn't and plans on going on it. That and I'm too lazy to explain it right now. After that we had lunch and went off to see Mexico, China and Morroco. Then we had to be back to go on test track. It was as fun as always. The brother was cool about it. Usually he ruins it by saying, we're not gonna crask or something, but he was screaming the whole time we were outside for the speed test. After we were done we went on a boat and ended up in Germany. We crossed that and something or other and ended up where I wanted to be. Guess. *pause* Yep. Japan. We went into the gift store right away and looked. A lot. I looked around the way I would look around in a video game store. Anyway, I ended up getting myself and Ed doll (from Full Metal Alchemist) and another Inuyasha tee (I got one last time I went). I haven't worn it yet. We watched some huge fish and then there was a drum thing goin on. We left half way through and headed for United Kingdom. We saw The British who looked like and played The Beatles music. We went into a few shops, couldn't find Muffern what she wanted so I bought her an antenna "ball" with mickey ears. It had the british flag on it. Also, I got her two pins, Brit flag, and a wooden love spoon. It's like an old age engagment type thing. I thought she'd like that. I dunno, I think she likes it. I feel like she wanted more than what she got. I didn't feel satisfied giving her those. I dunno... *shrugs* Before going home we stopped and got Dippin' Dots in one of teh many plazas of "Celebration." I had Pink Lemonade. It tasted just like pink lemonade. I was amazed.

So the next day we went out shopping and stuff. We went to Old Navy first to see if they had the shoes my bro has in a larger size. They did, but not large enough for me. I really wanted those shoes. We checked a bunch more stores, nothing. We had lunch at this bakery type place with a Barns and Noble Starbucks feel to it. They had internet access and whatnot. I had a Jones Fufuberry with my lunch. We went to Walmart and got me so me school supplies and some shoes I ended up loving. I actually really wanted these shoes. Then we got me a diecast model car. It's a tuner Nissan Silvia S15. It's pretty cool. I have it with me. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll tell teh father to bring up the Skyline like this one. I still have no idea where my gundams are or where my black binder is. I was sooooo close to finishing typing that damn story. Damn it. Anyway, we got back and slept and I got up at like 6 and read. that was pretty much Wednesday. Thurday we went out to the siblings new skools. His was cool. It was all mobile classrooms because it was a new skool. Hers was beat up and ghetto. Black kids everywhere. No I'm not racist. They're racist for still acting the stereotype. Break the mold people! Anyway, after teh skools I dunno what we did. I know we had more dippin dots, Watermelon for me this time, under satisfactory. I think it was because it was melting. Really fast. I slept more and then it was off to the airport. I had my phone in like a knee pocket and forgot about it. The metal detector went off and I threw it into my bag and went through again and was fine. I'm good with metal detectors. Anyway, I listened to my PSP music the wole way back while reading and had the monitor on the "ixplore" thing. I had some little shit behind me bumping me half of the way back. The people I was inbetween looked back to see who was kicking or whatever. I didn't bother. I ignored. The land was bumpy. I was smiling as soon as I saw Muff. I love her. I was glad to see her and did miss her while down there, but didn't express it because I knew I'd be coming back to her and thought of all the fun stuff we'd done. I was happy to be back where I belonged.

Friday. Muffin and I had to go up to Central for a few reasons. But first I had to fix my drivers licence because the address was wrong. So I delt with that and my mailing address was changed. We went up to Central. Got my books, we both got our Blue Chip ID cards, Muff got her sticker for her car, and I changed my mailing address with them. Saturday everyone went up to Cape Cod. Province Town. Gay people. Gay pride flags everywhere. It was cool. I got a sun burn as a suvinier. I had fun. Muffin had fun too. Except for teh mother thing. It was a fun vacation. It was nice there. We would have gone in the pool if there weren't so many people. But we're back now. I dunno. There wasn't too much to say about that. It was an all right trip. I've gotta stop now anyway. My left wrist and my head are killin me. I'll get back to ya some time. Later.

Sunday I slept at "home" in my shell of a room. I talked to Muff while watching fireworks outside. Kayu was talkin to her and said she needed to talk to us. So Monday morning I got up and went out. I went to the EB by Stop and Shop and Walmart and all those places over there. I applied and the guy, who was really cool, said he'd look it over that day and let me know. Lair. I went over to the mall to apply some more, and got out of the car by the Regal entrance. As soon as I shut the door I wondered where my key was. Dumbass left his key right in the ignition and locked the doors. I called the rents, they bitched, I wen t down to some security guards for the mall, they called a guy because they don't have any slim jims themselves and I would have to pay 60 bucks for it. Fuck. I went back up to the car, sat on the hood and waited. About 10 minutes later a guy comes over and pressurizes the passanger door and puts some wedges in there, and sticks the metal bar in there and unlocks it after a few minutes. I must have looked like an ass because my stupid mom had to call while the guy was there and ask me if it was unlocked. I hate those people who are always on their cells. I must have looked like one of them. I payed the guy $45 and took my spare that was in the trunk and put it in my ass pocket, while keeping the regular key in my front pocket. After calling Muffin I went into the mall and asked around. Hot Topic is always looking for apps, so I applied for like the hundredth time. No one else was, so I left and called Muff again and then picked up Kristen. On the way to Muffy's I asked Kristen what's up, but I don't think she heard me. We got there and Kayu and Muff were on the couch eatting ramen. We shot the arrows, went out to Walsh's for stuff, came back and watched a movie. Then Kayu and Kristen had to go so they did, and Muff and I went out to the video store. We rented the Weather Man with Nicolas Cage because it's a good movie and there's archery in it. Cool stuff. We came back, remembered old times, then Kayu and Kristen got back and we watched movies? I guess. Watched three movies, then it was bed time(3:30). Then back to morning and What I was talking about earlier. Muff was choking me and I was dying and we went out to the Athenian Diner and ate breakfast. After that Kayu and Kristen went home and Muff and I slept till 3. Four hours of sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Woke up and played Phantom Brave and then watched Fireworks. Went out on the lake, came back and watched more fireworks.

After that we watched Robot Chicken ( I want to buy it now because there was an FFVII scene) and then went to bed. Then more of what I already said, I left the house at 10:10 and got there for 10:25 or something, went into the office.... I should probably explain what's going on... Ok. Tetsuo called Sunday night saying he might have a job for me on Saturdays. It's at teh cemetary in Wolcott. Its all lawn work and stuff. He called last night (Tuesday night) saying I could do some work tomorrow(today) because there was going to be a funeral they wanted the place to look nice. OKAY. So I got there, went in the office, met Pete, who's a really nice guy, then Tetsuo and I went off to weed wack. He showed around and stuff and explained all the sections and whatnot and we started working. What we did was I followed him around. He'd cut one side of the stones and I'd clean the other. Pretty cool. We had to stop at 11:25 because the people had arrived and we didn't want to desturb them. We picked it back up after they left and finished up the ancient and old sections. We worked from 10:30 til 1. I gotta remember my hours so when I meet Jim on Saturday I can tell him all the stoof I did. Tetsuo was sayin the pay's under the table, and I should be starting off at $7.50. He makes 8 now. It sounds cool. I get to be paid. Ugh, but you would not believe the pain those weed wackers give your hands. Oh well, it's work so I'm happy. I uh... moved in over here and had green beans an potatoes for lunch... eh... I dunno if I'm gonna have dinner. Or if there even is dinner. It's 6:30. I have a hair appointment tomorrow at 6:30. I hope Debbie can do something about my hair. It's all knotted and horrible and stuff. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow other than that. Who knows. Maybe I'll let you know. But until then... Later.

Muff and I watched some Beavis and Butt-head, then I had to go home. I brought the game home with me. That was a stupid move on my part. All my games are over Muff's. When I got there, n o one else was home. I made a pizza, they got home, I ate, went to bed. That was at 2. I woke up at 4 and got in the shower. I put on boxers, socks, and pants, did my teeth, then my mom insisted I shave, so she gave me that stupid prep-ass Italian type thing. I hate it. I'll have to fix that tomorrow. I dunno whether or not I'm goin over Muffy's yet, but I'll figure that out soon. Ok, um, we got there, I went inside with sis, we found Muffin and I hung wih them. After I pissed off Muff, I had her write on my motarboard. She's the only one who did too. I was NOT worried about my hair because I was having a hat over it. I mean, I intentionally wore my tail lower than normal. Anyway, I asked Yamagata if he had the cd and he did. The LIBERATION TRANSMISSION has arrived! It's awesome. I'm listening to it right now. I think I'll be listening to it for a long time now. It's not even out yet. *laughs* I'll still buy it when it comes out. I like Lostprophets too much to let them lose money like this. It's not nice. Um... So yeah, it was really hot outside. Before we went outside the people in front of us, shut every locker. Every single one must have been shut. If I get fined, I don't give a fuck. I'll complain. I had mine open. I took no part in closing all those lockers.

Yep. It was fuckin hot outside. Very very hot. And I cried. It probably didn't show because I was swaetin so bad. Oh well. I'm glad to finally, offically be out. I'm out. I'm glad it's over. Muff's dad and mom both gave me cards. I opened them later, Tina, David and Una gave me $100, Brian and Janet gave me $50. My aunt Debbie gave me a 20 and two 5s. So I'm up 180 bucks. That and as a graduation gift, I got something completely unexpected. A cell phone. And two $50 cards for it. So I have 100 bucks worth of minutes too. Pretty cool stuff. I put Muff on speed dial 1. So she's right there if I need to call her on the fly. Weeee. We all went out to dinner after a lot of pictures. I drove. We went to the mall and ate at Ruby Tuesdays. I got the Bison Bacon Cheeseburger. I couldn't finish it. It was pretty big. It's 10 to midnight. I'm really tired. I drove us home too. I'm gonna miss everyone. I wanna try to stay in touch as best I can. I wanna try to put everyones number in my phone as soon as possible so I don't forget anyone. I need to know everyone's cell number too. Speaking of cells, Yamagata was calling everyone up during the grad practice today. Pretty funny. Before I go I wanna say a few things. Most recent movies I've seen. Initial D(movie), Garfield, tail of two kitties(Tim Curry), Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift. All were awesome. I love going to see movies. I love seeing new movies. I love hanging with my friends. I don't wanna forget you guys. I will stay in touch. I know I will. Now I will leave you with the Song titles to Liberation Transmission. I'll see ya'll. Later.
1: Everyday Combat (5:11)
2: A Town Called Hypocrisy (3:39)
3: The New Transmission (3:32)
4: Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast) (4:11)
5: Can't Stop, Gotta Date With Hate (3:41)
6: Can't Catch Tomorrow (Good Shoes Won't Save You This Time) (3:35)
7: Everybody's Screaming!!! (4:04)
8: Broken Hearts, Torn Up Letters and the Story of a Lonely Girl (4:04)
9: 4 Am Forever (4:26)
10: For All These Times Son, For All These Times (3:54)
11: Heaven for the Weather, Hell for the Company (4:12)
12: Always All Ways (Apologies, Glances and Messed Up Chances) (4:25)

Ok. Today was wonderful. The end. No. We had a grad practice for periods 1,2, and 3 today. Great. no golf. AGAIN! We've "played" golf once. I don't think we will ever get to again. Dammit. Uh, we got yearbooks and I felt like I wanted to let everyone sign it, but not too many did. Oh well. I guess it shows that I don't really have too many actual friends. I have these people that I know. For Adam M.'s I drew a maze for him that said MAZE BROZ in it and wrote for life after it. We used to draw mazes for each other back in like first grade. Man, I remember this one he made for me that had #ed holes with keys for each hole that you had to go get. It was insane. I'm gonna miss a lot of people. I hope they all keep their names on aim. I can't think of any other way I would be able to communicate with them. I'm gonna be livin over my grandparents house. I think I'll be takin the comp over there, although they'd have to deal with more money on the phone bill and what not. I'd have to only be on at night. Unless they got a second phone line for my room. That would be fucking awesome. It was really nice of Maria to sign mine in psych today. We didn't say much thoughtout the year, but it just shows that she cared enough to ask that I sign hers. Then I swaped with Jaci and wrote my sappy line that I write for everyone. I got mine back and she wished Bri and I luck and hoped we'd make it. I didn't write about Shadow in hers or Jaci in Shadow's. I feel bad. I hope they make it. Man, there is one huge forkin fly in here. I hit it before with my lunchbox, but it didn't wanna die. I'll kill it next time. Period four was spanish and Ms. Devaney didn't expect too much out of us. And I can NOT get comfortable with this keyboard. It's really hurting my hands and left wrist. 5 was Html, w/e, signed Adam's, then lunch and Jiru signed mine, then 6 and english and we took a test on lord of the flies, not too hard. Then Kristen signed mine and then we started Braveheart or however it's spelt. It'd be a good movie if I could hear it. Then 7 and more movie in psych. I didn't pay too much attention to it, and I couldn't hear it. Dammit. I swaped with Maria, Carmen Cruz, Jaci, and Allison. It was productive I guess. Then home, called Regal, Mary Ann is on tomorrow 10 to 6. So I gotta call back tomorrow.

I drove over to Muff's and we slept. Her mom came in at one point sayin my dad was on the phone. God he was loud. And he wouldn't stop talking to give me a minute to speak up. And then Tina hung up the other phone and the asshole thought it was me and hung up. Moron. I hung up and Muff had me call back and explain, then he went on, and when I got a breaf moment to say something I made it short because I knew he would cut me off. He was talkin about my findin a job that whole time. Like I didn't fucking know. Like he was refreshing my memory of some long lost childhood memory. Idiot. Then Muffy warned me of my stupidity again and "let me have it" in a way only Muff could, so to speak(<---double meaning there). Um at one point I was on the bed and I lying correctly on the bed with my hands over my head and I had like two sentences to say and I couldn't say them. I was having trouble forming them. And then they cluttered in my head; it was like a train wreck that kept piling up. And I was all the words in my head piling. All I could really think was "I-" "I'll-" "It's-" and I couldn't move either. And I felt my head start to throb in the left hemisphere, it got really bad. When I was able to move (got that was a horrible malfunction of the brain, my head still hurts on the left side, that's how bad it was, and I didn't have a headache at all up until that very point) I only moved my arms and that was to cover my eyes and hold my head. A few minutes after Muffin came back I broke down. I cried. A lot. Even after I was done, I tried to contain myself and they came back. After all that I left and went over Cait's. I went up the wrong road, knowing I was wrong and then went to her house. I had to make sure I knew I was wrong and my subconsious was right. As usual.

When I got in her dog barked, muck like Larry, so I got down and pet it. It shut up. I stopped petting it, it barked. Damn dogs are all the same to someone they don't know. They know I'm not a threat though, or else they'd be bitin at me and stuff. Denisa and Kayu (w/ Lyssa) (and Corey was there too with his own car) and Allison came by ride of her mother and all got there at the same time, and Cait and I went outside. We ended up deciding to race to Dunky's. It was Corey and Allison, Cait and Denisa, Kayu and Lyssa, And I (alone sadly). I started my car and went to get buckled but the belt wouldn't come down. Cait goes by. I fight some more. Kayu goes by. Finally the thing went done, I got buckled and and put it into drive and took off. It the stop sign Corey went around me to right. Fine let him. After turning the corner I went into true racer form. It was all downhill so you could see to the bottom incase a car comes up or something. I gunned it and passed Corey and got back into the lane. Then I said screw it and gunned it again and flew by Kayu. I was now in second at th estop sign at the bottom of the hill. Stupidly I put my right blinker on (hey I wanted to be a safe driver in some way), but realised that wasn't the turn yet, so I banked left after Cait went. Then I stupidly turned right, after seeing Cait go left. I thought I'd take a shortcut. I was wrong. Kayu followed me and Corey followed Cait. Kayu and I made it to the one on 69. We would have won if it was that Dunky's we were goin to. Appearantly it was the one on Meriden road. So I followed Kayu and we took the back roads and got to the other Dunky's that Denisa works at. Wow did we lose. I should have just followed Cait. Oh well. This is what I get for not having a cell. Cait and I went back to Cait's and I stayed behind Cait, pretty far behind the whole time. I saw her though. I was just stuck behind a pontiac the whole way to boundline. Eh. I didn't wanna do anything stupid around some people I didn't know. I don't know how a random stranger would have acted. We got to Cait's and waited a few minutes, then got started on the review packet. The others got back about ten minutes later and then we worked on our shiite. Lyssa and Corey took off and stuff. We got the packet mostly done except for a few. It's fine. It has to be complete though or Mr. Cormier won't accept it. It was a really productive night. I left at 5 of 9 and got home. I got soda and watched tv then called Muffy and we talked and the mood lightened over time. Then we got off the phone, I ate pizza and went online and Muffern started her essay for co-op and here we are, I'm typing. I could be more indepth and go in circles from here on in.

Now I know. I was very reckless. But I was safe. I made sure as hell I had that damned seatbelt on. It took about *laughing* thirty tugs to get the thing to cooperate. But I was buckled! I wanted to peel out was I refrained knowing that I shouldn't kill the front tires any more. They can't handle all that abuse. I peeled out stealing Hikaru, which I haven't talked about. And I peeled out one time it was raining, after taking Mac home. It was a long peel out too. I should have stopped it short. I'm stupid. Since then I've gotta be a lot more careful with the tires. I HAVE to drive slower when it rains now. I'm worried one of these times I'm gonna be goin around a corner to fast and the fronts will give and I will go straight into something. Ego much? Anyway I hope Muff is feeling better. I just want her to be happy. It is my mission and duty. Because if she isn't happy I'm not happy. And I don't like either of us to be unhappy. I will get a job at Regal. I know it. I've just gotta talk to Mary Ann. And then read those enormous binders I've heard about. That should only take me a few hours to get through. Oh and about the other entry being so short. I said I wouldn't be able to go over there, but I ended up going over anyway, cuz I'm amazing like that. Muffy had a problem at work. It was 10:30 and she was gonna close up and there was one guy so she decided to take him. Basically he was a dick. So she broke down and I went over to make her feel better. Yeah. I'm gonna go now. It's a quarter after twelve and I am tired. Later.

Kidding! Ok, we (Kristen, Nicole, Briana, and I) got there 5 before 6 (a half hour early) and stood outside. Mr. Blair had a breathaliser consealed within a bowtie and had us talk our full names into it. Yeah, I think it was real anyhow. Once we got inside we were one of first to get our couples pictures taken. I think they both came out really well. The first one (Tina's) we did front to front, and the other (my mom's) we did Bri's back to my front. Cool stuff. I had my hair down for that. We had drinks. Lots and lots of drinks. Bri had a lot of Mudslides. I had a lot of Strawberry Daquiries. We got druuuuuunnnk! No we didn't. They were non-alcoholic. They were good though. The salad was good. The Bread was good. I didn't have the pasta because it had sause on it. The filet mignon was great (I ordered medium well, always a safe way to order meat) but I couldn't finish it because I had eaten too much of the other stuff. I had some though. Damn those daquiries! So good. We danced a lot. I don't even care who the king and queen were. To me Bri and I are the queen and king. I don't even remember what our prom song was. It didn't say on the picure cube I got. Which I left over Bri's. Yep. All night. We danced. I went to take a shit at one point, because Bri insisted, so I went into the bathroom and found that to two open stalls were open for good reason. Yeah... I tried flushing the better of the two, but it clogged. And I said fuck it. I was better off not going in there. On a different note, Shadow was extremely dancative all night. It was hilarious. I took a lot of pictures. At one point Hikaru started doin his thing to Billy Jean by Micheal Jackon. He flung his vest off. I was watching from afar. I should have taken pictures.

