Maghrib
Chapter 10
Ardeth finished drying off and slipped into the clean robes his aunt had brought him. It was some what better to be clean although he doubted he would ever completely be rid of the feeling of the man’s blood on his hands. Most merciful Allah grant him peace, the dead are enemies of no one, most companionate, and he was a brave man who died well for his people. He looked eastward as he walked out into the early evening. It would be sundown soon. One more day when he had to bury members of his tribe. Though thankfully he had lost only two warriors out of almost fifty. But two right now was more than he felt his heart could bear. Allah, if you would most merciful, grant that I face my own death as bravely as the man I beheaded only hours ago now. My people have suffered greatly for their victory, and I would spare them any more loss if I can bear the tenid instead.
“Adham said you would be here, cousin of my husband.” Leila’s voice was a pleasant surprise from his right.
“Haltu!” Khalifa shouted, trying to dive out of her mother’s arms. He took Adham’s youngest with a smile.
“Hello, daughter of my cousin.”
“You asked me to tell you how those who remain of the eleventh tribe were doing, Ardeth.” Leila reminded him, gesturing behind her at a few of the women and children who were with her. He hugged Khalifa tightly and then handed her back to her mother.
“Thank you, Leila.”
“It was nothing.” She smiled. “We are finding them all family within the tribes.”
“As it should be.” He nodded. “Shadiya.” He walked over to the young woman he recalled from that horrible day. “I wished to thank you, sister, for all that you did in keeping the survivors of your tribe safe.” He offered her both his hands, palms up.
She nodded a bit, obviously surprised. “It is only what any of the others would have done if they had been well enough to do so, chieftain.” She said, putting her hands in his.
“Perhaps.” He nodded. “But I thank you still.” He clasped her wrists instead of her fingers, more as warriors did for each other than what was normally given to women but it seemed appropriate. “You have found family amongst the eleven tribes here?” He released her wrists with a slight smile.
She shook her head. “Most of us have, a few are not so fortunate yet, but there is so much yet to be determined. Leila and her husband have given shelter and hospitality to us all until such time as we can track down those of our families who have married into other tribes.”
“Good.” He looked over the group. “Leila, speak with your husband and let it be known that if any of Ahmer’s people are without kindred left amongst us that I will be honored to claim them as siblings.”
Leila looked a bit surprised but then nodded. “As you wish, chieftain.”
“Have all your wounds been seen too? I recall that not all of you were well when I found you?” He looked over the group again.
“We are well.” Salima the oldest woman there answered.
“Then I am thankful to Allah for that.” He meant it. “Your granddaughters?”
“Well, we are staying with my niece and her family who live with the sixth tribe.”
“Good.” He took her hands in his and kissed both her cheeks. “Come to me if there is anything they need, grandmother.”
“As you wish.” She smiled a little, although it did not light her eyes much. Ardeth nodded to both the girls with her and then looked about for the young girl his cousin’s daughter’s had brought to see him just the other day.
“There you are Sana.” He knelt down. “I do not have Horus with me today, little one. But he sends his greetings. Are you well?”
She nodded a little, but her eyes were still dull and she seemed even more drawn than before.
“It will get easier in time, chieftain.” One of the other women spoke and drew the girl close.
“In’sh’allah as all things must be. We are much involved still in fighting the Germans, but I believe we shall win. And when the war is over, will you do me the honor of letting me know how you all fare? I would honor Ahmer’s memory as best I can, and since you are without a leader of your own, come to me if you need to.”
She nodded. “We will.”
“Good. Now, is there anything I can do for any of you, no matter how small it seems?”
“Could you send a falcon to Aswan, chieftain? I have a sister there who married outside the tribes.” A girl about thirteen said softly.
“I will do so, certainly, although I do not know of anyone in Aswan to send the falcon too. Let me check with Arebe and find out. Failing that, I will take you to Aswan myself when the battles are over.”
She ducked her head. “Thank you.”
Sana tugged on his robe and he looked down only to have to blink back tears as she held out both arms. So he picked her up and held her close, sighing as the slight body trembled with silent tears that wet his shoulder. “There now, little one, it is all right to cry.” He stroked her back a bit, looking to Leila for suggestions. She only smiled sadly and nodded. So he let the little girl cry a bit more. “There now, you promised not to make yourself sick, hmm?”
She nodded and the tears eased some. He took the handkerchief Salima handed him and wiped her tears. “I am sorry.”
“Do not be sorry. You may cry upon my shoulder anytime you need to little one. I am warrior enough not to melt I think.” He tucked one unruly curl behind her ear. “Are you better now?”
She nodded and then hugged him tightly again. “Thank you.”
“You are welcome, Sana.” He hugged her back and then let the Shadiya take her. “I am most thankful that Leila has brought you to see me.” He meant it, because it eased his heart a bit to know that for all the people he had lost he still had these, and that the horrors he had had to preform that day were balanced a bit by the lives he had saved. “Allah watch over you all.”
“Allah grant you victory, chieftain.” Salima returned and the other women echoed it. He nodded to Leila and patted Khalifa’s back as her mother turned back to the other women.
“Will you join us for dinner, Ardeth?”
“I am not certain yet, Leila. But thank you for the invitation.”
“Please haltu?” Khalifa asked.
“I will try.” He promised. And then smiled a bit. It was slightly easier to go to find Selim though than it had been before.
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Ardeth took the plate Amal handed him with a smile. “Thank you.”
“It is nothing to thank, Ardeth.” His aunt smiled and then sat down over with Leila and Azza.
“I want to go to Thebes, Haltu.” Ismail announced suddenly, coming over to sit beside him. Ardeth blinked and looked down at the boy.
“What makes you say that, son of my cousin?” He shook his head a bit.
