B

• “It’s okay, because I have a rock.” ~Becca, after her rubber ball was confiscated
• "Teachers know who their students are, Jason." ~My Bio teacher reprimanding a guy in my class by the name of Brian. And she wasn't kidding.
• “Nuclear Wings of Excruciating Gastric Death” ~My Bio professor on particularly vicious hot wings
• “Reproduction is the meaning of life.” ~My Bio professor unintentionally justifying many aspects of a Monty Python film
• “It’s uncomfortable, man. It might be vestigial, but it hurts.” ~My Bio professor on injuring the coccyx
• “You teach a class, you do things to entertain yourself, not your students.” ~My Bio prof on using copious amounts of smilie faces in his diagrams
• “I’ve turned into just as much of a nerd [as my professors]. Watchin’ Star Trek...You know, the philosophical Star Trek. Next Generation.” ~My Bio prof
• “Okay, think of that episode of South Park...” ~Words I hoped I’d never hear in a lecture on reproductive barriers
• “He’s more of a leg tapper than a claw flicker.” ~My Bio prof on fiddler crabs
• “I gotta show some arm waving, man. This is, like, the highlight of the semester.” ~My Bio prof on fiddler crabs
• “Well you know. It’s Microsoft. It’s gonna do what it wants to.” ~My Bio prof
• “Oh, that’s why they call it ‘Recent.’ Because it’s probably going to end with the extinction of the human race. That’s okay, then. Just a little levity for your Wednesday afternoon.” ~My Bio prof on the Geologic time scale
• “Italicizing is great when you’re typing, but don’t try to write in italics.” ~My Bio prof
• “Go out and deep-fry a turkey and eat it for breakfast, but don’t eat an orange. You might just get fat.” ~My Bio prof on Atkins
• “[writing ‘nukulous on the board] I’ve got to get with the times, agree with the Bush Administration... I don’t just make fun of him. Kerry was a corpse.” ~My Bio prof
• “Parasites are just the coolest things...” ~My Bio prof
• “Oh, they’re everywhere. They’ll get in your house.” ~My Bio prof, very threateningly about slime molds
• “What is a fairy ring (fungally speaking...if fungally is a word...which it's not)?” ~My Bio prof
• “You’re an unwelcome pollinator.” ~My Bio prof on tasting honeysuckle
• “This is not a taxonomic group, this is more of a trashcan.” ~My Bio prof on imperfect fungi
• “Wow. Cinderblock’s hard.” ~My Bio prof after demonstrating what might happen if all of his sensory structures were in his knee
• “We should all be glad that we have a complete gut. Think of the poor cnidarians.” ~My Bio prof
• “I don’t care what you eat, you’re eating a nematode.” ~My Bio teacher, gleefully
• “Extra credit – someone get a Guinea worm and show us if it moves.” ~My Bio prof
• “Every animal can kill you; that was the lesson we got from the seventies.” ~My Bio prof
• "Other names they tried include: 'It Might Be Butter,' 'Does It Really Matter Wether It's Butter or not?' and 'I Was Always Told It Was Butter, But I'm Not So Sure Now.' Jeremy, the naming committee's token atheist, begged the question, 'why can't we just call it margarine?'" ~Bob-Rz about his cartoon entitled "Targeting a Demographic," showing a carton of "Well...It Could Be Butter" with the caption, "Think of it as 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter' for agnostics."
• “Don’t be sorry, stop being stupid.” ~Mr. Boyer chastising a class of noisy students
• “Would you like me to pronounciate [sic] things better when I’m around you?” ~Brandon
• "Taste of Sex, a new fragrance by Jack Harkness. For men and/or women, but preferably both at the same time." ~breakinporcelan
• “Human nature is weird.” ~Bruce

