THE TOP IDIOTS OF 2006
Number One Idiot of 2006- I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and
there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down
and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better
bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Here's your sign,
lady. Wear it with pride.
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Number Two Idiot of 2006- Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were
successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a
float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon
that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
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Number Three Idiot of 2006- A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the Branch and wrote this. "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip
or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK"
and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
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Number Four Idiot-
of 2006- A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the
police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy........ but you still get a sign.
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Number Five Idiot of 2006- A guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed
that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The
robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a sign.
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Idiot Number Six of 2006- A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his
partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't even deserve
a sign
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Idiot Number Seven of 2006- Arkansas Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole
event was caught on videotape. Yep, Here's your sign (Please note that all of
the above people are allowed to vote)
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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a
new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the
removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are
being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS .
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a
taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said
he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas
City!
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in
Birmingham, Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross
the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are
blind people doing driving?"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was
leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We
all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This
was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back
into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to
pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This
was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi
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