Let me introduce this little piece. You see, preps and goths are classic enemies. The preps attempt to bully the goths for looking funny, and the goths write angsty Livejournal entries about the preps in return. It's an endless cycle. I see the heated rivalry all the time at my school! So I figure, someone needs to mediate this war. And so I chose the greatest person ever - myself. Yes that's right, the preps and goths will be rated on a number of superficial categories. Are you ready for this extreme ride? This is based solely on the preps and goths I encounter at my school, so unless you go there, no challenging my authority!
Disclaimer: Tressa does not condone judging people based on their looks, fashion, choice of friends blah blah blah
Preps: American Eagle or other overpriced brand name for both guys and girls. Girls prefer tight "faded" jeans and slutty tanktops or baby-tees, guys prefer baggy "faded" jeans and fake vintage t's or polo shirts. Goths: All black, sometimes with a band shirt of a band they hope you've never heard of. Black jeans, black hoodies, or overpriced army surplus. Slutty fishnets for the girls. Don't forget the $40 studded belt.
Winner? Goths. They're slightly less slutty (only slightly!) and occasionally have a good band on their shirt (only occasionally!).
Preps: Everyone is supposed to think preps of the opposite gender are "hot." The girls sport fake tans with hair often dyed platinum blonde, and apply about twenty tons of makeup, including but not limited to baby blue eye shadow, a bottle's worth of nail polish, and lipstick with so much glitter it causes seizures when they nod. They appear anorexic. Guys always frost the end of their hair blonde, and either spike it into a ski jump or buzz it as far as it will go. Guys obsess over being muscular, are constantly bragging about their six packs, and have unusually square jaws. Goths: Pale as fuck. If they aren't naturally, they wear creepy white face powder. They also apply about twenty tons of makeup, particularly black eyeshadow and lipstick. This applies to both guys and girls. The older ones have piercings in odd places, but the younger ones are too wussy. Some wear emo glasses to capture some sort of crossover look. And let's not forget the dyed black hair, that's either spiked or really long, and the scars on their arms from cutting themselves.
Winner? It's close. Uh, I hate to say it, but probably goths. I'd take someone with fake pale complexion over someone with a fake tan any day of the week.
Preps: There are literally hundreds, all over the school. Just like ants, even when you've seen several clumps of 'em, there are more to come. They always interdate, and back each other up when it comes to people they hate. Of course, they can easily be thrown into turmoil by break-ups, and sometimes different cliques clash like inner city gangs, yo. Goths: Not as many, but they seem to own their own corners here and there. This can be very intimidating at first glance, as while gobs of preps are fairly commonplace, a sudden goth outbreak is quite odd. And every goth seems to know each other, somehow. It's like as soon as a new one is born, an alarm goes off and they welcome this new addition to their group.
Winner? Preps. They've got safety in severe numbers, and while they might fight amongst each other, they always band together to take out a non-prep.
Preps: Their biggest worry is whether or not that cute cheerleader/football player will ask them to the dance. That and their parents grounding them for dating someone five years older, even though it was true loooove. They might be a little anorexic, but hey, that's no problem! Goths: They have more angst than anyone on this planet knows what to do with. Self-mutilation, lack of love, being unpopular, hating their parents...and if they run out, they just make up something new!
Winner? Preps. They can fail every subject they take, yet have no worries.
Preps: It's a travesty if they go for more than 3 days without dating someone! And they always have the best choices: cheerleaders, football players, guys in lame local pop-punk bands...ohmigod! Goths: Even when dating options are open, they usually stay single so they can write poetry about it. They eventually get a "hopeless crush" and whine about how the person will never be theirs everyday in their journal. You'd think they'd have better options, since they all claim to be bisexual.
Winner? Preps. They bounce right back from break-ups, and are constantly getting some.
Preps: Their heads are completely empty. Talking with one makes you feel like a genius in comparison. They don't seem to care when they fail, either - unless their parents will ground them and keep them from attending that cool party this weekend! Goths: Well...they know what poetry is, that's for sure. While they think they're literary geniuses, the rest of the world recognizes their poems and "introspective" journal entries for the crap it is. Their school performance varies wildly from goth to goth.
Winner? Goths. For all their bad poetry, at least they know the difference between an adjective and a verb.
Preps: Airheaded, slutty, bitchy, and better than you. Goths: Pretentious, depressing, angsty, and better than you.
Winner? Um, I guess it'll have to be goths. They have the courtesy to attempt substance.
Preps: Appear nice on the outside, but your fashion sense is SO getting trashed at lunch. If you don't dress like them, you'll probably get trashed to your face, too. Goths: Every comment you make will be met with a stony glare.
Winner? Preps. You have about a 50/50 chance of them being nice to you.
Preps: Going to the mall, applying makeup, listening to whatever music is trendy, getting fake tans, attending all the in-crowd parties, dating, chattering on their cell phones, and making out in the middle of lame teen flicks. Goths: Writing poetry, updating their Livejournals, listening to gothic music, going to concerts only to end up standing sullenly against the back wall, and drinking away all their terrible, terrible problems.
Winner? Oh good god. Probably goths, since once in a while, they'll like an okay band.