Miscellaneous Quotes!
- "Sarcasm: Just one more service I offer." ~A bumper sticker Lily gave me for my birthday
- "And now! At Last! Another film completely different from some of the other films which aren't quite the same as this one is." ~Holy Grail Tagline
- “One up everybody. Get your brain pierced.” ~A Newcity.com ad
- “You believe that the gene pool could use a little chlorine.” ~From my results in the Hitchhiker’s Guide Purity Test on www.sadgeezer.com
- “Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.” ~a t-shirt in a catalogue
- “5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.” ~another t-shirt from the same catalogue
- “People like you are the reason people like me need medication.” ~yet another t-shirt from the same catalogue
- “If you have something to say please raise your hand and place it over your mouth.” ~a t-shirt
- “It’s only funny until someone gets hurt...then it’s hilarious!” ~a shirt
- “You need someone listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.” ~a t-shirt
- "I live in my own little world, but it’s okay...they know me here.” ~a t-shirt
- "The best bar-b-que you will ever eat in a building that's not already condemned." ~Red Hot and Blue slogan
- "Point gun in safe direction or something equivalent." ~Warning label on a pressure washer
- “Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?” ~A t-shirt I saw
- “Jaws 3: People 0” ~Proposed title for third Jaws movie, planned to be a cross-over with National Lampoons, thought up by producers Richard Zanuck and David Brown
- "[Gosh darn] you all; I told you so." ~H.G. Wells' preferred epitaph
- "Bouncy ball is the source of all goodness and light." ~A fortune I once got
- "When it absolutely positively has to be destroyed overnight." ~A Marine bumper sticker
- "The Geaux Cup: Bar and Drive Thru" ~A sign on an establishment in Crowley, LA
- "Wouldn't it be nice if education got all the money it needed, and every time the military wanted a new bomber they had a bake sale?" ~A bumper sticker my band director saw
- “Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.” ~a t-shirt in a magazine
- “He who laughs last thinks slowest.” ~A bumper sticker
- “To plant the seed of thought in the dirt of people’s minds.” ~The Animus Society’s mission statement as put into words by Molly, our Founding Mother
- “We don’t judge you. We just sell movies.” ~SkinnyGuy.com slogan
- "Born in the City of Brotherly Love to Andrea and John de Lancie, young John distinguished himself while in his pre-teen years by flunking the fifth grade after racking up the most detentions ever given a child his age." ~John de Lancie's bio on StarTrek.com
- "Why choose asexual reproduction? Perhaps the better question is: Why not? After all, asexual reproduction would seem a more efficient way to reproduce and avoids all sorts of problems." ~A website on asexual reproduction
- "So sex may be virtually universal because of the never-ending need to keep up with changes in parasites." ~A website on asexual reproduction
- "Making fun of puny states since 1845." ~A beer ad in Texas
- "Road unsafe when under water." ~Road sign in Benton, Arkansas
- “Animators integrated aspects of the actors' appearances and personalities: Kline is manic; Branagh, romantic." ~Parade about The Road to El Dorado
- “What a piece of work you are! Can’t you be more sexy? If you can’t attract even one drunk guy, you’ll never be a real woman.” ~Owner of “Sleazy Bar” in PM2
- “Ou phrontis Hippokleidei.” ~Greek phrase meaning “Hippocleides doesn’t care,” a byword for “cheerful insouciance in the face of social disapproval”
- "Banana=not funny. Cheese=funny" ~An alleged note posted over everyone's workplace by the creators of Rocko's Modern Life
- "Are you dead?" ~A friend's glucometer when he tested water
- “Warning: Keep out of children.” ~From a Korean kitchen knife
- “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.” ~From a Swedish chainsaw
- “Stock up and save. Limit: one.” ~Advertisement
- “Man, honest. Will take anything.” ~Personal ad
- “This is a spooky vampire. He wants to saaaahhhk your blaaaahd. He is a terrifying apparition even though he talks like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Count Chocula.” ~Kingdom of Loathing
- “All that glitters has a high refractive index.” ~Random bumper sticker-esque quote
- “Parents can be bad. That doesn’t mean you get to stab them in the face repeatedly. If you can’t cope with the world and all its suckiness, then get out.” ~Answer to a question on the Sorting Hat Quiz
- “There are only 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.” ~A t-shirt
- “I'm easily amused, and I help run a Barenaked Ladies web page. That means I can waste bandwith on whatever the [smeg] I want.” ~mysd.org