“Mohamed says that Alex says he got to go to Thebes at first. Now Papa has gone. Can not Mama and I go with Papa and you next time if Alex gets to go with his parents?”
Ardeth glanced over at his cousin and then sighed. “It is not so simple, Ismail. And I am not going to let Alex go with us again now that I have managed a way to keep him safe. There are many dangers to walking the Thebes that was and I see no reason to endanger you if it is not necessary.”
Ismail seemed to think about that for a long time. “I am not afraid of danger, chieftain.”
Despite himself Ardeth smiled a little, trying not to recall how very brave the reflections of his tribe’s children had been in hell. He reached over and gripped Ismail’s shoulder gently. “I am not doubting your courage, Ismail. You are your father’s son on that account I do not doubt. However, as chieftain it is my duty to protect the tribes is it not? And therefore I can not risk more of my tribesmates than is necessary. Otherwise who will stay behind to guard your mother and your sisters, hmm?”
“I will guard them, chieftain.” Mohamed spoke up, with just a bit more enthusiasm than Ardeth liked.
“No doubt you would do so, Mohamed but your brother and you are young yet to be so burdened. For now it is better that you both learn how to do so over the next handful of years and then I will rest easier knowing I have such warriors amongst my tribes.”
Mohamed nodded a little. “I am trying to learn to ride well.”
“Asyd assures me you are doing so.” He gave the boy a smile and then squeezed Ismail’s shoulder again. “Soon we will be needing to find you a horse as well, Ismail.”
“Papa says I must be as tall as Mohamed before I can learn to ride. But every time I grow taller so does Mohamed. That is not fair.”
“Life is often not fair, son of my cousin, but we shall talk about you learning to ride, later.”
“I want to learn to ride too, haltu.” Khalifa put in coming to sit on his other side.
“Girls do not need to ride horses, silly.” Ismail corrected. “Mama does not ride a horse.”
“Can I not learn to ride a horse, haltu? Then if there are mummies or Germans or other things around I can ride away from them.” Khalifa glared at her brother.
Ardeth sighed. “You are much too young to learn to ride a horse, Khalifa. But it is a good thought to want to escape from our enemies certainly. For now though you must trust to your parents and I to protect you.”
“I am not afraid of our enemies as long as you and mama and papa are here, haltu.” Khalifa hugged him.
“Good.” He put his arm around the little girl beside him.
“Is it hard to kill Germans haltu Ardeth?” Ismail asked. “They are not like the cursed things are they that never stay dead?”
Ardeth closed his eyes and then let go of Khalifa to set his plate aside.
“Enemies are never easy to fight, Ismail. No matter what sort of enemies they are. Now leave your chieftain in peace so that he may eat.” Adham spoke firmly. Ismail nodded and moved back over to his mother and siblings. Khalifa made a face and then went to get her own plate.
“I think I am to tired to eat much.” Ardeth shook his head. “I am sorry to waste the food, aunt. But I think I will do better to simply try to rest.” He did not miss the looks that passed between the adults there but he did not let that stop him from getting to his feet. “Will you do me the kindness of keeping yet informed of how the survivors of Ahmer’s tribe are faring, Leila?”
“Of course, Ardeth.”
“Good. I will see you both at prayers then cousin, uncle.” He rose to his feet. “Allah’s peace to you all.”
“And to you, Ardeth.” Selim returned, but the look he gave Ardeth spoke far more than the simple words. And Ardeth was suddenly glad the children were there as it saved him from the conversation he and his uncle would have had otherwise no doubt. He walked at first toward his own tent and then decided against it. Sleep was still far out of reach he had no doubt, despite the very real exhaustion that still plagued him. He glanced back toward the fire where his family was and then eastward.
“Please, most merciful Allah, I pray to you keep the safe. They are good people, oh my God, and deserve more than I have words to explain.” He could only have faith that Allah was indeed merciful and would not condemn the innocents and those who’s only crimes were their loyalty to the same fate that Ardeth was becoming rather certain was his. Is it hard to kill Germans haltu? Ismail’s voice echoed in his head. And he was so uncertain how to answer that. Because it was not hard at all to slay his foes, but Allah had to know it was hard to live with the doing. He walked out toward the dunes, hoping his God or the night sky might have some answers yet.
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Adham watched his cousin for several minutes, but Ardeth seemed inclined to do nothing but sit upon the high dune and gaze out at the desert. He was glad his cousin had joined them for dinner, more surprised still that Rick, Evelyn Jonathan and Alex had not, but he worried at the quiet that seemed to surround Ardeth. Even Khalifa and Numa had barely gotten a few smiles from him, and Adham had no doubt that his cousin adored the girls. And then Ardeth had left without eating at all. He took a deep breath and asked Allah for the patience and wisdom to help his cousin with whatever was wrong. “Ardeth.” He walked over and sat down beside him.
“Adham.” Ardeth nodded a little.
“Does she have any answers?”
“Does the desert ever have answers, Adham?” Ardeth shook his head. “I do not know that even Allah has the answers I seek right now.”
Adham glanced over at his cousin. “Perhaps you need to ask these questions of another human being then, cousin.”
Ardeth sighed. “I do not know of anyone living who could answer them either.”
“You will not know unless you ask.”
Ardeth looked over at him. “You did not have to come and find me, Adham. Surely you would rather spend this night with your wife and children?”
“I can do that later.” He shrugged. “Burdens are often easier to bear when they are shared.” He offered after a bit. “If it is not something you wish to speak to me of, cousin, I can go and find O’Connell for you.”
Ardeth smiled just a little but shook his head. “No, it is nothing of the sort, Adham. I– am only uncertain myself of how to find a balance yet with what I did today.”