The D.J. was cool though. He had three Lostprophets songs, Last Train Home, Wake Up(Make a move), and uh... I don't remember the other one. *goes and looks at the back of the Start Something album and comes back* Wow. It's called I Don't Know. If he had Last Summer I would have requested it. If we were to request hard rock I would have requested We Are Godzilla, You Are Japan. Not that he would have had it. And he didn't even have Last Train Home. He hadn't gotten a request for Lostprophets in like 2 years, so he slowly got rid of the other songs. Yamagata and I requested Make a Move. Good song. There was a Slipknot song after it I think, to which a lot of people started "moshing" to. The D.J. turned down the music for a second and said to cut it out after Mrs. Theis got up and sorta flipped out. The music went back up and everyone on the floor was kinda awestruck for the rest of the song. Almost no one danced. It was wierd. I knew not to get involved. It wasn't really worth it. That and it was Corey and Chris' idea. I don't too much like Corey. Kayu looked nice, as un-usual. She had purple nail polish. Wierd. Didn't even really match anything. But as for Bri, she didn't so much like that it was fushia. Once the lights dimmed it was red. After that she hated the bead things on it and whatever else was cutting up her arms. That and she had that bridal dress trail thing goin on. She hated the dress. I don't see why she would go out of her way to do something she didn't originally want to do. She wanted her blask and white and she went with what her mom offered. I loked it, but I wasn't the one wearing it. Nicoles was really simple. I caught it on a hanger in the hotel room. It wasn't anything too formal or flashy. But I guess that's Nicole. Out of the ordinary. I don't know what she wore for shoes. I wonder if she wore her destroyed converse and the other skate shoe? I dunno. Kristen looked nice too. Hers was kinda simple too. For the very last song we got into a big circle on the floor of all the kids left. There were no more than 30 of us. I personally would have stayed in our little circle but they went into it so I figured I'd just go with them. It was kinda lame. After that Corey decided he wanted as many picture cubes as he could take. Stupid head.

We got out to the limo and the driver was cool. I played with the buttons in the back. And the radio. It was cool. We got to the Grand Hotel and walked all the way to the room and I took my stupid crap. Then Bri and I got in the shower. Kristen and Nicole knocked a lot then left. Once we got out they were back and we made punch, played a little cards then Bri went to sleep. I watched Cowboy Bebop. Funny stuff. I went to sleep as well. I woke up to this wierd detective show or something and it had Mr. T in it. Wierd. I fell back asleep (the tv was soooo loud) and woke up right before 8. I was about to look at the clock to see what time it was and then the alarm went off. It was 8. WE were all awake, But Bri was cranky and went back to sleep. Yeah. It ended up Bri and I on the bed (with room for Kristen, who said she'd sleep on the floor), Nicole got the couch with a fuzzy blanket(which could have been pulled out into a bed) and Kristen slept in the chair with her head on one of our three pillows from the bed on the table. She slept on the forkin table. She's nuts. Um... We got up at 10 (I had lost my train of thought because I just went back and put this into paragraphs) and packed and headed down the back. Tina met us at the elevator. She checked us out of the hotel and we went back to Bri's house. I then took Neo and we (the girls and I) went out to the Athenian Diner for breakfast. They all had chocolate chip pancakes and I had french toast. Yummy. I think you get like three pancakes with the order. They agreed afterwards that if they were to go there again they would only order one order of the pancakes because they can only realy eat one pancake a piece. It was funny it some sort of way. I know this is really random but it just came to mind. Yamagata and I were gonna request Sway, and we asked Ryota for some reason or something. He said he liked Sway. Ryota. Likes a Lostprophets song. Not only that. A slow one. Crazy. And I'm sorry I use nicknames for some of them, but its just how I do things. I think from here on in I'll go back to callin Bri Muffin or Muffy or Ana or something. I change it up as I see fit. It's my journal. I'll do what I want. I wanna call WCCC and request Lostprophets but I don't know the number. Yeah, so we listened to 5 songs in there and then we went back to Muff's house. We watched Ah Real Monsters, some of Ren and Stimpy and then Muff turned on the GCN and we played Harvest Moon mini games. I kinda wish I got to fish. It would have given me a chance to say "Fizy Fizy Fizy" and such. I wanna play the fishing game now. Oh well. Photograph is a stupid song. I really hope it's not our grad song. It's dumb. It doesn't fit. Go look up the words if you want. Sure some of it fits, but still. Yeah. I'm listening to CCC right now. We then watched Wondershowzen. The first one. I think that would be my favorite. Nicole and Kristen didn't seem to like it. I know Kristen didn't like it. She said so. Nicole left before it finished so we didn't get her opinion. She may have liked it. Then Kristen left and then Bri and I slept. Then I went home. I'm surious to know what Muffin would look like with her hair staightened. I wonder how long my hair would be if it was staight. I'm a pretty top contender for longest hair right now. In pretty much the whole skool. I dunno though. Although mine does go pretty far down. It's almost all the way down my back. I love my hair. But I love my Muffy more. A lot more. I need a job. I'm not gonna get on this again... I need to sleep. LATER.

Second period was gym. I heard there would be soccor or basketball after choosing, but there was only b-ball. So I played. It was fun. I love getting agressive and whatnot. But I chose golf for the next activity so I wanna try to have fun with that. I'll see what I can do. We had to jog too, which killed considering my legs were already in pain from carrying that 23 lbs of change in my backpack. My legs are still sore now, but at least my wallet is happy. More later. Gym was cool. It was Jiru and I against Gelineau, Ryota and R1K. We got whooped but it was still a fun time.

Precalc period 3. Did I mention I hate math? The other stuff I understood but now this new shit I can't get at all. I wish Bri would do her homework. It would keep her grade up and it maybe she would understand this stuff so I can learn it. Oh well. I love her anyway. I need to not need math in the future. I don't use serious math like that in real life. When am I gonna need to know the limit of something as it aproaches infinity? I don't care! And the physics? I don't need to know what kind of light is produced from a certian defraction grating or whatever... I don't CARE!

Period 4 spanish. Everyone is pissing off Ms. Devaney and I can't stand it anymore. She's a great teacher and doesn't need this crap from everyone. We can never get anything done because everyone is always talking. Shut up!

Period 5. Web design. I was the only one to present my stupid project today. Then I wrote an article because I forgot to hand one in Friday. She gave us a new project to do today. It's another company we have to come up with in partners (there's no one for me to partner up with, they're all morons). I don't want to. It's not worth it. I already did a company. Two companies in fact. I did Tony's deli and pizzaria and Sony Computer Entertainment Products. It's stupid. I can't do any more.

Lunch was ok. English we did the project again. Kristen and I handled the poster. It's small but that's because i burned the edges and wrinkled it. The group in the other corner had Shadow, R1K, Dick Kono, and Al Green. Real mature group. They drew a penis for an island. Assholes. I can't stand how immature everyone is acting. Bri has to help keep me sane so I don't go on a killing spree. I will depopulate the world of this immaturity. We got the Lord of the Flies books today. Craig gave Kristen a crap one so I traded with her. I had to put a number in there because there wasn't one, so I put.... you guessed it 317KFC. Kristen asked why 317 and I said "Because it's my number!" Yeah, I'm awesome.

Seven was Psych. It was fun. Ryota and I made it so our 3 people were all connected in some way. If I get back I'll have to post it or something. Tyler was in our group but he does nothing. He said he had an idea, but all he did was look over a few times to see what I was writing. Whatever. I hope Tyler fails at life.

After skool Love and I went to Stop and Shop. I can't say what happened in the lot but "Woops!" It nothing serious luckily. Other than that, we went in with the 23 lbs in my hands and got $118 out of the coinstar. Sure they take away a small percentage of every dollar, but its freakin change that's going to end up not doing anything anyway, so whatever. I would have gotten $130 if it wasn't for the coinstar. But who cares. It's money. It is midnight. I went from flat broke to up 118 bucks and two sore upper legs. Weeeee. Wish I could spend it, but I need that money. For PS3! ... I'm kidding. We got back to Muffin's and started to watch Metropolis, but she fell alseep. So I stopped and rewound it and then we went to sleep. It was like 4 at the time. I woke up at 7 and tried to wake her up because I thought she wanted to go to KFC. But I guess not. She was cranky and I was expecting it and she got pissed off cuz I woke her up and she didn't want KFC so she ran out of the room to cool down. She came back in and we appologized and then we had ramen and I had to go home. And I am here now. I is tired and have a bad headache. I have $118. I thought $50 max. a full $130! from coins! Awesome. adn we're just gonna keep on savin our change. I love you Muffin! Later.

I need a muffin. Badly.

I don't want Kazu to be here right now, but he is. It's the weather. Although it makes me happy. I love this weather. So much. I must sound like I have multiple personality disorder. I need to grow up. And stop wearing my kiddy clothes. I just don't care what my clothes say. I wear them so I'll havea shirt on my back. I don't care what it is or says, as long as it fits. It could say something like "I'm the slut" I don't really care. I just don't want Bri wasting her money on me. Sunday I need to wash my sheets. They are disgusting. Monday I'll do a load of darks, then Tuesday I'll do all my lights. God I'm boring. Bri must literally want to kill me by now. I must get so annoying. God I hate me. "God is in the rain." I think God is trying to drown me then. I'm in need of a change. A change of outlook. A change of pace. A change of style. It must seem like all I care about is sex. It's not true. Not by a longshot. I've gotta do something good for our anniversary. I'll figure somehting out. I just need a way to do it without spending any money. Because I have no money. I have 2 bucks in my pocket right now. That is it. I wish I had a job. I'd like to have been working years ago. I know a few people who were working under the counter at fifteen and here I am, still without a job.

I need a change. Later.

So yeah, Job... I stopped by Bri's afterward and T and D said I should call back right away to clear it up. I knew for a fack that as soon as Ruby was done with me she was leaving and I knew Tonya wouldn't be there much longer. But I tried anyway. Twice. No one. Oh well. I'll get a job, I just don't know when. And I didn't realise at the time that I did have a date I couldn't go in to work, until Bri pointed it out today. Prom. Duh. Well, if and when I get the second interview, I'll bring that up. But yeah. I saw Greg's car when I got there, but I think he left soon afterward because I didn't see him while taking the tour and his car was gone when I left.

Driving kicks ass. You just have to restrict yourself when no one is around, because it's really tempting to floor it. But I know that if I go too fast around a corner I'm gonna lose traction in my back tires and go into a drift. Now, if you go into a drift, what do you do? Don't ask Josh Mitchel. He took his Dodge Stealth-an FF (it diserved it, damn 3000GT rip)- around a corner too fast in and went into a drift. He tried to countersteer and ended up totaling the car. FYI-my car's an FF as well. FF stands for Front engine, Front wheel drive. This means the back end of the car does nothing. Except the brakes. But thats about it. Anyway, back to my question, what do you do? Stop the forkin car, moron! Don't slam the breaks cuz the car is gonna wanna keepa goin. Along with wear down the tire. ... ... ... I need a life.

Well, I have lunch soon which I'm not really looking forward to, and then english which I'm not looking forward to. I'm gonna get my jacket and run the headphone through it so I can drown out the assholes in the class so I can get my reading done. One last rant! Go, Ifrit, Go! Ok, the idiots complain that they have jobs and don't have the time to get the reading done, and yet they are given class time to do it and instead talk the whole time. The next day they come in and complain they slaved over the book the night before, or just didn't do it. And then continue to talk. Morons. They need to shut it. And if they don't today I'm gonna say something. They better take the long period to actually get the reading done. I'd like to ask if I can sit in the hall and get my reading done or if I can go somewhere. I don't want to hear their crap. ... Oh great. Dave and Rob are saying right now that it's "awesome" and "sick" that they are going to talk all period. Go shoot yourself in the foot, then maybe you can talk about it.

I'm gonna go now so I can jar up some pissed off-ness and complain with Shadow about how stupid they all are. I hate knowing our generation is so damn screwed up. I don't want to be stereotyped in with them. I would never. Later.

I'm tired of the bullshit. The ass came home yesterday and bitched at me. Like he's the only one with a stressful day and like I care. Stop bitching and get shit done. once I have a job it's gonna end up being I get home from skool and have to go staight to work. Until like nine. And I know Bri's talked about this. I don't understand how he be pissed. He doesn't come home from work and go back out to another job.

The ass also accused me of joyriding. I wanna put him in the car and slam it into a house. Then he can say I was joyriding. He was aslo complaining of the shit job I did spackling the hole I made from a door handle. Hey. I could have not even bothered to do anything about it. And if he didn't get me that pissed the hole would have never happened. You can say, well, you shouldn't have gotten pissed, Ifrit. Well to combat that I say he shouldn't have taken the car away in the first place. They accused me of joyriding because I went to the mall to buy a movie. Something I've been waiting years to purchase. And he told me not to take it over the weekend. He told me that on Friday morning. I had just filled the tank the night before and he's gonna take it and run the gas out of it. That ass. The ass also said that coming here with Bri to go to her house is joyriding. Every time I took the car it was to try to find a job. I told them that I went to IGA and McBrides along with the mall. How do they know I didn't look for a job while I there? AND, I had an app for Hot Topic in the back seat, but that's gone now. Agh, I wanna take a brick to his truck, take my key and just leave. That ass pisses me off so damn much.

I'm gonna go before I throw something out the window. Later.

I don't know if this is going to happen today but I think I'm going to have to go everywhere I can to apply to every place I can. While taking the survey today I realized I play video games too much. Although, I don't think it's really a problem, because I only really play when I'm in the mood or have a new game I really want to play through and beat. What was that survey on, anyway? Addictions? It asked about hair growth and puberty at one point and I don't really understand what they needed it for... It seemed stupid. And I don't work out to lose weight, I work out to work out. I like the idea of having a little muscle mass so I don't look like a skinny freak. I want to be able to hold my own if I ever get into a fight. I know someone's gonna havea problem with the way I am one day, so I'm gonna be ready. Wow. I don't think I've paragraphed this at all. Not that you'll know because I'm about to do it. *goes and does so. I think I split it pretty well. Although I could go cahnge it back to one big para and you'd never know I split it, or where, or why. *undoes the tag* There. Or was I lying? Did I ever break the para? Maybe I didn't do anything to it at all. Or did I? *puts the tag back in* Well well. NOW was I lying about undoing the break? OR was I lying the entire time and just put the tag in now? You will never know! *insert devilishly evil laugh here* Yeais! You will never know! Unless you ask me about it. Then I'll tell you. You should ask. Because then I'll be able to tell you read this entry. That would mean that you've been on this site! Awesome! Please! All come and see the lying Duo/Ifrit person and all his wierdness! God is that guy wierd. I hate him. He's a loser. He should be shot while falling out of a tall building and land on a sword. Yeah. Then he should combust. And explode. And then crap everywhere. Yeah. If you see him, kick him or something for me, will ya? Then he'll complain, and I'll hear his complaints and also know you've been to this page! I am an independent user. I made my own journal. It's not a blog. It's a basic page with horizontal breaks and p tags and bold tags and what not. No need to pay anyone money, or have any sponsers or any junk mail. Cool. I really go off topic a lot. Oh! It was hilarious! After math today I looked at the display case glass and thought for a moment I saw Squall. I had to do a double take and found out it was me. Also today I'm gonna seriously try to change the hitpic so that the page loads faster and I'll have it flush with the page so that it blends in. It'll be awesome. I need to change the pic in the about me page as well. I should put a pic in here too. I think I will. Right now. Weee. Now I just have to update this page so that I can fix the tag and then the moving pic will appear! Yay!

I have mood changes. I want to work at Hot Topic. Badly. Really badly. I would love to work either there or an EB. Gamer dudes are awesome, and really friendly. That would be cool. I would be a cool gamer dude too. That would kick. With my leftsteel-toe boot. I'm gonna go now. Later!

This weekend we saw V for Vendetta again. Great movie. Awesome movie. Go see it right now. *long pause* Fine. Go see it later. April vaca is coming up soon. On Saturday we went to that bookstore I can't spell. I want to buy manga. I want to be able to buy it anyway. There's one more GetBackers I have to buy thats out. 13. It said 14 was the last of the saga, so I think it's going to end soon. Its kind of depressing. But Hellsing on the other hand hasn't come out with another book yet, so no worries there. Um... Other stuff... Yeah... Kingdom Hearts should be coming out with 3 soon if it's not out already, and those are normally only $5.99 or something. I think its based in Atlantica this time. I'm not too sure. Trigun Max goes up to 8 or 9 now, but I've got 7 and they're really quick reads because it's more action than words. I love the art though. I love looking through the books just focusing on the art. It inspires me and at the same time depresses me. I want to be able to draw like that. It's amazing artwork and its surprising that it's mass-produced and only costs about 10 bucks to buy a pretty good reference book on body positions and what looks good and attire and whatnot. And hell, you can read the story in it too! I want to paint things. I want to be able to paint walls with my characters and have it come out awesome. I want real detail on hair highlights and wrinkles and shading and color variance and- *head explodes* ... Yeah...

I want to be bale to do what they do. I'm still developing so there is hope for me yet. Oh about April Vaca. Um... My parents are going to Florida from Wednesday to Tuesday. The house is going to be vacant. I wish I could stay there while they are on their vacation. I wish Bri would stay there with me. We would have no parents to bother us. No autority figure to tell us what to do. No one bothering us to go to a store or go out and get a job, no one to piss us off and tell us to leave the room, get some air, go out on the lake. And it would be a good way to get used to what the future will be like when we have the apartment and no ones around. I don't know if Bri sees that, or if she has other plans on her mind. I mean, sure, Kayu can drive us back and forth from Bri's to my house to feed Rosie and the birds and the fish. But it's such a great house and the sun is always shining in every room and its a bright, warm home, with plenty of land to run around and play on. I can't believe they're selling it. I feel like crying. I'm so close to it too. Right here in class. I just can't imagine other people living in it. That house was built on that foundation for us. That was our raised ranch and they're getting rid of it for a stupid ass state that constantly has hot weather and hurricanes that are getting worse every year. What are they thinking? Sure, it's a good place to go for a vacation. A few days of nice weather and no bills, but to live there? And what about the iguanas that can come in the house and other such animal and weather problems? I've been living in that house since I was 5. A lot has gone on in that house. A lot. And it's all going to go away. There's nothing I can do.

I don't know what's going to happen over April vacation. I'll just live life one day at a time and see what happens. Later.

And my dad is freakin wierd too. He has my Uber Mix on his laptop (the Uber Mix is a complation cd that Tetsuo made for me a while back. It has like 138 tracks on it, and one of them is a comedy central presents) from my sister wanting songs on her iPod and he wanted to puta few songs on his psp (ya fit very many songs on a 32MB stick)and one of them was the Duckjob track. Why the hell would you want to listen to that? It's obnoxious and stupid and perverted and wrong. WHY!? Whatever. I wonder if hes ever actually listened to them. Then again he probably has because he knew a few lyrics to Blink 182-I miss you, which was wierd. He's a fruit. He really is. 8:43. Yep, I'm done with all the class work we've had to do, so I'm doing html work on here. Which is why I'm asking that you give me some advice on whether or not I should put the site into frames. In fact, on Monday I'll start working on it, and see how it looks. I mean, I'll let you guys decide whether it actually happens or not, but I'll start to work on it so that it's ready for like next month or something. I'll see what happens.

I still need a job. And I still want a collar. The want has returned. We ARE going to the mall tonight to see V for Vedetta again, so maybe I'll have some money left over to buy either Kingdom Hearts 3(manga) or a collar from the pet shop. Did you know that Hot Topic does NOT sell collars? They used to, for animals and people, but they don't anymore. I think the pet shop might have taken them. They do have black studded collars, although I don't want a studded collar. I want a plain black leather collar. maybe I could give it to Rosie to wear for a while so that it forms right and then wear it around. I'll let ya know how that turns out. 8:52. Hmmm. I was gonna say something. Well, I did have my hair braided yesterday. It only goes like half way down my back. It's gotta go past my ass. I Needs to. I'm gonna pull off Duo Maxwell's hairstyle. I'll just need to fix the front of my hair then. It'll be kick-ass. And can you believe I couldn't remember if it was Thursday or Firday this morning? I had no idea what day it was! Seriously! I'm losing my mind. I'm gonna go before I forget who I am or how to type... It's already happening! Noooo! Later!

Bri and I went to see V For Vendetta a while back. Not too long ago though. It was a great movie. Awe inspiring in fact. Yeah, I'm gonna be up all night... Oh well... Anyway, if you haven't seen V you're an idiot, plain and simple. Either that or you have a life. I still need a fucking job. Turns out the McBride's thing was a big ruse that got my hopes up and then crushed them. Oh fucking well. I've gotta keep trying. I NEED a job soon. I'm going to be in an appartment for a few months over the summer and I'm gonna be fucked because I have nothing. At this rate I'm gonna be living on the street. The dryer buzzed, I'll be back in a little, keep yourself busy in the mean time.

