Some stoned dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says "got any weed?"
He says "no!"
So the stoner leaves.
The stoner comes back and asks the guy behind the counter "Hey you got any weed?"
The man says "No I told you yesterday, we don't sell weed here."
So the Stoner leaves again.
The stoner walks in the next day and says "Got any weed?"
The clerk behind the counter says, "Look you fuckin burnout we don't sell weed here, if you come in here again, I'm goin to nail your fuckin teeth to the floor!!!"
So the stoner leaves.
He comes in the next day. "You got any nails?"
"No", the clerk replies.
The stoner looks at him in the eyes and says, "You got any weed?"
A stoner wants to learn about ice fishing.So he gathers all the necessary equipment and goes to the nearest frozen ice. About 20 feet out he cuts a hole in the ice.
"There's no fish there!" booms a voice.
The stoner shrugs and moves out another 50 feet and starts to cut another hole.
"There's no fish there, either!" booms the voice.
The stoner shouts, "Is that you God?"
"No," says the voice, "I own the ice rink!"
A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads."
So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking and will come back the next week to buy the TV.
A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"
And the owner says, "I told you I don't sell to potheads!" So the stoner leaves again.
He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"
The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!!!"
The stoner looks back at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"
The owner looks back and says, "Because that's a microwave."
A stoner is standing in front of a pop machine when a man walks up behind him. The stoner puts his money in the machine, pushes the button, then takes the pop out and sets it on the ground. Again, the stoner puts his money in the machine, pushes the button, and takes the pop out of the machine to set it on the ground. This goes on for about 5 minutes before the man waiting to get something to drink says,
"What the HELL are you doing?!?"
The stoner turns around and says,"Duh! I'm WINNING!"
The stoner went to a bar. He hasn't had any nookie in awhile. He saw this chick leaning on the cigarette machine in a dark corner and decided to talk to her. He said, "Hey baby i know this is a little forward but i dont get out much so im willing to take a chance. Why dont me and you go to your place and get stoned, maybe cuddle and make a little whoopie?"
She looked up at the stoner and said, "I cant right now, im on my menstrual cycle."
The stoner scratched his head and thought for a second, "It's ok I'll follow you, I'm on my honda".
There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks."
The stoner says, "Alright, Man.
"The genius asks the stoner, "What is the pythagorean theorem?"
The stoner replies, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.
"Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?"
The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, "So, what is the answer?"
The stoner says, "I don't know," and hands the genius five bucks.
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!"
Q: How do you hide pot from a hippie?
A: Put it in his work boots.
Q: How do you get a one armed hippie out of a tree?
A: You pass him a joint.
Q: Why did the pothead cross the road?
A: Who else would follow a chicken?
Q: How do you stop an army of stoners on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.
