A poem I wrote for my Sars. She's my first love and my last. This is the only love poem on this page...

"My Angel"

This started one night

It felt so right

When I saw you

No longer could I lie

My feelings for you I could not hide

That night I had the greatest time

I went home and couldn't sleep that night

I laid in bed and stayed awake

Kept trying to picture your beautiful face

I wanted so bad just to kiss you

Just because you are you

Even though you may not see it

To me you are more than just a midgit

Remember the night we were both at the mall?

I do

I remember everything about you

Since the first day we talked or even said hi

I've like you since then I can't deny

Feelings for you I cannot describe

And couldn't speak of because I was too shy

But around you I can be myself

Removed my heart from it's blackened shell

I'll wait forever

Forever for you

Your a prayer that was answered

You make me feel not so torn and shattered

Thinking back to after the show

The next day in school you asked for my number

There was no way I could possibly say no

Went through the day and directly home

Until you called I was next to the phone

I had no idea what to say

But it was fun just to talk to you anyways

Ever since we first talked

Closer and closer we've become

But lately I am feeling kinda dumb

I just wanna be with you

Hold you in my arms

Cuz with you it's not a matter of getting far

You may not know this but here's some more

I feel your pain

I felt the same

I look around every time I hear your name

Your self doubting themes

Your low self esteem

You don't know how much your describing me

I don't care if you don't believe

You are the perfect one for me

To tell you the truth

I want to cry

Everytime I look deep into your eyes

Then I remember that your not mine

And that your with another guy

I love it when we are together

Cuz to me your all that matters

All I want is just one chance

But I even seem to be blowing that

Just one chance to touch your face

Just one chance to hold your hand

Just one chance to make you feel the same

I love your eyes

I love your smile

For you are the one that I can wait awhile

Your cute little nose

Your gorgeous lips

That I have longed for just to kiss

I've fallen for you

I'm in love

I just can't help it

It's the way I feel

I'm not a thief but I'd like to steal

Your heart away and make you love me

Make you feel better

Raise your self esteem

Make you believe you are meant for me

Please don't ever turn away

Or lock me out and close the door

You are my one and only true friend

Even though I want more

No fighting

No pain

No anguish

No games

For you are my angel

Whose released me from my bitter cage

My darkened pit from which I stayed

Until your light shown through that fateful day

Nine months ago on the first Thursday

I sat next to you the first day of class

Maybe at first it seemed like I gave you the shaft

But what did you expect

I've never had a friendship that lasts

But then I looked deeper

Found the love I was looking for

Then for the first time in two years I reopened my door

From my outer shell to the silence within

Not until I met you did my life begin

I removed my noose and loosened my chains

And began to feel an unbearable pain

One that I have never felt before

But it turned out not a pain at all

It was an emotion in which I no never felt small

Your an angel who opened my eyes

Your an angel whose fallen from the sky

Your an angel whose changed my life

Sometimes I run back to my cage

Just to save myself from more pain

But then in my head I hear your name

I think of you and everything's ok

All I have is one request

For when I am old and put to rest

I wish to lay my head on this angel's chest

So I can look into her eyes

Just for that one last time

Just that chance to kiss her lips

Cause this angel will be the only one I will miss

Angels come and angels go

And so do tears that will steadily flow

But I have to tell this angel one thing

For she is the angel whose released my demons from within

No matter what I do or how hard I try

Sometimes I may make this angel cry

I want is her to know

I fell in love that night at the show

She is the only one for me

She is the only one I want to see

The only one of whom I care

The only one in which this love I share

Deep in her eyes I wish to share

I love you Sarah,

You are my angel

Now were back to the good shit...

"In The Pit"

Legal violence in some sick, sad way

Helps to relieve the pain of another

It doesn't matter how big you are

Cause once you start swinging

A lot of rage and hate will take you far

In the pit

Down and dirty

When your in the pit

Just a release of every day shit

Of all your stress and tension

Just teach all the other fuckers one important lesson

To step the fuck off

When you start swinging

Just fuck it all

Fuck everything

Cause when your in there

Your just a man on a mission

And you have a mother fucking vision

A vision of hope

A vision of bloodshed

As long as your not the one being taught a lesson

Get knocked down

Just pick yourself up again

Rise from above

Reach from down within

Rear back once again

Throw those arms and just start swinging

In the pit

Down and dirty

When your in the pit

Just a release of every day shit

It doesn't matter how big you are

 Cause a lot of rage and hate will take you far

A song about revenge.. Revenge on a friend that did more than just turning their back on you, they jump you with your back turned.. You know who the fuck you are if your reading this.