“Ah.” That was some relief. “You should have let me question him, Ardeth.” He suggested.
“What?” That got his cousin to truly look at him. “Do you think I would ask of you what I am not willing to do myself, Adham? Or do you after all think I no longer have the stomach for what must be done?”
Adham reached over and put his hand on his Ardeth’s arm. “Neither, cousin. I simply think that it is easier for a man to do such as you did when he can then in turn go back to his wife and children and balance what he has had to do with the joy of knowing they are well. That is all.”
“I would not wish this burden on your shoulders, Adham. Or your soul.”
“Of course you would not. Would that Allah had not deemed it necessary for you to carry it either, Ardeth.” He sighed.
“I know it had to be done, certainly, but– I can not say I find it easy to forget.”
“Nor should you.” Selim’s voice was not one Adham or apparently Ardeth had expected, because his cousin turned to look behind them with as much surprise as he felt. “Adham is right in one respect though, Ardeth. You should not have taken the whole of the burden for yourself.”
“I will not ask any of you to do what I am not prepared to do myself.” Ardeth shook his head.
“You are so very much your father’s son.” Selim smiled a bit and then came to sit on Ardeth’s other side.
“Do you truly think so?” Ardeth looked back at the desert. “No doubt he would do better with it than I have done.”
“I do not think any man could do better.” Adham disagreed. “I did not lead my tribe for long when your father, may he rest in peace with Allah, was chieftain, Ardeth. But from what he did while I followed him, I can say you have done as well.”
Ardeth turned to look at him again. “You do not need to say such things, Adham. When we both know it is only said to ease my mind and not because it is truly so.”
“I think Adham speaks only truth, Ardeth. I followed your father, my sister’s husband, into many battles in our years as friends and brothers, and I can say with as much certainty as Adham that while he was a good chieftain and a fine man. You are his equal in both.” Selim’s voice was firm. “Pasha, Arebe and Abdul no doubt would tell you the same as they are almost old enough to recall as much as I.”
Ardeth shook his head. “How can you say such things, Selim when I know for certain that they are not true?”
“Perhaps if you would explain to us, why you think you are not the chieftain your father was, we could then explain to you why we think you are such a man and more.” Adham suggested.
Ardeth gave a bitter sort of smile and then looked back at the desert with a sigh. “There are so many things, Adham. Allah must know I have failed us all so many times, and likely I will do no better in the future no matter my intentions. What is it the Christians say? The road to hell is paved with good intentions? That does not make it any less the way to damnation.” Ardeth brought a handful of sand up and then let the breeze carry it down the dune. “Ahmer would not agree with you that I am the chieftain my father was I do not think.”
“Ahmer would tell you that he and his tribe lived and died as Medjai. That they faced our enemy bravely despite knowing they were losing, and that they are thankful that you managed to not only rescue the survivors of the eleventh tribe, but that you avenged them by defeating the men who killed them. That is what I would tell you if it was my tribe that was lost in Ahmer’s place.” Selim said with a quiet insistence.
“I did nothing of the sort.” Ardeth’s voice was rough now. “The very creature we are sworn to keep in his grave killed the Germans who slew Ahmer’s people. Not I. Does that some how absolve me of having failed to keep them safe? For having failed three times now to keep He who shall not be named from walking our world? I do not think so.” Ardeth shook his head and Adham could hear the very real pain in his voice.
“We are Medjai, Ardeth, yes. And that means often we face challenges and hardships greater than those of the Bedoui or even the other people’s of Egypt. But we are only men, chieftain. You, Selim, all the other tribal commanders and I. We are no more perfect than Asyd or Kahid or any of the rest of our people. That the Medjai failed to keep the Creature in his grave is true, yes. However, you succeeded in returning him to it, with the O’Connell’s help I will grant you, but it was done. You held us together against the Anubis warriors here in Ahm Shere only a handful of years gone now. Do you think we would not have broken the line otherwise? It was all I could to do hold thirty or so of us together before we all did as we always do and turned to you. And what did you do? You gave us the strength of purpose to stand behind you and hold our line. And here just the other day you faced the enemies of Egypt in ways I can only imagine and wish I could emulate so that I might fight beside you. You are only one man, Ardeth.”
“Adham speaks wisely nephew.”
“Adham speaks from his heart.” Ardeth disagreed. “And truly I am thankful and honored that you both think so well of me. But it is your love for me that guides your words not your minds. And we do not have the luxury of allowing such emotion to color our lives.”
“What is it you think so horrible you have done as our leader that we can not think you are as good a chieftain as we have ever had because it is true and not because we are sentimental?” Selim rolled his eyes a bit.
“What have I done right, Selim? As Adham said we owe Rick more thanks for defeating He who shall not be named than you owe such to me. And as for Sana and the others of Ahmer’s tribe who Allah was kind enough to spare? They owe no thanks to me either. It is the grace of one of the old gods of Egypt which saved those few of Ahmer’s people. Does that make me any less damned for praying to a god other than Allah? No. What have I done then, leaders of the Medjai? I have asked you all to forsake your oaths and accept the damned as our ally. I have brought him here as our guest and expected you to abide by it.” Ardeth ran his hand through his hair. “Is that what my father would have done, Selim? I think it is more likely he would run me through himself and take back command of his people as perhaps he should have done.”
“Bis’mil’Allah.” Selim nearly growled the prayer. “Your father would likely shake you like a small child and tell you to have better faith in yourself. Allah must know I am wishing you were a few years younger and I could do so now. Ardeth Bay I am only your uncle, but I swear it to you that if you were my son I could not be prouder of you. And were I your father I would only thank Allah that I have such a fine son to follow to war and in those bits of peace we are granted. That is what your father would do as well if he was half the man I recall him being.”