Now that I'm back I must say that I am a horrible typist... And artist. But that's what college is for! If I ever end up going that is... I'm only getting like 1500 each semester the first year. And my parents want me to go to a college in Florida. Fuck that. And and art college under Disney is NOT in Florida. wrong side of the U.S. That would be California. Yep. At least, so I've heard. I don't know what I'm going to do. Bri's mom keeps saying they're both going off to CCSU full time. I don't even know if I'm going to get housing there. Nothing is ever completely positive in my life. It makes me just want to drive a stake through my chest. Or maybe my head. To stop the constant aching. Yeah, I kinda hate my body. I'm just gonna leave it at that. God, I'm depressed. I swear if I didn't have to deal with skool all the time I'd be fine. I really should have taken today off. I don't even fucking care about skool anymore. It's just a stupid obligation at this point. And I hate it. Every second of it. Every day I think I come extremely close to the edge, I think to myself, "One more thing and I'm gonna snap, and, heh heh, I am NOT going down alone." I swear, if I don't stay out one day soon I'm just gonna explode. Everywhere. On everything. I was thinking, "How stupid do you have to be to pull the damn fire alarm?" Duh! You moron! I would have pulled it too. The person's bored, they need an outlet, they need a break from the normal routine. I understand now... and I also came to the realization that I have to go in the rest of this week. I almost broke down in tears because I can't take a day off... I can never take a day off... Although Good Friday is coming up. And then I have to be home for easter, and the tu-well... I don't HAVE to be home that day, I'll just tell them to come pick me up from Bri's or something. My physical is a Tuesday in April vacation. Fun...

My damn family is so unsupportive. I mean, sure they don't dislike the idea of my going to college, but are they going to help with the payments at all? Fuck no! And my mom, again, that bitch. I put Bri down as my roommate option just incase, because, you never know, and that bitch saw it and said, "The dorms are co-ed?" I don't remember what I said, something like I dunno, or I guess, but she goes, "And what happens when you break up?" You fucking inconsiderate whore. I'll send her a wedding invitation, but it's not gonna have a date or place on it. The slut. She said, "You now your father and I broke up a week before our wedding?" So what? Your the dumb fuck for staying with him. Ya see where your relationship is now you fuck? Wow... Appropriate song in the background here. Home - Three Days Grace even though Tetsuo put in on the CD as This house is not a home - Papa Roach. I don't doubt him, its just I not it as the first from the sampler UMD with my PSP. Anyway... And the fucking Dick in the other corner. I can't drive the car until I have the money to pay for the insurance. The problem with this is that it looks a lot more presentable to drive up to the interview or even when you're just applying. It looks a lot better than just walking in from biking the whole way and working upa a serious sweat, ya fucking bastard. If he let me use the car until I had the steady job, I'd pay the insurance. Fucking assholes think it's ok to experiment on me because I'm the first born. Fuck that. I'm so tempted to take an aluminum bat to their cars, slash their tires, and cut up their beds, just show them how insane I've become because of them. Another fitting song. This one I KNOW is from Papa Roach. Getting Away With Murder. I am insane you know. I really am. I can still think logically... <.< ... >.> If I really felt like it.

*Is now breaking down* *laughs, as Last Resort starts playing* Oh boy. Tetsuo, thanks again for the CD. Back to my breaking down.... I can't do this anymore. I can't keep bottling everything up like this. I'm going to be home tomorrow afternoon. I just thought I'd throw that in there. I was thinking about doing something with my hair. It should be fun. I'm a lost cause. I'd end it if I could. But I strive on, like the rest of them. Wow. Another song. Never Enough by Papa Roach. You guys should look up the lyrics for these songs that I'm listing. It's like, a requirement. I mean it. Go look up these songs. I'm gonna stop now before I go any futher. I love you, my true friends. Don't go on me. I need you guys to keep me sane and alive. Scars is playing now. *snickering* *sighs* I'm pathetic. Later.

Well, my family is going to be moving.

The end.

I'nm kidding. But yeah, they are moving. To Florida. They're stupids. I'm staying here so I can get an eduacation at CCSU. Although, it would be cool to college in Orlando and learn drawing and animation there. But whatever. they've been packing. Um, so now that I've set you up, I came back Sunday, and they had done some packing and cleaning over the weekend. In my room. They got rid of my Skylines, and half my Gundams. What the fuck. I went insane. I wanted the bit of mess in my room. I liked knowing where all my shit was. I went so insane I put another small indent(not a true hole) in the wall that my dad fixed as soon as my mom caught sight of it, and I took a nutcracker that had been on my night stand(the one thing I hate Nick 's shit being on) and slammed it into the wood floor to calm my insanity. Side note! : The only real way I can calm down if I get really infuriated it to break something. The other not-so-affective way for me to calm down is to just pack it all away somewhere, just sit there and try to let it go. It doesn't work because it's being put somewhere and it's going to build up and be used later. Smashing something is my outlet just because it puts my anger into an object and it disapates and just isn't in me any more. So yeah, I had a mental breakdown and that bitch of a mother called me a pussy repeatedly and told me to get out, and said (not a direct quote)"You like it over Briana's? Then go live there. All you do is fuck her all the time anyway." And you wonder why I always fight with my parents and way this family doesn't work for me.That's all it really is is bitching and calling me names and that shit. God I hate them. I wish they would just le- ... oh. heh heh heh... Yeah... And even before Sunday night, Friday eve into night Bri and I had worked up a rp idea. I feel that's all it's been with us lately is fighting. But me made up and everything was better. And then she took the day off Tuesday, which only bothered me because she's the only link I have that shows there's someone that isn't a fucktarded dumass like the rest of the world. And a few of my friends are realising now too that people are stupid. God I hate people. So much. I can name so many of the assholes. And Mrs. Craig! Oh my fucking god. She wants us to get Macbeth done but lets tell the class what we just went over by stoping the tape in the middle of a serious conversation, and then ruin the plot by telling what's going to happen to them next. I don't fucking care! Just play the fucking tape! I understand what's going on. Most of the class does! Just give a synopsis at the end of each scene or something! AGH! You fat bitch! And ok, we finally finished Macbeth today and she wants us to remember a quote from Macbeth and I really don't want to. But I have to because the bitch made the fucking thing a big test grade. WTF. I mean really. And she asked at the beginning of class today if anyone had their essay to hand in. Their fucking ESSAY! That was due on Friday! Monday ok, but today!?Omg.. I'm off to gym now.

Here I go some more.

I'm really tired of the other boys' team. I really am. They piss me off to no end. Steve, Dave, Joe x 2, "T Buzz" and Adam. They cheat sooooo fucking bad and our team says nothing. We just fight them off. We do our best to the extreme we can against them. I think we may have cheated once when they called us on it and I snapped. "Shut the fuck up! You guys cheat so bad and we say nothing about it, and yet it's not ok for us?!" AGH! I swear... I need a day off or to beat the living hell out of them (literally too) so that I get this anger out. Something needs to happen. Maybe I'll play really dirty next time. Start dropkicking them in the balls or something. I know Dave's got a bad leg now, and he's only got two of them, so I'll pick one, beat the shit out of it, and figure out if its the bad one or not, if not I'll just go for the other one. W/e. I swear. Steve was at our goal next to Gelineau and grabbed the ball and tossed it in the goal. Fuck you Steve. Joe Ro pushed Rik's scooter away from him and Jarron had his pushed away twice. I want them to fall off in front of me so I can grab theirs and fling the fucking thing. Have fun with that bitches. And I wanna take the ball and throw it down the other side of the court too. ... .... I really wish we had normal soccer. I love normal soccer. I hate this.

On the upside I may just land a job at McBrides although I'm not gonna get my hopes up. I know what happens when I get my hopes up. They get utterly destroyed. I don't want that to happen again. I won't let it. *sits there drumming out to the duette in One Winged Angel* *heart is racing now*Other things totally unrelated: Bri rented "10 things I hate about you" and we watched that together. You know. I wanna say this here and now. I happen to like musicals (we watched The Music Man over the weekend) and plays and romance movies and the like. I happen to like that sort of stuff. I'm sure you have an opinion, if you're smart enough to even know what one is, but I don't really wanna hear it. I don't really care. Other stuff; Bri made a quiz for me to do to spice up our relationship a little. Cool. I'll get that done soon and then make one up myself for her to do. Interesting stuff. It's a way to learn more about each other without the embarrassment of asking it start out. But after 9 months you would think we weren't embarrassed with each other... Yeah...

Also, Bri wore red lipstick today which I think only adds to her beauty,but it also meant to me that I don't want you trying to kiss me all day because I'm worried about teachers and other people caring what we do. Fuck other people! I saw Jimmy Croft humping some "chick" in the main stairwell while waiting to slowly make their way down the stairs the other day. Did I do anything about it? Nope. I'm too pissed off him from 8th grade to do anything. Because IF I were to do anything, it would be to beat him the fuck up. "Rat Tail Boy." Dickwad. Ant Spagnoletti is gettin like that too, I heard is faggity ass "Oh, I have a pony tail." Oh, I'm super conformist cuz I have the same queer hairstyle as every other guy in my group. It shows I have a small dick. Weee personality problems. Everyone has problems. I do too. So what. It's not about your problems. It's about how you act through your problems. I havea pretty good outlet. This. I don't care if it's on the internet. It's gotta be said. Why not tell the whole world while I'm at it? I can't wait. Three more months. Just THREE fucking more. Then I don't have to deal with those assholes ever again. Lauren Silva's going to central. That's a huge fucking laugh. She's gonna be slaughtered by the system. I would like to see it happen, but her stupidity is almost painful to my mind. I wouldn't be able to watch. It's still pretty funny. She didn't even know what "content" meant. How fuckinbg moronic do you have to be!? And when Mrs. Craig had just gone over it! And "rouse"! It was multiple choice and that was in the answer of one of them "to rouse his anger." Well, I wonder, put in context of what was happening, Macduff should have gotten angry with Macbeth for killing Macduff's wife, children and servents! I wonder what rouse means...

Whatever. I'll get to ya some other time. I need to cool off. Thank you my true friends for understanding the pain I go through that you too deal with. I love you guys. You're all great brothers -and sisters- to me. I couldn't ask for a more caring and understanding family. I love you as well Briana. My wonderful wife. I'll let ya all know how I'm doing. Later.

I dunno, the day started off ok, Bri felt insanely tiny first period, and then I bought her a cake the size of a cup(can you believe they make those? Me neither! But they do! Those things are friggen small!) and gave her other assorted things. But when we got to her house she had a huge amount of stuff to give me. A hamster that sings and dances, a box of those round chocolate things that taste really good, a card of much love, a proposal ring pop, a box of Good & Plenty, and a CAKE! Kristen helped make it, but still, it was a damn good cake, and sex (woohoo!) I ran off to Walshs while she "napped" and ogt her flowers and herseys kisses, then to the pharmacy to get a good card(Walshs sucks on Valentines... ANYTHING! God they were soooo festive. And I heard Chris recommended Mitch for deli. R1|< told me, along with the fact that they hired TWO people. I'm never going to get a fucking job. I NEED to get hired. I wonder who needs the help. I go anywhere at this point. Anywhere within reason. Anyway I got back to the house and arranged the flowers, and wrote her a note on teh card. By the time I was done, her mom and David got home and I tried to wake Bri up before her mom got into the room and started being obnoxious. She got her to wake up before I could softly, although Bri was being cranky... Oh well, she thanked me for the stuff and we took pictures and went out to Home Town Buffet and I ate little and Bri at plenty and we got back home and had more crazy ass sex! and then later she was horny and it made me horny and she orgasmed and then she swallowed and it was fun and stuff and here I am now, typing this. Wow. I had stuff on my mind, but I don't remember it now. I bought a quill pen w/ ink and a small drawing pad. And the other day I bought Anime Insider magazine cuz I felt like it. Whatever. I'ma go now. WEEEEEEEEEEEeee. That was short-lived. Later!

I started Internet Research and Web page design, or as I like to call it html class. I just remembered I have an article to do in that class for tomorrow and I should probably get that done. I know I'm being completely random and with literally no emotion, but I know this is going to be a short entry, and I'm just putting down facts right now. Today before gym class started I ground (or as I so call it: "grinded") the bottom rail of the locker room stairs. Of corse it's hard to grind a railing when the other set of stairs are right in front of you, so naturally I fell becwards at the bottom after my feet flew off the rail and landed on my right hand. I think the rail was just too fast or something. Whatever. I should finish typing the story soon and put it on the site. I have some drawings to scan and put up too. And hey, I wouldn't mind some fanart or fanfics from peoples. I miss that kind of stuff. I'd like to see what you guys think of my characters. Let me know! AGHHH! I'm gonna explode! My PSP is still broken and isn't going to fix itself. I dunno what I'm going to do with it. I guess once the warrenty is void I'll buy a new screen for it and replace the broken one with a working one and be careful not to break the UMD drive in the process. I've heard it's really easy to fuck up the drive beyond repair.

Valentine's day is coming up too. Along with going to see RENT and RENT coming out on DVD and the 4 day weekend as well. And I better get my new Lostprophets CD tomorrow, damn it. Chris better have had some free time on his hands to do that for me, because Gelineau's CD didn't work on my comp. It wouldn't read the damn thing. I have a migraine and must go now to sleep the rest of teh night away. Oh yeah, I woke up at 6:33 this morning and left the house at 6:40. Somehow I managed to look presentable for the day. I rock. Later!

I got the new Yellow Card cd the other day, thank you Bri for paying for that for me. It's ok, like the songs are alright, but they still have that emo side to them. I mean, it doesn't bother me too much, but if you're as sensative as I am, and you really pay close attention to the lyrics you might cry in a couple of the songs. Changing subjects, I'm close with the story guys! Stay interested! I promise it WILL get down. It's just last time I went to type it was a section I hadn't writen down and needed to expand, so I did that. But when I had started typing the writen story again the page freaked out and closed. I was pissed cuz that work on the comp that I hadn't previously written down. So I'm a little reluctant to type again. I'll have to write it out first I guess... I'm kinda tired. I'm getting fat. I need to play DDR more regularly. I mean, I still weigh my megar 135 but it pisses me off that I've got stomach fat. I want to get rid of it. I probably need to do more crunches and stuff. I should ask Jiru. He's a buff buff. Wow I'm a loser... ...... No seriously, I am. Okay, tell me I'm not a loser after I tell you that I took one of my "wife beater" undershirts and tore the left sleeve off and tied it under my right arm so that it's not just my left nipple sticking out, it's my whole left side. I'm a loser. The only reason I tore it was because it was already torn, so i figured I'd finish the job. I wonder if the two hour study is going to be enough to watch Advent Children? I guess we'll find out, huh?

Yeah, I know, this one is short too, but I had to say that I have this huge urge ta.... ta.... make something. I should draw more... Although it'll just make me wanna make an anime more. Oh well... I should just write more stories with the Duos and other various people I decide to create. I do have a bunch of people I could use. I dunno. I'm gonna go before I bore you to death, If I haven't done that already. If so, you probably won't be found dead for a while considering you're sitting at your comp. That sucks for you. I AM OFF! LATER!

I've tried calling Sony again the other day and they're still gone. I'm gonna get my damn PSP fixed. And my mom got me PoPoLoCrois for my birthday too. You'd think my being 18 and all, they'd get me something serious to help me out in life, and they go out and get me something that's going to take time away from my life. Not that I can play anyways, but whatever. My Birthday party was the 8th and Tetsuo is turning into more and more of an ass than ever before. What the fuck. He smacked Bri in the face with a snow ball when we went outside, and caught me in the side with one, although I'm not one to react badly to pain because I've brought up to deal with it and shrug it off. And then Shadow chased me around the back right before going in to knock me down, which he did, and as getting up, Tetsuo, ever the ass, desided to hit me in the face with a snowball. Well, it was more of an ice mass, but whatever.

Yep. Wish I knew what the hell to put in here, but whatever. I'll call it a day for the moment. Later

In case you were wondering, Bri got me an airhorn for christmas. It is useful for waking people up and stuff. Also from Bri I got a tee that says "What wouldn't Jesus do?" with a picture of him- (I'm sorry religous types, him. Yeah, I DID'NT capitalize it)- handgliding and being all cheery about it, yay. I also got 3 volumes of Invader Zim on dvd, which include stoof never shown on tv but some of which the Tetsuo own on his comp, and a boooooook called Survivor. It's by some dude and the book's upstairs and I'm don't wanna get it. Oh yeah. The comp is down here now, really gay and includes the wonderful option of no privacy ! WOOGOO! Yeah, that's correct, woogoo, not to be confused with woohoo. Two totally different things. Yeah. Sooner or later I'll get an airsoft classic 9mm pistol to shoot unsuspecting fools who diserve to be shot, but not actually injured... tooo much... From Tetsuo I gots me a manga of Samurai Champloo. There's a transvestite in it. I can't win. There will always be a trany or it will turn into a musical. It's going to plague me for the rest of my life. At least, that's what I want to think... heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh... For christmas from the family I got lotsa geans and lotsa manga and a few games, one of which I can not play cuz it's for the PSP. Obviously DDR was one of them. I need to get into shape. It's hilarious, once in a while while the song is loading the announcer guy says "Let's die!" instead of the old let's dance. I find that wonderful. Kayu got me a doll of DUO EARTH! that she made HERSELF! except for the jeans that her mom sewed with a machine. But it's pretty freackin awesome to get a doll of your own creation from you're head, which is now where the Duos reside. You can learn more about it in my profile. She got me a black shirt that says "I'm Ninja (you can't see me)" It kicks. The books I got were 8-12 of GetBackers, 5-7 of Trigun Max and 7 of HellSing. Wow. Lots of reading material. And I have that Halo book to read that I got from Jiru. Wow. I'm never gonna be able to stop reading.

There is a lot of snow. The sister and I were out shoveling before and there was a hell of a lot of snow. It was freakin heavy! Yeah, I guess I never talked about Spamalot or TSO? or did I? I haven't the slightest. Yeah, Bri and I saw them. TSO was NOT in New York.

Yep... I'm on the comp. I only got Bri a few things for christmas... a dvd and a cd and a little cama sutra that I probably can't spell, but yeah, I wanna get her crazy taxi for the ps2, cuz surprisingly, she liked that game and it's kind of a racer. Yet she doesn't like normal racers. Whatever. Not worth arguing over. I'm having her (Mia) do the lesson mode so she can learn the correct way to play DDR. She keeps moving her feet back to the center of the mat (beginners mistake). I mean, there isn't much wrong with it, it just makes moving around the arrows harder to do, it slows down gameplay and makes you lose. It's wierd that there's a beginner selection in this one. I'm not used to beginner. Not that I need it, but it wasn't there with MAX. WEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeeeEeEEEeEEeee... and stuff. Bri's mom got me a denim jacket. It has these awesome inside pockets that hide anything within reason. It's cooool. She's starting t get better. I've just gotta keep telling her the center is not a button. .... tryin to teach her the left down right down left down and all that jazz. She is gettin better though. She just needs practice and training and whatnot. Might take a while. For a beginner she's all right. And I've lost all ability to type.

I'm gonna do stuff or something now. yeah. I might tpye more later. I dunno if I'm gonna rid of this paragraph though. We shall find out later then! I'll be seein ya! Later!

Um, I'm back and I guess I didn't mention TSO or Spam. Yeah, they were fun and stuff. With Spam it was in NY and we all wehnt by train and David decided to try a different station this time and we almost missed the show and Bri was pissed, but as usual, I was calm and reserved and mello. I wonder if thats a bad trait to have. I am SOOOO laid back it's almost kinda funny. Maybe. But it was in NY and the streets were very crouded and people in NY are snoooobE. I hate shovy people that are rude. Bastards. It's so easy to lose party members on those streets. And TSO was at teh Civic center in this state of smelly and doom pigs. There was an awesome light show and a long-ass drum solo and it kicked. It was fun and loud and I'm gonna go deaf when I'm 22. That's only four years from now. Weeee!

This just IN! A NEW SEGMENT to the journal! One time only deal! Bri is taking a 5000 q survey and one of the q's was "Why wait?" and I feel I should answer it (differently from her probably) on my own. Now.... Why wait? Because.... .................... ....... It builds suspense, and... I have no idea what to type. Anyway. Back to other news. Stoof is happening and .... party Sunday! I have to tell everyone I can, I wrote down a lot of people. I have to ask a few I forgot to ask. I hope Kayu remembers... I told her and she said she has church and I'm surprised she still goes... although she is... religious... right? Um... I hope I don't get an anurism... I'm gonna stop thinknig about it now! Wow, I really have no idea what to type. I know Bri was off in Long Island for a few days over the break and it really tore at us. Me mentally but I didn't let it show. Bri was crying a lot and nervous and stuff. But she came back and I bought teriaki for lunch for us the other day so it's coo. I think. I should stop writing these. People would be mad though. Making people mad isn't cool. *suddenly laughs a lot* People who say "chilax" got it from Rugrats: All grown up. *laughs some more* Morons. I'ma end this chapter now. Later!

