EnGLiSH TEAchEr K
English Teacher K is one of English Teacher X's more respectable-seeming colleagues. He has worked for a number of fancy-sounding charity projects, and he even has a master's degree. On August 10th, 2003, he finally got around to answering a few questions about the biz.
Which countries have you worked in, and for how long?
I stick to junky countries: over five years total in Moldova, Russia, Latvia, Turkey, Poland. I don't understand how somebody could teach in a non-junky country like France. Drinking wine all the time. Eating rich cheeses--the Camemberts, Morbieres, and Port Saluts. It's too cushy. I like countries where girls between the ages of 17 and 23 treat you like you were Ricky Martin. Is that so wrong?
Probably it is wrong, but don’t expect any criticisms from this end. Who have been your most venal and incompetent employers?
Oh, in most of the countries they were skimming. But it was hard to know who. Well, it was hard to know if you didn't pay attention to who was building a new house on the hill. There was corruption in these places, for sure, but the most amazing thing is the number of bosses and colleagues I worked with who were so bureacratically vestal, so honest and intent on doing the right thing despite all the skimming going on everywhere. I admire them. I wonder where they are now, the poor dumb bastards.
What brought you into English teaching, if it’s not too painful to talk
about?
I fell into teaching English. Like everybody. Nobody decides one day, "Hey, I want to be just like Stephen Krashen." If you were somewhere overseas in the 90's, you suddenly found you had a career. You probably didn't even want the career. I still don't, but I just got too good at teaching --and looking like I was teaching.
What’s your policy on dating students?
Who else are you going to date? Who else are you going to even meet? Besides, there's something about student-teacher relationships, something very natural. It's even very sweet. As a teacher you can be so grateful to students who are good, who make your job easier, and who add a bit of decor to the room at the same time. There are attractions flying everywhere. Are you supposed to be unfeeling? The English teacher is a liaison between cultures. You think it's going to help international relations if everybody thinks the visiting Yank teacher is a square who never goes out and stays home every night with some peanut butter and a Barbara Kingsolver novel?
Amen to that. Have you ever been fired for having sex with a student or a fellow
teacher?
No. I refuse. To be fired.
What are the worst working and living conditions you’ve suffered under?
Working conditions not bad. No chalk. No supplies. No organization. Entire courses predicated on confusion. In Moldova I had to teach by candlelight occasionally. It wasn't as bad as you might think. The girls looked all right. The mood was good for talking. I've lived in apartments, at various times, without water, without gas, without heat, without phone. Only in Moldova did all those things happen at the same time. But I would go back to Moldova in a second, despite all that. I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes.
Which country’s students were the most difficult and thankless to
teach?
I've liked all my students. Junky countries produce thankful students I guess.
What’s your advice for working with a hangover?
Good question. Because I think anybody teaching overseas who doesn't come to class, no matter what they've done the night before, is a wuss. The point is getting in there and doing it. You're a representative of your country. Give a good show. Now how to make things go more smoothly when you feel like a corpse? Coffee, in mass amounts. Bring a guitar. If you can't play it, probably somebody can. Other than that a bag of dice. Games are easy to create on the spot, if you've got the ol' gamester's blood inside you. You could set up a jousting tournament too. That would take up time. I've never been one to turn on an un-prepared video and let it roll. If I were a student, I'd get really annoyed with a teacher who did that. Whatever you do, the key is justification. Before the activity, tell students why you are doing it and why they are benefiting from it. Then you're ass is covered. The students might even feel privileged.
Can you explain the difference between the present perfect and present
perfect continuous tenses, and give us some advice for doing so in
class?
I probably could, sadly. And I won't. Although there are times it is useful to cover up language teaching by throwing around terms for things.
Would you like to say something, in a suitably general and
non-identifying way of course, about the international charity agencies you’ve worked
for?
I keep getting a pay check.
What’s your favorite place you’ve been and which place did you hate the
most?
I'm not much for hate. Most countries suprise me with how much they like America/Americans. Poland is a great place, although it's not junky enough for me anymore. I like Russia. Russians are so Russian. I love that.
Suppose you’re in a rough class and you have to kill like ten minutes.
What’s your favorite activity?
Ask somebody to play the guitar. Bag of dice. Ventriloquism. There are a million ways, actually, to kill ten minutes, or ten hours. It's best to read the atmosphere, see what works best with them. I never let a class out early. I'm pretty stupid that way. Just make sure whatever you do, it seems like a lot of activity is happening.
What would you like to do next? Are you doomed to do this for life,
like English Teacher X probably is?
I'd always dreamed of teaching squirrels to dance and do acrobatics, doing a little circus, a spectacle of sorts--the theme song to "Chariots of Fire" playing. I'm not sure if it's ever been done. But that dream has kind of fallen through. It's so much easier to be Ricky Martin in a junky country. I think I'm doomed too.
!
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