_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Hello, dear friends. Now then, I, your host, Her Imperial Cheesiness and Melodramaticness Cheeseon, would like to introduce you all into the strangeness of Asparagus Warfare. Asparagus Warfare is a guild, which I take part in, which has one sole purpose: to fight insane battles. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My normal allies and enemies seem to be away from their computers, but I am here. And so this part of the never-ending battles has begun.

The fight commences!

Now then, wait while I find a nice intro that suits this war. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

And as the battle continues, a shadow grows in the corner…the studio audience ignores it at first, eyes intent on the battle.

But as the smell of moldy CheeseWiz fill the air, whispers grow among the audience. Many move restlessly, trying to remember the last time that such a terrible smell had reached their nostrils…

The shadow grew and grew, and then suddenly, something came out of it.

Cheeseon came forth.

Her cloak was drawn about her, her red hair tumbling down it, exuding a smell of CheeseShampoo. She lifted the One Cheese, and….

NOOO! NOOO! CHEESEON, PLEASE! DON’T KILL ME! I’M ONLY THE NARRATOR! NOOOO--

*crackling of the microphone* Ahem. Testing, testing, one, two, three! Cheeseon here. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *applause from the studio audience*


_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Eh. Oops. That intro was from yesterday. Ignore the part about the battle. Pretend the studio audience was watching...butterflies...when I arrived. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Hmm....perhaps I'll neomail Eon. Perhaps she's on....*strolls away towards Neomail* I'll be back in a flash, to terrorize you with Lord of the Rings-ish weaponry once more!

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Why does Eon always get people to come to her wars? Perhaps she IS right. Perhaps I am too melodramatic.

Naw....

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Something has happened!
Congratulations, x_cheeseon_x, you just found 500 Neopoints on the floor!!!

It is a sign from above! I am meant to keep this board alive!

Then again, perhaps it's a sign from above telling me to spin the WoE....*shrugs*

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Eh. I definitely am NOT good at this making-a-board stuff. I'm better at coming in late and beating everyone to pieces.

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

*sigh* You'd think at least I'd get some lurkers! I mean, you don't see one of these boards every day, do you?

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Eh. I need to borrow a Drackonack one of these days. I need a cheesey avatar.

And yes, I KNOW you spell cheesey 'cheesy'. We all have our own ways of spelling things, all right?

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Tum-de-dum...

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

*snore*

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Hmm....perhaps I'll just role play with myself. The Great Story of LotRD: Lord of the Rubber Duckie was made on an empty board.

But then good old pepperscookies came...I doubt she'll appear here today.

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Oh, and by the way, this is not my first account. My oldest account is, what, 8 months old? Something like that.....

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Hi!

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Want to rp? Anything and everything is allowed, from Bubble Wrap to Squirrels to Ice Cream Trucks.

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Yep. Random is fun!

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

YES! Perfect!

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

See, I honestly don't care. I've role played with everything from skateboarding penguins, Super Pears, and bubble-wrap lovers to overly-large pieces of asparagus.

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Eh. I suppose I'll set up my fortress.

Time for another prewritten post! Ahem. *clears throat*


GAK! I SEE IT IS TIME FOR CHEESOR!

*narrator struggles to feet and begins to narrate, despite a black eye and broken leg* And Cheeseor, which was once the Shire in the land called Middle Earth, appeared on the stage in a miniature form. The ‘Ooh!’s and ‘Aah!’s of the studio audience made it swell to a huge size, making the stage crack and creak as it was expanded to fit the Realm of Cheeseor. And the fury and cheesiness of Cheeseon fueled its weaponry, as did Solar Power, which is the #1 way to get electricity, in my opinion. And---

*Cheeseon knocks down Narrator* I’m telling the story!!!!

Ah. My fortress! *disappears and appears in tower of fortress* Very good. You’ll never get me here! *pulls up the drawbridge*




_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

If you'd like...

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

If you've read the Lord of the Rings books or seen the movies, you'll see this is a lovely spoof on the whole thing. It's not my way to make up TOO much myself. I like spoofs.

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Great. Just great. I have to go.

Honestly, I only had twenty minutes...grr....

May I encourage you to join Asparagus Warfare? It's a great guild. There's a link in my lookup.

Anywho, I should post a last post. My melodramatic-ish-ness makes me a slow typer, so it may take a while....

One moment please.

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}

_{Cheeseon hath come.}

Sure!

*Narrator again struggles to feet again* And Cheeseon groaned as the summons from the Real World came, wishing to pound her enemies to pulp for just a bit longer. But she could not stay.

And so her Imperial Cheesiness walked over to Cheeseor (as she had suddenly appeared on the ground outside her fortress) and pulled out a little plug. It deflated like a balloon, whizzing around the stage and drawing ‘Ooh!’s and ‘Aah!’s from the studio audience. And when it was only the size of a penny, Cheeseon stuck it in her robe and whistled.

Out of the sky came Nine Riders, the Yellow Riders, the Nazcheeses. Modern-day Black Riders, if you will. And they rode on giant winged platters, which turned when told to do so by the Riders. And they landed in a ring around Cheeseon, threw her nine ropes, and pulled her up, up, into the sky.

And she vanished from sight as the studio audience sighed and clapped.

But in the silence after the clapping had died down, a voice came from the air….

“I’ll be back…..”

_{Go on, bawl for your mommies!}