C

• “I don’t mean to make this a...despotic regime.” ~My C++ prof
• “Initially, you look at the error message and go ‘What the [Tartarus]?!’ They’re very cryptic.” ~My C++ prof
• “You look at the screen; the screen looks at you. You live happily ever after.” ~My C++ prof explaining what happens if you don’t input anything when a program prompts you to
• “To make it difficult for new-comers. Keeps the club small.” ~My Calc discussion professor on why there are so many words for the same thing
• “Suppose phi were zero. You’d be at the North Pole. You’re a bear.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “He was comfortable in seven-dimensional space. He has obviously...lost everything.” ~My Calc discussion professor on a PhD candidate he listened in on
• “A small house pet could do this computation.” ~My Calc discussion professor on a particularly easy derivative
• “When in doubt, take derivatives.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “This skill exists when teachers are really old.” ~My Calc discussion professor on linearization
• “I didn’t lie. There’s always a prize in this class.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “What do these look like? Are they circles? Are they squares? Are they gerbils?” ~My Calc discussion professor on level curves
• “If you don’t like to kill people like that, plug one equation into the other.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• ”Lagrange is a dead mathematician. French. ‘Multiplier’ is not his other name.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “Does anybody have friends in business calculus? You probably don’t talk to them because they’re such lowlifes.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “To work the rest of the problem, you call up your friendly gerbil...” ~My Calc discussion professor on a particularly easy integral
• “This is not a problem you would see as a math major because it’s useful.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “I’m going to Columbia for two weeks over break. Guess what I’m bringing back? [beat] Art, of course.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “There are a few more things to compute. They are not that interesting.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “[Calc II students] are doing parameterization of curves, too. They don’t know about line integrals, though; they’re stupid.” ~My Calc discussion professor
• “I’m an orphan, Daddy, I’m an orphan!” ~Chanese
• "I _hate_ it when Time Lords attack my feet." ~Admiral Chaotica!!
• "No. Dig down a little farther into time, and skew off a little farther to the side..." ~Captain Chaotica!!, describing where to find the Thompson Twins' "The Gap" and the B-52s' "Mesopotamia"
• "[John Cleese]'s kind of...DISTINCTIVE...(being literally about the size and shape of a telephone pole will do that...)" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “Isn't it a sad thing when bad things happen to good sentences?” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “Good villains aren't born. They're _made_.” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "But we _all_ have a bit of an inner child inside--some, like Quackerjack and I, can't get the kid to go to bed and stay up all night gleefully playing games with it..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Sometimes honour _means_ doing stupid things..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I don't need drugs to be hooked on something..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "With as much damage as [Trace Beaulieu's] hair took from chemicals over the course of MST3K, I'm amazed he still _has_ any..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "_Sometimes_ I do like a dangerous bad-boy, _sometimes_ I do like a smart alec with a cynical tongue, and sympathetic villains/antagonists are always cool. But boy, I'm such a sucker for sweet, lonely, little under appreciated humble guys..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “Okay, so [Quackerjack]'s _still_ creepy, but creepy with a touch of class.” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “I rather like Gigawatt's pose, especially the flung-out arm and falling bag of light-bulbs--it really DOES look like she was suddenly thrown off balance. (Well, PHYSICALLY off-balance. Mentally, Elmyra Sputterspark hasn't been ON balance since the day of the prom...)” ~Captain Chaotica!! on her Switchverse version of Megavolt
• “Humans are _weird_, is I guess the answer to this.” ~Captain Chaotica!! on legends about brownies and such
• “...walking was so...excuse the pun...pedestrian.” ~Captain Chaotica!!, “Spellbound”
• “Besides, then I get to have [something happen – edited for spoiler content], thereby flying straight into the face of years’ worth of fanfic writing tradition and making everybody else HATE me. Life is good. :P” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “I’d say the very best lines are about equally split between [Ron] and Shego—the two sidekicks. Although Shego would probably fry me for calling her that. Actually, she’d probably fry me just because it’s Tuesday and she’s bored, but that’s beside the point.” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “Is it crazier to act weird because you _are_ completely out of your gourd and can't HELP it...or to be with-it enough to be self aware at least, aware of the world around you...and deliberately _choose_ to act weird? Cos I think Monty Fiske is in the _second_ category--he's more a Quackerjack than a Megavolt in that sense--so if it's crazier to sanely, rationally _choose_ to act nuts, then he is even more ‘wack’ than he seems at first. Which is pretty darn ‘wack.’” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “Remember when I said that Quackerjack was ‘creepy, but creepy with a touch of _class_?’ Well, Monkey Fist is basically class with a touch of creep.” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "'Saruken Sama'...Guaranteed to make people on BOTH sides of the (coughtotallystupidcough) Anime Vs. Disney war rip you straight to _shreds_. ...why do you think I LIKE it? :)" ~Captain Chaotica!! on her nickname for Monkey Fist
• "Anything that gets normally costume-shy little Joelie to dress up...in DRAG no less...is fine by me.... ;)" ~Captain Chaotica!! on "Jungle Goddess"
• ”Okay, so he was a doofus beyond all measurements of doofushood for signing away all their money to the shark lawyer, but otherwise...” ~Captain Chaotica!! on Señor Senior Junior
• “Also, I'm not sure if any one page could _take_ that much cool British sexy-voiced bad-guy-ness in one location without catching on fire. ;)” ~Captain Chaotica!! on a hypothetical story featuring Monkey Fist and Valmont
• "Every time I come across a '90s Song That Actually Didn't Suck, I almost feel obligated to include [in my playlist]." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “A cheerful children’s chorus just adds the perfect maraschino cherry of weirdness to this already bizarre little dark-humour/social commentary.” ~Captain Chaotica!! on The Smiths' “Panic”
• "There, you see what a forever mind-and-soul-scarring experience High School is? Just a brief MENTION of nasty gym teachers in general from somebody I don't even know, in an article I'm reading on the Internet _fifteen years later_, and all the old anger, the old, festering, boiling animosity, the rank, bitter, seething _bile_, comes RIGHT back up to the surface." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “I don't know what it is, but in addition to the clothes, I also really like the furniture and general design-style of European stuff of this time period, too. Maybe I was a fop in a previous life or something...” ~Captain Chaotica!! on the Regency Era
• "And by the way, that was a REAL crab that pinched Roger [Taylor] in the 'Rio' video, not a fake one as people were assuming, and it _hurt_. Reportedly, that type of crab has been known to take people's fingers or toes _off_, so he was NOT HAPPY! Roger, I mean. The crab's feelings are impossible to determine at this time." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “And we close with a VERY nice picture of the three Taylors together, and this time...they're not stealing anything!” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “You can't go wrong with hottie Welshmen, as far as I'm concerned.” ~Captain Chaotica!! on Batman Begins and Fantastic Four
• “It _is_ rather unnerving when [Simon Le Bon] suddenly has a fashion crisis mid-SONG, yes.” ~Captain Chaotica!!, sounding more like she’s describing a member of the Fashion Club than a middle-aged pop star
• "No, seriously, 'out-depress [Robin] with a song' is not _really_ on my list of priorities." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “Evidently it was almost ALWAYS cold when they were filming [Red Dwarf] (except for, ironically, the snow-scenes in "Marooned", in which they were _broiling_!) and nearly freezing to death was a quite popular pasttime among the cast, whenever they had to do a night shoot." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “I also get the feeling that basically they just cut [Jimmy] Hibbert LOOSE!! on [Dr. Crumhorn] and then stood back and watched from a safe distance, behind a radiation proof glass shield (in the super-secret triple-reinforced underground vault that nothing can get into.)” ~Captain Chaotica!!
• “I perfectly understand needing to see things you really enjoy when life is sucking harder than a herd of wild Hoovers” ~Captain Chaotica!! on my obsession with Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
• "I don't think terrorists are going to take us over with World of Warcraft and downloaded mp3's. At least, not quickly." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "This stuff is so much fun! It's like Hero Maker Super Ultra Turbo Plus, only in 3D and on STEROIDS!" ~Captain Chaotica!! on Sims 2
• "The ponytail commands you!" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Good guys with darkness inside them are always way more interesting, and [MI2] proved that Guybrush is one of them. Everybody takes him for this innocent, harmless little pile of fluff, but if you dig around in that fluff too long...you'll cut yourself on a hidden _razor blade_." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Don'tcha just _hate_ when you're trying to have a nice wedding, and the Cirque de Soleil bursts in uninvited and starts singing to you? Gah, so many weddings have been ruined by that (shakes head sadly.)" ~Captain Chaotica!! on the "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" video
• "There's also an Avengers episode that involves serious rufflage and cravatage and DEFINITE sneaking around in a dungeon with a torchage. " ~Captain Chaotica!! doing her best to entice me
• "Note to self: Never play god-games when you're fighting off about 48 hours worth of insomnia." ~Captain Chaotica!! on The Sims
• "Man, what is there, a pro-banana conspiracy on television all of a sudden?!" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "The Doctor is surely cosmopolitan and open minded enough to be fine with [regenerating as a female] too, after a bit. It's the _mortals_ that are close to him that will freak out. Except Captain Jack. He would promptly hit on her. I mean, _keep_ hitting on her." ~Captain Chaotica!! engaging in a bit of postulation
• "The new Dr. Who is _dark_ and creepy, though, and many scenes tend to be loud and chaotic. I think it's a case of the forest distracting me from the trees again, or one particular tree. Although he's not that tall, of course." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I can understand why some males have a hard time understanding the female mind. I don't understand my own mind, and I AM one! Er, a female, that is. Not a mind." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I need something that really expresses pure, festering, seething _hatred_. Something that doesn't cast aspersions on someone's parents or sexual habits, but denounces them as pure EVIL. In a nasty, disgusting, barely-allowed-to-say-it, horrible, vicious-sounding swear word kind of way. We don't have enough _evil_ swear words in English, it's all sex and excrement." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Of course, I shouldn't be all that surprised that, of all my Sims, SHE should be the first one to somehow violate the rules of time and space..." ~Captain Chaotica!! on her Susan Foreman Sim
• "Ah, booze. What CAN'T it do? Besides appear in Disney cartoons, anymore." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "As I run out of energy, I also run out of polite." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "[David Tennant]'ll have champagne drip-fed to him by a harem of scantily-clad witches... _Witches_? Is this his fantasy, or perhaps Barty, Jr.s'?" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I don't know what quirk of fate allowed [Tim Burton, Danny Elfman, and Johnny Depp] to be born in such an era with the right kind of technology needed to make the kinds of creative things they want to make, but also meet each other _and_ happen to actually get along well enough to create entertainment together, but it is one heck of a deity-send for all of us Halloween lovers." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Simon [LeBon] with a puffy white shirt and his own dark, straight hair seems to be able to look like an Anne-Rice-esque vampire by simply _existing_." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "That part of "Hilltop Zone", even though it may be on an oldschool game from 1992 with primitive-by-today's-standards graphics, _still_ gives me at least a moderate amount of screaming heebie jeebies. Maybe just _one_ screaming heebie jeebie. Or perhaps just, voices-raised heebie jeebies..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Pobrecito... (Okay, pobre...rather tall thingie, to be accurate.)" ~Captain Chaotica!! about the Third Doctor
• "...you can never pin down The Doctor. He steadfastly refuses to act _any_ of his (apparent) ages." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Forget the character, the _actor_ was in pretty damn good shape for his age--he looks like an older beanpole but moves like a _spring_." ~Captain Chaotica!! about Jon Pertwee
• "I can see the director now: 'Stop FIDDLING with things, Jon, it's distracting!'" ~Captain Chaotica!! about Jon Pertwee
• "Did I just call The Doctor an emo-kid?" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Susan, a female Time Lord, Eight, and a kitten. Sounds like a winning team to me!" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I'm used to The Doctor being a mismatched frumpy dork with perhaps _touches_ of elegance, which is cute--but darkly dressy with a cape and fancy white lace ruffles is _pretty_. (The clothes, not the guy.) Remember, I was a fop in a previous life, so I can't NOT appreciate this. It would be against my programming." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Will Friedle would be like, fluent [in Delphon]." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Most UNIT guys last less time than a piece of tissue paper in a hurricane." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "[Goofy] sort of _dorks_ his way out of danger." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Wego would SO get along with the Tweebs. In a This Must Never Be Allowed To Happen kind of way." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Earlier, you wondered if all the even-numbered doctors are rude. _My_ question is: Are they all HYPER? Or possibly nuts?" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "It's amazing how Bale managed to keep his semi-anonymity going even after being Batman. It's just something about _him_, I think. He has this kind of Field of Mysteriousness goin' on. Not quite like The Doctor, but perhaps a bargain-basement version, the type that's available for us mere humans." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "He still looks at least borderline insane, but like...in a _nice_ way." ~Captain Chaotica!! about Christopher Eccleston