Fuck. Christmas is really coming up fast. I hope I get to buy shit for people this year. I hope I have the money to. I went on a huge rant. Oh well. It's a journal. I'm allowed. I make the journal, I make the rules, which I can change whenever the hell I feel like. I'm gonna have hard time playing bad minton again. My wrist is still fucked up. I have no idea what teh hell I did to it for it to be so messed up like this. and I did something stupid today in physics. I had the backpack strap over my left shoulder, holding with my left hand, and for some reason I felt the need to put my right arm in the right strap. So I did. As I was putting it in my arm became too long and I bent my wrist. TOO FAR! Ow. I was talking with Kayu at the time, but she turned her head and didn't get to my reaction to the pain. It freakin hurt. And since I'm on the topic of Kayu, the other day in physics we went into the lecture hall to finish up the experiments(I think it was Monday...) we were starting with experiment 5, which was in the back right corner of the room. We put our stuff down and she plopped herself down on the concrete and fell over backwards onto my pack. I looked at and instantly thought "I hope nothing important broke in there..." Sure enough, I go to play my PSP in study next period and the screen is fucked over. More money I don't have being spent to fix something I don't need and shouldn't even have. I'm an ass for taking out of my pocket that morning even after I told myself that it was probably a bad idea to put in my backpack. Ha. Like I listen to myself. Ever. Moron. It's gonna suck to get UMD's for christmas and not be able to play them, but I'm going to wait until after the my party to get it fixed so that I know I'll have the money too, and I don't waste my christmas money, that should be spent on others, on myself. I try not to be selfish. Not that I truthfully matter to most of my friends these days. They only really talk to me to poke fun. And when they aren't they completely forget about me. You know, maybe I was the quietest in the skool in freshman year, but I made a name for myself. I became more popular in my group of friends over the years, and last year was probably my highest point. Now I'm just cast aside. The only people I can truly call my friends are Bri, Jiru, Tetsuo, and Kayu. Rik and Josh are kinda close, but I dunno anymore. I feel bad for Rik because he's quieter than I am. When he does speak up he has to tell a joke so that they recognize him. This group of friends I have have really high standards. I've almost dropped out of the loop and I'm sort of hanging on. I don't know whether or not to let go. And why the hell does everyone have to be so perverted? I can understand once in a while, but seriously guys, grow up! No joke, I make them laugh with my burping. I've gotta stop. I'm so above it yet I want the attention.

I keep knowing what I want to say, a serious topic, then I keep forgeting and go off and rant for a while. I love you, Briana. I have no doubts or regrets in my decisions. We've just gotta get though the tough times. I promise to try my hardest to not stress you out as much as I have been lately. We're going to Spamalot in NY this weekend. Yep, back to NY. I think Bri's excited and hoping to see Tim Curry again. It doesn't matter whether I actually go up to him or not to meet him, I'll be content with just seeing him on the stage, doing his thing. It'll be cool. And then next weekend we're back in NY to the TSO show. I'll let you know how it goes. That should be cool too. Thanks again Tetsuo for makin this huge ass CD for me. It's cool. What's not cool is that Chuck STILL has my Advent Children DVD and I wanted it back. If we don't have skool tomorrow I'm gonna be pissed. I would like to watch it again. Oh well. Kayu also has my soundtrack of FF7-AC, but she can take her time with that, she hasn't gotten it to work yet. I told her to try a DVD player, maybe that will work. I dunno what to tell her. The DVD player we have here plays mp3 cds just fine. There's a huge possiblity of there being no skool tomorrow. There was a possiblity of that on Tuesday as well, and I got up Tuesday morning, checked all the weather channels, found nothing, and then checked out at the street and saw why. It was a dusting. This system's going to be different though. So I've heard. I've also heard the superintendent might plan on having the trucks plow every half hour and we'll have a swell day at skool. I don't know what to believe. I do know that these freakin paragraphs are huge. AH! I was rejected from joining "Calculated Symptoms." Thank you Dave Velletta. I hope I see you at Walshes and you say you're your dumbass line "Hey Tone," like you care. Fuck you Dave. I wasn't planning on joining your gay ass band anyway. I'm sorry Tetsuo, but the name was just mauled. It's pretty lame. But then again what would I know about bands or music or talent, considering I'm not in a band. Like I write my own lyrics or draw or anything. Bri's opened my eyes though. God, she's a genius. And if I could learn to spell I could fully appriciate her in here. I love her and that's that. That and Jiru is gonna film. Whatever.

I don't know whether to sleep or wait, cold, and hungry to see what's for dinner. Like anyone cares what the hell I think. I'll just do whatever and not read Ranma1/2 and wait til tomorrow so I have some reading material to keep me busy during the day. I still have to read Wolf's Rain 1 and 2 and GetBackers 6 and 7. I think I'm gonna give Jiru a list of the series I have and tell him to buy me things not on the list because I've already to my mom to continue the series I already have. Maybe I can buy him something he doesn't have or something. We'll find out whenever. I'm off. Later.

Case One: The blood drive. That was on Monday, the 21st. I was all excited and worried about it at the same time. I jumped around hyper in fear of losing enough blood to start passing out like a mofo and be so weak I couldn't take care of myself. Had study first and kept myself working so that I could use the most of the energy I had doing so cool stuff because I figured later I would be do anything. In English I presented my shield or Coat of Arms and then the four of us (Monty, Josh, Rik, and I, who are all in the same English class), went down to the aux gym. We sat there and read over some stupid papers that meant nothing to us and then each got seperatly called over to these makeshift booths. I had to answer at least 30 questions in rapid fire, a lot of them starting with "Have you ever had sexual contact with..." and every time I freaked out and then he finished the question and I felt safer knowing that I didn't have to worry about them. Then he pricked my finger after putting this crazy plastic thermometer in my mouth. The prick hurt because I did as the guy instructed and took a deep breath that I didn't need to take. The mark is still there. then we were brought to these makeshift beds and we gave blood. The whole time the needle was in there I could feel it and it kind of hurt to have my blood sucked out of my arm. It doesn't hurt so much to bleed as it does to give blood. It was only pint. I thought it'd be more. I also know that I'm a quick healer so I'd have my blood back soon and the hole would be fine and I'd be all right. So later in the day in gym I was up and about playing full force badminton. Which to this day is still my favorite outdoors, running around activity. So yeah, I came out fine.

CASE TWO!: RENT. This was Wednesday. We had a half day of skool and I went home to Bri's. We watched the majority of Akira before her mom got home and we went off to see Rent at teh Holiday place. But first! We picked up Kristen. We got in and watched previews that went on for almost ever. Then Rent played. It's all about paying rent and AIDS and HIV and how it affects their lives and whatnot. I know of four accounts where I actually cried. It was such a moving and amazing movie. Everything was perfect. It was awesome. And I DEMAND that whoever is reading this to see it if you haven't yet. It's truly breath-taking to see a movie with morals these days. Crash was great and all but Rent just defies words. You can't just say it is or isn't. It's so well done, and the storyline! It escapes all words. I can't explain. You'll HAVE to see it to seriously understand what I'm desperatly trying to tell you.

case three: the victory dance. That was Friday night. Persionally I thought it sucked. And I knew this after realising who was actually going and my typing is fucking horrible tonight. But that could be because I don't have great lighting on the keyboard and I have to strain my eyes to focus on it. That and my fingers have word patterns that they go into and I'll type different words entirely or I'll hit the w when really I'm trying for the e. Or I'll hit like four of the keys when I want only one. But anyhow! Realising who was going and understanding that the fourty bucks was non-refundable and that Bri's mom had bought my ticket and that I had to go so that she would be upset with my spending all of her money. Which I am doing and I'm seriously trying to refrain from. Our table sucked and the buffet sucked and the dance floor sucked and everything and everyone sucked and it doesn't matter now because its over now.

Case Four: Long Island, New York. The ride to and from stunk because David had a stupid accent the whole time. I hate when people in general try too hard to act funny. I do it sometimes too. And I know from experience that it sucks. You people have to stop trying so damn hard! If it's really funny we'll really laugh! Trust us! Just don't trust my spelling. The hotel was really cool. It was all inside and cool, or ... warm. I had no jacket all weekend because I had gone over Bri's in my suit and had forgotten about my jackets of warmth. I think this diet pepsi is going right through me. Kinda painful. We went over Bri's aunt Nancy's and uncle Rob's house for a while and stuff. When we got back to the hotel, the Mariott(sp?), we went down to the pool/hot tub area. I felt uncomfortable wearing shorts with my hairylegs and all, but whatever. We had fun. In the jacuzzi/hot tub thing I bumped my shin on one of the stairs. Bad enough so that it still hurts now and still looks all bloody. Bri got worried about my bodily fluids being in the waters but I told her it was all right. I'm sure what they don't want in the pool and hot tub is sperm, but blood I can understand if the person were to have AIDS. But I already covered that. Or did I!? Okay, I found it. Yep... Um... In the hot tub I messed around a little Bri and she did the same with me. We went back to the pool then back to the room. In the room we hopped in the shower and messed around more, then hit the bed. We ordered dinner and watched Wedding Crashers It was an ok movie. Nothing too great. By the time the movie was done it was exactly midnight and we changed into our bed clothes and got comfy. We were horny and had sex again, Bri on top this time. She hadn't been in a while and I figured she would want to considering there were no bars and a comfortable bed under her instead of a rug. Then we were out and I woke up a lot after 6. But I'm pretty sure it was because I was worried about breakfast and all that. After our cold and crappy breakfast we got in the shower again and cleaned up and messed around a little. Then we got everything together and left. Once downstairs Tina reminded us that we forgot Bri's dress and I ran back up and got it. Good thing she told us sooner rather than later because we still had the keys to the room. would have sucked to be on the road and reminded. We got home and slept from 1 to 4 and then listened to Rent and (everything is Rent XP) And there was dinner (kind of) and fun and then I had to go home and my shin still hurts and looks bloody and is raised and we have gym tomorrow because it will be a day one. I will talk and type again when I can get around to it. Until that time. Later!

Freakin skool. I hate it, but I like badminton. I don't like that the lights on the ceiling are so bright that when you're trying to keep your eye on the birdie the damn thing blends with the light and your eyes start to burn and you go blind. It's not cool. I'm sure it's not like that for the pros. And Mrs. Brown is being really bitchy. I'm glad she'll be leaving for a while. Besides yelling at Bri to actually do the crap that we're doing(she usually walks the gym or whatever), she's been yellin at us as well. We were plyin singles in badminton and she came over(wanting everyone to constantly be active, which I hope someone passes out from being overactive due to her) and wanted us all to be playing, even though I can't stand having partners who suck, because the bird gets on our side of the net and someone like say Gelineau can't hit the freakin thing when it goes over his shoulders. And the same crap goes for Todd. Damn it. I actually liked having Jarron on my side because he didn't suck. But on the other side were two sucky players, so it didn't get very far. One on one with Jarron is a lot better though because we seriously put a fight against me. It's cool. Yet not cool at the same time. Stupid ass Mrs. Brown.

But yeah, Todd was saying at lunch today that Tetsuo is a horrible driver, and I, as his best friend kinda, know that this opinion is bull. It's not that he's horrible or truly reckless, he just likes to have a good time while driving. I understand he likes to mess around, and as long as he isn't truthfully reckless about it, it doesn' t bother me all that much. Josh was saying at lunch that Rik drives too slow. I wonder how they would rate my driving. Would my driving be good enough for them? Or would there be moments of time where I would just scare the hell out of them? Or would I be too slow? I don't care. Whatever. I need a job. And I'm stupid for not calling McBrides. I need a job, but at the same time I don't want to lose my free time of doing nothing all day. Well, DDR and sex aren't nothing. It's a workout! Life is... not cool. Yet cool at the same time. Yet again I must say... Whatever. I know these are short entries, but I'm gonna go now, even though I haven't said much... Later.

I think I know why I'm ot drawing as much. It mostly has to deal with skool and all the homework I get piled on me. In skool I'm kept very busy and can't just sit there all class drawing while the teacher is giving a lesson. I have to actually pay close attention and take a hell of a lot of notes so that I don't die come test day. I WANT TO DRAW MORE!!! #>_< AGH! I plan to have a career in art and I have to draw! It's for the good of my future! My FUTURE! Damn it. And stop telling me to get a fucking job! I will! Both parents! My father and Tina both say that you have to be patient and it takes time and then they turn around and yell at you to get a job right now! Make up your fucking mind! God! (I'm just ranting now...) I'll get a fucking job when the assholes decide to finally call back and let me know they may just want me! I hope I work at Toys R Us so that once the holidays are over I can get laid off and my parents can bitch at me some more. I', really pissed off for more reasons too. I applied at McBrides and the day of my interview, as leaving I saw Rik applying to the same place. McBrides doesn't call me back, they hire him! WHAT THE FUCK! And I've had an app in at Walshes (holy fuck this place!) and I kept going back asking them to look into hiring me, and every time "We aren't hiring right now." MY ass! John Bayona quit the day before I went in to ask Pat (the big guy in charge) if he'll hire me and said that stupid fucking line to me. Bastard. THEN he goes and lets Dave Veletta (another bastard) be hired! So now every time I go to Walshes I've gotta hear that fuck go, "Hey, Tone." AGH! You have no right to call me Tone! NONE! And I see Pat too. Even before actually meeting Pat I met Mr. Walsh, who is an old man who I thought ran the place. Tina talked to him for me and he said to go to Pat. Pat is a fuck. I wish I knew harsher words, but whatever.

Back in seventh grade I wanted to join a band. My first opening was to be a drummer in Gonz's band. I was hoping to get a set fr christmas that year. Sean beat me to punch and got one before christmas from an uncle or whatever. So I was shot down. Gonz told me I should be a bass player. So I ran around wanting a bass. We went to Canada that summer for a cousins wedding and my cousin Tony gave me his guitar. It wasn't a bass, it was an electric regular literally old guitar. The thing is two years younger than me. So I messed around with it for a while, constantly needing new strings (thanks Tetsuo) because its an old guitar. I got the idea to make my own band with Tetsuo on guitar (I was gona play bass at the time) and dave Veletta on drums. I would also sing. The bands name was gonna be Oblivious. I had a few songs and was wandering around, asking for a bass. My parents are assholes for never buying me one. So that summer came and went and I had a regular electric. We needed a bassist. We had heard that Chris Del had a bass and so wanted to recruit him. So we had a band and a name. But we never actually practiced together. And every time Brett and I would hang out, Brett would teach me for about three minutes then go off and play shit I had never even heard before for about an hour, and I had accomplished nothing. Closer to present day Veletta, Tetsuo and I had gathered at Tetsuo's and practiced a little. I got maybe an hour in. An hour of nothing really. There was an open mic night that night and they wanted me to go with them. I said I didn't have enough time practicing and bailed. Fuck them. They're all assholes anyway. Now they've they're own little band together with Chris Del, Tetsuo and Veletta and some other smuch probably and they changed the band name and I was kicked out and yatta yatta yatta. They needa singer whose voice can go all over the place. Fuck them. I'm a great singer but its not worth so shitty band that I'm not even a part of any more to bother singing my throat out for them.

So the moral to my story is that everyone hates me and are all out to get me. Accept Sachiko. She's the only one who actually cares enough about me to give a damn. She says she's buying me a bass. I don't need one although I would like owning one. I don't see the point of having it anyway because it would only mean I get shot down for aonther band and have verses of my lerics chopped off and pasted onto other songs. Fuck it. I mean, I would love a bass, no question. I'm just gonna open myself wide to the first person that comes up to me asking to join their band. I guess what I'm really trying to say is Happy Be-lated Birthday Kayu. I'm glad you made it to seventeen. Later all who care.

OK people of the mass- ... ... ... or the small amount of friends who seem to take interest in my journal, even though it being a journal I should be referring to it as such instead of an open rant towards people. But yeah... anyway that category is labeled "Romeo and Juliet" not "Best Couple" although either way you slice it, it’s gonna get cut and Bri and I will still come out victorious regardless of some stupid survey. But really, Josh and Jaci? WTF!? This is crap, I even asked around how they say they met and I got that Josh just kinda asked her out. WOW guys! Real intricate... NOT! And what about A.J. and Ali? I'm sure A.J. was just like, "Hi, I wanna bang you." and she went "Ok." Not that I have anything against them, but whatever. The thing with Bri and I being like Romeo and Juliet is Romeo had just gotten over being dumped (my being constantly let down by Pharen) and Juliet was being let down by the thought that all guys are dicks (Bri's tragedy of going out with two homos who were only in it for the sex). Bri was staring at me all skool year wondering how I act and admiring how I was. Finally Romeo and Juliet go to a ball (junior prom),eyes meet, dance, love blossoms and we see each other more and more until I break up with Pharen (it was hard on me). So now it's June first and there's a role change. I become Juliet and Bri becomes Romeo, although we are still IC. I await on the balcony for her to come and take me away from this retchid place. I start actually living over there and become part of their family. As for the being banished I think there is going to be another role change very, very soon where in I tell Josh I only want peace and he comes fight me and we get suspended from skool. But then I will sneak off to skool to be with my beloved and we can be marry again. Just... no death or dying or anything.

Now, about the case of Mike Doty. The dick and gossip queen of our grade. He tells us that we've only been going out like 2 months and that all we do is make out. FUCKER! What the hell does he know? Bri and I know for a fact that we never tongue in skool and still think that when seeing others do it in the hallways its disgusting. We know our boundaries and don't do that stuff. We peck on the lips, but that's it. And the two months? It'll be five come November first you dick! Sex isn't everything. And I don't see how sex is so frowned upon by the populous. It brings the couple together even more! You can't have sex if you aren't commited to each other. Although it's not ONLY about the sex. You have to have a deep emotional attachment to the other person, or else you aren't getting anywhere.

And about Kayu. I love you. I still love you very deeply and I don't want to hurt you any more. I'm really sorry for what I've been thinking and saying about you. I can act like an idiot some times. I was just letting my jealously overrun my true feelings for you. And Congrats on getting best female artist in our class. Because I know for a fact that you're gonna win hands down. But as for me, I've got too much competition; what with Alex Green and Jayson Williams and Dan McQue I just don't know how it's gonna turn out. And what about you Brett? I know Kayu is faithful to Bri and my relationship, but you!? Supposedly my other best friend and you say "I've got your back, Man" over and over and yet come Romeo and Juliet time you get told by Jaci, not even Josh, but Jaci and you change your opinion!? What the hell's goin on? Do I have like two actual friends now? One being Jarron and the other being Kayu? What the hell is happening? Well, ya know what, I say fuck friends if this is how it's going to be. It's absurd to think this shows our true side. Caitlin is still talking about me behind my back, Ashley has joined in the fun of poking fun at us and how she hates us and yet when she's around us she acts all friendly and shit. And then Holly chimes in as well 'cuz she thinks she's better than Bri at acting even though Holly is a serious over-actor(not a good thing, mind you) and she should jump off the table while shooting herself in the head and falling on a sword(thank you Bento, you were fun to hang out with in A+). But yeah. Oh well.

As soon as I got home (Bri came over) I took the pathetic looking buster sword that was in the garage, walked around back and whacked the wooden shit against a boulder three times. I would have continued to beat it against that rock, but the handle snapped off so I chucked it to the blade. The day wore on and I went down to give my "mom" my shedule of classes with a highlighted map of where they were. She then bitches at me to get my shit outta the drier so she could do her shit. I turn on the drier and go upstairs. The ulti-fucker gets home and bitches at me to stop drying my stuff cuz it wastes electricity and to turn off the light in my room. Fucker. I'm not going into any more detail now cuz I'm too pissed off to deal with it. I need another stick to beat against a boulder to calm me down. Later.

