My fellow students, when we came into this class on the first day, we all noticed something near the back of the room. Like the great Sphinx, she was looking down upon us all with a single green eye of justice. Oh yes, the more I stared at that poster, the more I realized – Hilary Duff is destined to be our next great prophet.
As teenagers, we are a troubled people. Teachers push us around, our parents don't understand us, and society tries to bring us down at every possible opportunity. We have only one place to turn in the barren deserts of our suburban wastelands – the shopping mall. And it is at these very shopping malls that we see Hilary Duff, gazing down at us from the walls of music and video stores like a comforting sister.
You see, our great prophet is not limited to just one talent, like so many false idols we have worshipped before. She can sing, dance, and act! But how, you ask, is it possible for one person to be that good at just one thing, let alone three? Well there is only one answer – she holds the keys to our future.
We have ignored the wise words of our friend Hilary for too long. Even I myself, until a few days ago, was one of the unenlightened. But I decided to take that final step, and learn her words of wisdom for myself. And so, I delved into the ancient tome of her lyrics.
In one of her songs, known to us as "Come Clean," she says "Let's go back, back to the beginning, back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned." How could anyone know what it was like at the very beginning, unless they had divine inspiration? But like a good patron saint, Hilary gives us a prophesy as to how we are to save our souls. In her song "Why Not," she informs us "You'll never get to heaven or even to L.A., if you don't believe there is a way." She is clearly informing us that unless we believe in and follow her word, we will never achieve eternal salvation.
The time has come for us to stop living with our heads buried in the sands like so many ostriches. The time has come for us to wake up to a brand new day, stretch our arms, and brush our teeth with the toothpaste of faith. The time has come for us to accept the one who will lead us through these times of war and terrorism to peace and freedom. The time has come for us to obey Hilary Duff.