I want you

You've had your fun you don't get well no more

I want you

Your fingernails go dragging down the wall

Be careful darling you might fall

Jeff said it was nothing, just a game. Just a fling. Something to amuse him. Matt couldn?t understand it. Why did Jeff want a game, when he could have so much more? Matt could give him everything. He crumpled the piece of paper into a tight little ball, and threw it at the wall as hard as he could. It bounced harmlessly to the floor. Futile rage shot through him. It had become more than a game, less than a game, and Jeff didn?t even recognize that.

I want you

I woke up and one of us was crying

I want you

If you need a second opinion as you seem to do these days

I want you

You can look in my eyes and you can count the ways

Only two nights ago, Matt had woken to find his brother sobbing in their hotel room. Sobbing because of that egotistical asshole. Crying his eyes out because that bastard had made some flippant remark. A remark so careless that his brother had broken down in tears. Yeah, Jeff was playing a game. Didn?t he realize that he was the one being played? Matt had been so angry, so jealous. Why couldn?t Jeff see that he was being used? Why didn?t he see all the things Matt?s eyes held? He?d gone to his brother and held him. Jeff had fallen asleep in Matt?s arm, softly murmuring Jericho?s name. Matt had been the one fighting tears then.

In the morning, Jeff had awkwardly thanked him, and avoided all of Matt?s questions. He?d ignored all Matt?s advice. He?d ignored the messages hidden in Matt?s words, in his voice, in his eyes. It didn?t matter really. Matt had already heard his brother?s dreams; he knew the battle was already lost.

I want you

Did you mean to tell me but seem to forget

I want you

Since when were you so generous and inarticulate

I want you

It's the stupid details that my heart is breaking for

It's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for

It's knowing that he knows you now after only guessing

It's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing

Matt shut his eyes, and tried to push the images of Jeff and Jericho out of his mind. He didn?t want to imagine them together. He didn?t want to visualize their bodies entwined. He didn?t want to guess at the expression of pleasure on Jeff?s face, as Chris fucked him relentlessly. Matt didn?t want to imagine himself in Jericho?s place. He didn?t want to imagine himself gently caressing Jeff?s face. He didn?t want to dream about the texture of Jeff?s hair, or the smoothness of Jeff?s skin. He didn?t want the phantom taste of Jeff in his mouth.

I want you

He tossed some tatty compliment your way

I want you

And you were fool enough to love it when he said

"I want you"

Jericho didn?t care; not like Matt did. He was just looking for some trophy. A home for his cock. A quick hot fuck after the shows. He didn?t love Jeff. He just wanted to roll in the sheets with him. Matt hated Jericho. He hated Jeff helping Jericho pick out outfits, and Jeff helping dye Jericho?s hair. He hated the way Jeff?s face dropped when Jericho ignored him. He hated the way Jeff?s eyes glowed when Jericho smiled at him. Even if that smile was false.

I want you

The truth can't hurt you it's just like the dark

It scares you witless

But in time you see things clear and stark

Jeff had to face what was happening. He had to see that Jericho didn?t love him, that Jericho couldn?t really love him. Jeff couldn?t be that blind; he just didn?t want to see the truth. Jeff didn?t want to admit that Jericho doesn?t love him. Jeff wanted Chris to want him, to desire him. Jeff didn?t want to see what Matt did.

I want you

Go on and hurt me then we'll let it drop

They?d fought about it time and again. Every argument ended with Jeff telling Matt to leave him alone. That Matt couldn?t understand. That Matt didn?t even know what love was. That Matt only cared about himself. That Matt didn?t understand the intensity of Jeff?s feelings. That Matt didn?t know Jericho, and didn?t understand him. Each statement had been increasingly frantic, more hurtful, but Matt knew Jeff was just trying to convince himself.

I want you

I'm afraid I won't know where to stop

Matt couldn?t explain himself fully though. He couldn?t say, ?Hey, little bro. I love you, and I?ll take care of you. I?ll make you forget him.? Matt couldn?t expose himself to that sort of rejection. Matt couldn?t stand to have Jeff stare at him as if he was a monster, as if he were twisted.

I want you

I'm not ashamed to say I cried for you

Tears slowly formed in Matt?s eyes, and he blinked them away. He tried to bite them back, but sobs escaped. The heart wrenching sounds echoed off the lonely walls of their empty house. Matt stood, and stumbled towards the stairs. His eyes were blinded by burning salty tears.

I want you

I want to know the things you did that we do too

I want you

I want to hear he pleases you more than I do

How did Jericho touch Jeff? How did Jeff touch Jericho? Did Jeff arch his back in pleasure when Jericho ran his tongue over Jeff?s chest? Did Jeff keen softly when Jericho pushed his fingers deep inside? Matt slammed the door to his bedroom, and tried to slam the images out of his mind.

I want you

I might as well be useless for all it means to you

Matt sagged onto the bed. Sitting on the bedside table, Jeff?s still face smiled at him. Anger flared, and Matt hurled a pillow at the picture. It fell to the floor. The glass around it shattered. The destruction left him with a feeling of empty satisfaction. He hated Jericho. Jericho would shatter Jeff. Matt loved Jeff. He wanted Jeff. He wanted to kill Jericho.

I want you

Did you call his name out as he held you down

I want you

Oh no my darling not with that clown

Matt struggled with his rage. He forced it back down inside. Pushed it away, but other emotions resurfaced.

I want you

You've had your fun you don't get well no more

I want you

No-one who wants you could want you more

I want you

Every night when I go off to bed and when I wake up

He had to tell Jeff. He had to explain. He had to make it clear. Matt had to take Jeff away from that egotistical bastard. He had to save Jeff from all that pain, all that mental anguish. Only he could love Jeff enough. No one else had the capacity to care for Jeff, no one but him. It was irrational, and against every law of nature, but it was the one thing Matt was sure of.

I want you

I'm going to say it once again 'til I instill it

I know I'm going to feel this way until you kill it

I want you

Then again, maybe Jeff would shy away from Matt?s love. Maybe Jeff would be disgusted by Matt?s feelings. Matt would kill himself if he ever saw loathing in Jeff?s eyes. Hot tears spilled down Matt?s face again. He buried his head in his hands.

A soft touch brought Matt out of his slump. He looked up in shock, and found shiny green eyes staring back at him. Matt looked into those eyes, and saw emotions there that he couldn?t begin to fathom.

?I want you,? Jeff said. His voice was barely more than a whisper. Just a breath forming words. Matt waited for the dream to dissolve, but it remained tangible.

?I want you.?