Guilty

Guilty:

Bored --- very bored. I decided to write something... it's only really a single scene, but it's been bugging me all afternoon. Lyrics are from the translations (By Sakuraso) of Chylinska's Winna. I don't own BR --- only the original situation I've placed it's characters in.

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~ Because whenever I become more human then you'd want,

Then you see that you're just like me,

It's not (all) bad,

I am guilty,

It's (all) good,

I'll always be guilty,

It's not (all) bad,

I am guilty,

It's (all) good,

I'll always be guilty ~

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Always leaving me --- even when we had only hours to live he couldn't stay by my side. I commented nonchalantly that he had been a loner since we'd become friends all those years ago. I pretended not to care as I watched him running out of what little I had left of a life. The grubby keyboard swam before my eyes, blurred by bitter tears, but I couldn't shed a single tear.

I knew deep down that I'd never see him again.

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Shinji rolled onto his side and rummaged around in a large bag of sugary snacks his friend had so graciously brought him on the way to his cramped apartment.

"You're going to get a toothache at this rate." The brunette remarked, as he peered at him from over the edge of a dog-earred textbook. Typical -- he was always so practical, a stark contrast to the impulsive, vivacious boy he called his bestfriend. Mimura shrugged and grinned at him; popping another chocolate coated treat into his mouth.

"Hey we all have our vices." He chewed thoughtfully. The Chemistry homework lying half - finished before him was carelessly discarded. He hadn't been concentrating properly, they both knew that. The young man's head was too filled with schemes, grand and elaborate plans for infiltrating computer systems and wreaking his own brand of terrorism on whoever he saw fit.

Sugimura sighed and shook his head, "Yes but in your case it's everything --- food, drink, women." His hazel eyes flickered up to meet Shinji's own and he swore there was a hint of sadness mixed in with all that disapproval. "You're sweet on Kotohiki, so don't start with me."

"....yeah." His friend didn't sound particularly enthusiastic. Over the past few months his initial fervour for the quiet, sunny girl had dulled -- everyone who knew his little secret could see it, but still he kept up the pretense of an intense crush. She'd even recieved a few Valentine's cards from him. None in comparison to the mountain the two boys had found upon their desks however.

Mimura had caught his classmate Sasagawa, a rather tempermental, but attractive member of Numai's posse openly watching Hiroki with a lascivious expression on his face. Naturally he warned the other boy off with a cold scowl. No one touched his bestfriend.

"Megumi seems to like you." He offered in his usual soft tone. Mimura could tell he was testing him -- trying to unearth his potential feelings for the cute, pigtailed girl. He merely grunted and leant over Hiroki, reaching for his can of flat coke.

He took a long swig and rolled the can around in his hands, his gaze never leaving Sugimura.

"Yeah, Nakagawa told me. She's sweet, but..I dunno..I've kinda got someone else in mind." It was as blatant a hint as he'd ever dropped to Hiroki's face and he searched the other student's dark eyes for some kind of reaction.

A faint flush of pink on his cheeks gave him away instantly, but he merely returned to studying the book.

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Turning my back on him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I looked away from those accusing, furious eyes and told myself this was for the best. I was lying of course...but to fulfill my role in this mess I had to search for Chigusa; I owed her that much...and then Kotohiki so I could confess a false, secure love my heart gave up on long ago.

We weren't going to escape --- but I had every faith in Shinji at that moment. I knew he would outlast me, he'd go on with Lijima and little Seto to beat this disgusting game and he'd forget he ever cared for me in time.

I had to go, I *had* to...for his happy ending.

I'm just glad I didn't have to live with the guilt.

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~OWARI~