• "But at least [The Fifth Doctor] can always EAT [his celery stalk], if it's the only thing keeping him from looking acceptable for a certain occasion. Not many accessories can double as a light snack. And high in fiber, too!" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "...well nothing could improve THAT [the Sixth Doctor's jacket] except fire, and even that would temporarily add _more_ colour (which is not physically possible)." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I'm me, I've had many years experience of being me and I (kind of) KNOW how my own brain works." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "But [dagnabit], the Doctor needs to stop being so damn sexy, cute, and/or generally awesome. And by 'needs,' I mean, 'should not at all.'" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Ah, yes, I'm babbling, but a good babble every now and then never hurt no-one." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I mean, they _are_ British, which means they're both at least partially insane, and also actors, which is the _other_ partially." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "...damn elusive Bakers! KNOCK it off, both of you!" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I wonder how many takes they had to throw out, over the course of his years on the show, because somebody DID accidentally half-strangle/wham their star onto the ground..." ~Captain Chaotica!! on The Scarf
• "So...since all of them struck him as having at least _potential_ brains/curiosity about the way the universe works, he tries to cultivate that potential in them. Unfortunately, the Doctor has always believed in TOUGH love--so he does that 'cultivation' with a combine harvester instead of a hoe! And only _some_ little seedlings survive that to flourish..." ~Captain Chaotica!! on Mickey, Harry, Sarah, etc.
• "But Three is still MY Doctor and I doubt anything will change that. None of the others have the lovely ruffles, or dear Bessie, (well okay Four drove her a bit), or sing like him, or have that mix of scientific love of gadgetry and quiet quirkiness, or are that in love with Venusian culture, or do martial arts, or swordfight with such skill. He was just HIM. Unique. Pure and alone, nobody else quite like him. Nobody can take that away. Um, well, all that is surface stuff, I now realise. But he's still got the _core_ Doctor personality in his own way. That odd mix of snooty and sweet, strict and gentle, occasional loud bellowing and then turn right around and nicely compliment somebody on their coffee..._that's_ "him" in the way that's actually important, I guess. But I still love the ruffles." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Four is _such_ a bugnut. A wonderfully entertaining, endearing, FRIGHTENING bugnut." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "You know, I expect writing that at least attempts to make some kind of [dadgum] SENSE even in my smut, thank you very much." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Ah, the kind of mind-melting goodness that only the Doctor can inspire..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "[Sim (not Simm) Master] might be waving to someone else in the house as he leaves for work. Yes, a friendly wave. Thing is, the SIMS don't know they're supposed to be villains..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I love the massive Time Paradox of Doom Veronaville has become lately." ~Captain Chaotica!! on her Sims game
• "Stupid brain! (kicks it) ...ow! I think I just retconned myself." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Very few beings can SNARK quite like the Doctor..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Guybrush for Eleven? Oh, _dear_. DO NOT WANT. Do you have any _idea_ how he'd steer the TARDIS...?" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Delgado was _also_ really treacherous. He'd be all AWESOME sympathetic charming funny showing off his good taste in science-fiction books, cook you a nice unpoisoned meal, etc...and then turn RIGHT around and betray your ruffled ass _straight_ out the bloody airlock without a second thought! And the total absolute BASTARDNESS of it was so brazen and so _fast_ a turnaround, that it was FUNNY and part of what made the character entertaining!" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Anyway, don't worry Doctor, your hair is fine! It may not be poofing up into the rafters anymore, but it's still floofy..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "You can tell [Hindle from "Kinda"]'s a good nutjob; he's got the requisite freaky-ass sparkly pale eyes." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "No wait, screw that, I don't want any sweeping Vista, I'll stick with the XP." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "It's like you're not really a TARDIS passenger until you've been chucked against a wall..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "No, you want bugnut toothy grins, you look to...Peri! That girl shows her own not-so-timey teeth a lot. Seriously. I was looking at just my shots from 'Mark of the Rani' alone... Fortunately, however, she does NOT look like a demented mutant rabbit when she grins. So there's that anyway." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "With Leela's huge brood, I've had a bit of experience playing large households now (I've experienced that they are a pain in the butt, for example)." ~Captain Chaotica!! playing Sims
• "That's our Jamie [McCrimmon]! A little charmer in any medium, apparently." ~Captain Chaotica!! playing Sims
• "I don't care how indoctrinatedly you've been 'raised' as a science-fiction fan, there STILL isn't any such thing as Geek Racial Memory...!" ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "It's Six. Intense is like, his middle name. If he had a first and last name." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "One person is not as dramatic as a universe, true, but...ask Five. Sometimes one person is enough. Wait, scratch that. This is the Doctor we're talking about, here. One person is ALWAYS enough." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "I assume Keith David could make the Minneapolis phone directory sound like slowly melting dark chocolate." ~Captain Chaotica!!
• "Find your own damn talking gargoyles, Dean! :P (I think they're in New York...)" ~Captain Chaotica!! playing one of the Harry Potter games
• "I'd say that if you actually ARE a Halloween creature, you automatically have goth-cred. Period." ~Captain Chaotica!! in response to Lupin not being "goth" in Tara Gilespie's "My Immortal"
• "Seriously. Marty. McFly. Marty Mc[Phracking]FLY is in this [phracking] story, with his [phracking] flying DeLorean. TOTALLY one of those things that you wish you could say you were kidding about...but you're not. You'dre not." ~Captain Chaotica!! about Tara Gilespie's "My Immortal"
• “Why think about it when you can do the math?” ~My Chem discussion instructor
• “Wow, man, that’s [messed] up.” ~My Chem discussion instructor on a very large answer
• “Grams per inch cubed. That’s an interesting unit. Half metric, half stupid.” ~My Chem discussion instructor
• “This is like politics. If you sit around and try hard enough, you can make the ‘facts’ say anything you want them to.” ~My Chem discussion instructor on “periodic trends”
• “That’s the good thing about Pascals. They turn out to be standard units, whereas [atmospheres, bars, Torr, and mm Hg] turn out to be [idiot] units.” ~My Chem discussion instructor
• “Do you not think that this would be exo[thermic] as all [Tartarus]?” ~My Chem discussion instructor
• “He still had the same amount of liquid ice, but half of it was radioactive.” ~My Chem discussion instructor
• “This is extremely important in college, because this is why you can make Jack Daniels.” ~My Chem discussion instructor
• “You don’t need to add ‘M’ to the end. If you do, it’s not evil, it’s just unnecessary.” ~My Chem professor
• “If you want to heat your home by burning hydrogen atoms, you’d better be [darned] careful.” ~My Chem professor
• “When your head hits that ice, you’ll know [darned] well that the molecular bonds are stronger in the solid state than they are in the liquid one.” ~My Chem professor discussing diving into Lake Eerie in December
• “[If you ask me what happened during a class you skipped,] I will direct you to go to a location which is perpetually exothermic.” ~My Chem professor
• “We arbitrarily and capriciously say...” ~My Chem professor
• “If I could thwack you with a rubber band, that I might do. But I won’t.” ~My Chem professor
• “Pardon my inability to count. Ten points off for me.” ~My Chem professor
• “I’m gonna load up my ionization gun and shoot it at the scandium atom. POW!” ~My Chem professor
• “Again, I want you to sign an exclusion clause. I don’t want you to go home and kill yourself and say, ‘My [darn] Chemistry teacher told me to do this.’” ~My Chem professor
• “If you mix up liquid hydrazine and liquid oxygen, let me know. I wanna get the [Tartarus] away.” ~My Chem professor
• “Atoms, ions, and molecules don’t give a damn what we think – never have, never will.” ~My Chem professor
• “Math is great if you learn how to do it. I never got that far.” ~My Chem professor
• “Anyone who knows anything about electron density knows that an oxygen oxen can pull harder than two hydrogen horses any day.” ~My Chem professor
• “Who’s better? Oxygen oxen or sulfur sheep? It’s a lot of FON to think about molecular polarity!” ~My Chem professor
• “Are you here, Coulomb? If Coulomb ever leaves, we’re sunk.” ~My Chem professor
• “This is a Coulombic no-no.” ~My Chem professor
• “How many basketballs can you glue to a bee bee?” ~My Chem professor on molecular bonding
• “You can do this experiment at home...” ~My Chem professor holding a recently imploded coke can
• “It’s good that oxygen molecules don’t weigh much.” ~My Chem professor
• “That ain’t what science is about. And only I may say ‘ain’t’.” ~My Chem professor
• “They haven’t had the [Tartarus] beaten out of them. This is intellectual [Tartarus].” ~My Chem professor
• “Do you have any familiarity with this molecule? I urge you to be cautious with your familiarity.” ~My Chem professor on ethanol
• “Would you like to build a fireplace out of a material with a low melting point? Oh, heck. I built a fire and my chimney melted.” ~My Chem professor
• “Solvation. Note that this is not salvation. That’s a different process.” ~My Chem professor
• “Entropy is mortified by a change like this. ‘Aaahh! You brought all this order and I don’t like it.’ That was an entropy person talking.” ~My Chem professor
• “Do you want to make sodium chloride walls? It’d be fine until it rains. Goodbye walls.” ~My Chem professor
• “Termites – 12, Leigh Hall – 0. But [dagnabit], at least we won in Tallahassee.” ~My Chem professor
• “And you convulse and die.” ~My Chem professor, very perkily
• “Q: What is a cat?” ~My Chem teacher illustrating why abbreviating every other word can be a very bad thing
• “What are you gonna do to solve it? Are you gonna say ‘Eek!’?” ~My Chem professor
• “[tosses his hands up in the air] That’s all.” ~My Chem professor’s last words to us
• “Same current means ‘saaaaaaaaame current’.” ~my Circuits prof
• “Sorry, I am a little excited...This is my favourite lecture.” ~my Circuits prof on voltage/current divider formula day
• “I like this circuit very much, I really do.” ~my Circuits prof
• “If you do find a resistor that supplies power, let me know. We’ll make a lot of money...together.” ~my Circuits prof
• “If you had positive feedback in your [cruise control], imagine what would happen...You would CRASH!” ~My Circuits prof
• “Life without silicon was primitive, and when I say ‘primitive,’ I mean PRIMITIVE. There was nothing to do at home.” ~My Circuits prof
• “Without inductors, your life is useless. You can’t go anywhere.” ~My Circuits prof
• "If you put it on a breadboard, it better be stable." ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "Two laws. Kirchoff's laws. That's all you've got. Electrical engineering is easy!" ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "Uh uh. This is not real life." ~My Circuits 2 prof on engineering
• "If this thing every sees DC, it's gonna smoke. It's gonna do more than smoke. The top's gonna blow off your chip package and your TA's gonna run around looking for a fire extinguisher." ~My Circuits 2 prof on integrators
• "This is where the unpleasant part comes in." ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "Old Man Euler says that..." ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "Look at that. It's magic." ~My Circuits 2 prof on a transfer function
• "Did I just do something stupid by filling up the blackboard with all this stuff? I think I did." ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "This isn't just important... I'm having lots of fun here." ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "What is it about homework? No one wants to be the first one to hand it in." ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "It contains all frequencies of different strengths. That's another way of saying the delta function is weird." ~My Circuits 2 prof
• "It's like buying a car without a driver's license." ~Cole, referring to Hemmingway's use of "phosphorescence" in The Old Man and the Sea
• “I need to see the penguin, please.” ~Cole
• "If you are interested in getting a syllabus - if for some reason you need a piece of paper to be happy - you can go to the website and print it out." ~My Communications professor
• "For whatever reason, Communications engineers like to ignore grammars." ~My Communications professor
• "Believe in me, trust this...at least for another ten minutes." ~My Communications professor
• "So, you're doomed." ~My Communications professor
• "No idea [how you know the change in frequency]. That's why we need engineers and not robots. That's why we still have jobs." ~My Communications professor
• "I hear some humming. [puzzled] My ear is picking up some AM signal." ~My Communications professor
• "This is natural mapping. It's natural because...your computer works that way." ~My Communications professor
• "It's just some stupid terminology. I mean, if you're the first guy to come up with this, you can call it whatever you want." ~My Communications professor
• "Um...Alright, I give up." ~My Communications professor
• "Here, shirtie shirtie shirtie. Quick, go get me some bait." ~My cousin trying to catch his shirt after it jumped into the lake
• “I've been meaning to contact you but the computer was only inducted into the household about 6 weeks ago, caught my attention 3 weeks ago, and I've spent that time planning my trip to Denver to see my favorite band, HIM, and honing my computer literacy by pirating music and flirting with Canadians. Feel free to organize that sentence and add periods as you see fit.” ~My cousin
• “You’re just setting a negative stereotype for dogs of your foofiness everywhere.” ~My cousin to my grandmother’s Bichon
• “John Lennon and a piece of string has never been a Medieval cure for anything. Alchemy proceeded the [Tartarus] out of Lennon.” ~My cousin
• “There’s not much Smell of Girl on Kevin these days.” ~My cousin, whose name happens to be Kevin
• "Something about a singing bird just didn't mesh with my preconceptions about reality." ~My cousin
• “They’re not from the moon, Daniel.” ~One of my cousins explaining to another that my sister and I aren’t quite as weird as he seemed to think
• "At what point does 'yesterday' not mean 'two weeks ago'?" ~A co-worker
• "You piss off the Hobbit, and Samwise Gamgee is gonna go frying pan on your ass." ~A co-worker
• "That's just not right, [co-worker]. You should have a talk with your stomach." ~A co-worker
• "Don't worry, Donna...if we've learned ANYTHING from Torchwood, it's that everyone will eventually snog Captain Jack." ~cygnia