"Tomorrow"

Lately, everything you seem to say plagues my brain

The fear you you saying another word causes pain

You got pissed cause I ended your rein over me

You making a complete ass of yourself just helped me see

Me breaking away would be the way it would have to be

I tried to break away, in such a way, in which you made me pay

Plans of revenge but you moved away

I guess I waited to long for the perfect day

But don't worry what you did will come back to bite you in the ass one day

Tomorrow

May be today

Cause revenge

Will never fade away

Yesterday

Was it worth it to you

It will be worth it to me

When your lips turn blue

You used to be my friend but that all came to an end

Now when I think about you all i see is red

It may be a year, It may be a day

But I will get my revenge someday

If one day your walking down the street

And think you saw me out of the corner or your eye

Don't second guess yourself cause your about to die

I'll watch you run home and slam your door shut

And this will be about the time you realize that your fucked

Tomorrow

Became today

Was it really worth it

Now what do you have to say

Today

I got my revenge

My revenge for the pain you caused

Revenge had been in my head

And every day felt like

Yesterday

Here's another one about my father

"Forget"

You were never there so I couldn't cry

You were never that and I don't know why

You were never that so I couldn't cry

You were never there so you can just DIEEEEE

Did you think I would forget

You were my dad I was your kid

Did you think I would forget

Well I didn't but you did

Did you think i would forget

How you left and neglected me

Or were you too cold to care and to blind to see

Its not a father of mine or where have you been

You aren't a father for shit cant even call yourself a man

You never saw it as treating me bad

Not even when you used me as a punching bag

But than you left

Never to say a word again

That's why for you there will be tears I wont shed

I could care less if your alive or dead

But about the same

Not a call, nor a letter

Not even if I was on my death bed would you try an make me feel better

All you needed to do was give me a piece of mind

A minute of your time

But its too late I committed the crime

Ooops

How was I was supposed to forget

That you were my dad and I was your kid

How was i supposed to forget

How you left and neglected me

But not only me your entire family

How was i supposed to forget

I didn't so it took my blood covered hands to make you see

Just a twisted song.

"A New Way"

Is it a new way of life

Or a new way of death

Why don't you

Take that knife out my chest

With these suicidal thoughts and my deranged delusions

Put myself in contempt

Cause death isn't an illusion

My lights become darkness

My loves become hate

My life's become hell

So fuck this world and than fuck fate

Immortals are dying

Angels losing their halos

Statues are crying

So were all bound to follow

A song about our fucked up world.

"Unattended"

Mortally cursed and eternally damned

Serving this fucker known as Uncle Sam

He wants me to go and give my soul

How bout I slit my wrists and take my own

Is it my time to die or is it my time to live

Strangled and pressured how can you call this bliss

Man killing man

Kids killing kids

A fucked up reality with obscene images

Is this a lucid dream

Or just our fucked up reality

I know I'm not the only one that hears those screams

The screams of the weak

The screams of the firefighters with third degree burns

The screams of the little starving kids with starving heart worms

Strike me down with bubonic death

Cause if this is life I don't want to live the rest

I don't want to live on this planet, earth

Its like were all just a game or fucked up afterbirth

We weren't meant to be here

Not meant to be left alone

Cause with the anger we have towards others

Were gonna destroy our own home

Were living in this twisted bliss

Mortally cursed and eternally damned

Serving this fucker known as Uncle Sam

He wants me to go and give my soul

How bout I slit my wrists and take my own

Is it my time to die or is it my time to live

Strangled and pressured how can you call this bliss

Man killing man

Kids killing kids

A fucked up reality with obscene images

A song about depression...

"Human Waste"

Just leftovers of a malformed nation

Not even a product of abnormal procreation

Not your fault your not even an aftertaste

Your just a fuck up

Your human waste

You put things off and off and off and off

Tortured in your sleep you turn and toss

Achieve a victory but accept a loss

Living each day psychotically miffed and lost

Bound up with everything and living with restrictions

Evicted from life, couldn't deal with you addictions

Fading, been waiting

Slipping, creating

Loving, been hating

But why and why

Just a waste of time

Charged and convicted

For a crime that someone else committed

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide

Living each day tormented from inside

Beating you down

As you pick yourself up again

Neurotically abandoned

Committing those sins again

Just leftovers of a malformed nation

Not even a product of abnormal procreation

Not your fault your not even an aftertaste

Your just a fuck up

Your human waste

Low self esteem attacks all of us at one time or another...

"Mirror Image"

 I'm not who you think I was

I'm not who you think I am

Even though you've always been right here

Standing across from me, reflection in the mirror

Couldn't see your face your image all blurred

But inside my head your screams are heard

I am you and you are me

In this sick twisted world based on vanity

Corruption a for of insanity

Like a plague inside of me

Inside you too cause it's an infection

When you're dead hopefully you'll rest in

Just one piece and in peace

In mother fucking harmony

You are the sum of all my fears

You we're my pain all these years

You've caused me so many tears

Staring back at me in the mirror

Fighting a battle against you

You slashed me down and ridiculed

Ripped me apart through and through

There's only one thing that you haven't viewed

Your self destructing both of us

Cause you are me and I am you

Get out of my head

Leave me alone

Just cause I live here

Doesn't mean that it's your home

So just gooooooooo

The first song I ever wrote...

