In late October, I was at the Social Distortion/Tiger Army/The Explosion show in Toronto, and found a trucker hat on the floor bearing this website's logo. I always hear bands saying "Check out our MySpace profile!," so I decided to check out the website and get me a profile.

As far as I can tell, it's some sort of cross between Livejournal, (you can post blog entries), a music news website, (you can add bands with profiles and get informed when they do something), and a dating service. As Livejournal already exists, as do music websites that list news for all bands and not just ones with profiles, I fail to see why this site is a sweeping craze. Maybe it's the dating aspect, but c'mon...what are your odds of finding true love on the Internet, versus your odds of just getting hit on by creepy middle-aged men?

The hat, on the other hand, is still sitting in my closet. It is rather comfortable. If it was a sweeping craze, I could see why!

I have to admit, I have never actually worn my pajama pants outside the house, so I can't back up my statement with any concrete proof. However, this just looks like it would be really cold in winter and really hot in summer. Plus the fashion people, think of your sense of fashion.

So...why is she famous again? She was in a sex tape? Geez, she's not even hot. In the words of Homer Simpson, she's "the legend of the dog-faced woman." Everyone always bitches about how they hate it when rich girls who do nothing get popular, so just who is paying attention to her enough for her to get so big?

Everyone I know hates this show, so I'm pretty sure you don't need to be told. However, the networks who play marathons of this all day, I'm afraid, still need to be told. If MuchMusic plays reruns of this one more time, heads will roll. Same as Paris Hilton...are people really masochistic enough to watch someone who doesn't deserve wealth flaunt it everywhere? And don't even get me started on her sister's giant schnozz.

All right, we all want to look cool. But let's face it; you know within a few months, the price will have dramatically dropped, and there will probably be an even better model out that's fixed all those crazy "flesh-eating" bugs the first one had.

Actually, I can figure out why this is popular, I just have no place else to express my disdain. Sure, I want an iPod too, but I'm willing to make due with a "mini disk player" that takes like 12 batteries and a day of your life just to burn one shoddy disk that you're sick of within days, because I'm not shelling out for one. I learned my lesson when I bought Eternal Darkness for Gamecube for $45 only to have it fall in price to $12.99 within months. Damn you, Nintendo.

Now, if you actually lived through the vinyl age, it's okay to listen to vinyl. However, speaking as a product of our new millenium, where things whizz and bang at maximum speeds, I'm not going out and buying a vinyl player just to play a few bonus songs bands shove on vinyl copies just to seem hip and with it. Vinyls are also a) too big for my shelf to hold and b) you apparantly can't dance because it skips.

I believe this one explains itself.

Pepsi Blue tastes like medicine. Sprite Mint tastes like that stuff dentists clean your teeth with. I didn't even have the guts to try that red Mountain Dew crap. For the love of God, you corporate fat cats: stick with the classics or make flavours that actually taste refreshing.

On second thought, I'm pretty sure these new flavours weren't even popular, since I haven't seen them in a while. Either that, or they found out it was toxic. Like that cough syrup I used to take.

Dammit! I just remembered that. It tasted real good for medicine, too. The replacement tastes godawful. It was really popular too, and apparantly, inexplicably popular. When I get cancer, I'm suing the pants off whatever company made it.

Before you say "Oh c'mon, no one likes this anymore, and anyway, everyone's already gone on about how much it sucks," I'll have you know, the rest of my family watches nearly every crappy reality show out there. Survivor, The Apprentice, American Idol, the Amazing Race...all of it. Then they leave me out of their conversations about how so-and-so's a total bitch and whatshisface has a great singing voice. It hurts, you know.

I just told my mom I was writing this (I had to ask her what reality TV she watches for the list above) and now she's getting defensive. "There's nothing else on! The advertising gets you!" Oh c'mon Mom, if you raised someone as cool as me, you can obviously do better than that.

I thought shows about unnaturally beautiful people and their lame, wussy problems went out in the early 90's! Now, I can see girls who like to drool over whatshisface (you know who I'm talking about, I can't remember his name) watching this show obsessively, but I'm actually amazed how many men watch this. They claim "it's for the lesbians!" but I bet they secretly love the soap opera-esque drama too.

What the fuck? How did this EVER get popular beyond a small faction of sad, sad people? I mean honestly, in today's age where things whizz and bang at maximum speeds, I can't see why pretentious lyrics that mean nothing and seven minute synthesizer solos ever got on the radio. The early 70's prog rock phenomenon and the early 90's endless teen angst era already happened; let's just put it aside forever.

And I do believe that's all the time we have for today. Remember, next time you would like to do something, stop and think to yourself "Is this really stupid? Will I only be continuing the cycle of crappy stuff?" and then maybe think twice. Just say no!