D

• "I've never cruised with either one of them except John." ~My dad
• “OK...go read and remember that I love you, even if you support the other side.” ~My dad on election night
• “She’s [bloody] old. She’s younger than me, but she’s [bloody] old.” ~My dad on my mom
• "My gut tells me...and it's all screwed up these days..." ~Dad the night before he had a tumor removed from this GI tract
• "It's not quite like projectile vomitting... Now that's superior food release." ~Dad while reading the directions on Mom's new silicon bakeware
• "BOGO is 'Buy one, get one.' BOGOHO is 'Buy one, get one half-off.'" ~Dad
• "I didn't bitch, I was just complaining." ~My dad
• "Warm fuzzies! Great for keeping warm in the winter. That is until one of them develops static cling and then all heck breaks loose." ~Darc
• "Um, that's a...that's a...that's a great answer, but it's wrong." ~My DIC prof
• "I subtract five from four and get a positive number..." ~My DIC prof
• "Three-point-two minus four is point eight." ~My DIC prof
• "The signs absolutely DO matter, but I like to work in absolute values." ~My DIC prof
• “The problem with developing crushes on the dark, brooding types is that they're so ... y'know, dark and annoyingly broody.” ~Draca Darkwingette
• “While it is rather nifty to be Lupin-poor for awhile, as you throw yourself into your role as the struggling grad student just trying to make ends meet ... the charm of this quickly wears off.” ~Draca Darkwingette
• “Jack [Sparrow] is of the notion that he can't help out the people around him if he's dead, so he simply makes sure that he lives long enough to make sure that everybody else is continuing to live.” ~Draca Darkwingette
• “A ‘Pirates’ question is NEVER off topic!” ~Draca Darkwingette
• "As for the computer, I sorta want to put an axe through it at this point....Ah well, gives me something else to worry about besides my job. There's a silver lining to everything." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "Rewatching [Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire] after I've viewed season two [of Doctor Who] a few times is, I'm pleasantly amused to say, probably gonna be one of the entertainment highlights of my life. ('Look!! (*snerk*) ... The Doctor is doing the DARK MARK, ha ha!!!! (*chortle, snort*),' etc.)" ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I'm weird, but I have such FUN with it." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "At twenty-three, single, without even the faintest hint of a boyfriend on the horizon, and absolutely zero desire to try and _get_ a boyfriend at this point in my life ... well, on my list of concerns, how I might react to my baby throwing up on me is on my list of worries right BELOW what I'll do if I realize that another co-worker of ours is actually a Slitheen in a skin suit." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "This is the second morning that I've found a gob of some strange, pinkish-orangeish, vaguely gel-like substance in my bathtub. Either my shaving cream is undergoing some sort of metamorphosis, or a strange alien growth is spawning from the shower curtain. Given the frequency with which I clean my bathroom, it's really fifty-fifty." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "['Dalek']'s one of those episodes that should NOT have worked as well as it did, because it's essentially about the Doctor having a psychotic reaction to a ticked-off R2D2 with a deadly eggbeater." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I love the Doctor, he saves libraries!" ~Draca Darkwingette commenting on a Doctor Who fanfic
• "Time travel makes for tough tense-choosing." ~Draca Darkwingette on the problems inherent in writing Doctor Who fanfiction
• "Oh, the Doctor and Cap'n Jack would SO get along. Well -- actually, at least initially, they most certainly would not -- but their verbal sparring matches would be fantastic entertainment." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I was watching Tooth and Claw the other day, and found myself reflecting that it's a good thing that [David] Tennant can't use his actual accent for most of [Doctor Who], because I'd never be able to concentrate on what he was actually saying, ever, and I'd quite lose the threads of all the plot lines. When he says, 'Come sir -- you promised us a tale of nightmares,' it takes all my willpower not to swoon onto the floor." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I can't honestly say I find an episode of Capt. Jack's TV show involving a sex-to-death alien particularly surprising, or, dare I say it, particularly far-fetched. Insomuch as a sexed-to-death alien can EVER not be far-fetched." ~Draca Darkwingette on Torchwood
• "I'm going to spend the last twenty minutes here working on the Pittsburgh-Eating Email (which I am starting to _envision_ as the great big gray Apocolyptic Thing that attempted to Dementor Jack [Harkness] to death, because size will be relative between the two -- although hopefully the email will be a bit more pleasant to suffer through)." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I would like to hereby blame the Doctor, Captain Jack, and you, for this, the most ludicrous rant-theory I have ever gone off on in my entire life. I cannot BELIEVE I just used the word "Mickeykind." It sounds like a bad rap song title." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "Oh, dear dear dear, I really am losing it now ... well, didn't ever really have that far to go, did I?" ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I ALWAYS wind up on the Brick Street of Doom when I cross this particular county region, but the nice thing about getting lost the same way more than once is, you know you're lost when you hit it the second time." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I always take minor inconveniences as a Personal Affront on Behalf of the Universe to My Personage." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I've felt since the first of the month that it is _going_ to be a Year of Change, but it finally clicked into place today that, while it's a major step to have become pro-Change in the first place, I'm still going to have to be mildly proactive in actually instigating action at some point." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "And I thought that no one would ever be able to out-horn Captain Jack." ~Draca Darkwingette on Captain John Hart
• "Mmm, I'm in Torchwood overload ... what a _lovely_ place to be." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "[The Doctor, Captain Jack Harkness, and Cap'n Jack Sparrow] are largely responsible for much of the massive changes I've gone through in the past year or three; and if a therapy bill ever showed up from the Fictional Character Therapy Associates with their names on the bottom, I wouldn't even blink an eye; I'd write out the check and send it on back. Because, fictional or not, I OWE those guys." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I have to tell you, I'm a bit insulted -- you having an orgy and not even _inviting_ me to it* (* Blame for this joke rests ENTIRELY on Captain Jack, because I never ever EVER made jokes like this before the man insinuated himself into my life.)" ~Draca Darkwingette
• "It occurs to me that I must have a thing for Hero Throwing Office Knick-Knacks At Mentor scenes." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "If you notice tomorrow dragging to the point wherein you are beginning to suspect that the rotation of the earth has been suspended -- my apologies. But no worries. It's just me. WAITING FOR THE [Buffy Season 1] FINALE." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I love Giles so deeply at this point that any random factoid in any way remotely related to him is both fascinating and revealing to the character. 'Giles's favorite vegetable is rutabaga?? Anthony S. Head wears PANTS?! WHOA!'" ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I would happily watch a show wherein the premise was Giles and Spike riding around in a car together." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "OHMIGAWD IT'S CANCER!!! ... well, no, that doesn't make sense. OHMIGAWD IT'S SENSELESS CANCER!!!!" ~Draca Darkwingette
• "I TRULY don't mind people macking on the Doctor. BUT IT BURNS MY SOUL WHEN HE MACKS BACK" ~Draca Darkwingette
• "You are such a Bruce Wayne. 'Oh, I don't WANT to kill puppies and babies! Wah wah sanctity of life!!' What kind of American ARE you?!?!?" ~Draca Darkwingette
• "What IRRITATES ME SO FRARPING BADLY -- badly enough that I had to make up a swear word that sounds like a frog burping..." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "Monk was a naturally gifted butler, but that doesn't mean he should spend his life BUTLING." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "You may be an axe murderer, but you are apparently the Adrian Monk of axe-murderers, then." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "It's hard not to watch this character I've loved for seven and a half years and think, 'If he can get past this, so can I'... and if you think the fact that he's fictional would deter me from that line of thinking, you obviously are reading this blog for the first time." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "These are some morbidly-inspired characters -- it takes poisoning and flaming bumper stickers to get through to them." ~Draca Darkwingette about the Monk cast
• "A distant relative of the Dogtor, the Monkster is my de facto Monk plush, suitable for any and all occasions when I need to give Adrian Monk a rib-crushing hug but am hampered by the fact that he does not exist." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "Well -- perhaps ‘burning flare of determination’ is a bit much, given my level of exhaustion at the moment. ’Vague but surprisingly persistent spark of 'Huh!’ is probably closer to the truth." ~Draca Darkwingette
• "[Captain John circa KKBB] clearly has a grip on something. It isn't reality, but it's something." ~Draca Darkwingette
• “When I grow up, I wanna be a kid.” ~Dayle
• "[College students are] paying an awful lot of money to just act like monkeys. Heck, I could do that at home for free." ~Dayle
• "Jesus is one high roller." ~Dayle
• "I lost my IMAX virginity watching The Dark Knight today! My Valentine's Day present to myself. Yay!...Oh, and I am definitely a fan of Batman's face being the size of a house." ~Dayle
• "Curse you, David Tennant, and your ability to bring dead kittens back to life with your smile. *shakes fist*" ~Dayle
• “Negative one and one will annihilate each other...” ~My Diff EQs professor
• “Is time to see in flesh...you know, in numbers...” ~My Diff EQs prof
• “The reason that it’s important is not that it’s important.” ~My Digital Logic prof
• “I could almost memorize [hexadecimal]. You guys should be able to. Good thing I’m not the one taking the test.” ~My Digital Logic prof
• “Usually you have some kind of ‘real’ world, whatever that is.” ~My Digital Logic prof
• “That’s all I’m doing on number systems. If you’re still confused...it’s not my fault!” ~My Digital Logic prof
• “[The customer] will never know that it displays junk.” ~My Digital Logic prof, illustrating the basic relationship between engineers and consumers
• “It’s kind of fun to do. But after you leave this class, you’ll never see it again. And why’s that? Because Quartus will do it for you!” ~My Digital Logic prof on five and six variable KMAP problems
• “That’s what we do at night when we have nothing else to do – think of [ways to trick students on exam questions.]” ~My Digital Logic prof
• “Let me back up. Let me do an undo...You can’t do an undo in real life.” ~My Digital Logic prof
• "No spoilers. Other than for the knowledge that John Barrowman tends to behave generally a bit like John Barrowman." ~dougs
• "No, he's *not* a male!" ~Duckie
• “Madellaine: But…I don’t see anything! Quasimodo: No, wait… Madellaine: Ah! I see dead people!!” ~Duckie
• “Wow! Brendan Fraser’s Canadian! I wanna go to Canadia! Wait…” ~Duckie
• “Oh, yes. Beer and sailors go well together…for about two minutes.” ~Duckie
• “I told you to stop wearing my eye shadow.” ~Duckie as Pocahontas in response to Powhatan’s “I told you to stay in the village.”
• “I laugh at me.” ~Duckie
• "Never trust a Chia pet." ~Duckie
• “His body needs to grow into his head.” ~Duckie about Christian Bale in Empire of the Sun
• “I like that plane. I want to be on that plane.” ~Duckie while watching The Mummy
• “Hostage situations are easier when you make your demands CLEAR!” ~Duckie
• “Someone sounds like they need to die.” ~Duckie on Donny Osmond in the Johnny Bravo Christmas special
• “If I were Grumpy, I would have kicked her @$$.” ~Duckie on Snow White
• "[Lt. Archie] Kennedy is, like, what every man should aspire to be." ~Duckie
• "It's my size Lexington!" ~Duckie
• "Yes. Xanatos is evil because there are gargoyles living in New York." ~Duckie while watching "Her Brother's Keeper"
• "I wanna go bug shooting." ~Duckie while watching The Mummy
• "I'm not an English guy." ~Duckie
• "I wanna give him a big hug...but then he'd probably marry me." ~Duckie on Eric Idle
• "No, 'cause then I'd wind up killing us...as well as doing it illegally." ~Duckie when asked if she would like to drive a week before her 15th birthday
• "Lieutenants tend to travel in packs." ~Duckie while watching…you guessed it…Horatio Hornblower "Mutiny"
• “I want a book that talks to me in Tony Jay’s voice…” ~Duckie
• “I need to pee, and my head’s broken. And my heads in the clouds…” ~Duckie
• “Okay, long johns look good on some people. Okay, anything looks good on some people.” ~Duckie while watching Newsies
• “I don’t care because I have the crack cookies.” ~Duckie
• “But seriously, is this a good idea? Should I make crack cookies.” ~Duckie
• “I think maybe knowing a lot about the world makes you go crazy.” ~Duckie in response to “I love how it’s always the psychotic characters that are the wisest.”
• “We don’t need Christianity. We’re in Egypt!” ~Duckie during The Mummy Returns
• “Naw, I thought you meant her wallet.” ~Duckie in response to “She paid the ultimate price...her life.”
• "Way too much crack for you, Mr. Leary." ~Duckie
• “Go away, or I’ll poke you with a Fimo stick...Oh, now he’s eating it.” ~Duckie to Pighi
• “Why would you do that? You’re just setting yourself up for world domination.” ~Duckie
• “And I’m gonna shoot it.” ~Duckie, adding to Rick O’Connell’s “Lady, there’s something out there.”
• “We’re like backseat fathers.” ~Duckie playing PM2
• “He goofed off a lot.” ~Duckie during the Young Hercules intro (you know, after “Before the man became legend... before the legend became myth...”)
• “I need to have myself a rocking party with just me and this essay, but AIM seems to have butted in and ruined the intimacy.” ~Duckie
• “Cute little halfling....BIG NASTY VAMPIRE!!” ~Duckie on my simultaneous addition of Pippin and Lestat to my harem
• "I have written my own essays, I have written my own essays for other people, and I have written other people's essays for my own." ~Duckie
• “Mwah, nothing beats watching old guys beat each other to a bloody pulp without touching each other.” ~Duckie while watching Fellowship of the Ring
• “Not very determined little Minion of the Evil Overlord, now is he?” ~Duckie while watching Fellowship of the Ring
• “I thought he said ‘payphones’.” ~Duckie to Father’s “...delivering us from pathos”
• “You should have used a derivative.” ~Duckie to John Preston’s “I merely wanted to optimize.”
• “Hee hee. [Jamie Bamber] is sooo hot. *melts into puddle* That was his hotness melting my cells.” ~Duckie
• “Pippin has a sexxy voice, and that counts for a lot... Cause he's still sexxy when you close your eyes.” ~Duckie
• “Yes. I am definitely hanging up on you.” ~Duckie after I told her that I didn’t have to go to class until 9:30
• “Eh, I thought it was good. No drawn out, ‘[Protagonist’s name censored for spoiler protection]...kill...[antagonist’s name censored for spoiler protection]...*chokes on blood*...*cryptic message*...*heartwrenching last breath*...’" ~Duckie on the death of a character
• “Bah. He's a git. A ruddy git.” ~Duckie on Percy Weasley
• “Brothers beat each other up. Sisters give each other lifelong complexes.” ~Duckie
• “That's the beauty of fake people – you don't have to be loyal to them.” ~Duckie on why fictional characters are better than real people when it comes to "love"
• “Becca told me the other day, ‘Guess what, [Duckie]! We have 4,444% error. That means we were 4,444% WRONG.’ I assured her that we could only be 100% wrong - our data just happened to be 4,444% screwed up.” ~Duckie on Chem labs
• “Just think of guys as bugs.” ~Duckie, completely apropos of nothing
• “I'm glad [you found it entertaining]. Cause it felt stupid coming out of my fingers.” ~Duckie
• “I’m either a t-rex or Ryan Styles being a woman.” ~Duckie
• “Infinitrillion...yeah. That’s a lot.” ~Duckie, attempting to quantify either the number of baby hamsters in the world or the number of hours it takes to watch Return of the King
• “I wonder if they got a stunt double to do that. If they did, I will kick [Rachel Weisz]. I think it would be fun to have Brendan Fraser throw me into the ocean...or the river.” ~Duckie
• “Maybe his skin was just like...’Bleuch’.” ~Duckie on Imhotep
• “Rick really isn’t nice...And Ardeth puts up with him. He could just be like, ‘You know what? I hate you,’ and shoot him, then go save the world.” ~Duckie
• “Does this involve a donut somehow? [beat] Oh.” ~Duckie, reading the title of “A Slightly Crueler Cruller” just before Donut reappears
• “I like my little army of ducks...” ~Duckie
• “Okay, that will never stop being funny.” ~Duckie, referring to “And it exploded,” from Galaxy Quest
• “Oh look, a zit. Let’s pick it!” ~Duckie rubbing aloe on our mother’s severely sunburned back
• “I’ve decided I want to have Keith Urban’s children.” ~Duckie
• “A for effort!” ~Duckie as Hornblower to Clayton’s “I’m sorry I didn’t kill him.”
• “What was that? It sounded like a rat; it looked like a human.” ~Duckie
• "The English wing is no place for Mr. Jaffurs. It can't contain him." ~Duckie
• “I surprise me sometimes.” ~Duckie
• “This carrot was handsome enough to tempt me.” ~Duckie
• “Nibble nibble.” ~Duckie
• “Last year’s freshmen were not the most...impressive human beings.” ~Duckie
• “Ha ha, it's Mr. Keech who's reading [my scholarship application]. I'll live. He won't mind the hanging preposition that is going to keep me up tonight.” ~Duckie
• “Oh, btw, thanks for the Ducky. I didn't choke on him, but I tried really hard.” ~Duckie
• “So, I was like, ‘Eric, I am not going shorts shopping with you.’” ~Duckie
• “It’s like they threw a Cabbage Patch doll at Ian McKellan.” ~Duckie when Frodo jumped onto Gandalf’s cart
• “Nice Little Trip to Rivendale, which was originally Nice Little Trip to the Prancing Pony, suddenly turns into Nice Little Trip to Mount DOOM!” ~Duckie on Fellowship of the Ring
• “Is that a castrati?...It’s probably Orlando Bloom. Johnny Depp was right.” ~Duckie on the music in the Fellowship of the Ring credits
• “Boromir’s like, ‘These guys are cute. I like playing with them. Why are they here...? And why do they have swords?’” ~Duckie on Boromir on Hobbits
• “In the end, we have our Dodgeball Duo running off to Mount Doom, and all they have to defend themselves are Sammie’s pots and pans, because Frodo’s squeaking sure isn’t going to scare anyone.” ~Duckie on Fellowship of the Ring
• “[Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas] are like, ‘We’ve got to save the ones that are completely unimportant to the plot!’....So we have a man, an elf, and a dwarf, and the only way they can live together is by running over hills and dales.” ~Duckie on The Two Towers
• “BWAH!! Sorry. I got excited....Not really.” ~Duckie while watching The Two Towers
• “[Samwise] got busy... That girl has got to be about three. I don’t know what the gestation period of a Habbit is...” ~Duckie
• “I am The Bug Slayer.” ~Duckie
• “Hey, you’re dead. Stop moving!” ~Duckie
• “I’m going to give myself hypertension right now.” ~Duckie
• “We have surprisingly blue skies for impending doom.” ~Duckie
• “I’m trying to see how far apart I can make your two heads.” ~Duckie
• “Ssh! I think Keith Urban is on the radio! No, never mind. That was an Outback commercial.” ~Duckie
• “My room has a wall that the sun caresses viciously every night.” ~Duckie
• “Silly relationships... Don't ever hook up with a crazy [jerk].” ~Duckie
• “I mean, I would just say hi, you guys are great, would you like to marry me, nothing too weird.” ~Duckie on making friends and influencing people
• “Alright, I’m gonna need a ruler, an elephant seal...and a five-pound bucket of lard.” ~Duckie
• “I always love the porn stars.” ~Duckie (about Love Actually)
• "Brad Paisley equals duck crap." ~Duckie (who actually does love Brad Paisley very much)
• "Is that the moon? No, it's a Shell sign." ~Duckie
• "I'm good at smelling boys." ~Duckie
• "I don't think you have to get the marriage annulled if the groom is eaten. By a dragon." ~Duckie
• "::whimper:: I'm low and I can't get my bathing suit back on." ~Duckie
• "I do not like you Crown Victoria lady...and your dry cleaning." ~Duckie's own particular brand of road rage
• "I'm going to start saying 'finitely.' Everyone will think I'm retarded; it's going to be awesome." ~Duckie
• "Snarkir: v. To make an unsolicited sarcastic remark. Ex: The girl was snarked by her sister." ~Duckie
• "That's a lovely couch, most likely available at the highly affordable price of leaping into the bed of the truck, throwing it into your car, and jumping back...all while driving down the highway at 70 mph." ~Duckie
• "Can I marry him?" ~Duckie after The Doctor had to restart his heart in "The Shakespeare Code"
• "He's drunk...and he's also Hitler." ~Duckie
• "I have left for your culinary pleasure...hamster!" ~Duckie getting distracted
• "My fingers are tingly; I must be having chemo." ~Duckie
• "Home is where I'm not. Which is kinda sad." ~Duckie
• "I don't sniff boys." ~Duckie
• "::sniff sniff:: I smell man." ~Duckie
• "Because we're having a philoselfical day... 'Philoselfical'? I love myself!" ~Duckie
• "I was driving at night the other day..." ~Duckie
• "Oh dear, they've reproduced." ~Duckie
• "At first I thought, 'Haha, he's making a Bubonic plague joke.' And then I thought, 'Haha, he made a joke about people dying of Bubonic plague.'" ~Duckie
• "I can't imagine what the conversation you would sound like while you were tickling a Japanese person. They have a very angry language. Like Germans. I would not want to tickle a German." ~Duckie
• "Vinegar isn't supposed to go in your lungs." ~Duckie eating salt and vinegar chips improperly
• "You heard me - I said 'apostrification'." ~Duckie
• "is that pretentious that the only thing I capitalize is..." ~Duckie
• "Ew. Something gross is on the Lysol, and you can't lysol the Lysol. That's horribly unfortunate." ~Duckie
• "I never want to be exploded onto a fountain of cheese." ~Duckie
• "Your _brain_ is slightly squidgy." ~Duckie to me
• "Whoa! There's fish in my boobs!" ~Duckie
• "I've figured out what I don't like about the John Barrowman version [of 'Feeling Good'] - he's afraid to get dirty." ~Duckie
• "Just be naive with him for a minute." ~Duckie while listening to "Two People Fell in Love"
• "[Neil Patrick Harris'] face is...all kinds of David Hyde Pierce." ~Duckie
• "Try to salivate down your throat." ~Duckie
• "My brain is creme brule...and the very fact that I said that proves it's true." ~Duckie
• "How many times do you get to say, 'Whatever stole your face...'" ~Duckie
• "So, Buffy is apparently just an excuse for nerds to be nerds. I didn't expect that." ~Duckie
• "I almost said something really weird. I almost said, 'Man, I wish I had a dead cat with no skin right here so I could review the muscles.'" ~Duckie studying for her anatomy exam
• "That's the muscle that would let a cat do a sit up if a cat could do a sit up." ~Duckie
• "[The pancreas] just kind of looks like the intestines' sidekick." ~Duckie
• "My me hurts." ~Duckie
• "I'm pretty sure you're about to get Apocalypsed in the face." ~One of Duckie's friends
• “In case you haven’t noticed, you have a body...” ~Duckie’s EMT instructor
• “Our goal in life is not to get puked on.” ~Duckie’s EMT instructor
• “You’re gonna’ be busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.” ~Duckie’s EMT instructor
• “There’s a certain amount of squishiness in what we do.” ~Duckie’s EMT instructor
• “Thou shalt not melt metal into your patient’s body.” ~Duckie’s EMT instructor
• “Don’t you wish we still had tails...Then we’d have a whole new set of things to be insecure about: ‘His tail is bigger than mine!’...’He can do more things with his tail than me!’” ~ Duckie’s EMT instructor

