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Reads

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The dog called sex The Dog called "Sex" Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex." Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have been quite a kid!" When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, "Every room in the place is for sex." I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday. Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me forever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely," and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."

Dear Santa, I have been a good Girl. It really wasn't my fault what happened at Leafs's Christmas party. It was Brittany who spiked the punch with too much liqor. I can't help it if I drank 16 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like grape juice. I thought it was funny when I put Leafs's Cat on my head and danced the chicken dance on the leather couch while singing `what you waiting for'. I didn't mean to break leafs's criling iorn and don't know why Leaf would sue me for murder. I don't remember calling My invisable friend bob'S wife a bitch and a fat cow---even though she looked like one with black eye shadow and red lipstick! And when I threw up on Cara's husband's crotch, it was only because I ate too much of that turkey. After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my motercycle through my neighbor's living room. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a large dog that has sivear bad looks and dresses like a britney spears wanna be and have me arrested for stealing! So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all tired and worn out. And I'm really not to blame for any of this random stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money! Sincerely and truley yours, froggy (Really a nice Girl!) P.S. It's only 13 bucks! [#] Dear santa letter

You: 13 Things PMS Stands For 13 things PMS stands for: > > 1. Pass My Shotgun > > 2. Psychotic Mood Shift > > 3. Perpetual Munching Spree > > 4. Puffy Mid-Section > > 5. People Make me Sick > > 6. Provide Me with Sweets > > 7. Pardon My Sobbing > > 8. Pimples May Surface > > 9. Pass My Sweatpants > > 10. Pi$$y Mood Syndrome > > 11. Plainly; Men Suck > > 12. Pack My Stuff > > 13. Potential Murder Suspect

You: Hookers and a Cab Driver A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining, and all the hookers were standing under the awnings. "Mom," asked the little boy, "What are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative. After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?" "Most of them become cab drivers," she replied.

WheN ur a TeeNaGe GirL Your friends are more important than your family It takes hours to get ready even to go to someplace stupid because ur afraid you'll see someone u know You sneakout to meet a friendor a guy You start to become irritated over little things You whine about guys to everyone You are embarrsed to go to the mall with your parents You beg your parents for money You find the real "use' of a basement and a bedroom window You need new clothes all the time You go to parties You go for " walks" to find guys You'll do just about anything for attention

what does luv mean as posed to children A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8-year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.Karl - age 5 "Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6 "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7 "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4 "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her." Bethany - age 4

sad luv story 10th grade As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. 11th grade The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes,wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Senior year The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Graduation Day A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. A Few Years Later Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. Funeral Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried. i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u i love u

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