Also, there was a little DDR in Ross' room where me amor y yo sat on the floor near the door. Now, some parents came and stood in the door way. Some guy decided Bri wasn't there and stepped on her hand. Also there was a lot of kicking and bumping into her. so I moved her and had her sit infront of me so that she wouldn't get hit anymore. I then leaned my head forward and spoke softly in her ear that I was sorry and whatnot, trying to help keep her from a breakdown. As this was happening I heard behind me from those same bastards that they were looking at us and conversing with eachother about how we were kissing. I can understand that its hard to see a persons face through their hair, but this was bull. They pulled Tetsuo aside and told him of their findings and wanted us to not kiss in front of the kids. Like it even fucking mattered. What, these parents don't go home and kiss in front of their kids? They have a problem with love? fuckers. Tetsuo hovered over me until I looked back at him, knowing he was there hovering over us, and he told me not to kiss my wife in front of the kids. I pleaded my case that I wasn't kissing her and was really close to tears at the thought of having to stop showing compassion towards the one I love. Seeing the error of his ways, he pulled me into the hall and wanted to know what was going on, so I did, while slowly starting to cry. He gave me a look that said, "God, this isn't right." and told me he wanted Bri and I to have a good time and didn't want to see us, especially myself in that condition. But yeah, the rest of the night was ok other than that. Aside from what Nicole's been saying. I can't stand relationships that don't work out. Wayne and Alyssa broke it off(I don't even wanna know what happened), Hicks and Gelineau are just as close as they come(with her thinking he's the ugliest guy ever and hating facial hair and all), Josh and Jaci don't look like the happiest couple, and Tetsuo and Nicole are having issues. The worst of these though is that Kayu, my great sis and best friend, is being used by Corey, and she's too hopelessly in "love" to see it. She's had many a talk with Bri and it's never anything great. You guys think I don't know squat, but I try my hardest to stay as well informed as possible.

The only ones I can see holding on to their relationship throughout life is Briana and I. Sex does play an important role in relationships. It shows commitment, compassion, understanding, a huge bond, a kind of closeness you can't get from just hugs and kisses. Guys take sex the wrong way. No joke. They just see it as a form of pleasure. As a sort of of trophy, and they're wrong. They don't see the true meaning of lust. What it really means, and I'm not about to stand... sit here and rant about it. Speaking of couples and whatnot a bunch of us went to see Corpse Bride Friday night. I pined to see Advent Children previewness and ended up probably missing it. I just want to see what it would be like on a giant screen. It was a good movie nonetheless. I still need to go to the bathroom. It's creeping back.

I'll leave you with this. Guys, if ya pick a girl to go out with, you need to treat her with respect, and love, no matter what. If something's wrong between the two of ya, then talk it out, stop playing the macho card. It doesn't work. You've got to love each other for who the other is, it's not all about looks. Sure everyone wants a girl with a nice rack and an ass to match, but you're asking for a ditz who doesn't understand anything. So what if Briana has CP? She's still the most wonderful person I know, whether or not she has a little trouble walking. I love you with all of my being Briana. Good night to all. Later!

First off, incase you were wondering, and even if you weren't, yes, Briana and I have had sex. We're up to eleven times now, and it's just utterly amazing how perfect we are for each other. I couldn't picture myself with anyone else now. Not even Pharen can compare. I know for a fact I made the correct choice. I'm happier than ever and so is Bri. It's not just the sex; the sex is only a small plus the both of us have. We're extrememly close friends on top of it. When you've found a person you can spend every waking and non-waking moment with and have a wonderfully good time and NOT get sick of them at all, even if you spend two weeks time together without a second away from one-another, you know they're perfect. I mean, sure spending time with the guys in the gang is great and all, maybe having a double sleep over or whatever is cool and all, but you get tired of being in their presance, ya know? I can spend countless days with her and not get bored, we can watch movies, talk, hang out... just anything and not be sick of the other person being there. It's great and I must say Kaz has been on vacation having the time of his like sitting in the dark recesses of the back corners of mind for a very long while now and only makes appearances when I'm sitting here at "home" bored out of my skull with nothing to do, waiting eagerly for someone to call or somewhere to, just so I can get the hell out of this jail cell. Even if it's only a ride down to Yankee Video, as long as I'm away from my "parents" and "siblings" long enough to have a small amount of a good time and maybe get to see a friend along the way. Lets backtrack a little here for a moment.

I'm guessing it was Tuesday (I have a horrible memory, mind you) that Kayu was down at Yankee Video and desided, hell, I'll ride out and hang out with her for a while, Because I understand she gets bored sitting there all day long with the smallest bit of human interaction. I left between noon and one and headed down there, crossing Church Drive and then down Clan (taking backroads to avoid heavy traffic on Beach and 69 ) and figured I'd stop at Tetsuo's and see if he felt like doing anything with me that day because he had been wanting to get together for a while now. So I stopped and he was there and I got to drink (exaughsted[sp?]) and he came with me to see Kayu. We hung out for a while, and talked and whatnot, and Tetsuo played some San Andres on the ps2 that was there. After the hike back to my "house" he and I played DDR. A lot. I had gotten an A on Max300 already that morning (a huge feat) and he had when we played together. We had finally gotten an A on Max300 on Light mode. So proud. Big accomplishment. I had felt like I could take on any challege that morning after that. But when Tetsuo came over, our legs were shot from hiking up to the house. Damn the bastards for picking a house on the top of a hill in the middle of nowhere in Wolcott. I felt like my legs would shatter from the shear weight of myself. I was doing of the suck again. Oh well. We were on the comp a while and then played a little Battle Hunter and then the "father" fucker got home in the pissy mood he's always in and told the Tetsuo he had to leave. Scared, he did. Then the bastard told me that I had to finish cutting the grass... oh yeah... It was Thursday that all this happened because I had to cut the grass on Wednesday, and did it in half the time it would normally take to get that done. Anyways, he complained, which I knew he would break and do sooner or later. That's the reason why I never cut the grass; I always get bitched at for doing a fuck-assed job. Sorry I'm swearing a lot, I'm hyper and angered right now, but I'll get to that later. There's a huge list for that. So yeah, because he did that, I'm not going to cut the grass next wednesday and they'll complain again, and I'll argue my case and tell them to go die or something. That'll be fun.

Back to Wednesday. Briana had gone to Oswego State college on Sunday for a two week session for her theatre and acting skills and whatnot and had found it too hot and hard and too much and not what she expected it to be and too much work for her and too much stress and constant work phyiscally and mentally. She had to walk fifteen minutes to each class, where class would begin immediately and then there was breakfast lunch and dinner which there were constant classes afterwords and they said first day that you would have to eat to keep your energy up to get through the day, which they would have to skip, along with enough sleep, to get the massive amount of homework done that they were given throughout the day. It was too much to deal with. SOOOooo, her mother Tina and I drove the 5 hours up there to pick her up and 5 hours to get back. She was so beat it was horrible. She said she had lost a little weight as well, which was easy to tell when hugging her waist, considerably smaller. I got home and had to stay there bacause of the bastards and their insane rules that make absolutely no sense. That's part of the list for later.

Now yesterday, being Friday, I got early to the tv and rode over to Briana's. I RODE across the town on my bike to her house to be with her. THAT is devotion. it was a 45 minute ride there. Some of the steep, long hills were extremely exciting because I was able to match the speed of some of the cars that tried passing, or stayed behind me bacuse they couldn't pass. I'm talking around 40 miles an hour on a pedal bike. I got there at 9:30 and ploped on the floor and was not about to get back up. We did stuff and a good time. we went to Walshes at one point and Chris was there, only I didn't see him or know until he picked up the backets from the checkout isle and hit my in the ankle with one and scared me. I spun around, saw him and almost whapped him one. It was cool to see him again. I want to work at Walshes. Oh well. Later that night there was this huge thuerstorm arcoss the lake and it looked unreal. There was little or no thunder and a huge amount of lightning. Large wind gusts as well. At least they weren't blowing towards the storm or it really would have been like War of the Worlds. Which was a scary-ass movie that really messes with you pshcologically. It was intense either way. It got weaker as it came closer and passed rather harmlessly for our sake although there was some hail and I was worried of a power-outtage and a tornado. I slept over there.

Today we woke up together(did I mention we share the bed?) and had a great breakfast from Tina; Pancakes and bacon, although not microwaved and not as bad as the ones I normally make here sometimes. She got her senior pics, which came out amazingly well, because Sterling does top quality work. They couldn't have protrayed my wife more beautifully than the way they did. Mark is an amazing photographer. He truly can capture the best in people. Today we went to the mall and walked around a lot to give Bri some excercise(like I needed it, I BIKED to her house) and buy stuff and eat lunch. We shared a dish of the Chicken Tariake from Sakura Japan, which is the best, although I thought it needed more sauce. Never can have enough. I got Initial D #9 from FYE and Bri bought me two Lostprophets cds which I love her for. They kick ass. She almost bought me the movie SteamBoy (from Katsuhiro Otomo, the director of Akira!) for the PSP, which I'm still amazed I own, considering I haven't touched it all summer. But I stopped her even though it was only $25 and she was good for it. I didn't want her buying too much for me in one day, although, now I would have liked her to buy it for me so I could watch the awesomeness that is Katsuhiro Otomo. Next time. The only reason we really went there was for Sybil at Waldenbooks, who didn't stock it. Oh well. Along with the two cds, I bought a bunch of crap last time we went to the mall. I blew a load of money. I bought Getbackers 6 and 7, Wolfs Rain 1 and 2 (all manga), an InuYasha plush from Hot Topic along with a Full Metal Alchemist poster that's now on my wall, Initial D #8, Musashi: Samurai Legend (for the ps2, not the old ps one) which totally kicks ass a small gamestop controller for the ps2 which I have adapted to, and now think the normal ps2 controller is too big(it's freggin huge dude!) and a while back I got Akira on DVD and the quality is SOOO much better than my recorded copy on tape. On top of that( I dunno if I left anything out, there was so much I bought) I had gotten a wall scroll from the "rents" from there trip to Orlando from the Japan stop in Epcot, along with Bri a Kimono that I think may be too small, but whatever, it was $50, and the next size up was $90, and I got a ski cap from a random disney spot. It's a knit hit, so it's winter-ish, and I've broken my bad habit of wearing those damn hats constantly, thanks to Bri's efforts. Next time we go to the mall I'll let her buy me that movie. I didn't want her to today, she paid for lunch and two cds for me. I didn't want her spending too much on me in one sitting.

We spoil each other. Speaking of that, I had given her a blue ring I got from a quarter machine a long while back and it fit her left ring finger perfectly so I "proposed" and she bragged whenever possible that she was engaged. She left in Oswego, but it's cool, I found another ring, even though I don't like it as much as the other one. Oh well. YOu might be thinking, a 25 cent ring? what happened to diamonds and an engagment ring and whatever? It's not the price or the material posessions, its the fact that it is and the purpose it holds behind it. And you have to be able to see that. So shut up before you start anything that you can't finish because in the end I'll be right. Anyways, I biked back today from 7 to 8(exactly an hour, awesome) and got "home" to the same bullshit I hate coming "home" to. My "brother" had taken my shit again and I was enraged. I found a bunch of my crap where it didn't belong and wanted to kill. But I surpressed it into a headache and have to deal with it like that now. Also, the "parents" are fucktards because of the way they act and what they say and expect us to do. I can't understand what makes them act the way to choose to. They're saying I can only have ONE sleepover a week, on the weekend, either Friday or Saturday night and can only have get together once a week, with no sleepover, and only one person. It's just fucking insane. That and I wasn't able to stay over Bri's Wednesday night, when she was mentally unstable and in serious need of my help and comfort. The fucking bastards. These rules are moronic. There's a fifteen year old in this house who can watch the 7 year old just fine. I am NOT needed here. But all of this is ok. Because I've finally got an ace in the hole. A great release from the stress. Finally. IF you want to know what it is, ask me, and I'll let you know, but you can't tell anyone and I have to be able to trust you because I don't need the wrong people knowing to ruin the plan. Even with all the stress and horrid rules of this fucking jailcell the bastards call a "home," all I have to tell myself is one little phrase and all the pain will slowly drift away.

Just five more months. Just five more months... Just five more...Just five...

Well, on Saturday I had SAT's. But who the hell didn't? It didn't really feel like the 5 hours that it was. It felt shorter. It would have helped if I knew what the hell I was doing, but yeah, I got through it, and the season pass to Compounce actually worked, I got in! Woohoo! Bri called around 2 or so, and came over to pick me up so we could hang at her house. Kristen Holmes was there too, so there was much tension at first, but Bri and I got over that soon. We watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Bri was doing call-backs the whole time, it was really, really funny. I didn't mind the trany stuff, and kinda found it funny and different to see Tim Curry(Bri's idol) in a transvestite role and such. It was different, but at the same time, it didn't bother me. Not one bit. Aren't I a freak. Or just ovely accepting. Or both. Or neither. Whatever. It was a pretty cool movie. We did a lot of kissing, some dry-humping, and I got to third base, and other stuff happened. I think it was Saturday that I finally came up with a suitable nickname for her. It hit me like a sack of crap. I use it so much and it has such deep meaning already. She calls me Sapphire, I call her Muffin. It fits so perfectly and I don't understand how I didn't think of it in the first place. I have a deep love of muffins and their over-powering goodness and that I can't get enough of them. It's so perfect. I'm too nice. While she was taking a shower at some point in time, I desided to make her bed because the sheets were all messed up from her sliding around the bed to get off of it and stuff. So I made it and she flipped out cuz she thinks I'm crazy. I am. But in the awesome way. So we went back to my house after convincing my parents to let me sleep over, then we watched anime for the rest of the night. Sort of. Briana and I kinda were extremely fooly-cooly towards each other all night, and did a lot. I can't go into details, but you ask nice enough, I might tell you. Yeah. But at about 1:30 in the morning, after the sexual tension was gone and done with Bri and I woke up Kristen to move her to the living room where she would be spending the night alone, as Bri and I would be sharing a couch. Bri and were sitting there, a foot apart from each other, passing what appeared to be a beer bottle, with a red/orange type liquid insde. It was soda. And although I had two earlier (Bubble gum blue or something with 48 grams of sugar in each) and got drunk off them and was hickuping. I still am now, but not nearly as much. The soda she and I shared was called FuFu Berry and we were acting like a married couple(which we basically are), but it was awesome, cuz we were just, so comfortable around each other. Soon after that was over, we went to bed, or, we went to couch. Hell, we went to sleep.

On Sunday morning I woke up at like an early time i dont remember, it was like 7:30 or something my left arm(which was under the pillow at the time) feeling like crap and me on my side almost falling off the couch. I tried so hard to wake her up, then I found a good trick. It's so simple and easy to use. I'm not gonna say cuz it's my little secret. ^-^ Ha ha ha ha ha haha. Next time that happens I'll take my arm out and just lie on top of her. I'm having trouble remembering what the hell happened now, but there was more stuff and stuff. We watched Moulin Rouge(which I cried at one point) and then Kristen wanted to watch The Crow. I wanted to watch it but I fell asleep through the whole thing. Yep. After Kristen left at about 4, Bri's mom was really pressuring us to go out on the lake, and we had to finally give in. But when Tina and I brought the boat out, I went back and got Bri and we walked over the boat(raft) and just lied in it. About twenty minutes later, after listening to the waves come in, we put the boat back and went in to see Tina standing in the kitchen, staring. She wondered where we were and got worried. While we were walking down to lake we passed by her, and she was maybe 20 feet away, and once in the boat, she was maybe 50 feet away. She was talking about us, and how Bri had a boyfriend and he's so nice, and handsome and stuff and was worried she embarrassed us. We didn't even hear her talking. We heard her voice, but didn't make out the words. Yeah, after that there was more stuff-doing and we watched Bevis and Butthead and I was falling asleep until she started making out with me again. Yep. But then her mom came in, and told us we would be leaving in five minutes(basically early) to but my mom some flowers to make up for being snotty to her and stuff. When we got to my house(there was much complaining in the car about my going home) Bri and I walked in and I handed her the flowers and she found it odd that I gave her them, cuz I never have before. "What'd you do!?" She was wondering what we had done wrong to make us buy her flowers. After that little show, I took Bri to the car and went inside and upstairs and the rest of the night doesn't really matter.

On Monday, which is today, I saw a small amount of Bri in skool, considering we only have Chem class together and it was a gym day. I got to drive golf balls. Josh shot two of them and they disappeared. We never did find them. But she came over after skool on the bus we got to screw around. But not really though. She was wearing a pair of my jeans that don't fit anymore, and jeans suck, cuz she couldn't feel much of what was going on when we did stuff. Kayu, I'm censoring this shit for you sis, although I shouldn't because you don't hold back at all with Corey when I'm around. But whatever. We watched the Saturday night's adult swim of the shows from 12 til 2 and found out Fooly Cooly makes no sense at all. Yeah, later we were in my room and I was lying there and she tried the dry-humping, but the jeans prevented that, and she said, "I could give a bj a shot." I want you to think about that for a second and try to think what my response to that statement would be. Got one yet? Ok, well, I said, I didn't really want one, because I have my reasons, and it's too much for the audience to handle. Kayu, I dunno what happened to you, but I'm liking it less and less. We're so far apart now. I dunno. I've got a great relationship and I'm finally happy for once, but I don't make out in skool and crap. Well anyways, Bri left early cuz there were tornado watches and thunderstorms coming. And by the time Tina got here, it had gotten really dark out. My dad had just gotten home too, and after she left, he yelled at me, not only for not listening to my mom, and because he was in a bad mood. I slept from 6 to 8. He told me my bed time was 10, but that cane be tossed out the window as well. 10 o'clock my ass.

Well, that's my entry for today, and wasn't it fun? Kinda small, but whatever. It gets some of the point across. SOME anyway. I still haven't read Ranma or watched Escaflone and I don't really care right now whether or not I spelt it wrong. I have crap to do tomorrow. I have a 30 in english right now because of the shit I never did. I've got a 62 in chem and a 32 in math, three subjects im failing right now. I can easily bring the English grade up, and chem shouldn't be too bad, and math is just fucked over. Yeah, I'm gonna go now. Later!

Back to study. Bri was going outta her mind thinking about what I had planned for us to do today, considering she was coming over on the bus, and we would have from 2:15 til 3:45 to be home alone. I felt bad making her paranoid the way she was, with my stupid and irrational plans of notcoolness. Yeah, it's funny to know we have a lot in common though. We were talking on the computer last night from 8 til 11. After I got off, I went downstairs and then to bed at 11:30. So yeah! Back to study again! cait left and didn't even say bye to me, the bi-mean person. I don't care, I'll just ignore her. Not caring! After study was Chemistry(where the chemistry happens <--thats a pun people!)with Bri(a pun is a phrase with a double meaning stupid...) and she moved her desk up against mine. I should have brought my pillow again. Damn. She could have used it. Oh well. *keeps licking his lips and thinking of Bri* I need a good lover-type romantic, symbolic nickname for her. She has Sapphire for me, but I don't have squat for her. Hmm... I can't think of anything. It has to be good. Has to better that Briana, and as strong a meaning as Sapphire is for her. Chem was fun. We did nothing. I have a 62 in that class. Isn't that interesting. Woohoo. Then Math long and Spanish last, with a depressing end of the day as Rickie Valens died in a plan crash that he said he would die in. I've seen the movie before, but it's still depressing. Then I did the "It's the end of the skool week" dance, and was happy in mutiple places that Bri was coming to my house on the bus. We hopped on, actually found an empty seat for being late, and left skool. At the four-way of 69, Tetsuo pointed at me from his bus with a look on his face that said, "Don't do anything stupid man" and I knew nothing bad would happen.

While walking from teh stop to the house, I asked what what were gonna do and whether or not we were gonna certain stuff, and she didn't know, but I didn't mind either way, and we went to my room and lied there on the floor. *licks his lips some more, still feeling hers there* *sighs* We kissed... so damn much. Well, we finally ended up hopping in the shower together, which lead to nowhere except to the fact that we were in the shower together, and naked. We got out at 3 and went to watch the InuYasha movie downstairs, but eneded up coming back up after a minute to have her try on some of my stuff. I have a lot of old clothes that don't fit at all anymore and I hd her try on a pair of jeans I knew were too small for me, and they fit her perfectly. She looked damn hot, I must admit. I let her keep the pants.