E

• "I need to hire someone to stand next to me and scream DO YOUR HOMEWORK in my ear." ~echidnite
• "A little bit of despotism there. But that's what democracy is all about." ~My Econ prof on taxes
• "[The IRS] is a legal Mafia." ~My Econ prof
• "If you don't know the answer and somebody says, 'right,' say, 'yeah.' 95% of the time, you'll be okay." ~My Econ prof
• "Do ponies have a salvage value?" ~My Econ prof
• "It's our last class for God's sake, answer the questions." ~My Econ prof
• "[sardonic laugh] Life is getting worse now." ~My Econ prof
• "It wasn't me. It was someone else within me." ~My Econ prof
• "I had a discussion with my husband after the film, and pointed out that most women perceive themselves as the protagonists of their own lives, not as an avid audience for men as they play out their stories. My experience throughout my life when watching movies like this has been to desperately try to find a place for myself among the male characters. How can I be Phillip Seymour Hoffman? There is no space for women in this movie, so how do I rewrite the movie so I can fit myself in? I've been doing it for so long that it is almost natural to me, but I think it's time that it stopped." ~Eileen
• "If you can do Half-Life or Doom or...whatever the latest shoot-em-up game is, you can do [PSpice]. It's simple." ~My Electronic Circuits prof
• "You never want to use your circuit as a fuse." ~My E. Circuits prof
• "What else is V-sub-T? Thermal voltage. Forget that with MOSFET. Turn that off. ::click!:: Be like Data: turn that emotion chip off." ~My E. Circuits prof
• "What kind of voltage are we going to get? A lot. Maybe a lot squared." ~My E. Circuits prof
• "Beware the three-horned frog." ~Elizabeth
• "You know... that was a really bad joke... and I think I'd probably appreciate it if we just pretended I didn't say that." ~Eric
• "Dude, if Owen Harper became president, people would wonder why exactly we impeached Clinton." ~esotaria
• “I’m from the Panhandle, and we probably have a different set of ethics that those of you from South Florida.” ~my Ethics prof
• “It’s spring, why don’t we just meet out on the lawn...and bring guitars.” ~my Ethics prof
• “Bill Gates is not a friend of mine...he’s a whining weenie.” ~my Ethics prof
• “Return every phone call. I don’t care if it’s Attila the Hun trying to sell you life insurance...” ~my Ethics prof
• “What do you do? Do you tell your boss to go jump in a lake? That’s probably what you morally should do.” ~My Ethics prof
• "I looked in the mirror and John Smith was looking back. DAMN IT, RTD! YOU'RE MAKING THAT CAP LESS FUNNY!" ~euphorazine

F

• “I love cursing. It’s such a stress reliever.” ~Fay
• “I just made myself laugh.” ~Fay
• “I have no water, my brain doesn’t function.” ~Fay
• "Every time you hit a key it gives off a small pulse that can be picked up by bad guys." ~My Fields prof
• "Energy is conserved at all times...so don't worry." ~My Fields prof
• "We are running out of symbols in different alphabets. Lots of collisions..." ~My Fields prof (ironically, we don't use symbols from his native alphabet)
• "So, never hide under a tree - a tall tree - in a thunder storm. No, I'm serious. This is not a joke." ~My Fields prof
• "Now we are ready to assemble the final solution." ~My Fields prof
• "There's no comparison. I mean, people liked Hanson, but Jonas Brothers are a revolution." ~My former Flatmate
• "I fear for the life of the internet after this coming episode." ~foreverrhapsody

G

• “Honestly, I feel like I got a 4...Combined.” ~Gary on the AP Physics test
• "See, if I really existed, I would have *such* an identity crisis." ~Gesture discussing our apparent invisibility and parrot-like behavior
• "Beware the three-porned frog." ~Gesture
• "Being popular does NOTHING for your social status." ~Gesture
• "I got us mixed up. I forgot who I was for a second." ~Gesture
• “I’m sorry. I tend to forget that I’m not the only one in the universe.” ~Gesture
• “Where? Does it suck?” ~Gesture in response to Lily’s “The A-Teens have an original song!”
• "I'm not playing hard to get, I am hard to get." ~Gesture
• "I wonder what it's like to be the grave mower." ~Gesture
• “My head is in the carpet.” ~Gesture
• “There’s doom in my face.” ~Gesture
• “I don’t know them; they’re not my friends!” ~Gesture
• “I wish I had all those presents when I was a fetus.” ~Gesture
• “You’re not Castro, you’re the librarian!” ~Gesture
• “It had a quote on it; I had to keep it.” ~Gesture
• “My hair was caught in my giant pirate earrings. I like them. They’re huge. And pirate-y. And they make me feel a little Spanish.” ~Gesture
• “’Robiny Snickett.’ That phrase has been stuck in my head all day. This is what it's like to be crazy.” ~Gesture
• “Only Robin would have a profile beginning with ‘Wise words from the antichrist’ and not be blaspheming.” ~Gesture
• “High school was such a strange place.” ~Gesture
• “[10th grade Chem was] whimsically traumatizing!” ~Gesture
• “She made a career of being elderly.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “Doesn’t have to be pretty, it just has to be done.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “He’s constant in his Joe-ness.” ~Ms. Gibson on Joe Gargery
• “I need a Klashnikov.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “I would be in trouble if I macheted a student.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “I am not paying you off in drugs.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “You have learned the art of moving fast and ineffectively.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “You’re up for the broken elbow, then. I meet you in a back alley and break your elbow.” ~Ms. Gibson about not taking the AP Lit test
• “It’s really bad with Mr. Jaffurs AND me waiting in the alley.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “Here we are with our friend Ken. I might have to take the sound down a notch for Ken.” ~Ms. Gibson while switching from the Ethan Hawke version of Hamlet to the Kenneth Branagh version
• “Our mind [takes breaks] to keep us from exploding.” ~Ms. Gibson
• “There’s something not good going on here.” ~Ms. Gibson on Hamlet
• “Who wants to be burned at the stake?” ~Ms. Gibson
• "As a feminist, I find myself repeatedly pointing out that men are not the beasts that conservative women make them out to be, a notion some men themselves subscribe to, because it absolves them of responsibility and provides a bar for behavior so low that it's more of a speed bump than a guideline." ~ginmar
• “’Brethren.’ No one wants to say that.” ~A girl in my Tech Writing class
• “You are the coolest kid I know.” ~A girl on my floor to a guy on my floor because he managed to stuff an oversized book into his pocket
• "Twilight is one girl's choice between necrophelia and bestiality." ~A girl overheard by Kat
• "Don't do this. Don't have eye surgery, knee surgery, and don't do this." ~My grandfather after his triple bypass
• "Why is my make failing?" ~a guy in my C++ class
• “You can’t have footnotes in a video.” ~The guy who stood in while my Women in Antiquity professor was in Greece
• “I need you to come here and kick my [tailfeathers], Cody.” ~A guy on my floor
• “That wasn’t patronizing, that was condescending.” ~Some guy at a birthday party on my floor
• “I don’t know why this is funny, but it really is.” ~Guy in my Bio class putting words to everyone’s thoughts as we watched multiple videos of fiddler crab mating rituals
• “Now, how do you segue from that?” ~A guy in my Poetry class to my professor following another student’s explanation of the rumours about Catherine the Great’s manner of death
• ”When you think of pool halls... That’s not the upper echelon of society.” ~A guy in my Poetry class
• “Wow. Only in an engineering class.” ~A guy in my Digital Logic class after someone’s “Imperial March” ringtone sounded
• “Because they would fight.” ~Another guy in my Digital Logic class explaining why he doesn’t believe there can be more than one god
• “I like basketball, but there are some things I just don’t do. Camping outside? Nuh-uh. I like my bed.” ~A guy in my Linear Algebra class
• “I’m peeing on the electrical [stuff] off their house.” ~A guy outside my window after a party one night (the party was held next door)
• “Two things are going toward each other...it’s sexual! Like gravity. It’s sexual.” ~a guy in my sci-fi class on claims that the “Blue Danube” segment of 2001: A Space Odyssey was sexual
• “That’s how you should do a movie, because then you don’t have to worry about bad acting.” ~another guy in my sci-fi class on only having 30 minutes of dialogue in all of 2001: A Space Odyssey
• “He stole their cereal.” ~A guy in my Sci-Fi class theorizing how Alien grew so big in so short a time
• “Maybe he feeds on the stuff in their ventilation ducts.” ~Another guy in my Sci-Fi class theorizing how Alien grew so big in so short a time
• “It’s all water mass.” ~A third guy in my Sci-Fi class theorizing how Alien grew so big in so short a time
• “You don’t get naked when there’s a giant alien hanging around.” ~A guy in my Sci-Fi class
• “He barely ate those last two people. He was full.” ~A fourth guy in my Sci-Fi class pondering what the heck was up with Alien’s growth spurt
• “Philosophically, they’re great. But that’s if you ignore what, you know, happens.” ~A guy in my Sci-Fi class about the Matrix trilogy
• "The thing that irked me...was that he skipped out on a Danger Room session. When has he ever done that? He's Cyclops, he doesn't skip Danger Room sessions, he probably has a cot to sleep in there so he won't be late." ~Guy in the Facebook group Cyclops is WAY Cooler than Wolverine
• "[The coconut] was kind of gross, especially when he told us it was an endosperm. I don't know what that means, but it has the word 'sperm' in it." ~A guy in my Jules Verne class
• "There's a frightening image: Someone who is so self-destructive he hurts his own body." ~Random guy in a program about exorcisms
• "How can something that doesn't really exist collide with something?" ~Guy in my Solid State class
• "The sense in which this is interactive is not at all." ~Guy in my Narratology class on Façade
• "Batman and his cronies have been running amok America." ~Guy in my Narratology class on the Harvey Dent ARG

