Bound As One I

Written in 14/01/98

Disclaimer: Never were. Never will be mine.

Summary: Their bond is even more powerful than even they realize.

Author's Note: This is inspired by a great woman without whom I'm sure I would have perished of loneliness long, long ago. This majestic source of love and friendship has been my tie to the thin tethers of sanity for many, many moons. She has brought me joy and happiness, warmth and love, and the much needed light to shine down on my world. She has listened to my worries, confided her secrets, and trusted her heart with mine. My adoration for her precious presence and enchanting soul are eternal in the mists of time.

This story is the companion piece to Bound As One II


Bound As One I
by
Moonbeam



As the darkness of the coming night fell around her, inviting the shadows to take over, a small sprinkle of light shone through the dimness. Its brightness chased away the blackness closest to it, allowing the lone figure within freedom from whatever evil lurked at her heels.

She was dressed in warm, comfortable clothes to ward off the chill of the cool winter night, but she couldn't completely lose the sense of dread which seamed to fill her, chilling her more than any freezing weather could.

The woman couldn't pin point where the sensation was coming from, or what it meant to tell her. And with her partner miles away aiding in a profiling case in warm, sunny Texas, she couldn't very well call him just to hear the sound of his voice. No matter how much his deep, masculine tone would have soothed her rattled nerves.

It angered her sometimes to realize just how important to her one special man had become, to the point where she feared she would not be able to operate without him. She had always counted herself as a very independent woman, as strong and smart as anyone, capable of doing whatever she put her mind to. And she was. It was just that sometime during the last four some odd years, her center for strength had shifted away from her own mental control to her trust and faith in one Fox William Mulder.

What's worse is that she could find no reason for the dread which nagged at her consciousness. Her cancer had gone into remission weeks ago with no sign of making its presence known for a long time. Her mother was away visiting friends, and Bill had gone home to his own family. If it were Mulder in danger, he--or someone else--would have called her. She had no reason to worry. And that, in and of itself, worried her.

She could call him, he really wouldn't mind. But she would. Running for Mulder whenever something bothered her did not go well in her mind. She was a strong woman. She'd faced murderers, aliens, flukemen, killer bugs, and hundreds of other evil more horrible forces that would make most people turn and run crying for their mommy's without even blinking. She could handle a few bad vibes.

With every intention of just going to sleep and forgetting this entire night, she headed determinedly for her bedroom. Only to find herself drawn to her computer. A look similar to a grimace crossed her features before a sigh escaped her lips and she sat down. Giving into the force seizing her, she opened a new file and let her fingers work out her frustration as she typed.

Dear Mulder,

Dana barely blinked an eye when she realized she had automatically addressed her thought's to Mulder. It was, of course, the most reasonable solution. Mulder was her sounding board in person, why would she expect him not to be for her mind?

Dear Mulder,

I don't know why I'm writing this, I only know that even in my thoughts it will be you to whom I will turn to for answers.

This night, cold and dark as it is, instilled in me a sense of danger I usually associate with you when you're in trouble. Only, as I write this, you are miles away on a case that did not involve me. Our bond is strong, but I doubt even it is strong enough to stretch across the country. Besides, no one - not even you - has called to give me any indication that something is wrong. I'm certain I am needlessly worrying, but I cannot shake the feeling.

I guess I was hoping that in writing to you as if I were talking to you, the explanation to my concern would be known and then dealt with appropriately. Logically, I realize that this is futile, but you have always been one for challenging my logic.

I wish you were here to do so again.

She stopped and looked again at what she had just wrote.

I wish you were here to do so again.

She hadn't even known she'd thought it. She had just written, and it appeared. It struck her as odd that after spending close to every waking minute in Mulder's presence, just a few days without him would make her miss him so. By all rights this break from each other should be a good thing. A respite of sorts. It wasn't.

She didn't bother to dwell on why.

I wish you were here to do so again.

I have grown accustomed to having you near me. At most, a phone call away. You still are, but I'd feel silly calling this late just to hear your voice. I know that you wouldn't mind, you normally call me at all hours of the night for that purpose alone. And I doubt I would wake you, you rarely sleep.

I guess that after all the time we've spent together, I'm finding it hard to manage a few days without you. I wonder if you can still sense me where you are? If you're feeling the same sense of dread I was. And you're just as afraid to call me as I was you. It would be ironic. And completely us. So strong is our connection and yet we are afraid to use it. Why is that?

Oddly, I feel somewhat reassured just having written this letter that you will never get. Perhaps it is in knowing that even when you are not here, I can always count on you to listen to my fears. You are a true friend to me Mulder, I don't know what I'd do without you.

Thanks partner, wherever you are.

G'night Mulder,
Love Scully.

She paused as the word "love" registered in her brain, not certain why she'd typed that. Did she love Mulder? She wasn't sure. She had never allowed herself to think about it. Always locking it up in a tiny mental box and throwing it into the farthest corner of her mental basement closet. Safely out of reach.

Her finger hovering over the delete key, she was about to erase it when something stopped her. For some reason she chose once again to deny, she turned and looked at the letters forming the word in question, and let a soft smile grace her lips. Somehow, it just seemed right. Quickly saving the letter, she turned off her computer and disappeared into the darkness of her bedroom. The fearful feelings of before lifted off her shoulders, releasing her from their weight.

As she closed her eyes to let the quickly approaching sleepiness over take her, a single thought drifted through her mind. Accompanied by a vivid image and sense of peace.

Mulder.

Not The End.


For you Lola, because just writing you is enough to quell my fears. I don't know what I'd do without you, and I dare not imagine it either. I will love you for all time, Precious. Don't ever take your friendship away from me. I couldn't stand to lose you. Your lovin' Luna-tic, Moonbeam.


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