Um, she tried on a few things, I tried on her skirt, looked funny, but didn't mind the cool feel of it, and after changing back into our normal attire, we went downstairs and watched the movie. I fell asleep for 15 minutes, then there was a commercial and I woke up, and the phone rang as that happened. But yeah, she watched that. I wanted so badly to cry when Kagome went back to her time and couldn't be with InuYasha any more, but I couldn't. I came soooo close, but I couldn't. So close! My mom called(that was the phone call) and bitched at me. She came home, happy to see Bri and I downstairs and not screwing around, then left with my home boy Nick to go to the mall. Yeah, so after the movie was over we went up to my room, were fooly-cooly on my bed, and I mean, seriously fooly-cooly. She strattled me during the last song on the cd she made me, "As Long as You're Mine." and started to dry-hump me. And then my dad came home. We kissed again and thenwe had to get down from my bed. It's funny, and I have to lift her to get her up there, and then I have to help her down. It's cool though, it's like she's helpless. I could randomly just leave her up there one day and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Boy I have some evil thoughts. My dad was outside doing something at the pool, so I laid down and she strattled me again. She started dry-humping me again. It was crazy. I HAD to stop her. I couldn't handle it. I seriously couldn't. We were(well she was doing more work than I was) going at it for like 10 minutes and I thought I was gonna finish in my pants, lying there, with her on top of me. She went from timid, indesicive, and paranoid to extremely horny and wanting. And if I hadn't stopped her, she would have finished. I don't want that yet. It's gotta be when we actually have sex. She said something remarkable after i asked her to stop the third time and she said "You don't really want me to stop." She was sort of right. It felt great and all, but I didn't want to deal with an accident. And besides that the girls still on her period for cryin out loud. We don't want kids. Yet.

After that we kissed again. We french a LOT. Then again it's understandable. We longed for each other all week and couldn't wait another day. And I keep licking my lips. I miss her already. It's 10:40 and she left at 8:45. I was missing her before she even left. We watched Thursday night's adult swim and robot chicken was the best. It really was. We kissed so much. We are sooo close. I'm talking to her now. We're already planning tomorrows events. Everyone has SAT's tomorrow morning. I still don't have #2 pencils, and I need AAA batteries for my calc. I'm gonna sleep over there again. Only this time Kristen H will be there... sleeping over too. I dunno if I want to. I don't feel comfortable having her there. Oh well. While I'm not on the subject of not Bri, she's been sniffing her left wrist all day. She says it smells like me. The Old Spice commercial was right "Scent is the strongest sense tied to man." Only, I don't use Old Spice. I use Dove for soap and that's what she's smelling all the time. Basically, she's indirectly sniffing me. I'm loving every single minute of it. I really am. I hope I never come down from this ecstasy. I mean it. I love not being depressed. I mean, Kazuki is still there, just, not as depressed as he was. Well, I've talked too mcuh for one day of life. I'm gonna go now. Later!

On Friday morning I had to run the whole way from my house to the stop to catch the bus, because when I rounded the corner of my house, the bus was already up there, and my neighbor Nicole M.(everyone has these damn common names and I can't stand it! You'll understand what I mean later) was already running. A morning jog is always good. Then in skool we had an award cerimony and I found out after skool from my mom that I had a nice big hole in my pants, in the ass region. It's a little embarrassing considering I got two awards, one for health, the other for A+(hardware/software). I sat next to Caitlin H and we held hands and cuddled some and stuff. After skool I went on bus 11 which is Kayu, Jiru, Tetsuo, Nicole B, Caitlin H, Jaci and peoples bus and ended up getting off at Cait's stop. We exchanged a hug to last the weekend and then Jiru and I walked down to Dunkin Donuts(I dunno how its spelt) for Caitlin D's birthday present and I was dead set on buying her muffins. She wanted chocolate chip, but they were out, so I got her 2 coffeecake, a blueberry and a corn. I found out later she only ate the blueberry, and someone else ate the other three. How could she have not eaten the coffeecake!? I bought her two to make sure she had one! But whatever. Jiru and I stopped at Nicole Bs on the way up and pissed off Tetsuo and ruined his afternoon. Fun stuff. I got home about 3:40 and slept from 4 to 6 and got a call from Bri, wondering if I still needed a ride. I corrected her and told her it ws tomorrow night I needed a ride, for our date. I had planned on taking her on a date the other weekend, but she was busy or something and couldn't, so it was planned for this weekend. I wanted to see a movie with her, but I'll get into that later. Anyways, I went to Caitlin Ds at 7:30 and found only her and Bri were there. Cool. Yep. Bri and I spent the night together, except when I played DDR, but yeah, we cuddled, and watched some of House of Wax, didn't care for the quality of my bootleg DVD or the plot, or acting, and I ended up taking her home late that night. She won my mom over easily and it was cool, because she'd be seeing a lot more of Bri in the future.

Then Saturday comes around and I call some of my friends in the morning to see if anyone could go to the Danbury Mall, but only Bri could. She was the only one, like me, without a life. So the two of us went, I sold my DS, SP, GCN and a bunch of games, got $259 for it all, bought a PSP, and bought WipeOut Pure for $36.99 cuz it was just the game, no case or book or anything. Like the god of racing games needs that stuff. Pff. We wandered the mall aimlessly, found the arcade, and ate lunch. I bought her a hamburger and soda, and got myself a mighty kids meal, cuz I'm a mighty kid, and I needed a meal. We ate, then stuffed, hit the arcade. I skooled her at air hockey although I should have let her won. Damn my competativeness. I should have played with my right hand and gave her a chance. Oh well. Always a next time. After that I got in four races of Initial D. I lost two of them though. It's tough. But I love the challenge. That's what gets me addicted. She sat on the carpet and watched. I think I bore her... Although she says I don't. That machine eats your tokens though. It's four to start, and four to continue. Insane. After the mall we stopped at my place to pick up my stuff, then went to hers to drop me off for the night. After 45 minutes, we went to teh Seven Angels Theatre and saw Anything Goes. It's a musical and a comedy. You need the comic relief. You gotta have it. It was great. I liked the plot, and the random singing, and the acting, and funny-ness. After the play we went back to her house and watched anime til after 2 in the morning. She fell asleep on my shoulder during Trigun(which was on at 1:30) and I woke her up and she said I was comfortable. I guess I'm just one giant pillow. Even though I'm no giant and I only wiegh 125 lbs at 5' 6''. After the anime we moved to the living room and we laid down on the couch together. We kissed. For a while. She told me "I think I'm in love with you Tony." and I replied the proper response back. We fell asleep together on "my" couch and she ended up waking me when she heard a noise from upstairs. She went to the other couch and we tossed and turned all night. Her mom had said to us, we can do whatever we wanted, as long we were on the couch by 7 in the morning. It didn't even matter anyways, because she never came down and we went to her room at maybe 8 in the morning. I didn't sleep a bit. I would've been fine if she stayed with me. She got maybe an hour in.

Sunday came and we watched Liar Liar and ate grape jello for breakfast, and then she took a 2 minute shower. Let me say that again. She took a TWO MINUTE shower. No girl I've ever known takes a 2 minute shower. I was amazed. I could have easily saw her naked, because she got dressed in the room, but I was a gentleman and looked in the opposite direction. We might have kissed some more. We headed to my house about 2 and found only my brother and father there. Or here. Whatever. So we headed upstairs and I took a shower. I came out after shaking my hair and found her on teh floor staring up at me. didn't I look wonderful in my pink towel around my waist and dripping wet hair. A while later we kissed more and did stuff and were Fooly-Cooly(inside joke, for those who watched the anime that was on at 1, go you) towards each other. At one point she was on my bed with me and we were kissing and stuff while... stuff happened. I'll leave it to your imagination to figure out what happened. Another point we were lying on the floor, "watching tv," when she was at it again. Wow. Someone was hor-ny. But then the door bell rang and it was her mom and she didn't have to go home, although, now Tetsuo was over and she couldn't have her fun anymore. We hung out and watched that show again. I don't know the name of it, or else I would have told you. We went downstairs to gop outside on teh trampoline, but her mom was surprisingly still there and said it was time to go. Bri was reluctant to leave. I was hopping she'd be bald to sleep over, but Nick had something to do in the morning. Whatever that meant. Tetsuo ended up sleeping over cuz we were outside on the trampoline lying there watching lightning in the distance and talking to each other. There was a comment he said that was pretty amusing. "If you were a chick I'd be all over you right now." I said the same back to him, and laughed, realising how close our bond as friends were. Pharen called that night! We were on the phone for ten minutes, but only really talked for five. She was over Mariam's and was occupied by the family and stuff. The next day or something like that I found an offline message on my yahoo account from her saying she thought we were drifting apart. That's a big thing to say from the smallest of hints. She was right though.

I woke up Monday morning at 10:30 half expecting to see Briana on the floor, but found Tetsuo, and for a moment was shocked. I had to get over the fact that she wasn't there and hung out with Tetsuo until he left at 12. I took a shower and Bri came over at 1. She stayed until 7:30 - 8 when she had to go. I had a stomach problem from eating an undercooked hamburger and hit the bathroom a few times. Later we kissed again and after a while more we were up in my bed when she had gotten a stomach ache that turned into cramps. I got serious and stopped poking, tickling and arousing her and tried to comfort her. We're just lucky she didn't bleed all over my sheets. Yeah, Mondays...

When Tuesday rolled around, I wondered how we would adapt to skool, now that stuff was going on between us. I guess Caitlin H found out somehow(cuz shes big on the gossip) and got pissed at Bri and I. As a follow-up to Cait's anger Kayu lashed out at me in Spanish class and almost brought me to tears. That would not have been a good thing. I was depressed all day though. But I had study last and got to be with Bri again, and was happy. Then that night I found Mariam online and she told me Pharen was over her house. I talked with her and broke up with her. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I've never before and never will again do something like that. But what made it worse is that she was a snot about it, and called me a coward and srap for telling her online, and not the phone. I loved her. We had plans, but 2 years and 10 months was too long to wait. I cried for over 2 hours. I have a sampler disc for teh PSP with music videos on it, and the only two good ones made me cry more. Cold by Crossfade and Home by Three Days Grace. The lyrics in Cold explained how I felt exactly. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to it, right now. I'll have to write them out some time.

On Wednesday, Cait H was happier to my face, but I knew that behind my back she was still flipping out about what I did. I had study long period and got to cuddle with Bri for over an hour while playing PSP. I was steering while our hands were intertwinded. I'm an insane gamer like that. It was cool. Last night I went to Nick's(my six year old brother) play. Interplanetary Jammin'. It was alright. I mean, they were Kindergardeners and stuff. I wanted to be with Bri or have her go with me. I got home at 8 and found out she called a half hour after I left. Oh well. I called her back and we talked and stuff. We talked from 8:30 til about 10. Then I went online a few minutes later and remembered to add her after starting to type this the first time. We talked until about 11:45 and she had shown me a journal entry that I thought was just utterly amazing. I had to make a few hard choices, and I was in a deep hole, but I'm glad I found an excape route and got myself out. I had no one else to help me climb either. I had to crush two of the girls to be with one, and had to choose which one I was gonna keep for my own. I made to right choice, even though I was harsh about it. I just wanted to mention now that nothing huge happened today. So I'm basically done. I almost cried last night typing this, but I have to type it again, because I need to say what must be said. This is to Pharen and Caitlin. I'm sorry for what I did to you two, But, what I really meant to say, is I'm sorry for the way I am. I never meant to be so cold... never meant to be so cold.....

Spring Fever Invades Local Skool! Don't you just love my quarky titles? I do. I use them a lot, just not in here. But yeah. There's flirting going on, and stuff has been happening. Serious stuff that's really starting to get to my head. Like Bri for instance. She's had a crush on me since the biginning of the skool year, and I guess she's been too shy and embarrassed to say anythin to me. Then the prom and she was overjoyed and I helped push her a little I guess and now I know, and I'm gonna take on a date this weekend I guess. I just remembered something. Caitlin D.'s birthday party is on Friday night. Gosh! This week is action-packed for me! WOTT!(made up meh own word! *is proud*) But yeah, its not like there's anything good playing at the minute, but I'll watch anything, if it gets me out of the house and doing something with someone I can be relaxed around. So yeah. Yesterday was the Spanish field trip to New York (Manhattan(sp)) where Tetsuo, Caitlin H., and I hung out and did stuffs. First stop was an art museum where just outside they were on set for Law and Order, which I personally don't watch and wasn't all that excited about. appearantly the other two were though.

Next, we hopped back on the bus, and drove off to Peir 17! It smelled of fishies outside! I could smell it! That's how strong the smell was! But yeah, Tetsuo and I got chicken Tariaki from a Japanese stand(it was like a food court on the third floor) and there was also shops and stuff where you could buy stuff, kinda like a mall. I bought Kayu a poster, although, niether of us has room on our walls for more posters, and this ones pretty big. I know she'll like it though, cuz its from a movie about a kick-ass female lead. Heroines unite! Wow. Read that and put "addicts" in the middle of that sentence. I have issues. Joe passed out and chipped his tooth. Moving on! We went a boat ride which was a tour. Narrated. I really should learn to spell. It could have gone better. It was bright and sunny and warm on the pier and then later on the boat it was dim and cold and windy and salty. I got some great pics though. Score! Yeah, but it was so cold and I was already building my bond with Cait more, so I desided to cuddle with her to try to keep warm. It was freakin freezing so shut up! My body is not exactly strong against the elements. Still, I love being able to relax and be comforted. But that's what's posing such a huge problem. I'm not caring who its with(as long as its a girl), and more girls are starting to flock to me. Bad combo, but I have to deal. EVERYTHING would be different if my Kitty was up here. I think. Yeah, it would. I wouldn't need to flock to random girls who are flocking to me for comfort. I would flock to Momiji and be happy. I'm in such a horrible spot right now. I mean it too. I'm being torn. It's not even me! I can't help it. My body and emotions are taking over and wants to feel love and affection and show love and affection. Cait, Bri, Mo, Kayu, Kristen, and there's probably others too! Like my online family for instance. I need some serious help.

Ok, well, after the boat we hopped on the bus for the Danbury mall and I wanted Tetsuo to switch seats with Caitlin so she and I could sleep, cuz I know she was tired and I had missed my afternoon nap (4-6) and he didn't, and I fell asleep sitting in the bus seat with my head bowing down. I dunno if she slept or not, considering she was sitting next to Pelosi. But once we hit the mall at 7:15 they said we had a half hour to eat. So Tetsuo got some chile dog and Cait and I got McDonalds. I got a happy meal and she got a mighty kids meal, because it's cheaper that way. We started to eat next to the arcade and Tetsuo saw DDR Extreme and went in(cuz he was already done eating) and then I went in a minute later to see and they had Initial D Version 3 and I had to play cuz I'm sucker for racing arcade games. Especially the ones that are kinda realist, and the ones that give you cards with your data on them. I got one from Vegas. The Maximum Tune Midnight one and now the one from Initial D. The card floats across tables! It's fun. Back to the mall. I only had time to enter my name, which was a pain in the ass cuz I misspelled Duo and had to go back and fix it, then choose from a wide selection of cars (they didn't have my 3000GT, damn them....), so I chose the white Maxda RX-7 that KT's older brother Ryosuke "Ry" Takahashi. It's a cool car, I must say. But after that I started a race against Iggy and his Eight-Five. I wasn't used to the steering and was drifting too hard. I hit a long corner too hard on the first lap and he passed me, so I had to play catch-up the next two laps, my heart pounding cuz I didn't want to lose my only race and didn't know how many laps there were. Appearantly there were three. I passed him on the third lap and won. It was a really close race. I'll do better next time. Yep, that's me, the amazing racer with the uber leet skillz to pull off a come-from-behind victory while getting used to new steering controls. It was a good time. Great adrenaline rush. I love it. I need more now. I wanna go back every weekend now and play that and DDR. These paragraphs are too long.

*does an odd jig* Yeah, I'm gonna go now, I need my sleep and this clock still says 2:58 even though its probably about 3:45-3:50. The FC is a nice car, I chose white, I think about it now, and I'll probably face Ry sooner or later, and I should have chosen dark grey. Oh well. I'll be talking to ya. Later!

It doesn't mean I haven't been busy though, cuz I have. Seriously. Skool's winding down and the teachers are assigning more and more shit to try to get everything that they possibly can in. Not cool at all. Let's go back to the other week. Lets say, Saturday, May 7th, shall we? Cuz that ws the night of the prom and it was great. Well, I got dressed up in my tux and went to Kayu's, and when she finally came out of her parents room she looked absolutely stunning. I mean like drop dead gorgeous. So beautiful that, for a second, I almost thought it couldn't possibly be her! But yeah, we took pictures, and then when to Caitlin's and took more pictures and got in a limo and took more pictures, then got to the Aqua Turf and took more pictures and then we sat down and took more pictures, and then after eating the shake-n-bake they called chicken we all hit the dance floor. It was a great night. "The most fun I've ever had." No joke. I never danced that much in my life. Not even home alone and naked. Ever. I even danced to SIX slow songs. SIX! Four were with Kayu and two were with Bri. I have to explain something though.

Back-tracking to Thursday night I got my nightly call from Momiji and we talked for a while and were light-hearted ahd she says what she always says, "Well, I'm not gonna tell you that." whenever she thinks of something bad and stuff. But this was serious. I can't even say what it was. Although after we got off I cried for a good hour just thinking about it. Now, on this very same night Kayu had just gained a new boyfriend. And I wasn't even told first! WTF! Yeah, I was told the next day in skool, wondering how she could be so happy and shit when I'm in the strongest, deepest depression I was ever in, which I had to stray away from because I didn't really want anyone to worry. Not like many did. But still, I was struck hard when she told me she got a new b/f and although I said I was happy for her I guess I wasn't really. You could call it jealousy or whatever you may, but it still hurts. So yeah, now that I told you that you'll understand what I explain next. Lets get back to the prom.

SO yeah, four slow song with Kayu and it was odd. Not the bad odd, the good odd. I felt... comfortable and relaxed and happy and open. But at the same time I felt a massive restrant because I knew I couldn't do much of what I had really wanted to with her. I couldn't say or do anything. Even more depressing. But still, we were very close and she had her chin on my shoulder and we danced and stuff. And then theres Bri. I love the girl, and I can tell she can really keep the beat and if it wasn't for Mo I would probably have asked her out by the end of the night. But I'm a married man and can't go around flirting with whoever I so please. Even though I still do. But yeah. So after the prom we rush to Cait's to change out of our formality and into comfort and fly off to the after-prom. In the limo on the way there I was sitting to the left of Kayu and put my left arm around her. She rested her neck against it(head back) and relaxed her eyes, as did I, resting my head on my own left arm. It was comforting and did help ease a little of the stress from my Thursday night problems. The After-prom was cool, I jumped in the pool, took my hair tie out and just screwed around. It was fun. The last half hour they held an acution that didn't make much sense. I mean it did, but it didn't. You gain chips for the more activities you did over the night(I gave mine to Kayu cuz I really didn't care), then you bid using your collection. I asked Kayu if I could go to sleep and she replied "On me?" and I answered Well, yeah and she answered "Well, I kinda have a boyfriend now." That changes us? After the dancing and the limo and all the shit we used to do together? It just suddenly changes then and there? What the hell is going on!?

My whole world is falling apart around me and I can't take it any more. Kitty may not come up at all, I'm on the verge of death still(I've been sick since before prom, and it got worse recently), I'm losing my friends to others, and I'm falling into a never-ending pit of depression! The only one who's even bothering to try to help now is a friend I've "known" since like preskool. Kristen Nicole Ali. A true friend. She's still suffering a break up right now, so we're both depressed, but I'm trying to make her happier and in turn make myself happy. Now, again, if it wasn't for Kit, I could ask her out, but blah blah blah. Kayu and she are the only two that know what happened to Momiji. I was almost in tears telling Kayu and then Kristen I wasn't that bad. But Kayu was in person, Kristen was online. No ones truely here for me though. I have so shoulder to cry on right now. I could go to Kayu, but she'll just turn me away using her b/f as an excuse to keep me off. It's hard to believe she finally has a legitiment excuse.