H

• "That's a piece of flesh...not cheese!" ~Mr. Hampton
• "Jack is quite clearly part-wolf." ~harmyjo
• “There is no constant in History.” ~Heather
• “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.” ~Mrs. Helmrich
• “Lawd...Lawd...if there is ANYTHING out there cuter and more squeal-inducing than that Fool of a Took, I am unaware of it. And wish to remain so.” ~The High Freakin’ Priestess
• “I would seriously mortgage my home/life for [a replicator].” ~Hillary
• “[Hamsters are] easily hidable though...just stick it in a sock if you have too.” ~Hillary on avoiding pet fees
• “This probably isn’t the bus to campus. Usually, scary people don’t go to campus.” ~Hillary
• “If you can ‘t get a handicapped sticker, what’s the point?” ~Hillary on Alopecia
• “What?! Facebook is down?! What am I gonna do?! I can’t stalk people now! I pay good money to keep Facebook online! Good money!” ~Hillary
• “Maybe it had crack on it, and he was just like, ‘Oh! This is awesome!’” ~Hillary, theorizing why my hamster might have tried to eat a $20 bill
• “As if I didn’t have homework to be doing, I’m on Facebook, because it’s my crack. [whimper] It is. It’s my crack.” ~Hillary
• “I [want to marry the Hamburgler], too. What a fine piece of meat.” ~Hillary
• “[Severus Snape is] the most beautiful man alive.” ~Hillary
• “I need to find a republican Bill Clinton.” ~Hillary, expanding on her assertion that First Lady is the best job ever
• “Only the Republicans would drive to a rally in a stretch Hummer.” ~Hillary
• “This is why I suck at being an adult.” ~Hillary flouncing around the apartment in a pink flowered skirt and whining about all of her food going off
• “I can’t talk and think at the same time.” ~Hillary
• “I don’t have to express my emotions to have them.” ~Hillary
• “Seriously, I would have ice cream’s babies if it were possible...And then I would eat my babies. I’d be like a hamster.” ~Hillary
• "How can I defend a man like that? Oh my god...I can't even listen. I have to go back to my room." ~Hillary during the Daily Show coverage of a Bush speech
• "Cartman and I could get married." ~Hillary
• “I don’t have enough fingers to point at everything in the house.” ~Hillary
• “I’m slapping myself like that’s going to make the show come back on... It doesn’t seem to be working.” ~Hillary
• “I love that movie sort of!” ~Hillary
• “You have pictures that you like, but then you realize ‘Wow, I’m a fat ass.’ Or something.” ~Hillary
• “I wanna be a dominatrix for Christmas.” ~Hillary
• “Robin Diane Whittle, I am not a whore.” ~Hillary
• “I am not helping you at all, am I? This is why roommates should be shot.” ~Hillary
• “On the new AIM, I can have a profile even if I am a person.” ~Hillary
• “It was Data, and he was trying to kill me!” ~Hillary
• "That's what marriage is for: giving your husband a tummy. You don't marry a man with a tummy." ~Hillary
• "Stop laughing at me while I'm thinking." ~Hillary
• “[Power buttons are] usually red, or have redness near them. It’s like genital herpes.” ~Hillary
• “Backstreet Boys equals a big NO.” ~Hillary
• “Genocide! What’s your favourite thing in the world, Robin?” ~Hillary
• "I need staples...I hate moving. If I could be in a wheelchair, I would be the happiest person alive. Especially if I had the motorized kind. Whee!" ~Hillary
• “I’m studying, so I’m on My Space.” ~Hillary
• “Maybe I should take a shower...with my computer.” ~Hillary on stress relief
• “I hope I get proposed to in a Steak ‘N Shake. [beat] I didn’t say I hope I procreate in a Steak ‘N Shake...” ~Hillary
• “I was trying to think of what I would like on a stick naked, but then I was like, no. Never mind.” ~Hillary
• “‘A pregnant person,’ and then, ‘a lactating individual.’ I was not aware that men could do these things.” ~Hillary
• “They don’t test you for STDs on Match.com.” ~Hillary
• "I wonder if I walked into class missing an eyeball if I would still have to take the exam..." ~Hillary
• "I should get a second job so I can afford to throw my computer out the window." ~Hillary
• "Stop laughing at me while I'm thinking." ~Hillary
• “I’m going to go idle on your [tail feathers].” ~Hillary
• “That...is a panda.” ~Hillary
• “Those stories don’t touch my life because I’m not a drunken whore.” ~Hillary
• “Is this the movie where he hears people?” ~Hillary during What Women Want
• “Watch out! Falling vaginas!” ~Hillary
• “They should make a Back to the Future II.” ~Hillary
• “That was my brilliant idea face.” ~Hillary
• “You can’t Indian-give a baby.” ~Hillary
• "I'm gonna be so late to class because I don't like my away message." ~Hillary
• "God rewards those who give up things for Lent." ~Hillary when she found that her ice cream hadn't melted
• “That is such an evil laugh. Nobody has a laugh that is comparable to Cartman’s.” ~Hillary
• “I’ve run out of Facebook things to do, so I’m on My Space.” ~Hillary
• “It’s like taking my name in vain. Now I know how God feels.” ~Hillary
• “Oh... I just got quoted.” ~Hillary
• “His skin looks, like, so radiant. I wonder how he does it.” ~Hillary
• "I'm going to bed to cry myself to sleep. While eating a Kit Kat." ~Hillary
• "That's what you get when you pay for your education." ~Hillary, coveting the cushy chairs in classrooms at Miami
• “I think my main problem with life is that I have to be awake.” ~Hillary
• "It's only 14 cents, and it's filling my body with wonderful goodness." ~Hillary on Ramen noodles
• "What do we do when we're bored? We watch our turtles hump each other." ~Hillary
• "Now I have salmonella in my lungs. 'How did she die?' 'Oh, she was sniffing turtle steam.'" ~Hillary
• "[Stuffed animals] aren’t warm and soft and they don't come up to you when you come home and wag their tails and smile and talk to you....Some times my head forgets that it's me making up the other side of the conversation." ~Hillary on why real dogs are superior to stuffed animals
• "Ew! She's gross, Data, don't do it! I can't watch android sex; that's disgusting." ~Hillary during Star Trek: First Contact
• "Your face is, like, green, and people ask you why, and you say, 'Guacamole was raining from the sky because God loves me. Or my avocado tree is ripe. I haven't decided yet.'" ~Hillary
• “Let’s pretend like three plus two equals five...” ~Hillary
• “Why is Jesus important?” ~Hillary
• “Oh, wow. That’s naked people.” ~Hillary
• “Maybe he could use his heat-vision to fry my teacher.” ~Hillary while watching Smallville
• "I think I saw the one where he was going back in time." ~Hillary on Doctor Who
• "I wouldn't eat that if I were me." ~Hillary
• "I just can't wait for Star Trek: Voyager to come on tonight." ~Hillary
• "What's beautiful about the animal cracker is that it's crunchy, but it has just enough sugar for you to be like, 'Wow, it's sweet.' And then it gets mushy, but not so mushy that it's like you're eating Cheerios that have been sitting out all night." ~Hillary
• "She's gonna steal an icicle. She's scared [excrement]less, and she's gonna steal an icicle." ~Hillary
• "Every time I hear the fire trucks, a little part of me hopes that it’s University Commons." ~Hillary while we were living at UC
• "We're gonna pretend you're a lush, because that will make this easier." ~Hillary
• "If I had a puppy store, I would name it 'The Puppy Store,' because then everyone would be like, 'Yeah. She sells puppies'." ~Hillary
• "We need some crack, because then we would have an excuse." ~Hillary
• "Hold on, I'm gonna do a Turner." ~Hillary
• "I'm like Michael [Scott]. I'm with him. We're a team." ~Hillary
• "I'm pulling a Robin: if I ignore it, it'll just go away." ~Hillary
• "Thank you for your snarkiness. It actually helped this time." ~Hillary
• "I'm sort of like European royalty... I'm sitting on my bed while you're in my room." ~Hillary
• "I don't know if I want magnetic lips." ~Hillary
• "Maybe [a bum] could be artistic, but [a bum] crack is never artistic." ~Hillary
• "Intolerant... That's a funny term for South Park..." ~Hillary
• "I've got three dollars and a debit card. [beat] That sounds like a bad country song." ~Hillary
• “Oh, boy... I hope I never get famous or die.” ~Hillary
• "If I had been Chris Hansen, I would have been like, 'Why don't you just have some fries, too?'" ~Hillary
• "Intolerant... That's a funny term for South Park..." ~Hillary
• "I've got three dollars and a debit card. [beat] That sounds like a bad country song." ~Hillary
• "They were, like, not feeling well because they had just had their [manhood] chopped off." ~Hillary
• "If I ever saw Chris Hansen at the airport or something, I would fangirl his ass." ~Hillary
• "I think of money in terms of how many spicy chicken sandwiches I could buy....I guess that shows I'm not really an adult." ~Hillary
• "Puke in my FACE!...I don't even know what that means." ~Hillary on Grey's Anatomy
• "He gave them toys! And he's Colin Firth! They don't deserve an uncle like Jamie." ~Hillary
• "This is the great thing about early-onset Alzheimer's - you can enjoy the movies you love time and again." ~Hillary
• "That would be so weird, if you could have so much sex your brains just...popped out. That would be so scary." ~Hillary
• "Well, I agree with me, but I don't really remember saying it." ~Hillary
• "[unintelligible mutterings] Okay, I'm still talking." ~Hillary
• "This is not a stealth household." ~Hillary
• "I'm stuck in a time-space continuum that doesn't match up with the rest of the world. Q has taken over my life, the [jerkface]." ~Hillary
• "Do I have to tell them where to put the chickens?" ~Hillary
• "I lost my touch a little bit here with my chicken petting." ~Hillary
• "I still had some gestation to do." ~Hillary
• "I might start petting cows if you're not careful." ~Hillary
• "It's like bone cold, where the particles get in and are like, '[Screw] you.'" ~Hillary
• "I knew that was the key to it all, the bald guy..." ~Hillary
• "I told my mom one of my favourite shows is To Catch a Predator, and she thought that was weird." ~Hillary
• "ARGH! I'm trying to facebook stalk myself, people!" ~Hillary
• "I don't like butt. I just...I know I'm not their target audience, but I am watching TV." ~Hillary
• "I sweat when I write. [beat] Don't write that down." ~Hillary
• "The things in my head...and the fact that there's no filter, the things just come out..." ~Hillary
• "Looks like the Spanish channel at night, 'cause it looks like porn." ~Hillary
• "Why do they have to make it awkward to watch TV at night." ~Hillary
• "How is this a good idea?! I would just like to know what's going through his stupid, pea-brained mind." ~Hillary watching Horatio Hornblower
• "I also had the opportunity to observe pigeons. And pigeons are actually kind of cool. They're like miniature people without arms." ~Hillary
• "I have created the worst thing I've ever tasted in my life. OMG, it's like I just ate the ocean. So I think it's a Wendy's/Checkers night." ~Hillary
• "Have fun with the old people potential nudity." ~Hillary
• "Oatmeal is delicious, it's not dessert, and you kind of feel like you are snacking healthy. I could seriously be a PSA for oatmeal." ~Hillary
• "That's why cats are evil, because my dog doesn't meow." ~Hillary
• "We can't help ourselves. We can't. We're like little crack addicts." ~Hillary about Studio 60 promos "The tattoo show makes me want to get a tattoo. Fortunately the obese and pregnant show doesn't make me want to get obese and/or pregnant." ~Hillary
• "This is how it always starts. 'Oh, you can stay in a building with a burning elevator room'." ~Hillary
• "You know, Aargon, the spider from [Chamber of Secrets], needs to learn some manners. If I were Hagrid, when I got back, I would spray him with some Raid, just enough to let him know who is boss." ~Hillary
• "It's like if you ate an orange and blue cake and then vomitted just the orange, that's what Tennessee looks like." ~Hillary
• "'V-Tech Crushes Marshall.' [giggles] I like that." ~Hillary
• "That's one thing I do like about Syfy - they don't just objectify women. Not that that did anything for me..." ~Hillary
• "[Skim milk] is only sought out by people who want something that's like water, but with an eerie blue tinge, and added tastelessness. And no, I don't know how you can have an additional absence of something, but the makers of skim milk do." ~Hucklebubba
• "I've long since accepted the apparent fact that vasectomies and liver spots are infinitely more horrifying to some people than the prospect of having all of their internal organs catch fire." ~Hucklebubba

I

• "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to send David Tennant the cookie you deserve. He needs it more than you." ~idiotgirle
• "Gay be damned (him AND me), I want to civil union that man!" ~imnotemily about Neil Patrick Harris
• “You are all survivors of a Differential Equations course...” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “I’m sorry that this is boring, but it is what it is: boring.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “If you have an nth order poly, you can expect to have up to n wiggles. By ‘wiggle,’ I mean ‘change of slope’.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “Twenty-two linear equations, twenty-two unknowns. Okay...that sounds horrible.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “The whole point here is we want to keep this thing non-wiggly.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “If you take garbage and divide it by a very small number, what do you get? Lots of garbage. BIG garbage.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “One coefficient down, an infinite number to go.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “Maybe for some reason I don’t like cosines. My mother was scared by a cosine when she was pregnant.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “I can’t do bold face with chalk. I have many talents, but that’s not one of them.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “If anybody wants this cold, I’d be happy to give it to them.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “That was the most godawful way of doing that...” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof after a particularly long derivation
• “It’s Squiggly Greek Letter of the Second Kind.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof on ξ
• “Alright, so that’s kind of cute...and sometimes useful.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof after a 20 minute derivation
• “I’m gonna make the calculations easy. If all of a sudden you come up with 176^(1/2) times e, you know there’s a problem.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “Here’s the theorem. The theorem is going to be useless.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
• “My plan today is to let you guys go early...There’ll be no refund of tuition, though.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof, after pausing for applause
• “It’ll kick and scream and yell at you and give you things in red.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof on using Matlab
• “We have things on this planet called plants.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof, reminding his engineering class about the real world
• “Turns out they didn’t.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof on the possibility that oxygen and nitrogen in the Manhattan Project might combust and destroy the earth
• “We’re having a party, so they need little hats.” ~my Intermediate Analysis prof, explaining why his variables suddenly had hats (no one else laughed because they were all asleep)
• “Normally, I would use a dot to indicate [a derivative], but...” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof explaining why he used i’
• “When all you have is a hammer, everything is going to look like a nail. Even if it’s a screw, you’re gonna [spastic twitch] hit it with a hammer.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• "Don't think of this course as some elaborate hazing process before you can become an engineer. Hazing is illegal at the University of Florida." ~my Intermediate Engineering Analysis professor
• “[My in-laws] are still in the dark ages. They’re not in Canada, but they’re close.” ~my Intermediate Engineering Analysis professor
• “Ever wonder why you never saw a transform function for inverse Laplace? No? You never wondered? ‘No! My brain will explode if I think about that!’” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “You’ll find this method useful, and will probably shock the [Tartarus] out of your professor.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “How many people like [using this method]? It’s okay to be a geek!” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “[This review is] going to give you some idea of what this course was all about.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “I’m using a fourth order polynomial to approximate a fourth order polynomial. It better give me a really good approximation.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “Think of it like four quizzes. Just...don’t have a bad day on final exam day.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “The threat of doing that is probably about as good as doing it....You never know. I’m diabolical.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “All the grade gets you is your first job.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof
• “If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t given you any useful information. There’s four questions.” ~My Intermediate Engineering Analysis prof at the end of our review session

J

• “Let the calculus consume you.” ~Mr. Jaffurs
• “If I was slaughtered to death…” ~Mr. Jaffurs
• “The data doesn’t lie.” ~Mr. Jaffurs
• "I don't think infinity is finite." ~Mr. Jaffurs
• “Have they been using my name in vain?” ~Mr. Jaffurs
• “IT’S ALL CEREBRAL!!” ~Mr. Jaffurs
• “I may take you down, but I’ll never let you down.” ~Mr. Jaffurs
• “That’s technically not correct. In fact, that’s flat-out wrong.” ~Mr. Jaffurs
• “I want to get you into an argument.” ~Mr. Jaffurs at the beginning of class February 24, 2004
• “I’m still confused as to how many times you have to multiply one by one to get to two.” ~Jake
• "Toast #4 was excessively mutilated." ~James
• "I was going to say, 'Sorry if your bread's a little mutated,' but then I realized that's a different word." ~James
• “I didn’t die once that entire time.” ~Jason
• “We should have a think or die campaign.” ~Jason
• “Honey, don’t look at her. She’s lopsided.” ~Jason
• “Don't hit a wall. You'll lose every time.” ~Jason
• “You're, like, saving those persecuted refugees here, man. It's not a service, it's, like, a thing that i dunno a word for.” ~Jason
• “No, I think once a week is enough.” ~Jason, in response to Chris’ “We should get together every week.”
• “The pillow’s making me paranoid.” ~Jason
• “And on the eighth day, God created butcher knives.” ~Jason (a different Jason)
• "Oh God, now every time I'm gonna watch a tv show, I'll think "would Jack shag this one?" and the answer would probably always be 'yes' xD" ~jellyfish62
• "I'm now beginning to wonder if crack is enough to truly describe the utter cracktasticness that is the Tenth Doctor. It's crack, sugar, and smexyness all in one..." ~JesIdres
• “Tractors don’t have armor.” ~Joel
• “I don’t know why the Russians would shoot a random tractor.” ~Joel
• “It’s a good tractor. I’m sure it would rock at farming, but it’s not very efficient at running from the Russians.” ~Joel
• “Man you used underscores... that means I didn't do something... badly... or something” ~John
• “Wow you really ARE the bitter queen of cynicism.” ~John to me
• “That's it. I give up. The world might as well implode, it's worthless to me.” ~John
• “This is The Hobbit with out a Hobbit.” ~John (a different one) on Beowulf
• “Ashley, would you like to raise a prostitute?” ~Jordan while playing PM2
• “We’re lesbian fathers.” ~Jordan playing PM2
• "They used to blow up like little party poppers. It was fun." ~My Junior Design lab tech on electrolytic capacitors wired backward
• "I love these little cameras because...they're so terrible." ~My Junior Design lab tech
• "If you try to pull these chips out without the tool, the pins will snap and it'll roll over and one of the little pins will go under you fingernail and you'll curse and it'll hurt. And then a month later, you'll do it again." ~My Junior Design lab tech
• "Protel's waiting to choke and lose it all, so I'm gonna go ahead and save it." ~My Junior Design lab tech
• "Protel is gonna give you enough rope to hang yourself." ~My Junior Design lab tech
• "We really encourage you to make mistakes." ~My Junior Design prof
• "You sort of learn that on the fly, so do not panic." ~My Junior Design prof
• "There's a love of...motion in the wiggling baby." ~My Junior Design prof
• "Customer is typically not an...expert in terms of engineering." ~My Junior Design prof showing why no one likes engineers
• "Do a test where you, I don't know, simulate a baby or borrow a baby..." ~My Junior Design prof
• "You don't charge your own hours. That's a labour of love." ~My Junior Design prof on business cases
• "I won't touch anything anymore." ~My Junior Design prof after the computer flipped out on him
• "If things go wrong...which they will go..." ~My Junior Design prof being very encouraging
• “Do you want the government to take your cows away?” ~Justin
• “I can make out with my Mustang.” ~Justin (a different one)

