-Ben and Jerry walk into the mall and see Santa and a long line of kids waiting to sit in his lap-

Jerry: It’s Santa!

Ben: That’s a dumb idea. It just gets the kids hopes up.

Jerry: I never sat in his lap…he’s too scary.

Ben: I’ve never understood why little kids cry when they sit in his lap.

Jerry: I don’t blame them. I mean what if he says you’ve been naughty?

Ben: It’s not the real Saint Nick.

Jerry: Is too!

Ben: Is not!

Jerry: Is too!

Ben: Is not! Why don’t you go sit in his lap?

Jerry: No! NO!

-Ben pushes Jerry toward the Santa line-

Jerry: [cries] No, Ben, no don’t make me!

Santa: Hi there young man.

Jerry: Hi, Santa, I mean Mr. Nick, sir.

Santa: Sit in my lap.

Jerry: You mean it? Oh boy! [jumps onto Santa’s lap]

Santa: Aw! I think you broke my leg.

Jerry: NO![runs away]

Ben: Jerry, to get over your fear of Santa, I’ve signed you up to be him tomorrow.

Jerry: But I’m not really him…

Ben: You get money, plus it’s fun.

Jerry: I refuse to trick little kids into believing I am a fat jolly guy.

-Next day: Jerry is dressed as Santa-

Jerry: One little kid peed on me! [to Ben]

Ben: Shh! Here comes someone else.

Keith: Santa! Santa! [gets in his lap] I want a cowboy hat and wranglers and a math book and a pony…

Ben: Poor Santa.

-later-

Ben: So have you realized Santa is not really Santa?

Jerry: Yea it’s just some fat guy with a suit…

Ben: What are you doing?

Jerry: Waiting for the tooth fairy to come.