Then last weekend there was a DDR torny at the skool. On Saturday. I was thrown up against Tetsuo first round and let him win. I gave him a good run for his money, but I let him win. He came close to the finals too, which isn't bad. But that was standard mode. In light mode, Kayu dominated and won. That was pretty cool. Rik was there too, and he was up first and won the first round and lost the second, I think. I have a bad memory cuz there's always too much going through my head and I can never keep track of it all. Ah! Before I forget again. I got home at 4:30 in the morning from the after-prom and was out. I slept most of Sunday, and screwed myself over when I tried to sleep that night. I just couldn't. I stayed home on Monday and slept in till about 10. That was my Sunday. For me saturday rollled into Sunday and the two became one and I needed an exta day off. So I used Monday and my Sunday and had a relaxation day. Fun. So now we're back to Wednesday and I still have a runny nose(only one nostral) and a persistant cough that keeps on displeaseing. Sucks horribly. Kayu feels bad for me, so at least I know she cares a little. She said something to me at the DDR torny that a lot of people tend to say to me from time to time. I usually understand why they say it to me when they do, but this time I don't know why. can't understand why she'd said it. It made me feel good but I can't grasp what she meant by it.

"You're still my hero."

I was rolling as Duo Kaz for a while and realized being chibi is much cooler and switched. I was playing in a garden and next thing I knew, I was adopted and being protected by Rika. It was odd. I hadn't planned on adoption, but I was happy with the result. It wasn't so much she adopted us(she adopted all 4 of us in the same night), but it was more like we adopted her. It was different and I'm still getting used to it, but it's mad fun and I can't get enough! You have no idea how random Duo Earth is! It's real easy making so many new friends out of nowhere when you have a void in your pocket containing an endless supply of muffins. I think I have like 2 or 3 new love interests. It's crazy. seriously.

Monday I fried the power supply of the computer by trying to install more RAM, and Tuesday Tetsuo came over to diagnosis it. Wednesday he came over again and swapped power supplies and then Thursday I think it was that I had the new family. Yeah, that's about right. Then Friday night I spent in front of the computer(til about 1 am) then Saturday Kayu came over and we watched Sin City and then I went over Tetsuo's and then his aunt's and played DDR for maybe 6 hours. And surprisingly Saturday my leg were NOT shot! We got up about 10ish and played Battle Hunter until 5. Wow how time flew.

I went home and at about 5:20 I was on the comp. I didn't get off until 9:30 and then got back on at 10:20 when Kitty didn't call and stayed on til 11:30. Monday came and went and now its Tuesday night. Spending this time in front of the comp makes it feel like its not a weeknight. It's wierd. I don't want to go to skool. I want to stay home and play! I like rping! *cries* No Skool for Iffy! Darn. I'm gonna go, I just wanted to give you a quick recap of why I never typed in here. Back to teh family! Later!

Ok. Well, Let me tell you about my week, leading up to tonight. Be prepared for depressed-nessess. Well, Saturday nothing happened. Sunday I was hoping Kayu could sleep over, but she was having her own little problems and couldn't. Although we did go to the mall and baught books. I got GetBacks 4 and 5 and HellSing 6. Still no Initial D 1 or 2. Damn them. So one night I was shot down. Ow. I feel depressed and alone. Monday Kayu, Tetsuo, Nichole(his g/f), and I went to the park and walked the blue trail. no, there's no line on the ground that is blue that you follow. They marked some trees(those poor things) and it follows Mad River. The two cuddled a lot and Sis and I walked on with a twitch in our eye. Beef Jerky and Gatorade. Fun. Tuesday night over Kayu's mom's condo in Bristol on a futon in couch form, because it's a pain in the ass to transform. So yeah. Wednesday slowly rolls around through countless hours of not being able to sleep. Finally her mom leaves for work and we sleep from 8 to 9. I actually slept for a whole damn hour. Cool. We watch a little tv, I take one of my not famous five minute showers, and we walk to McDonalds.(I hope to God I get sued for using actual names. Please sue me for inprobable amounts of money that I will not pay you.Please.) So yeah. We get there, I order "Hotcakes," cuz they're SOOOOOOoooo different from pancakes. We sit down and Kayu gets a call that the dude for the carpeting is at the house. (((_- |,,| Rockin, dude. Make us not eat in lugury cuz you're early. So we rush back, let him in, eat, and play Mario Cart Double Dash(more suing!) He points and me "You wanna make 5 bucks?" Whatever man. I help him haul some carpeting up and get 5 bucks. Oh. Did I mention I fell coming up the stairs at one point!? Well, I did. Hilarious. *throws out the rest of his pizza* I am not hungry...

We play some more and watch tv and stuff and leave and I ride off on my bike.Thrilling. Yesterday was the suck cuz nothing happened. I was too lazy to even shower and get dressed. That's how you know you're lazy. Besides, Tetsuo's in Atlanta and Kayu was sleeping over her aunt's that night anyhow. Not like anything was going on. Yesterday was a wasted day. I didn't even do ANY of my homeowrk. I told myself I would too. Fork it. Today. Friday. I was hoping to go to the movies with Kayu then have her sleep over here. Not happening. At all. Shot down twice. I can't fucking stand it. At all. Damn it. Lyss got lost in Bristol and we were supposed to go to Southington. She went that way and we were supposed to go that way. *points in two totally random directions* Yeah. I think I know where it is. I think. I think. I should drive dammit. I not gonna be driving til I'm 18. dammit. So I had one sleep over when I could have had three. Damn it all to hell. It's just so damn annoying. I feel like God is just repeatedly stabbing me in the heart. Yes, God is. Not Kayu. God. Nad Freakin' Momiji-kitty in Florida isn't helping either. We were on the phone last night from 9:30 til 11:30 when we finally got off so she could sleep. She kept saying how she wanted to be up here and she wanted to hug me ans shit like that. One of her cats fell ill and she got all worried and cried and shit. I can understand.

This morning, while lying in bed, I was thinking about my "What if..?" questions again. This time it was "What if none of this is real. What if this is all just a dream. My whole life. Everything thought up in my head. What if. And when I die, instead I actually wake up to the realization that all my friends, the people I've seen, everything I've known wasn't even there. None of it. What if. If I woke up to find out Kayu and Mo wheren't there I would be devistated. That's why I'm constantly nagging Kayu into doing stuff with me. I want to spend all the time I can with her while I can. I can't fight back these tears either. I can't stand it. I've been crying this whole damn time and I have no control over it. None. Kayu, please understand and try to do your best to go along with my plans in the future. Please. I want to be able to have sleep overs and gossip for hours on end before finally going to sleep. I have a lot to say to you, Kayu. So please. And besides, my life may suck major ass but that doesn't mean I want to lose it. Not yet. I still have a lot of things to do. Later.

Yeah. I'm still trying to deperately get my drawing talent back so I can do more pages of my comic. I drew Tony and Yukiko today in skool. They came out OK, but I want to be able to draw better. I'll have to do some more drawing tonight along with playing "The Bouncer" for PS2. It's old, but I never got Kou and Volt to S class. Well, I got Kou up to it last night, but I still need to get 2 more moves for Volt. I'll be working on that too. Kayu can barrow it when she's not busy. It's by Squaresoft so you know it's a good game. It looks amazing for something that came out about the time the PS2 did. Although the drawback is, like most titles that came out with the PS2's release, it's a short game. I think Sony was just testing the PS2's power when they made those first games. Now you have a lot more elaborate games like FFX and FFX-2 that are longer and more involved. Uh huh.

Duo Kazuki is back. And more depressed than normal. Earth may be all "yay! April vaca! 9 days no skool! woot-ness!", but I can't stand it. Momiji was supposed to be up here by now and we were supposed to do stuff together(dating and quality time and stuff, I mean, I don't even care about the sex anymore. Seriously. I don't care about the sex. If we don't, oh well. If we do, great. So, whatever. Basically.) She says May. I hope to GOD May. If she doesn't and I can't get down there this summer for some damn reason, I'm seriously gonna just kill myself. I can't stand the wait anymore. I mean it too. Over 2 and a half years. Think about it. Phone, email, IM, letters. That's it. CT, Fl. Ok? Process that for a while.

Now that you're done with that, I guess the vaca will be alright. I know it's not gonna be possible to get a triple sleepover in with Kayu, but 3 seperate ones would be cool. I'm hoping Sunday into Monday we can have a sleepover here. I know Tuesday/Wednesday I'm gonna be at her mom's apartment or whatever. I guess that will be a change. Then maybe later in the week or something we can get another one in. I know Saturday of next week we have to see "Kung Fu Hussle," unless we go to NY. It's been playing there. Maybe she can sleep over on Friday night? That'd be cool. I guess. I just hope I don't sit around moping the whole damn time. I also hope Kayu up for cuddling and shit cuz I seriously need to. Like, seriously. Like, I feel like I could just burst out in tears right now from thinking about it seriously. But that's me. Emotionally unstable... damn fool...

Kayu has to see Sin City as well as read some of my manga I have. That and watch Robot Chicken. I think I'll call her tomorrow night. Bored, depressed and lonely. I hate it. I'm sorry if I'm bringing anyone down from all this. I wouldn't be so damn depressed all the time if I didn't have it so bad. I wonder if taking the whole bottle of advil would cure my migraines for good. Either that or put me in a hospital or a grave. Whatever. *shrugs* I should try it some time. See what happens.

On a different note, our junior prom is May 7th. I think. I'm gonna have to have Kayu take me to Cait's house and then then home afterwards. There's no way in hell my parents would want to pick me up at 4 in the morning from an after prom party. I don't even know if it's possible for me to stay up that late "partying." But $120 for couples tickets!? Damn. I need another 60 bucks from them. I should buy's Kayu's as well. I feel like I use her a lot of the time. People are always giving me handouts and I don't have anything to handout myself. Except my art. That's my only talent. I suck. Shadow's girlfriend Jaci said at lunch today she could picture me like 8 years from now still drawing. Only on a bigger scale. Like the manga you buy at stores. Or... I buy. I doubt many of you buy it. But I do. I like to do that for a living. That'd be awesome. Either that or game tester or movie director or soemthing. Something cool. I don't want to have a shitty desk job. I want to be able to sit at home in my boxers and draw for the rest of my life. That'd be the best.

I'm gonna go now and work on my dreams. And plan the week ahead. Try to anyway. I'll be on. Maybe. If I'm not feeling lazy or something. Later!

Dude! My comp just randomly got disconnected from the internet! I can still type, just, what teh nut!? Forget that. Anyway, yesterday Jiru, Tetsuo, and Kayu came over and we played on teh trampoline, playerd DDR and went on the trampoline some more. Jiru was trying to bounce on his back and ended up kicking himself in the nuts twice. It was hilarious. Tetsuo got "super-bounced" by me and ended up at the edge. To prevent serious injury he instantly shot himself off so he didn't get stuck in the springs or something. Fun. Speaking of Tetsuo, he was running to the bus this afternoon and tripped over absolutely nothing. The way it happened, it seemed like he was going into a slide you do when there's ice or sand on the grond to slide on. Only there wasn't. and he fell. And laid there for like a minute. It was great. If it were Kayu or a girl i knew I wouldn't have laughed. I would've helped. But it was Tetsuo and it was DAMN funny! about the "super-bounce." It's not hard. It's just a matter of landing right before the other person and jumping right before they do. It shoots them almost twice as high as normal. And my being light and being able to do that to people heavier then me means a lot.

I took a 2 and half hour nap today. My head hurts. It's probably partially because Kayu and I fried a hard drive in A+ Cert today. The case was off and we put a RAM stick in it and turned it on and smoke puffed out of the hard drive like a little toy train does. It was wierd. And before we finally opened the windows we obviously inhaled some and it helped elevate my migraine. Yep. Sis and I have some good times. Woop. I hope our bond doesn't break. I would hate it if it did. But we have all of next week to strengthen it. We NEED to have just sleepover on top of sleepover on top of sleepover. I don't really want to do anything with anyone else next week except her. If Tetsuo wants to come over or something, MAYBE. But only if sis and I don't have plans. I have to stop biting my nails. I do it too much. It's not just that either. It's the skin around it too. And my lips and the inside of my mouth. It sucks. Uh huh. Knives are great. I want a real katana. A good one too. And some kendo sticks. So I can practice. Spar if you will.

I'm gonna go now and eat some... air. And play with knives. It'll be fun. And watch Sin City again. I'll be seeing ya. Maybe. If I feel like noticing you. Later!

Well, um... I haven't drawn any new pages to Peel Out yet, so I'm still at six pages. You'll all just have to wait till my artistry comes back to me so I can get the first chapter down, scan it out, and post it up. I wonder if my drawing phasing out on me all the time like this is because I keep read manga... Hmmm... It might be. I want to buy more though. I'm addicted. I like looking at the art on each page. It's really interesting. I need GetBackers 4+, HellSing 6+, Trigun Maximum 5+ and Initial D 1 and 2 so I have some drawing referances of cars for my comic. But I've told you that already. Or have I?

We had amazing weather all weekend and I wanted to do stuff with Kayu and Tetsuo, but they were busy all weekend. I woulda called Rik, but, I dunno. It's just not fun without Kayu or Tetsuo. No offence Rik, you're real cool and all, but without someone else there, its not the same. And speaking of Kayu, I really want to spend quality time with her. On Wednesday Tetsuo, Kayu and I went to the park and did shit, but I want alone time with her. I need some cheering up. I know she can, I just... I dunno what I was gonna say. forget it. I'm depressed, like always.

Yep. Anyway, I need to do shit with my life. I wasted this whole weekend. *major GASP!* next week is April Vaca! SIS! WE MUST DO STUFFS! My dad bought a bootleg of Sin City on dvd, and Kayu has to see it. AND, it's a lot cheaper than going out to the movies. 6 bucks each a ticket, like 2 bucks for a soda, and then popcorn and snacks and shit! I don't like wasting my money... The dvd isnt the BEST quality ever, but its good enough. I wanna see it again anyways. I was wanting to watch it over the weekend, but I didn't feel like seeing it alone. Annoying how I act huh? I don't know how my friends put up with me. I act liek such a girl sometimes. I can't help it. It just happens. I'm depressed and alone. Everything Momiji doesn't want me to be. I'm sorry Kitty. I'll be more cheerful when we're together. Whenever the hell that is. I miss her. I hope to god she calls tonight. If she doesn't I'll just cry. From like 11 til I fall asleep. I'm tired and bored. There's nothing good to do around here. I want to see a really good anime movie. Like 3 of them in a row. I'm addicted. Oh well.

I wish there was something to do.... I hope we get to go to the park this week or something. My dad some good pegs and slapped them on my bike. Fun. Maybe Kayu can ride with me next time. Although, I must say I've never had to ride a bike with a serious off-set of a power-to-weight ratio before. Wonder if it's even possible for me to balance? She should come over so I can practice. It shouldn't be too hard. I mean, if I can ride down hill around easy corners with no hands, it shouldn't be too hard. It's only like... an extra me on the back. Cuz she's about my weight and size, so it's no biggy. I 'm suck a girl. I weigh about 125-130. I'm real light. Skinny shit. I'm so weak.

I'm gonna go now and find a good knife to carve up my arm with. Cuz I'm stupid and want to have cool marks on my arm. Moron. Yeah, it's 8:50, I'm tired. Later!

A lots been happening(remember that "busy" thing I was talking about?)Well, Wednesday Tetsuo came over. And Friday. We did stuff. It was fun. I say this cuz I don't remember what we did. Oh well. Sunday Tetsuo, Rik and I went to see Sin City. It was "the most gruesome I've ever seen" says Rik. At the end the credits came up and Tetsuo gave it two thumbs up and said this. "Riveting." Not that we know what this means, but it was funny and it was really amazing. I love movies. Yeah. We have to see it again. Then I should buy the graphic novels (a.k.a. Manga) and then buy the movie on dvd. And then find the anime they based it off of and buy that. That's just how good it was.

Monday after skool Tetsuo and RIk came over. We played DDR Max, jumped on my trampoline, and watched tv. Fun. Today, Tetsuo and I hit the mall. Kinda like a rock against... another rock. Maybe for him. I hit some soft glass and landed on a soft thing. Of love. And bunnies. I got 6(omg!) graphic novels from waldenbooks for the price of 4(buy two get one free! Sweet!) How hot was that? Like being tossed into the sun. Only, you died and then came back and as an adolescent were tossed in again. But about Monday(yesterday).

I felt like dying for some reason. I was just... depressed. I think it's cuz Sunday night after the movie I got back around 7:30, laid down in bed and passed out for two hours. I opened my eyes and instantly said damn. I looked at the clock and it 9:20. I thought, "hmm, Kitty's gonna call soon. I should be ready for her." Then I thought it over some more. "Knowing her, she has no idea we were supposed to move the clocks foreword(is it me or does that look wrong?) an hour." So I waited. For an hour. And sure enough, she called at 10:30. I suddenly became hyper out of nowhere. I told her to fix her clocks and she did. We proceeded to talk until 12 midnight. I was EXREME-ly hyper at this point and went upstairs to bed. I laid there for over an hour before finally sleeping. My mind was racing so fast it could have broken the mind-speed-think barrier and exploded in my head. But it didn't and I'm still here now. SO don't you worry about it. So my extreme state of hpyer-ness put me in an extreme state of depression afterwords. Wierd kinda. But yeah, I felt like stabbing myself and dying and feeling pain and seeing my own blood and that kind of thing. But I didn't do anything serious though. Except get drop-kicked of the trapoline by Tetsuo. It didn't hurt at the time, but my left arm is feeling it now.

Yep. Doesn't my life suck. Earth takes over and goes completely insane and then hibernates for a day and lets Kazuki take over and want to die. Wonderful, no? Incase you were wondering, I bought Hellsing 5, Trigun Max 2,3, and 4, and Getbackers 2, and 3. They didn't have 4! They had 5 but not 4. Oh well. I wanted to get Initial D 1 but they only had 3 on. I have the dvd's, but I want a few of the books cuz they don't draw the cars in the show. It's all cg. I need referances and help in learning to draw cool cars anime style for Peel Out. There's always next time. Unless someone wants to be a great helper friend person and buy 1 for me. If you do I'll love you! *insert really happy looking grin here*

Oh, get this! I'm trying to keep $200 for plane tickets to Florida to be with Momiji, and it's hard when you want to buy stuff. Like books. But I got SOOOOOOOOoooo lucky. I bought 6 books with like 50 bucks in my pocket, expecting to pay about 70, I have $201 left in my wallet. Awesome. I amaze me. And I got a wrist band for 50 cents. Cool beans yo.

I love you, SIS! Woohoo! Yeah. She's one of the few reasons I can't die yet. Lucky her. The other three are, I have to meet Kitty and Sora, and I have to go around thw world. Yep, Gotta keep on keepin-on. I'll talk to ya whenever I get un-busy again. Later!

Skool was fun today! Hurray for amplitudes of fun-ness! My friends and I sat in the west commons this morning from 7:15 till 10:43. That's 3 and a half hours. We bore easily too. But it was plenty of drawing time! Yeah, I think my drawing skills are finally coming back to me. Thank goodness too because I've been wanting to draw for a while now. And now that they are back, I dunno what to draw. Tetsuo thinks I should start a comic. If I do, I dunno if I'll place it on this site or not. Kayu can tell me tomorrow whether or not it takes up that much space. I'll probably get rid of my UnFF comics cuz I haven't touched those in a while. But I need attire (clothing and stuff) ideas. Kayu did help with the poster but I dunno if they're random characters she just spontaniously thought up or if they are actual characters from a game or show or something. If not then I might claim them as my own and adopt them (not adapt, adopt, like ppl) and do stuff with them. It could be fun. And It would give me something to do. But if they are from an anime, I'll leave them alone.

My stomach hurts. That's what I get for eating candy after waking up and not dinner. I'll eat later. At around 9 or something. It's only 8 now. Tuesdays are boring. Kinda. I've taken up playing WipeOut 3 again cuz I never beat the other two classes. There's Vector(two lap races on easy), Venom(three lap races on medium) and Rapier(four lap races on hard). I'm in the middle of Venom. Incase you haven't noticed, it's an old racing game for the PSX. I bought for ten bucks. Nice. It's cool cuz it's all futuristic and there's weapons and stuff.

Kitty didn't call me last night. The phone rang at 9:40 but it my cousin and I told her my mom was sleeping. I had gotten excited too. Momiji did say that she was going ice skating though so I hope nothing bad happened. I won't hear the end of it. And being that she's in Florida there isn't much I can do to help either. You're thinking "WTF? Ice skating in FL?" If you even made that connection. Yeah! You know that fake ice stuff they put down in malls and shat. I hate when we don't get to talk. I get lonely. And Kayu doesn't help out too much anyway. I think we ARE drifting apart. I don't want us to. Sleep overs are in serious order. But I know she can't this weekend cuz she's got SAT's on Saturday. I need to think up an awesome april fools joke to play on friday. Maybe I won't even go to skool. That'll be the joke. I'm laughing already.