K

• “It’s not like they’re enclosed in a…bubble. They’re not off in a little Amish bubble.” ~Karen
• “There is a Branagh back side [in Much Ado About Nothing]... Mom came in and was like, ‘What the [Tartarus] are you watching,’ and I said ‘Shakespeare,’ and she just shook her head.” ~Kat
• “So, if you place a baby in a vacuum...” ~Kat
• “I’m not [jerky], I just have no patience for [nonsense].” ~Kat
• “[We hang out with Kenny and Jason] because we love them and they are awesome. And they make us look better by comparison.” ~Kat
• "Hudson is so much better than Lambert, though. Hudson at least doesn't just stand there and die - he goes out shooting." ~Kat the Quasi-Roommate on the relative merits of annoying characters in Alien(s)
• "You are going to watch this, and you are going to appreciate it. Okay? If you say anything bad about The Doctor, I'm going to break up with you. I love David Tennant - he's my favourite actor." ~Kat the Quasi-Roommate
• "You don't have laser eyes. But I do appreciate that you've tried." ~Kat the Quasi-Roommate
• "Your shirts are like the prize in the Cracker Jack box." ~Kat the Quasi-Roommate
• "He's like a better version of a Ken doll." ~Kat the Magnificent about Christian Bale
• "There's something about being a jungle gym for another creature." ~Kat the Magnificent playing with Pippin
• "The farthings of the Shire are Geek and Nerd." ~Kat the Magnificent
• "I think if there was ever a hypocrite day, I would be a Robert Palmer video girl wearing a Twilight t-shirt with no bra." ~Kat the Magnificent
• "If I had a Kraken, I would release it every day, just to be able to say, 'What did you do today?' 'Oh, I released a Kraken.'" ~Kat the Magnificent
• "And everyone would be like, 'What are you talking about, Robin?' And you'd be like, 'It's a Scottish thing. It's a hairy Scottish thing.'" ~Kat the Magnificent
• "It looks like a wombat alien thing." ~Kat the Magnificent about a fennec fox
• "Oh, god, I hate myself right now. I don't ever want to pretend to be St. Augustine again." ~Kat the Magnificent
• "My man pants are on backward, and apparently over my head, because I can't see anything out of my butt right now." ~Kat the Magnificent, imitating a loserface
• “If I was a bad person, everyone in the world would die. Thank God I’m not a bad person.” ~Katie
• "You are the reason the Women's Lib movement took so long!" ~Kayleigh to Helena
• “And on the second quarter note, He rested.” ~Mr. Keech
• “I think part of Grade Six literature is based on the fact that the composer forgets what he wants.” ~Mr. Keech
• "May these young men and women go forth and procreate wisely so that the world is full of good people." ~Mr. Keech's "graduation speech"
• "I'm not asking anyone to actually shave a duck." ~Mr. Keech
• “How dare you play on Wagner’s rest?!” ~Mr. Keech
• “I’m not awful, I’m just more violent than some.” ~Mr. Keech
• “As long as we’re all committing the same musical atrocity...” ~Mr. Keech on Frank Ticheli’s “Blue Shades”
• “Quit being a good musician. Knock it off.” ~Mr. Keech to our bass clarinetist at measure 148 of Frank Ticheli’s “Blue Shades”
• “If we’re gonna embarrass ourselves, let’s Titanic this puppy. No little pinholes in the hull.” ~Mr. Keech on Frank Ticheli’s “Blue Shades”
• “[blushing and covering his mouth with his index finger] I almost said a bad word, I was so excited.” ~Mr. Keech during Frank Ticheli’s “Blue Shades”
• “It’s a lot of Post-It Notes. Good times.” ~Mr. Keech
• “Chapters giveth, ACCs taketh away.” ~Mr. Keech
• “We’re gonna be floating on what’s left of the trombone section in cold water.” ~Mr. Keech
• “As few kids as we have [in colour guard] this year, we’re gonna put ‘em in fricken neon. If I could put light bulbs on their heads, I would.” ~Mr. Keech
• “If I had no inner monologue, I‘d sound a lot like Linda Whittle.” ~Mr. Keech
• “His diction was like a handgun – the bullets were small and made little impact.” ~Kenny
• “An angry little Englishman with a boat.” ~Kenny on Sir Francis Drake
• “I'll do it in four years. It's awesome that I can say that and not be a procrastinator.” ~Kenny
• “I think politics makes people stupid. I don't mean just the politicians, I mean the constituents.” ~Kenny
• “Funny how the world is stupid.” ~Kenny
• “Morals hold back society.” ~Kenny
• “I got updated.” ~Kenny
• “Recovery efforts will be launched.” ~Kenny after I spilled milk everywhere
• “Angst is just for people who aren't ready to jump to cynicism.” ~Kenny
• “Awesome. So in the absence of my own wit, I stand in the refracted glory that is yours.” ~Kenny
• “Sugar plus Preston equals dumb Jason.” ~Kenny
• "And this is the scene where we felt we should kill Sean Bean, no reason, just it's his role." ~Kenny discussing casting Sean Bean as Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultry Pulsifer in Good Omens
• “He must have been busy playing dead somewhere else - practicing at home maybe.” ~Kenny on Sean Bean while discussing how Sean Astin’s role from Slipstream seemed more like a Bean role
• “[I’m saying that your music] has tar-paper consistency. Or that it's like auditory sand-paper.” ~Kenny
• “Margaret Thatcher is hott.” ~Kenny
• “Loving Kat is like having Stockholm Syndrome.” ~Kenny
• “As far as infomercials go, this one is really good. I judge them by how much i want to hit the hosts, btw. That's my smarmometer.” ~Kenny
• “I feel very conflicted. He's still on so I'm laughing; and I want to kill him.” ~Kenny
• “There is a law of friendship: friendship energy can not be created or destroyed, and it's conserved. Now, for the other friendship to begin, a large input of energy, it had to be siphoned, b/c energy is so [darn] expensive right now.” ~Kenny
• “If they didn't pee and poop anywhere it struck their fancy to do so, I think I would have a hamster.” ~Kenny
• “Congrats - you made Kenny's ‘Disprove Robbie Coltrane’ profile.” ~Kenny
• “She Japanese likes it.” ~Kenny on going down the waterfall in PM2
• “The idea are good.” ~Kenny editing Hillary’s paper
• "I learned what a fallopian tube is. I think I _was_ a fallopian tube." ~Kenny
• "He voted 'yes' on the Balanced Budget constitutional amendment, which is like saying 'I hate everything good.'" ~Kenny
• "Badasses listen to Huey Lewis." ~Kenny
• "[Movie] Trailers are like magical invitations." ~Kenny

L

• "It's cool to see a villain's sidekick that's not a comic-relief bumbler. Owen's like a dangerous Smithers." ~Juan F. Lara
• "[Owen] may not have succeeded in keeping the Grimorum, but I'm sure lots of villains with bumbling sidekicks envy Xanatos." ~Juan F. Lara
• "Are you dissin' mah closémon again?" ~Larissa in answer to the question "Do you believe in the Closet Monster?" on one of those email survey thingies
• "HO-ly Saint FRAN-cis!" ~Larry as Friar Lawrence "like [he] would really say it."
• “I’m gonna go drunk-tipping.” ~Laura
• "I'm about to dress [my little brother] up like an alien and YouTube it and scream, 'Help me doctor! You're my only hope!'" ~Laura
• "Beware the three-pronged fork!" ~Lily
• "I'm holding Brittany at pen point!" ~Lily
• "She's like an older sibling. She represses me." ~Lily about Gesture
• "Beware of ALL forks." ~Lily
• "Idiots! There will *be* a band room! *I* will be band room! Stick with me, and you'll never go without music again!" ~Lily
• "The grass is always greener when you're wearing yellow glasses." ~Lily
• "Don't head toward the light; there's a mortician waiting on the other end!" ~Lily after playing the second act of Discworld II: Missing, Presumed...?!
• “Pizza can wait; friendship cannot.” ~Lily
• “It’s not marching, it’s dying with style.” ~Lily
• “Wait, it’s not dying, it’s marching with style. That sounds better.” ~Lily
• “You can have your faith, but you can also take a side of reason.” ~Lily
• “It’s the infinity inside the box.” ~Lily
• “The sky isn’t lush.” ~Lily
• “That’s my This Section Dance.” ~Lily at measure 165 of Frank Ticheli’s “Blue Shades”
• “Is it weird if you can feel yourself being quoted? I think it is.” ~Lily
• “He’s so fat. He just looks like his aura is thicker... ::wail!:: My cat is fat.” ~Lily
• “There’s something morally ambiguous about this gargoyle...chick.” ~Lily on Demona
• “Oh man, you need to watch Smallville, like, yesterday.” ~Lily
• “Robin, you're my heroine. But not heroin. Because that’s bad.” ~Lily
• “Truer words have not been typed in an IM conversation.” ~Lily
• “hehe robin you are a veritable fount of... well something” ~Lily
• “We thought we were so clever… We just thought it then. We know it now.” ~Lily
• "He's out Ringoing Ringo." ~Lily on the guy dancing with Ringo in A Hard Day's Night
• "Aw, hell, I'm being distracted by 'Captain Jack Harkness.' I may be back with more aside from the fact that I loved everything when two hot men aren't kissing anymore." ~Lily
• “Can I ask you a favour?...Will you allow me to do some proofs now?” ~My Linear Algebra prof
• “This is just to motivate you a little bit, but if you’re not motivated, that’s okay.” ~My Linear Algebra prof
• “I have the same problem. Especially when I’m grading tests.” ~My Linear Algebra on having difficulty counting
• “Another loud string of language exploded from the far end of the room. Karen described, in graphic language, the computer's interspecies parentage, unorthodox sexual habits, and several bovine internal organs.” ~Richard Lobinske‘s “Chosin Fate”
• “The closer we get to Utopia, the closer we are to our end.” ~Lynna
• “Chanese’s face blocked my train of thought.” ~Lynna
• “History is not affiliated with Disney.” ~Lynna

