A fuckin' party.

Why the Hell am I here?? I don't want to 'ring in the new year,' I wanna keep the old one...

Jeff didn't have to leave me last year...we were together, everything was perfect...

Then this damn war...this war that half the people going off to fight don't understand...

I don't really understand what happened, either...last I knew, we were trying to help a couple countries get along...then all of a sudden, out of fuckin' nowhere, we're attacked and that idiot president declares war against half of fuckin' Europe and pretty much all of Asia!!

The kicker is, they wouldn't be hitting us so bad if we hadn't supplied them with weapons years ago, when we had leaders who knew how to be...what's that word that no one seems to know nowadays?? Oh, yeah...diplomatic.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to see Jason break down time after time in Adam's arms. I don't want to see the 'Deer-in-the-Headlights' look Shannon's had ever since he enlisted. I don't want to see Greg putting on that tough, macho, 'I ain't scared' act, especially since we all know he's terrified. And I don't want to watch Jeff in the type of setting he used to fit into so well. He used to be such a party animal...then the Draft Notice came...now, he's just...

Well, the old Jeff would have called him one boring sumbitch...

I call him scared. I call him anxious. I call him human. I call him...

...my love...my Jeff...

He's in the bathroom now...not because he needed to go, I'm sure...he just couldn't stay here. with Jay crying, Shannon terrified, Greg being Greg...

Ok, that was mean...he's trying to be strong for me, I shouldn't be making fun of him...

"Hi Matt." The small voice startles me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, hey Shan." He still looks scared...one part of me wants to hug him until he feels better...but another part wants to grab him and shake him, yelling at him, trying to figure out why the Hell he would choose to go off to war...yet another part wants to give him a hearty handshake and thank him for being so good to Jeff.

"Wild party, huh?" He manages a little chuckle, and I smile a little. Poor kid...he shouldn't be going away. No one should. "Erm, Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"If this isn't too personal...why aren't you going? I mean...Jeff and Adam and Greg got drafted...you seem just as healthy and fit as any of them...and there seems to be a need for fighters, so why...?" I sigh. This is a sensitive topic. I'm not sure if it's any of his business...

...What the Hell am I saying?? Shannon's been Jeff's best friend since they were in diapers...

"Ummm...you kinda hit on it, a little bit...I seem as healthy as any of you, but..." I hesitate, not sure how to put it...the guy's scared enough already, I don't want him to be worried for me...

"Matt, whatever it is, you can tell me." I know...

"Shannon, I have cancer"

He looks shocked. Can I blame him?

"Matt -- you -- you're --" I nod. He raises a hand to his mouth...he looks like a Victorian lady when he does that...

"Does Jeff know?"

"No. And it's gonna stay that way, got it?? He doesn't need to be worrying about me when he's out there. He's gonna have enough to worry about. You too, Shan. Don't be thinking about me, you got it?? Worry about keeping yourself safe."

"But..."

"Listen, they found it at my last physical, about a week before the draft. I've been having some treatmesnts to keep it from spreading...nothing major, just enough so I can wait on the surgery. It's contained enough that it shouldn't be a problem once I get the surgery. I have an appointment on the 10th...you guys leave on the 9th. Jeff won't know until he gets back, and by then I'll be recovered"

"If you're sure..."

"I'm positive, Shannon. Now go have some fun..."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's slow music...I ain't dancing with Greg!" There's some of the old Shannon...good old Shan

"Then go have a conversation, or something..." He looks confused for a minute, then I can see the realization dawn on his face. He looks over his shoulder, where Jeff is standing.

"Ohhh, I get it...talk to ya later" He walks away, and I walk over to Jeff, wrapping my arms around him.

He jumps a little in my embrace...he must not have seen me coming. He quickly relaxes into my arms, and we dance, swaying slowly to the music, savoring the comfort of each other's arms.

"I think this is what I'll miss most when I'm gone"

"I wish you didn't have to go."

"Me too, Matty, me too"

But I promise you, Jeff...

When you come back, you *will* have a brother waiting for you.

Screw Cancer