I always feel I'm forgeting something when I do this every night. Maybe I should write stuff down. Kinda like a... JOURNAL! What a great idea... damn. So much for that. I'll write down my experiences and transfer them to here! Until then... Later!

The reason I didn't bother with one is because I thought, well, there's no use boring them to death with my non-ventures, so why bother. Thursday was a snow day so I slept in and dealt with my brat siblings and then slept some more, and more and more. Friday we didn't have skool so I got up late and did a little jig. After that I showered and dressed thinking maybe we'd go out somewhere. Didn't happen. Saturday I slept in and slept all day and partied all night. Until 11 when Kitty's friend *cough**hack*Mariam*cough* desided it'd be a fun idea to call me. My mom was up and thrilled that I was recieving phone calls at an hour to midnight and rewarded me with a migraine and some stress. Yesterday sucked. I didn't get shit, except maybe more cavities and a throbbing head. Now, about last night.

Kitty called between 9:30 and 10 like normal and we talked and after my parents came up I went downstairs and walked around bored, hungry and listening to Kitty yap like she always does. I can't help but love her. I found some jellybeans(hurray for the dentist!) and ate some. One of those lovable candy shells got lodged in my throat and I couldn't breath. It must have sounded beautiful over the phone. I mean I was crying and all. For maybe a minute. Thank whatever God is out there that she made me answer a question because if I hadn't tried talking I might not be here telling the story tonight. My throat felt like crap so I tried to get some water from our jug, but it was empty. I'm glad I didn't try to drink it down, cuz I probably would have paniced even worse. In the end though, a near-death experience(even if it's just a jellybean) makes you realize how lucky you are to still be alive and makes you enjoy life all the more. Enjoy what you've got. Because until it's taken from you, you'll never fully realize how much you love it. Which is why I care for my friends as strongly as I do. Especially Kayu. Because she's not a guy I feel I can get closer to her and develop a more emotional relationship with her. Sis, I hope you understand just how much I love you. I may say and do some stupid and mean stuff to you some times, but my love for you is not going to fade no matter what.

Now that the drama and shit is outta the way, let me tell you about today. My head's been pounding all day, my eyes have been trobbing, and my ears have been shot all day. I feel like crap. It's been raining though! Yay rain! And I got my poster back from Kayu today also! I studied it intently and I have some constructive critizism for her. And there's a lady bug on the monitor. It scared the crap outta me. I'll leave it alone. Now it's ramming itself against the light. Well, Hardware/softawre was great cuz I aced the test, but then the class found out that Sony may have to stop selling their PS's in the future cuz they took Immersion corps stuff and stuff. I'd explain it but it'd be boring. Ugh. I had Pre-Calc last and didn't realize there was a part two to the test. I did NOTHING on that page. I drew Tony on the back though! It came out good for not drawing in like 2 weeks.

My head's realllllllly gettin to me(as is the lady bug) so I'm gonna go now and eat more candy and rot my teeths. Later!

Kayu first. You know how I had this amazing idea for a double sleep over? She took a huge shit all over that. It struck me hard, and I have to say I can't stand her sometimes. I mean, I'm glad she's not sooo pissed off anymore, but dammit, how much longer are we gonna be able to have sleep overs? *punches the monitor* Man, I need to vent. I also need someone who'll care about me. No one ever does. It's all false hope.

Now, people in general. At skool. Come on people! FUcking move in teh damn hallways! Stop talking! Some of us have classes to get to! And if someone shoves me one more fucking time I'm not gonna stop pounding their face in until I get taken out in a damn straight jacket. I'm tired of it! Morons. Stop snowing! It's almost fucking April! It should only be raining!

I'm pissed off. It's not good either cuz I just woke up a while ago and I'm barely thinking correctly as it is. I hope Kayu can do something to help me out. Because I don't think anyone else has so much power over me as she does. That's another thing. I gotta stop sleeping in the afternoon. I sleep like 2 hours and then I don't go to bed at night until like midnight. Last night though I didn't sleep at all. I keep running out of things to say in here. I should write them down. I do know one thing though. Emo sucks! All you emo queers are losers and scrawny and gay and lame. I may have an emotional side, but I sure as hell don't need stupid music to help me cry it out. I'd rather blast some Slipknot then God-knows-what.

I'm just gonna go jump off the roof and see if there's enough snow to break my fall. And if there isn't, oh well, the ground will break my fall, as well as most of the bones in my body. And if I'm lucky, one of them will be in my neck. Later. Or not.

Eh, it's just chemistry notes. I don't HAVE to do them, but if I get credit for it, it might help my grade go up. When I got the interum or whatever it is, it said I have a 47.7! *Dun dun DUN!* Yeah. I'm doing shitty this yeah! Hurray for my shitty-ness! Yays all around! Woohoo! In math I had a 32(?) I think. In english I had a 77 but that was wrong cuz one of my grades was messed up cuz she gave me a 70 where I should have had a 90. I'll find out at the end of the marking period whether or not she fixed that. I'm thirsty! I want a drink! Oh well. It will have to wait until I get to be downstairs by myself. Poops to you.

Oh yeah! Kayu's been acting better and not so pissed at me, so it makes my day better! Arigatou Kayu-chan! Maybe I should be using kun... I dunno. Whatever! Anyway, I was hoping to get a sleep over in with her this weekend considering we have no skool Friday and I came up with a rockin idea! Ready? AlL right, it would be awesome if she could sleep over here Thursday night then, about noon or somethin we could go over there and I could sleep over there Friday night! Aren't I smart? It could work. Maybe. I should be petted for my brilliance. Well, I can be smart sometimes you know! I'm not always gloomy and depressed or overly hyper, immature and stupid! I just choooose to be! XP *gasp* Oh yeah! I wonder if I ever showed you guys the face I made for Tony!? It's awesome! Ready for this? Prepare yourself for the smartness that is Ifrit. (((_^ Yes! Isn't that sooo cool!? Well, thanks again Kayu for brittening my day instead of making it more depressing.

Even though I didn't type too much I should go so that I can work on my homework and shite cuz I have no choice but to care about my grades. But wait! I have study long tomorrow! I could just do it then cuz I have chemistry last! Baka! I didn't even have to bring it home! Procrastination is amazing. Even the word alone is amazing. Let me type that again.

P r o c r a s t i n a t i o n

Yeah, I'm gonna leave now and get back to my black and white, paper back telvision shows or short movies or whatever. I'll be around! Whether you know it or not. Later!

With last night and all I didn't get to talk about last night, so I'll do that now. I watched the first four ep's of Outlaw Star in the comfort of my own home. It was kinda funny because I found two typos in the subtitles(cuz it was in japanese). One of them was that they put a ; where they needed a ' and the other one they typed "the" as "teh". Which, at least for me anyways, are both common mistakes. I'm bored. And I feel sick as well.

Today, skool was boring and stuff, but, of my teachers, Mrs. Bigmack as I called her in a previous entry, took a fall down a flight of stairs. So at 7 this morning our bus arrived to skool behind an ambulance and other emergency-related type of truck. No one knew what ahd happened until later. Other than that, skool was boring. Although we did have gym first today for a change(badmitten vs. Kayu! Max fun!), which was cool, after I dropped the load, of course. I thought I was gonna vomit in the bathroom it was so bad. Yeah, If you understood what I meant at all, kudos to you. Tomorrow will be better because I'm gonna bring my camera to skool and take pictures of random peoples in our last period study. Good times.

I don't know what the hell else I wanted to say in here. Poopness to you. Well, I read Gundam Last Outpost today and at the of all three there's a "Go Domon! Gundam Party" and the creator uses the most halirious language in it. For example, Aw snap, what the dude and stuff like that. It's pretty darned funny. someone stab me now...

I feel like drawing, but I don't at the same time cuz I have something we like to call "artist's block". Or is it "drawers block"? Either way my drawing has been shitty lately and I don't like to look at my shitty drawing and say, "You know, this is a shitty darawing." So I'm afraid if I DO draw, it will come out shitty and I'll have to look at a shitty drawing. So I probably won't end up drawing anything. Although I do need to update that picture of the First Earth group. You know, Ifrit, Eden, and Bahamut? Yeah, I was looking at that the other day and I just KNEW it had to be redone. Yeah. I'll have to do that some time.

It's not much but this is all I have for tonight. Maybe I have diary block or jounalists block or something. Or maybe I should stop SLEEPING between 4:30 and 7 every day. I was tried though. *pouts* I'm gonna go now and beat myself with a long metal stick I like to call a "buster sword". I'm just kidding! Calm down! If I die, I'll tell you about it tomorrow! Promise! Later!

Well, Friday night, I slept over Kayu's. Tetsuo was there for a while Friday night, and the three of us watched "I,Robot". It's hard not to laugh when the main character(Will Smith) goes by the name of Detective Spooner.(I have no emotion in retpying this, so bare with me) We also played some DDR. Then Tetsuo left and we watched tv and stuff and I ended up falling asleep on the couch between 12 and 12:15. Kayu proceeded to poke me in the leg and called out my name. I woke up suddenly, looking at her, almost like, "Yeah? What'd I miss? What?" Only, I didn't say that and I didn't even realize she had tried anything. For all I know she could have raped me and I would have just kept sleeping. Yeah... So anyway, we upstairs to her room and I got in my sleeping bag on the wonderfully hard carpet floor and went to sleep after our "good-night"s and I woke up a few times during the night. I'm sure neither of us would have minded sharing her bed, but I'm sure the rest of her family would have. I'm not saying anything perverted, just, us spooning in her bed, my back to her front, just so I could get a good night's rest.

Next morning I wake up a little after 9 to Spongebob eating the pie bomb. I was shocked to finally realize after watching that episode so many times, that they talk about death and say the word die on national telvision on Nickelodeon of all channels. The things these kids are learning. My spine is soo messed up and sleeping on that floor didn't help. But, that's what I get for cracking all of my bones soo much. I have to stop that habit. But yeah, after a while Kayu was flipping threw the channels and I was on the floor with her hand hlding the remote almost above my head, and I poked one of her fingers. she fall-ipped out. She said, "What!?" and I smartly replied, "I poke you!" Dumb ass... But she's been pissy lately(kind of taking it out on me more than anyone) and I shouldn't have done something so stupid and random.

We watch more tv, eat, watch even more tv, get dressed and stuff and I rested while she did her hair. She shouldn't have to worry about it. It looked fine to me. But she said something about my sleeping all the time. I'll tell you more about that later. After that we go downstairs, watch last weeks episodes of Full Metal, and Ghost In the Shell, and then watch ep's 5,6,and 7 of this weird-ass anime called Lain. It didn't help that I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open either. I didn't want to try anything with Kayu because I was afraid she might bite my head off. Again. I'm not talking anything perverted. I'm just saying cuddling and stuff. Nothing big. But she's been pissy lately and I didn't want to fuel the fire any more than it was already burning.

After that we played DDR, which I wasn't really in the mood for, but I played anyway, and she beat me a few times(considering I was playing on the same level as her and all) But then she wanted to relax a little so I went a few rounds on my own and ended up getting a new high score on my game. I remember when getting 150 million was a lot. Then Tetsuo got this impossible score of 167 million. Damn. I topped that by a little. But over Kayu's... Damn. 170 million. Wow. That's achievement.

Anyway's, after we played more DDR, we watched even more tv and then We headed for my house at a little after 3. We both got out of the car and hugged. Not an extremely loving hug, but it was better than nothing. although, I must say this, if we had kissed instead of just hugging each other, maybe, just maybe it might have been possible to save ourselves from choking eachother with our shoulders. Gomen sis. I don't mean anything bad by it. Maybe sooner or later we can be back to our old loving bro/sis relationship. Yeah, but I still love her with all my heart, no matter how pissed at me she may get. Even if her being pissy is depressing, I still love her. Boku ai anata, Kayu-San!

Now, about what she said to me about sleeping all the time. I said back to her, " Told you I'm like a cat." Which, appearantly, I hadn't told her. I'll tell all of you now, since you're here. I mean that because I almost never fall over because I have an amazing sence of balance. And if I ever do fall over I end up scraping up the palms of my hands because I never fall on my ass, unless it's intentional. I have a good sence of agility also. You can even ask Kayu. She's tried to actually hit me twice in the face. I caught her hand both times. And I'm sure she remembers this too.

well, I'm sorry I didn't bother bringing Duo Earth out to play, to maybe lighten things up a little bit. But I'm depressed and lonely and Pissy sis hasn't been a very big help, as you can see. Gomen sis. Again. I don't mean it, I'm just saying. I'll promise not to die if you promise not to die on me. Later.

Darn, I have English homework still. I hate procrastinating. But it's human nature so I'll go with it. Scoring my essay, then rewriting it, and writing a 2 para essay for Ethan Frome. In my opinion, it was an OK book, but it was way too descriptive and kept fading from the point. Stupid authors who don't understand what the public wants. Then again, I shouldn't talk.

I'm sure I was going to ramble about something today, but I've just woken up for cryin out loud. I don't remember anything I wanted to talk about. Doing this reminds me of FF8 where the group would type in journal entries just incase they lose their memories. What doesn't take me back to Final Fantasy? I even wrote about it in my essay that I have to revise. Here. To get this out of the way, I'm sorry Kayu for being my moronic self but like I said, you would think I was a moron, and I was right. But I DO think these things sometimes. So yeah, I'm sorry if I bothered you by saying that crap.

Today was just another boring day. Except lunch. I stabbed both of Chuck's juices (with the gunblade, the tip is pointy) and then a moment later Kayu sat down next to me and I poked a small hole in her milk. She flipped out. She's been really pissy lately. "What the fuck did you just do that for!?" Anyway, she then proceeded to shake her milk, completely forgeting the hole I made, and got drops of milk everywhere. Then she shook it at me in pissy-ness and got milk on me. "You know, if you were gonna do that, you could have at least waited until after I shook it." So I covered the hole and shook it for her, and then she took my snacks away and ended up eating half my brownie and one of my banana twins. Eh, I kinda felt bad for making her go through that. After lunch we were going back to class and she and her sister Emily hugged (cuz Kayu asked) and I said afterwards "I don't get hugs. It's depressing." She replied with, "And you don't have siblings?" Well Kayu... I do but I'm not like that with them. Then there's you. We're practically bro and sis, but... lately...

Getting off of that subject, I have about a 32 average in pre-calc right now. But that's nothing compared to my younger sister. I'm telling you she's a moron. A letter came in the mail today from Tyrrell saying that she's gonna be held back in eighth grade. She already stayed back in first. She's not smart. And don't tell me she is, because she is STILL getting caught at home for smoking cigarettes. That reminds me, I forgot to tell Shadow to beat the crud out of his brother because he's saying I smoke cigs. Like a need a drag to be cool. I've got enough shit going on in my life as it is. I don't need cigs on top of it. But at least I wouldn't get caught with them.

It's 8 now. I should start writing. I'm not gonna be able to finish before Momiji calls at 9:30. Damn. Fuck it, I should just go back to sleep and tell Mrs. Bigmack to shove off. Depressed? Who me? What in hell could possibly make you think that? I should stab myself with a knife and end it, but I won't. This is why. Anyone can take their life, but it takes strength to continue living. And besides, I don't want Kayu to kick me in my grave and call me an ass. I'll type some more in here tomorrow. Later.

Yeah, uh, today I had 3 subs, one for US History, one for Chemistry, and one for English. What a treat. I seem depressed. I'll cheer up for you with my bipolar powers of crazy-headed...ness. I'll let Duo Earth out in a moment. Right now I want to be depressed and talk about my depressed side.

Last night I got the idea of cutting myself. Already Kayu's reading this thinking, "Ifrit, you're a moron. I love you, but sometimes, you're a moron." I know sis, I know. And I didn't because I thought of you and what you would think of me if I had. It doesn't mean I won't consider it though. Also, I'm getting really tired of this damn snow. That and the bright-ass sun. My eyes are throbbing just thinking about it. Can't it be dark and cloudy for once? Depression consumes me.

I'll get happy now and let Earth take the stand. I think this weekend I'll type more to my story (so close!) and hopefully go on a typing spree and maybe... finish it!? Whoa. Cool idea. Yep. Then I'll make mad love to the CD and floppy drives in happyness. Ow my back. Hurray for pain! I am alive! Unless it's a consperisy(sp). I hope it isn't. What if none of us actually exists and our whole lives are just false memories the electricity in our brains created? WhhoooooOOOOOOooo. Ifrit's talking nonsense again! We must detain him with a straight-jacket and put him a padded cell where he can have fun bouncing off the walls 24/7! Yay! I am hyper! Told you I'm bipolar. And I have little control over these people! No more monkeys jumping in my head!

Which is why Duo Earth is never shown in public! Whoa. For a second there I thought my eraser was a piece of that fortune cookie and went to grab it. Wierd man. Gotta sleep over sis's house! Want her to beat all hell out me! Want to cough up blood! Hurray for Earth!

I was thinking. Next week I may start a weekly quote in here. Just cuz I wanna. That's why. I also need some sort of a picture in here. Oh yeah, and my girlfriend is insane. Kinda like me! If only you understood what we talk about... I've said too much. I think I'm taking too big of an advantage of this journal. I'm going to leave you now and get back to thinking of how the universe doesn't even exist. Free your mind! Later! Ifrit's Fortune:"Good things are coming to you in due course of time."

I've got a lot on my mind today. First, in skool we had this speaker person lady come in(during our gym class, I like badmitten!) and she rambled on about dating violence for an entire period. Like I care. It bothers me though, Becuase it gets to my head, and I start thinking that I don't want to do anything wrong and stuff, and then I remember that I have Momiji (my Kitty) and that we would never do anything to intentionally harm the other. So yeah.

I was also thinking about a lot of other things too. So get ready. I kinda want to have amnesia for a day and see what it's like to not know anything at all. I was also thinking about death and what would happen if I were to suddenly die some tragic death, for almost no reason at all. I know Kayu and Momiji would care, a whole lot, but I dunno. Maybe I'm suicidal. I want someone to pet me! Kinda like a cat. It'd be sorta kinky too. Right. Another thing, I've been getting horrible migraines lately, and I mean, nausia(sp), dizziness, throbbing pain in one eye, not being able to move without doing more damage, stuff like that.

This guy just came to check our water meter and fix it (cuz we gots us some city waters)because it was appearantly broken. The water bill is supposed to be about $80 a month for a family of 5, but our bill the past two months was about $20. Something must have been wrong.Anyways...

Yep... Ifrit's depressed and lonely, as usual. But it will change sooooon. I'm supposedly sleeping over Kayu's on Friday night(woohoo! sex! yeah, right) and then around spring break Momiji may be comming up. Uh huh. That'll be a great treat. *wonders why he hadn't made a journal earlier* hmm... Yeah, so them's the breaks. I'm gonna leave now and make love to my necklace and charm. Later!

Anyway, today was just another crappy day, and I think Duo Earth is in comand right now because I'm pretty darn hyper. *drools* You should see the box the stuff goes in, its silver with the FFVIII logo on it in a holographic silver(brillantly pulled off might I add) and not what I was expecting at all. I can't get over it. Kinda like how I still can't get over the fact that theres a mock buster sword on my wall in my room. I love this stuff. Does this make me a nerd? Hmmm...

Shadow's party was great, we threw snow balls at each other, watched Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, ate massive amounts of pizza, played Halo and watched some Dave Cheppell(not that I can spell. Yeah, it was fun.

I'm gonna go stare at my jewlery for the rest of the day now. I'll be talking to ya. Later!

In other news I ordered some jewlery from a sword site I like back in uh... January and it should be arriving about tomorrow. What is it you may ask? Well, it's Squall's necklace with griever charm and his ring. There's also his revolver gunblade as a charm too, which is awesome. I'm really excited to get it and can't wait any longer. Oh yeah, did I mention it's supposed to be a birthday present for me? Yeah, a little late considering my birthday was January 5th and all.

Well, I'm off to prep for Shadow's party. Boy, do I sound a girl or what? Yeah, well, it's shower time! Eww, Ifrit's scrubby! I know I am. That's why I'm going to be hitting the shower now! Duh. Later!

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