“Selim.” Ardeth turned to look at him and while Adham could not see his expression, Selim’s went from something close to annoyance to concern. “If you would have this said then I will say it. Think of what I have done, Uncle. As your chieftain and not as your nephew will you please? I have likely cursed Sallah at least to hell along with me as he continually helps me with the old gods’ magic. You yourself uncle have traveled with Horus’ grace to Hamanaptura and back. Arebe and Sallah with you. Both of you and more of our tribesmates have journeyed to Thebes and to the hell of Anubis realm for my sake. All of this you have done on my account and for what? How will Allah judge you when you join him in Paradise? If he is truly merciful perhaps he will only hold me accountable for what I have done and only tell you, you are spared my folly because you followed me. It is all too likely I have only led you all into damnation. That is my accomplishments as your chieftain. Allah have mercy, Gamal is likely right and I am already damned. Perhaps I have been so since Aswan when I first saw AmmunRa and lost my faith in Allah. Do neither of you understand what it is I have done? Allah have mercy on our tribes if it is as I fear and your loyalty has resulted only in damning you as surely as I myself and the Creature I have allied us with are already damned.”
“That is only foolishness....” Adham began.
“If you were damned as you fear, Ardeth, you would then not be concerned with our souls.” Selim interrupted. “Listen to me, Ardeth. I am an old man, and I know where of I speak. We have followed you because you are the best man amongst us to lead us. Yes, at the moment we have no choice but to allow He who shall not be named to walk amongst us as our ally, because the good of Egypt, and the fate of the world demand it. We can not defend Ahm Shere without his aid, or that of the old gods. I know this, Ardeth. All the leaders of the Medjai know this. We saw the battle here the other day. We saw the remains of Ahmer’s tribe, may they rest in peace with Allah. And if we fall here because we were too foolish to except the aid we are given, which is what Gamal would have us do the idiot. Then Germany takes the weapons of the old gods, and the secrets of Ahm Shere and who then will stop them from taking Egypt? And if they take Egypt then who stops them from taking Africa, and Europe? Allah had granted us a chance for success, Ardeth. And you, nephew are that man to lead us for that chance to succeed.” Selim gripped Ardeth’s shoulders and did as he had threatened earlier and gave him a shake. Adham waited until he let go to turn Ardeth back to face him.
“Selim is right. You are not damned, Ardeth. It would not haunt you so if you were lost, cousin. What happened today, what you had to do to find us the answers we needed about our enemy was a horrible burden to bear. And in that I think you should have allowed us to help you share it. But as for the rest. No.”
“Adham...” Ardeth nearly growled out his name. “You do not...”
“Adham is right. Selim is right.” Arebe’s voice was a shock and he and Ardeth both turned to look behind them. Selim however did not look surprised.
“I– did not realize you where there.” Ardeth sighed. “How long have you been here, my friend?” He looked about the darkness. “Where are the others?”
“If I thought you would listen to the rest of the commanders I would go and get them.” Arebe sighed. “But for now it is only I. Mohamed and Kashim are with the patrols, most of the others are with their tribes. But I could find them. Except Gamal of course. He is too stubborn and foolish to listen so I would not bother to tell him we were going to speak with you.” Arebe shrugged and sat down to Selim’s far side. “It seems I am in good time to convince you that unlike Gamal most of us are not fools and so we follow you as chieftain because you are worthy of it and not because we are too blind to realize that you are damned and leading us to hell. Have better faith in us, Ardeth if you do not have such faith in yourself.”
Adham almost smiled at that.
“It is good that you are here, perhaps our chieftain will see fit to listen to you when he will not listen to us.” Selim did smile a little as he spoke.
“I– am sorry if I have caused you to feel ashamed of me, leaders of the Medjai. I spoke without thinking as I am perhaps too tired to be trying to make sense of such things.” Ardeth looked as embarrassed as Adham had ever seen him.
“You have caused me great pride in following you Ardeth.” Arebe corrected. “What happened today, when you had to get the answers we needed from the German, has caused you to doubt yourself. As it would have me if I had been in your place no doubt. Do you think it did not occur to me to ask you for the right when it was fully mine to request?”
Ardeth looked at Arebe in obvious surprise. “I had not– even considered that you might.”
“No? I wanted to, Ardeth. More than was good for my soul I think. But I found the strength not too. Thanks be to God.” Arebe moved over to crouch in front of Ardeth now. “But you should have let the other commanders force what answers we could from the German.”
“I tortured him, Arebe. As surely as he and his men tortured you and Kahid. There is no other word for what I did.”
“Perhaps not.” Arebe sighed. “And that is why you should have allowed that duty to fall to one of the others, Ardeth. We are– still too torn ourselves, chieftain over what we have both borne lately.” Arebe gripped Ardeth’s arms in his hands. “You are concerned for our souls, Ardeth. Do you not think we in turn are concerned for yours?”
“And if it is already too late?”
“If it were too late Ardeth you would not care. Not for your soul and not for ours. Nor would it have bothered you a bit to torture the German Captain who haunts your soul so. Do you think the man who tortured Kahid and I is troubled by what he did? No. Are you going to seek out their patrols and find more of their men to torture to get more answers from? No. What you did was horrible to have to have done, Ardeth. I know this, we both know this I think better than any other man among us except Kahid. But it had to be done and that necessity is the only reason that it was. When he was of no longer able to answer our questions, chieftain you showed him mercy and allowed him to face God for whatever judgement the most compassionate will give him. He gave Kahid and I no such mercy, Ardeth. So stop comparing yourself to our enemy or I will shake you as Selim suggests and you will be to concerned with my health still I think to strike me.”
Ardeth stared at Arebe for a long minute in silence and then sighed. “I– do not know what to say, Arebe. I– do not think I have done my duty as your chieftain, but how can I argue with all three of you when you tell me I have? I am only so concerned for us all.”
