Em hotep!
My Name is Jennifer, and I'm 21 year old Mom from Las Vegas, Nevada. I'm writing this for introduction purposes and I apologize now if its a little long winded. There's a lot to cover! Well, I guess I'll start with how I became a Pagan in the first place, and it should progress from there.
I had a feeling that I needed to get something done, and get it done as fast as I could, or I'd miss out on something huge. At the time I didn't know what that huge thing would be, what it would look like, or even if I would recognize it, but I knew it was bigger than me. That the situations I had experienced were bigger then me. And what's bigger than us? God.
Yes, I turned to religion and spirituality for my answers, not for salvation; because in my mind my existence was already my savior, because I now knew that there was no other explanation for what goes on in my life. There WAS Divinity in some form, and I was gonna say hello to it, as it said hello to me countless times before.
I was raised a Lutheran; a slave to the pew, so that's where I looked first. I asked myself if there was anything satisfying about Christianity. Did it fit? In all honesty the whole religion scared the [censored] out of me: I was afraid of Jesus, or at least the Jesus that I was taught to fear. Muslims didn't like piggies and I'm a meat eater, and I couldn't be a Jew cause Mel Brooks rocks, and I could never be as good a Jew as he is. ::sly grin::
In short nothing else worked. So I looked into more secular practices, and loved the profound things they had to say. Some really clicked. And some of them didn't: for instance, my brief interest in Satanism. I was back at square one, lost in a sea of different paths to take. After buying tons of books, both ancient and modern, I decided I would get on the Internet, because "they have everything online," I remember saying to myself.
I was so thirsty for knowledge, for finding out what I needed, that I attacked almost every web site I could find on Paganism and various religions, but all I really found was different types of Wicca, or naturalized Christianity. Before I moved any further, I had to reevaluate what my beliefs in Divinity consisted of, why I was dissatisfied with the dogma and fundamentals of other traditions, and what I needed from "the one" that was gonna put it all right.
Did I believe in God? You bettcha! But I didn't believe he was a he at all! Or at least not just a he. Which totally confused me. Were they separate beings? Male and Female; duality like the Wiccans believe? Did They merge into a whole, a big "one"? How could They? I'd read about polytheism in so many places, especially in Greek and Egyptian mythology and Hinduism and other ancient religions. These religions, legends, beliefs and practices lasted for a long time, and some still practice, live, worship, and read them today. Can more then 5000 years of religions be wrong?
Something calmed inside of me when I found out that I believed in more than one "Being," if you will. Everyday I experienced new things, different things; male, female, both. The mortals that walk amongst us everyday no matter what sex, creed, or sexual orientation are ALL DIFFERENT! Ah ha! So the Gods must all be different too, for these things (man, earth, grain, wine, sex, joy, sadness, death, health, etc.) come from the Gods. Its proven that there is no one like you; your DNA and fingerprints are yours alone. The core of your being is yours alone. The Gods are themselves; alone, different, independent individuals. They made us in their image. Male, Female, Straight, BI, Gay, Spiritual, Physical, Healing, Mad and Sane. And yeah, I'm one of those "Love makes the world go round" type people. I found that we share at least four things with the Immortals. We all have the option of destiny, fate and free-will, and we all have the ability to Love, and be Loved. Everything just started to fall into place, and I was at peace for once, yet my mind still chatted on into the early morning hours for months.
Now that I knew there were many Gods and Goddesses watching over my shoulder once in a while, I needed to know who They were as Individuals, and ways that I can communicate with them; worship them and say thank you for the experiences, and possibly learn more about the itching question of "why me"? So I signed on, searched the web for different polytheistic traditions within Paganism, went in and out of at least 3 dozen different chat rooms, IMed a billion people, and that's when I met my current boyfriend Jeremiah, or Sannion as some folks know him by.
He introduced me to Hellenic Reconstructionism, and that's where I've been for the last 4 years. I've studied, worked the religion into my everyday life, had real experiences with the Gods, even founded a few groups and newsletters!
But on the side, I was always interested in Kemeticism. At first it was a flirting fancy sort of thing, but in the past few months, that's all changed. When that swift fancy turned into a true love for the religion, the myth, AND the culture, I felt deeply torn on how to deal with that. Being a very culturally specific Hellene and all, I just felt really torn and decided I would kinda tuck it away in my heart until I could reconcile some of the differences.
Lately, I realized there is no need to reconcile those differences. I can worship Dionysos as I always have, which was never really Recon. anyway, and still practice Kemeticism properly. If the Ptolomey's did it, Hey! So can I! Both of these practices are separate from the other, and there is no need for one VS. the other in my mind. It'll work itself out in time.
Realizing this has made me feel SO complete, I don't think I can properly articulate it. Starting anew is a total transformation for me, and I feel like my spirituality and my connection has been born again, to put it in simple terms.
So that's why I'm here, and continue to study and look for like minded folks in the Kemetic community. There is so much new stuff to learn and practice, I feel like a kid on Christmas!
I have interest in many of the Egyptian Neteru, most of all Nebt-Het, Asar (of course), Auset, and Heru. Just to name a few.
Senebty,
Jennifer AKA. Akana