- “Steve seems a little miffed about being upstaged by a man with a flaccid fauxhawk.” ~mysd.org on the “Another Postcard” video
- “Dear Brad Pitt: Is Tom Cruise crazy? We hope he is, because we’re starting to like him.” ~Adult Swim
- “I am UNCLEEEEAN!” ~Digger-of-Unnecessarily-Convoluted-Tunnels
- “Wombat density is sort of—Ow!—constant.” ~Digger-of-Unnecessarily-Convoluted-Tunnels
- "You really have to be a special kind of stupid to want to look like an evil cartoon clown." ~The Phat Phree staff on a bad haircut
- "The best part is [Steven Spielberg's people] keep saying, '[The filming of Munich] is the biggest thing ever to happen to Budapest,' which is true if you discount the whole Roman and Ottoman Empires, World Wars I and II, the fall of communism and the European Union's accession." ~Anonymous PageSix.com source
- "Broadway is a very special place, filled with people who can sing and dance...often at the same time!" ~Sir Robin, the Not _Quite_ So Brave as Sir Launcelot (from Spamalot)
- “Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF..." ~A shirt I saw on a guy outside the Physics building
- “Because the easiest thing to find in your office will always be your wall.” ~VisiBone Chart Suite slogan
- “I’m not a philosopher. I don’t think about ethics that much. They’re sort of involuntary functions, like breathing. If you have to stop and think about it, you’re probably already doing something wrong.” ~Digger-of-Unnecessarily-Convoluted-Tunnels
- “My trough has already been plighted.” ~Madama Butterfly turning down a proposal
- “I wish this were happening to you instead of me.” ~Simon the Sorcerer
- “[Trees are] The big, hard brown things with green bits.” ~Simon the Sorcerer
- “One very large corrective bifocal could have changed the fate of Middle Earth” ~MRFH
- “I’m a conniving little monster, and I swear I’m gonna kill me!” ~Link in one of Hail-NekoYasha’s comics
- “Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy builds girl.” ~Anonymous, “The Shortest Science Fiction Story Ever Written”
- "If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." ~A bumper sticker
- "I'd kill to have a body like yours...in my trunk!" ~A bumper sticker
- "I look weird, but I'd kick you [tail feathers] on Jeopardy." ~A bumper sticker
- "I intend to live forever. So far, so good." ~Modern day proverb
- "Life's not fair. Get over it. The average teenager says that 86 times a day." ~Poster in the girls' locker room at PHS
- "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." ~Modern day proverb
- "If practice makes perfect, and nobody is perfect, then why practice?" ~Modern day proverb
- "Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have." ~Modern day proverb
- "Fair is a place where hogs compete for ribbons." ~Unknown
- "It's easier to get forgiveness than permission." ~Modern day proverb
- "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they seem okay, then it's you." ~Unknown
- "One very large corrective bifocal could have changed the fate of Middle Earth" ~MRFH
- "Some not excessively rich young and smart hamster obeyed some rich and not very good and good and bald kid." ~Matlab being extraordinarily helpful
- "There's nothing as irritating as a smart-ass paperclip." ~Inexplicably scribbled along the side of one of my papers in (I think...) my handwriting
- "Support your local medical examiner. Die strangely." ~LJ icon
- "Sometimes the best fun looks like boredom." ~xkcd
- "Purchase of food does not guarantee seating." ~Sign in McDonalds
- "No one does annoyed like Alan Rickman does annoyed." ~MRFH
- "Doctor Who is finally making a massive splash stateside. This long running British sci-fi masterpiece is full of wonderful worlds and strange goings-on. The Doctor's main device is known as the TARDIS but...what does TARDIS stand for?: A) Temporal And Rudimentary Device In Secret, B) These Aren't Really the Doctor's Ideal Situations, C) Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, D) There And Returning: Done In Style" ~The Well-Rounded Geek Quiz
- "He was pretty shook up, and understandably so; he took a house to the face." ~Guy on the History Channel
- "[Spike] has a British accent and not just any British accent. It's a cockney British accent. If you don't think this is hot, you simply need to hear him say 'bugger' and 'bloody' a few times." ~guidetobeautyschools.com
- "I was going to be a scientist, but that seems silly now. Magical worlds exist. I've learned a huge truth about our place in the universe. I'm supposed to care about college?" ~XKCD character
- "Feminist(n): A woman who fails to indulge the male fantasy that he's the funniest funnymaker in the whole entire world." ~Fannie's Room
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