“Of course you are, Ardeth. You are our chieftain, and as such you are always concerned for us. The fact that you have always been so and continue to be so should tell you that you are still the man we have followed these 15 years now.” Selim patted his shoulder.
“Our elders speak wisely, Ardeth. Perhaps we should listen?” Adham suggested.
Ardeth sighed. “I listen. I only worry still.”
“I will allow that you are good to worry, Ardeth. Only do not hate yourself so much that you doubt your ability to lead us or the state of your soul. There are enough real concerns for now, Ardeth, such as how we are to achieve victory for you to worry about those things that are nothing but shadows.”
Ardeth sighed and then said something softly in what was probably Egyptian.
“What is that, Ardeth? My Egyptian is not so good?” Arebe asked.
“Make him then give the fear a voice in the light of day so that it may be seen for only the play of shadows upon the wall that it is.” Ardeth said quietly in Arabic again. “That is what Horus said to me in Thebes a few days gone now. He was not speaking of me, but of Rick. But perhaps it is not bad advice at all to give these fears names and speak them aloud so that they become much less in the speaking.”
“It seems the bright son of Osiris is wise as well as brave, as benefits a warrior of Allah no doubt, which is how I must think of him. I imagine the angel who guards the garden of Eden must be something like the god of Vengeance do you not?” Selim put in.
“That is perhaps not a bad comparison at all.” Arebe agreed.
Ardeth smiled a little. “I doubt any archangel Allah would show to someone as unworthy as I could be any more amazing than the bright son of Osiris, no. Allah way’s are very odd, but I am not about to question that he could show me any face he wished and only grants me those I can comprehend.”
“Now that is better.” Adham squeezed his shoulder. “If Allah did not want you to lead us Ardeth, or for us not to have the weapons of the old gods and even the aid of He who shall not be named, no doubt we would know it by now.”
“There is truth to that.” Ardeth sighed and then smiled a bit more. “If AmmunRa can frighten Kashim so, Allah could easily strike me down could he not? Rick said something like that to me but I was not listening.”
“There you see, if it is obvious enough for O’Connell to grasp it, surely you can do the same?” He asked his cousin with a smile.
“Adham.” Ardeth shook his head. “Is that an insult to Rick or to me?”
“A bit of both?” He returned with a smile. “Come, let us go back to the tribes, Ardeth. You can help me corral the terrors of my tribe and perhaps they will listen to you and actually go to bed.”
“In’sh’Allah. Likely it is easier to part the Red Sea, but I will try.” Ardeth got to his feet and Adham took a moment to smile at his fellow tribal commanders at their accomplishment of easing Ardeth’s worries somewhat and then walked with them back to camp.
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“Do you feel like talking about it yet?” Evie asked as she brushed out her hair. Rick gave her an almost exasperated look and then came over to sit behind her and take the brush from her hand. But he just continued to brush her hair for her for a long few minutes then he set the brush aside and she leaned back against him as he wrapped his arms around her. His chin resting on her shoulder.
“I don’t know what to say, Evie. I believe you about most of it. And I know we had to get answers, that we need every advantage that we can get in this damn war. But– I can’t help but feel– like I failed at something. Maybe, it’s because I know how hard it was on Ardeth to do what he did and I couldn’t do anything to help him with it. Half the time I couldn’t even figure out what the German was saying, other than all the curses he kept directing at us.” Rick shifted and rested his forehead against her shoulder instead of his chin.
“Rick, you are only as human as the rest of us, darling. I know you want to be there for Ardeth. And God knows you have been, through all this horrid mess. There for him, and me, and Alex. You can’t expect more than that from yourself love. I certainly don’t. And I doubt very much, Ardeth does either.”
“No. He offered a couple of times that I should come back here and check on you.”
She sighed.. “Men. Both of you wanting to protect the other one.”
“Yeah.” There was a slight smile to his voice now. “See what happens when you teach a man responsibility, love, and how to be stronger when you’ve got someone to lean on, sweetheart? Twelve years ago I would have taken off to Cairo or anywhere else I could get roaring drunk at the first sign of the Germans.”
She rolled her eyes and then leaned her head back against his shoulder in turn. “Oh, poppycock. You did a good job of playing the cavalier soldier of fortune when I met you, Rick, but I can’t say I really bought it for long. The only reason you were so determined to get us out of Cairo after we first woke Imhotep was because you were worried about me. You could have left without me you know. But you didn’t.”
Rick hugged her tighter. “Smartest move I ever made in my life you know.”
“Thank you. I’m rather fond of it myself.” She stroked her hands down his arms and then entangled their fingers. “Would you like to go check on, Ardeth love? I doubt he’s dealing any better with what he did than you are.”
That got a rueful sort of chuckle. “I’m not sure if I should, Evie. He probably is only going to feel worse about it if I do. Because knowing Ardeth he’s probably kicking himself for letting me stay. Especially after the other night.”
She turned in his arms at that, straddling his lap again. “Especially after the other night why exactly?”
Rick blinked and then smiled a bit, a half rueful look really. “We just– talked a lot about old ghosts and things.”
“Uh huh.” She looked at him. “Old ghosts and things?”
“It’s– just hard sometimes still, Evie. To talk about Rolande and...”
“Ah.” She leaned up a bit and kissed him lightly, letting it go at that, then brushed his bangs from his face with a gentle smile. “I thought he might be able to help with that.”
“It isn’t that you didn’t.” His voice made it impossible to doubt that and she smiled a bit at his wanting her to know that.
“I know that, love. But it’s very different to share that sort of fear with me than with Ardeth after all.” She leaned over and kissed him again. “A bit more– real with him I’d imagine.”