"Not Quite Sanity"

 I'm trying to fight this pain

Which is fucking up my brain

Before it drives me insane

Or I become consumed with rage

I can't control myself

 I'll do anything, anywhere

Am I out of my mind or do I choose not to care

I don't see my future

Only the present, the past

How long will I live

How long will my sanity last

I'm trying to fight this rage

Which is inside me

I don't know why I just cant see

Why everyone points the finger at me

My head's a little laxed, lacksadasical

Living in a world of my own

The life I'm  living I see as normal

Yet I have to hide my head in my home

All of this shit was building up inside of me

Filling the void that was once a part of me

It all happened so involuntarily

I'm no longer rowing down this stream so merrily

Sooner or later you will see

This egotistical world's based on vanity

This no way you can live happily

In this fucked up world based on reality

A person who tried to commit suicide regretted it right after doing it and luckily survived...But that's not to say that they might not try again tomorrow.

"Come to Life"

 The antagonistic, ballistic, and sadistic thoughts

Lure me in to let me believe that I'm fucked

There is just no way out or any way in

So why are you trying to put me six feet under again

I dug myself out once

I came to life

I was granted that wish

After putting myself under the knife

Not on a doctors table

On the bathroom floor

I at last decided I couldn't take no more

I saw it as a way out or maybe a way in

But with just one wish

I came to life again

Rose from the dead

Escaped the after life

Laughed right in the face of Jesus Christ

I dug myself out again came to life tonight

I came, in her

I saw, in her

I conquered, her

As in her I mean, the grand scheme

The antagonistic, ballistic, and sadistic thoughts

Lure me in to let me believe that I'm fucked

There is just no way out or any way in

 You tried to put me six feet under but didn't win

Too much stress and bullshit for one person to take.. So instead of using a drug as way out they use death..

"Letting Go"

 Take me far away

Let me destroy myself

Please don't allow me to

Flat line anyone else

This mother fuckers been crawling under my skin

Ready to come out and be to blame for my sins

Ohh so disturbed cant even look in the mirror today

Confessionals only help to ease the pain, the blame

I need medication and needles just to stay sane

I've heard your cries and I feel your pain

Alone we wont make it through another day

You seem to be letting go

Feelings inside you don't want to show

Thoughts of homicide, attempts of suicide

All your doing is living a lie

All because you got pissed

Walk into the world

Holding a clenched fist

187,666

Those are the numbers of corruptions catalyst

I'm letting go

No wait

Ahhhhhhhh

To late

You kept yourself right here

Hurt those around who you once held dear

In your eyes I saw no fear

You let go so there's no more tears

You ever have just one of those days where everything just gets on your nerves...Yeah well that's my day everyday..

"Bloodshot"

 Bloodshot my eyes

Bloodshot my brain

Feeds my pain

Torments my rage

But in the ends

It keeps me sane

Filled up with rage

Consumed with hate

It's come down to this it must be fate

You keep beating me

I have nothing left

So you might as well just take the rest

Once was bad

It was bad enough

You did it again cause you don't give a fuck

Just another way

Just another day

I go psycho

Just another thought

I don't give a fuck

I've given up

Inside my brain

This fucking pain

Has got to go

Going insane

Don't have the time

I can't even color inside the lines

Bloodshot my eyes

Bloodshot my brain

Feed my pain

Torments my rage

But in the ends

It keeps me sane

Just read this shit and love it !!!

“Held Down”

 Held down

By my own self impression

Held down

By six feet of dirt

Held down

By my own self oppression

Held down

To me my life has no worth

I wake up look in the mirror

A constant battle or  neglected fear

Turn away as I wipe the tears

Suck them up for a few more years

Can't control the shame I hide within  myself

 The only one who doesn't love me seems to be myself

To cut myself would send me straight to hell

And homicide would put my in a cell

So I'm trying to break these invisible chains

Trying to hide this unbearable pain

I try not to take the lords name in vain

Just in case I make it through and defeat this game

Held down

By my own self impression

Held down

By six feet of dirt

Held down

By my own self oppression

Held down

To me my life has no worth

This self oppression

All because you thought you were teaching me a lesson

Now that your gone this shit on my brain I'm still stressin, stressin over

I don't know but as I sit here I'm guessing

That I'm on a one way road and its not to heaven

Held down

By my own self impression

Held down

By six feet of dirt

Held down

By my own self oppression

Held down