Rick sighed. “I guess, yeah. But I think I can let him rest in peace now.”
“Well that’s good.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “ I very much doubt he would have wanted you to be burdened with his ghost, love. Not if he was your friend the way you make him sound.”
“Well– yeah probably not. Rolande would probably kick my butt if he knew I still had nightmares about it.”
She smiled at that. “Would he have? Sounds like a good friend.”
“You’d’ve hated him.” Rick chuckled. “He was loud, had the worst mouth I’ve ever heard and that says a lot, drank more than Jon and I put together and always swung first and worried about anything else later.”
“Men.” She rolled her eyes. “So of course he was your friend.”
“Well yeah.” Rick smiled. “He was a lot of fun.”
“You’re taste in friends has improved at least. Ardeth I like.”
Rick just shook his head. “You are the most amazing woman in the whole world, Evelyn O’Connell you know that, right?”
“It’s nice that you think so, Rick.” She kissed his nose just to make him smile. “Now lets go have some dinner. Then if you really don’t want to go check on Ardeth I would be very happy to come back here and you can give me another reason not to be jealous. Considering that I don’t doubt a bit that whatever you and Ardeth were doing to help you bury Rolande’s ghost probably had very little to do with ‘talking’.”
Rick actually flushed a little at that, the expression making him look so much younger and a great deal like Alex, actually. “Evie.”
“Well did it?”
He mumbled something but he shook his head. “It was– well it was just one of those things that worked you know?”
She had to reign back her very real curiosity on that. He’d tell her when he was ready. “All right then. Dinner, darling?”
“I’d rather skip dinner.” Rick shifted his arms around her and she found herself very suddenly lifted and turned, as he lowered her back to the blankets beneath them. “Remind me why I had to do what I did today again?”
“Because we can’t afford to lose, Rick. There’s too much about life worth living for. Heaven’s wonderful, but I’m not about to give up living here and loving you without every bit of fight possible.”
“Yeah. That makes it worth it.” Rick nodded and then kissed her and she just wrapped her arms around him again and pulled him down on top of her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ardeth woke to find himself once more in Thebes, he lay in bed for a bit trying to simply enjoy the warmth and comfort of Rick’s arms. He had struggled with his own desire to reach over and take some comfort from Rick’s presence at his side for most of the day, even during the afternoon when he had stood beside him while Ardeth had tortured the German Captain. Now he was torn between wanting to do that and still feeling too horrific to allow himself the comfort. He tried to think of what Arebe, Adham, and Selim had told him only a bit ago. That he had done what had to be done, as the Medjai always did. And that the doing of it was not going to cost him his soul. He was beginning to believe that, but it was a bitter drink to swallow none the less. He kept his eyes closed, simply listening to Rick’s heart beat under his ear, taking comfort in the steady rhythm. He still wished that Rick had not had to stay with him through the horrible process, although his brother’s knowledge of Hungarian and English and a smattering of German had been invaluable. Still, it was not the side of his leadership that he really wanted Rick to have to see. But perhaps Rick had found comfort as Adham had suggested he would have done, with his wife and child. He had no doubt that Rick has spent much of the afternoon and evening with Evelyn, likely in bed. It surprised him still that he was not jealous of that. But the feeling was not there, and despite what Selim had said when he went to bathe, he was still not certain he deserved such comfort. There was still a part of his mind which was horrified with the way he had torn the brave German to pieces. And it was hard yet to think he deserved any such comfort at all.
Rick stirred a bit, but his arms only tightened around Ardeth and he did not truly wake.
I am sorry you saw what you did, today, Rick. Truly, I have no desire to burden your soul any, and yet it seems that I do nothing but that by keeping you beside me so. He sighed, and then rolled to his feet and found his boots beside the bed. There was a pot of coffee on the brazier on the small table and he poured himself a cup. It was past prayers here in the land of the faithful of old Egypt but perhaps it would not hurt any to pray to Allah yet.
Allah, most merciful I ask you to forgive me for the doubts I have, for any offence I have given you, but most of all I ask your mercy on my people. If Adham, Selim and Arebe are wrong and I have indeed blasphemed or failed you and the Medjai, please allow the cost of that failure to fall to me and not upon my tribes. He wondered despite himself if he should go and speak to the bright son of Osiris today. Perhaps Horus could at least tell him if Allah was angry with him or not.
The curtains leading to the balcony stirred once, without any breeze and he sighed. He glanced at Rick and then took the spear and shield of Horus with him but left the rest of his weapons where they had been beside the bed. “Is everything well in the land of the faithful, priest of AmmunRa?” He asked as he walked out onto the balcony, blinking a bit against the bright sun.
“All is always well here in the Tuat, Ardeth.” Imhotep answered. “It is hot now for coffee, but there is karkaday if you wish.” Ammun’s priest held out a goblet for him.
“Thank you.” He set his coffee cup aside and drank a sip of the cool hibiscus before sitting down on the railing himself. “Was there something in specific you wished to speak of?”
“Many things.” He could not place the tone in his host’s voice although it was oddly gentle. “AmmunRa says to me that we have this day to come in the Egypt that is to rest yet. For the Germans now must decide how to progress with their commander dead and so the battle will not be until the day after that.”
“That is good to know. If all goes well Izzy will have returned by then with more ammunition for the cannons and grenade launchers specifically and Hashim will arrive with the rest of our warriors who were at Hamanaptura. It is good we will have the time to prepare as well as we can.” He glanced eastward. “It is good to know that something has been gained by what was done today.”
Imhotep reached over and surprised Ardeth by squeezing his shoulder firmly. “I am, without doubt, well acquainted with blasphemy and damnation, Ardeth, and while I agree with you certainly that what you did to the German commander was horrible. It was also necessary. And not a reason for you to be damned or cursed of forsaken by my gods or yours, Medjai.” The fingers tightened. “Your people are fortunate to have a leader who is so concerned with not only their lives but their souls.”
Ardeth shook his head. “We are Medjai priest of AmmunRa. Far too often I must ask my people to risk their lives knowing for certain that not all of us who go to battle will survive. It is always a loss when I must bury my people. But, it is a comfort to know that by dying in battle for Egypt they are assured Paradise. I could not ask them to follow me into death if in doing so they would also follow me into damnation.” He glanced over at the man beside him. “It may well be that I have damned myself as you did, but I will not take anyone with me into hell if I can prevail upon Allah’s mercy to keep them safe.”
Imhotep sighed and the look his gave Ardeth was oddly sad. “Ardeth, Ardeth, you are still too wiling to condemn yourself to hell. Have you not learned yet that it is something to be avoided?”
Ardeth rolled his eyes. “I should think that if after three thousand years of torment you have willingly journeyed to hell twice now to aid me and Rick, you would not wonder so at my willingness to bear such if I must for all my people.”
To his surprise Imhotep chuckled at that. “I am going to wonder if we are both not as mad as you think me, Ardeth.” Another chuckle, this one with a teasing edge that Ardeth was all too familiar with. “I should have learned do you think not to let my– desire for what I can not have shall we say, tempt me to forsake all sense and risk damnation so easily?”
Despite himself Ardeth could feel the slight flush that caused. “I would thank Allah, with all my heart if you were to decide– this insane desire you have for me is not worth the risk certainly.”
Ammun’s priest laughed. “No doubt you would. But then who would come to hell with you and your brother and appeal to Ammun to see you free Ahba?”
Ardeth sighed. “I shall endeavor with all my heart to avoid hell if it will change your mind in this insane game you play.”
“Tempting, Ardeth truly.” Imhotep smiled. “But how can I change my mind about desiring you if I am only doing so because I am found enough of you not to wish to see you in hell?” Another chuckle. “That is far too much hypocracy do you not think?”
Ardeth rolled his eyes. “Bis’mil’Allah.”
“If we are fortunate, Medjai, Allah will have mercy on you yet, certainly.” Imhotep agreed, taking a long swallow of whatever was in his goblet.
“Was there more you wished to discuss?” Ardeth tried after a bit of silence.
Ammun’s priest nodded and then looked out over Thebes, but the answer was a while in coming. “AmmunRa would see you come nightfall, Ardeth, and so I am to ask you to keep in mind the obligation this time. Ammun is indeed a kind god, Medjai and well understanding of the joy you have found here, but I do not know that he will be pleased if I must explain to him twice that you are not there to see him because you are sharing pleasure with your brother.”
Ardeth felt himself flush dark at that despite his attempt not to. He took a deep swallow of his karkaday and then found his voice. “I will make certain to join you in the courtyard before sundown then priest of AmmunRa.” He managed, pleased when his voice at least came out calmly.
“Good. We would not want to disappoint our gods, Ardeth. Yours or mine.”
“Are we going to argue again that there is no God but Allah?” He had to ask.
“No, Ardeth.” Imhotep chuckled. “I shall save that discussion for when we have a long afternoon to spend lazing by the river.”
Ardeth rolled his eyes. “In’sh’allah.”
“Allah should indeed be pleased to have so devoted a son. Would it ease this concern over the state of your soul and your people’s possible damnation if Ammun brought you word from Allah that neither is cause for concern, Ardeth?”
He took a deep breath and then looked over at the man who was still mostly gazing out at Thebes. “Would he do so do you think? I– am uncertain if it is better to know of damnation before it occurs or not. I– do not think that I will be of much service to Egypt if I find that I am already lost.”
“You are not damned Ardeth, my word to AmmunRa on that, Medjai. I am well familiar with damnation, Ardeth. And it is not so easily forgotten even here that I would not know if that were the state of your soul now.” Imhotep set his goblet aside and met Ardeth’s eyes with a calm certainty that was very hard to doubt. “AmmunRa would not curse you for what you have done, chieftain of the Medjai, how then can a god so wise as Allah do something so foolish?”
Despite himself Ardeth found himself believing the words. “Now you would have me believe you are not only concerned for my health but for my salvation?” He asked. “Madness is far too mild a word.”
“Likely.” Ammun’s priest smiled just a little, but the expression in his eyes did not change. “But that does not mean either concern is not genuine, nor that you should assume the assurance is only flattery.”
Ardeth finished the karkaday in his goblet while he though over what Imhotep had said finally he set the cup aside. “I will take on faith that Allah is merciful enough to forgive me if I have sinned where none was intended and only desired to do what must be done for the good of Egypt. It is comfort indeed to know that I could ask AmmunRa for his conformation of that certainly, because I can not believe in my heart that he would lie to me, or that Allah would allow such deception. So, if as you say you would know whether or not I was damned, I must assume you know of where you speak. Thank you then, Imhotep, for the peace that gives my heart.” He meant it truly. But it was far more irony than he knew how to express that he had found comfort about the state of his own soul from the one man he knew with certainty was as damned as he had feared himself to be.
“As both our gods will us, Medjai, we can be nothing else.” Imhotep smiled a bit more. “I am glad, certainly, that I could brighten your concerns some, Ardeth.”
He believed that too, odd s it was. “Why?” He was truly curious.
“Other than the fact that it got me a very nice thank you by name?” The smile turned teasing again. “I am Ammun’s High Priest, Ardeth. Insuring the state of the souls of those within the Tuat is part of the duties that I perform. Should I shirk my duties to my god because you are only a visitor here?” Amusement laced the tone.
Ardeth sighed and gave a quick prayer to Allah once more for patience and understanding both. “Bis’mil’Allah rakhman el rahim.”
“We can always pray so.” Imhotep agreed. “It is good to have faith in one’s god is it not, Medjai?”
“It is always good to have faith.” Ardeth agreed. “Thank you for once more seeing that I am at peace with mine, Imhotep.” He offered the thanks freely.
“You are most welcome, Ardeth. Especially if it gets me my name from you more than once a day.” The smile was teasing again. “You should not tempt me, Ahba, or I will claim another kiss from those you yet owe me this morning.”
He sighed. “I owe you three yet. Perhaps it would not be so bad a thing to have them claimed and the debt paid.”
Imhotep chuckled. “You always find yourself wondering which is worse do you not Ardeth? To have the debt finished and over or to put off the payment for as long as possible. Truly, is a handful of kisses yet so high a price to pay for the lives of your people and the surety of their salvation?”
“I do not think any price is too high to pay for the lives of all my tribesmates I have left and their salvation.” He offered it honestly. “I have even learned to be thankful that you are not so unkind an ally as to have claimed more than kisses for their lives.”
“There you see? I am not the monster you thought me, Ardeth Bay.” Imhotep smiled a little and then reached over to trace his jaw. “Perhaps I should have you give me the next kiss, Medjai, since that seems to annoy you much less than having me claim one.”
He managed not to flush at that. “It was a bargain kept was it not?”
“It was, and a most welcome bargain at that, Ardeth. I am well tempted to boast to your brother that I finally got a kiss from you that I did not demand. But likely he would only try to blow me to bits as he says.”
Ardeth glanced toward his room where Rick still slept and then smiled a little. “Likely he would, yes. If he believed you, which I doubt.”
“True.” Something odd flashed through the dark eyes that met his. “You no longer fear me do you, Ardeth?”
He considered that. “I would not say that it is a lack of fear no. But I have come to believe that we are indeed allies against Germany, and that the High Priest of AmmunRa at Thebes is not the creature of Hamanaptura that I have lived my whole life battling to keep confined. So- let us say instead that I am willing to take it on faith in Allah, and the most amazing faces he chooses to show me here, that I need not fear for my life or– worse every time you touch me. Although God must know I would be forever thankful if you would stop.”
That got a soft laugh. “And where would the enjoyment be in that, Ardeth?” Imhotep picked up his goblet and finished whatever it contained with a smile. “You do tempt me, Medjai.”
Ardeth rolled his eyes. “That may well be a curse in and of its self I think.”
“Ah, but Ardeth, if you were not so desirable then not only would you not have my interest but the bed inside would still be yours alone, hmm? Do not be so ungrateful for the gifts Allah has granted you Ardeth. He could always take them from you for your ingratitude.” One strong hand traced his jaw again. “Although I do not know if even scars such as your cousin bears could completely obscure Allah’s gift.”
“I am going to be hard pressed to keep this lack of enmity between us if you do not stop.” He muttered.
A chuckle. “Point taken, Ardeth. Although it is hardly my fault that you would tempt the gods themselves to desire. Come and thank me then for the lives of your tribes, Ardeth, and I will count myself content that your kiss is worth more than a thousand lives.”
Ardeth sighed, uncertain how he felt himself about that comparison. What was the bargain really when what annoyance and distaste he had for a dozen kisses was weighed against so many lives? He started to rise to his feet again but Imhotep only stepped over and stood in front of him, sliding his hand along Ardeth’s jaw a third time, but back into his hair now. The kiss was surprisingly gentle at first and he met it easily, not even unduly concerned when Ammun’s priest put his other arm around his shoulders and pulled him a bit closer as the kiss deepened. He gave it back as best he could, and it was odd still to be kissed so when he knew full well how very much more such a kiss could be between lovers. Rick’s kisses were far more involved than this, certainly. It was hard yet to be passive though and he kept his thoughts tightly to English as the unwelcome thought of how hard it would be to not accept a kiss such as this filled with water if one was truly close to dying of thirst suddenly came to his mind.
“Ardeth?” Imhotep’s tone was oddly gentle as he broke the kiss with a sigh. “I did not think you still found my kisses so hard to stomach.”
And he realized with a start that he truly was almost nauseous. “It is– for once, not your kisses I am objecting to.” He rolled his eyes. “Perhaps it is only the heat or my exhaustion.” He waved aside the odd concern.
“Hmm. Perhaps. My apologies, Medjai, for whatever memory I stirred. It was not my intention to cause you to have more burdens yet, this day. Now you see, you even manage to pay me the kisses you yet owe me and make certain I can not even enjoy them. You are going to be as much of an annoyance as your brother soon.”
Ardeth found a smile for that. “That is a compliment I will take without complaint.”
“No doubt.” Ammun’s priest smiled as well. “Then I shall leave you with the compliment, Ardeth. Go and see your brother, no doubt he can ease you some, hmm? Does he have any idea how very fortunate he is yet, Medjai?” Imhotep did not wait for an answer only walked through the curtains and then out the door.
“Madness is so pale a word.” He stared at the door himself for a long while and then decided firmly not to worry about any of his burdens yet. He smiled a little at finding Rick still sound asleep, and after debating with himself for a bit he took off his boots and weapons and simply climbed back into bed. He was less troubled oddly enough than he had been before his very strange talk with Ammun’s High Priest and the thought of the comfort to be had in Rick’s arms was far more tempting than he cared to resist. He shifted a bit closer to Rick and put his arm around his friend’s waist. After a while it seemed more comfortable to lay his head back on Rick’s shoulder and let the steady rhythm of Rick’s heartbeat and breathing lull him finally back to sleep.
Maghrib:ToC