M

• "The 'Four Things and a Lizard' story is one of the greatest unwritten scripts in all of Whodom. It would make ["Last of the Time Lords"] look as bland and sensible as...well, something not from Doctor Who." ~madamotaku
• “The problem is that the variables are not constant.” ~Mr. Marburger
• “Am I gonna get a teacup to pull 26 Gs?” ~Mr. Marburger
• “I’m preparing you to get ready for the test.” ~Mr. Marburger
• “Swings aren’t a lot of fun when they slam into the ground at the bottom.” ~Mr. Marburger
• “He was a very quasi-religious man.” ~Mr. Marburger
• “I don’t want her to sit in syrup all period. That’s not fun.” ~Mr. Marburger
• “It’s not really learning unless there is the potential for not being able to do it.” ~Mr. Marburger
• “Don’t do it. There’s enough SAFE ways to blow things up...I’m not telling you to go out and blow something up...” ~Mr. Marburger on welding wrenches to car batteries
• “I’d rather have three decent things than six pieces of [garbage]. ~Mr. Marburger on a project
• “If I can just get you passed the hard part, the rest will be easy.” ~Mr. Marburger
• “It’s rare to find someone so prolific in the works of Monty Python.” ~Marshall
• "Hey, perpetual night... I like it." ~Marshall on "The Plagues"
• "Kid in a candy store." ~Marshall on Ardeth Bay when he acquires his machine gun
• "When we figure out what they are, we slap numbers on them and start flying them." ~Marshall on UFOs
• “But then we’ll have to deal with the fact that her innards will become exards.” ~Marshall
• “Divorce is a wonderful thing.” ~Marshall
• “Who's crazier, the website, or the one who built it?” ~Marshall
• “I can't be responsible for my spelling, I'm grieving” ~Marshall
• “I watch the X-Files. I know things.” ~Marshall
• “He was in Freaks and Geeks, as well.” ~Marshall, during the Freaks and Geeks opening credits
• “I remember a My Little Pony that I had for some reason.” ~Marshall
• "My exit is being ruined by the fact that the song isn't quite over." ~Marshall
• "Like I would do crack. I saw the Chappelle Show with Rick James." ~Marshall
• "Slim Pickens and some orange soda and wow." ~Marshall
• "I like [Nightwish], cause it makes everything seem vaguely epic. Must complete homework, or else Sauron will capture the earth..." ~Marshall
• "[The Doctor] really should tell [his Companions about regeneration]. Like, when he takes them on. 'Oh, btw, if I get hurt, I do something ridiculously ridiculous. It usually involves a BBC contract." ~Marshall
• "She's a devious one. Really putting the T in subTle." ~Marshall
• "The Brothers Head apparently cure the cold." ~Marshall
• "She's really not evil. She's just Cordelia." ~Marshall
• "Oh Giles. He's so Giles." ~Marshall
• "I am glad that Oz is a bit more communicative [than Cordelia]." ~Marshall
• "Oh, Kenny, you're more angstful than Angel at the moment." ~Mashall
• "They went to the Michael Biehn school of shopping" ~Marshall about the gang in "The Zeppo"
• "How the hell would he know? He's like ten." ~Marshall about Wesley Wyndam-Pryce
• "If anyone could [fend off an invincible demon with a baseball bat], it'd be Giles." ~Marshall
• "I have a feeling Murray is the quiet one." ~Marshall about the Brothers Head
• "He was trying to convince me that I should give her a lap dance...right, because he's NOT Barney." ~Marshall
• "Is it a crime if you steal yourself?" ~Marshall
• "I dont live in a magic land of little things that would amuse you." ~Marshall
• "He looks hot in that suit." ~Marshall about Angel. Or possibly Lindsey
• "Oh, killing yourself with yourself." ~Marshall
• "Oh, Barney, you evil teddy bear you." ~Marshall
• “I'm sorry...I'm loyal to my newsie.” ~Meg deciding to vote for Christian Bale in the Hottie Tournament
• “They’re all demons. But Crowley’s the evil one?” ~Melissa, trying to understand Good Omens
• "You have caused half of my neural synapses to misfire wildly in an unprecedented electrical phenomenon of massive malfunction. It may even have reversed the polarity of the neutron flow in the brain. Just thought you should know." ~melusine474
• “I would fail at life on rollerblades.” ~Molly
• "Now you're just taking pictures recklessly." ~Molly
• "That's a bit miraculous. Not really, that was the wrong word." ~Molly
• "Don't pith your panth." ~My mother
• “There’s nothing wrong with telling people what you intend to do with a 30,000 pound hunk of metal.” ~My mother on blinkers
• "If you ever get one of these, don't do this..." ~My mother
• “She’s still got that lump of whatever the [heck] it is between her ears.” ~My mother
• “Try. Just TRY to suffocate yourself with that.” ~My mother
• “It sounds like you’re using an adding machine.” ~Mother while I was on the computer
• "With real people, like a family..." ~Mom
• “Noooooooo!” ~My mother to Duckie’s “Oh look, a zit. Let’s pick it!”
• “Take this cookie, or I’m gonna smash it up your nose.” ~Mom to Dad
• "Stop flinging hamster bread." ~Mother
• "Is that Cinderella?" ~Mum while listening to "The Worst Pies in London"
• "Those are some sexy shorts, Dad. You've got 'em hiked up to about your rib cage." ~Mum
• "There's Mom cleaning puke off the chair! We used to run that one in reverse, and it would go back in Alan's mouth." ~Mum
• "Well, spootydoot." ~Mum
• “It’s like putting [neonates] inside the piano.” ~My Music & Health prof
• "The Torchwood team are always eating. For some reason I love this." ~Mythtaken
• "The Dark Knight is excellent, though mostly about as much fun as being stabbed in the face." ~Mythtaken

N

• "She looks like a ho, don't she?" ~Nana about Rachel in Friends
• "I don't have a verbal narrative to show you." ~My Narratology teacher
• "It's like the Polar Express effect, where Tom Hanks is every character, and it looks really creepy." ~My Narratology teacher on the Uncanny Valley
• "I haven't done that. I haven't tried to attack Alley." ~My Narratology teacher on playing Photopia
• "If you wanted to read a book subversively or throw the book out the window, the author can't really do anything about that. But in interactive fiction, the writer can at least prepare a snarky response." ~My Narratology teacher
• "I don't want to make any claims about the state of kangaroos in Michigan..." ~My Narratology teacher on Michigan's apparent 9-foot kangaroo infestation
• "What about Furbies?" ~My Narratology teacher
• "What genre of videogame is DOOM? A) dating simulator, B) massively multiplayer online role-playing game, C) first-person shooter, D) third-person dancer" ~A question on a Narratology quiz
• "This is Poe, so you know something nefarious is going on." ~My Narratology teacher on "The Cask of Amontillado"
• "It was like, 'Thanks for playing; here's your Yeti.'" ~My Narratology teacher on playing an ARG
• "Somebody just arsoned it." ~My Narratology teacher
• "You're not going to have a short story with a couple of guys playing with a flying novelty disk - they're going to be playing Frisbee." ~My Narratology teacher on product placement in literature
• "It's freaky. I mean, it's all these freaky creatures." ~My Narratology teacher on the Musee Mechanique
• "There's some part of me that really wishes I could go to Middle Earth and hang out with Frodo." ~My Narratology teacher
• "But few of us actually take it to the level of going to the North Pole and looking for [Santa]." ~My Narratology teacher comparing Christmas to an ARG
• "On American Idol, don't they give you backstory on the characters--the contestants?" ~My Narratology teacher
• “When you target an audience, it gets lost trying to reach them, so write to the world instead” ~Nicole
• “I’m seventeen. I’ll be able to vote in a year. I can smoke cigarettes. I can die for my country. I can get porn. I don’t even have to be in school. I can be living on my own. But I can’t pee when I want to?! Who else sees a problem with that?” ~Nicole on seminar
• “I can buy lotto tickets, but that doesn’t seem as important as being able to pee.” ~Nicole on seminar
• "They are kind of manly tears, aren't they? No matter how odd the emo faces are sometimes you have to admit that [Gareth David-Lloyd] isn't afraid to just go for it." ~noneinnyet

O

• "I actually have this pet theory that they missed when they dropped off Jamie and he's the crazy old guy at Torchwood Two." ~oldstarnewshine
• "[David Tennant] is such a wonderful actor. He has got 1001 facial expression which makes the whole situation leave an even bigger impact every time I watch it." ~olga_keepout
• "Those eyes, they kill me. 'I'm not allowed to be happy on this show, am I?'" ~olga_keepout about The Tenth Doctor
• "RAISE YOUR HANDS IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'VE SWALLOWED A HAMSTER!" ~olga_keepout about a screenshot from the beginning of Doctor Who episode 406
• “It only takes once to die.” ~Mrs. Ostazeski
• “These two are the same hand, so they’re obviously not a pair.” ~Mrs. Ostazeski, sorting gloves
• “I’m not really worried about the British storming my house.” ~Other Steven on the right to bear arms
• “You don’t petition the government to tell them you like what they’re doing.” ~Other Steven

P

• "The first thing people think about me is that I'm somebody like MacGuyver. Because I stabbed someone with some Jolly Ranchers" ~Perp on Lockup
• “The fact that the planet still has a functioning biosphere is not our fault.” ~My Physics professor on physicists
• “You’re trying to pretend like you’re one of the humans, but you’re not fooling anyone. They may not be able to answer the problems, but they recognize a geek when they see one.” ~My Physics professor
• “Humans can be trained to perform simple tasks if we continually reinforce them.” ~My Physics professor
• “Every point you earn is one we lose.” ~My Physics prof explaining his grading policy
• “Wow. That doesn’t look much like acceleration due to gravity, does it?” ~My Physics prof when he experimentally found g to equal 15 m/s2
• “ It’s Friday, the night the humans engage in their irrelevant social activities. We must fortify ourselves.” ~My Physics prof
• “The string theorists haven’t told me what dimension we’re in today, so this may not work.” ~My Physics prof before conducting an experiment
• “Suppose we were out violating animal rights...” ~My Physics prof on the Monkey-Gun Problem
• “You will make errors, but let’s go for high-quality errors.” ~My Physics prof
• “The first one is [nonsense]. You won’t use it.” ~My Physics discussion instructor on Newton’s Laws
• “I need a volunteer with light fluffy hair who doesn’t have a pacemaker.” ~My Physics II prof
• “If you get something on the line of a milliamp flowing through you, that’s enough to...turn you off.” ~My Physics II prof
• “There’s a colour code [on resistors] telling you the resistance, much like the Homeland Security colour code. Only much more useful.” ~My Physics II prof
• "Wait, the Grubs in "The Green Death" are a metaphor for fandom?! That explains a lot of things!" ~pimpmytardis
• “We don’t posses the tools to read the code because we are, for better or worse, no longer Medieval.” ~My Poetry professor
• “What were the symptoms of the idiocy?” ~My Poetry professor
• “How frequently do you say this word?” ~My Poetry prof prompting us to determine where the emphasis goes in “tumult”
• “[My aim] is not to make you quibbling, prosaic metrical analysts.” ~My Poetry prof
• “It must not contain any jokey little viruses...” ~My Poetry prof on sending papers via email
• “These things are incapable of giving a rat’s [tail feathers] as to the listener standing in the snow.” ~My Poetry prof
• “I am indifferent to your suffering. I give not a whit about you.” ~My Poetry prof
• “Clearly, April comes out and everything is green. Summer comes and everything burns up.” ~My Poetry prof
• ”It’s November. I’m waiting for something to happen.” ~My Poetry prof on Florida’s seasons
• “You’re doing very well so far; [Wallace] Stevens is a pain.” ~My Poetry prof
• “You can’t imagine something more banal than [pigeons].” ~My Poetry prof
• “Now, a milk truck. I can’t imagine that would be an especially easy way to die.” ~My Poetry prof on Roland Barthes
• “That would give a whole new colouration to the term ‘extermination’.” ~My Poetry prof in response to a student’s story about an exterminator knocking on his door one morning and being greeted by “If you open my door, I will shoot you in the face.”
• “There is a smarty-pants side to [Roland] Barthes.” ~My Poetry prof
• “Thanks for coming.” ~My Poetry prof at the end of class one day
• “You have to have a very particular prerogative to address anyone as ‘Son of Man’.” ~My Poetry prof on T.S. Elliot’s “The Wasteland”
• “[He’s making you] un-the-[Tartarus]-certain who is speaking at any given moment.” ~My Poetry prof on T.S. Elliot’s “The Wasteland”
• “Have you seen The Passion of Shirt?” ~Preston
• “Te amo...Plutonically.” ~Preston
• “No te amo. NO TE AMO!” ~Preston
• “than kyou alcholics for teachign preston a vialuable lesson. they also taught me to type.” ~Preston
• “Asia’s in India...” ~Preston, very condescendingly
• “i'll spell it hte Person way” ~Preston, managing somehow to mangle not only the word “the,” but his own name, as well
• “You wanna fight? I’ve got a duck.” ~Preston
• "Being the Protagonist does not count as an excuse for survival." ~H. Vici Price
• “I may have been born female, but I wasn't born in a ballgown.” ~Prince Yves

Q

• "As a kid, I had a hard time accepting that. I've gotten over that. I worry about other things." ~My QM professor on the wave nature of particles
• "I've never seen a billiard ball express wave characteristics." ~My QM professor
• "Our book's pretty scary." ~My QM professor
• "We could try a wave packet thingie." ~My QM professor
• "'Free particle' is a bit misleading, because it is not actually free. The particle is locked up in a box." ~My QM professor
• "That's very novel. Maybe you can get funding for that." ~My QM professor in response to "I think I'm in terra eV."
• "Let you out early? I have a class to teach at 3, so I am not sympathetic to your argument." ~My QM professor
• "You have homework due on Wednesday, did you know that? Check the website from time to time for these little surprises." ~My QM professor
• "That mode still exists in this thingie right here." ~My QM professor being terribly specific

R

• “If Brian jumps off a bridge because he forgot his calculator and Mrs. Redgate was picking on him…” ~Mrs. Redgate’s “real life” physics problem
• "If you come to the lecture, you at least know where we are and how lost you are." ~My RF prof
• "It's almost like Power. I mean, I don't wanna knock power..." ~My RF prof
• "So, it's a mess, yeah?" ~My RF prof
• "That's really what engineering is all about. You learn some basic things, then you go out into the world and see a cow and turn it into a sphere." ~My RF prof
• "Are you going to dip your cell phone in liquid nitrogen?" ~My RF prof
• "Maybe on an exam, you will not know ω, but, in real life, you will always know ω." ~My RF prof proving how pointless exams are
• "Ask me questions if I'm not clear...and I'm pretty sure I'm not clear." ~My RF prof
• "I know this will scare some of you...or most of you...but this could be electric field or magnetic field...or voltage! Okay, no more fields." ~My RF prof
• "I find you guys today not so animated." ~My RF prof
• "That is exactly the mess I have handed out today." ~My RF prof on his lecture notes
• "I'm starting to become handicapped for this job." ~My RF prof on being nearsighted and reading Y-Z Smith charts
• "The resistor is NOT a real resistor." ~My RF prof
• "These are a few things that might impress people. Probably not your girlfriend or boyfriend." ~My RF prof
• "Also, [does Torchwood] ever actually save the world? I mean intentionally and without shooting multiple team members in the process." ~rhapsodomancing
• “What I don’t like Bigots: C’mon people it’s just dumb. There are so many reasons to despise people as individuals.” ~Ricia
• “Hallelujah! Don’t. Move.” ~Ricky
• "Beware the three-pornged frok." ~Robin
• "My TV policy instituted last season: your show must star Jensen Ackles or Neil Patrick Harris. if it doesn’t, no deal. exception to policy, will accept Bruce Campbell in a broadcast show." ~Rochelle
• "Where’s that cold air coming from?" ~Ryan standing in an open garage when it was 30-some degrees outside

S

• "The mystic secrets of tea-boys are not for the eyes of outsiders, Captain." ~ sam_storyteller, "Lambert & Butler"
• “You get things like Soylent Green. Not to give away the ending, but Soylent Green is people.” ~my Sci-Fi prof
• “Science fiction is sort of like The Blob.” ~my Sci-Fi prof
• “He’s kind of a cuddly character.” ~my Sci-Fi prof on Albert Einstein
• “We are all time travelers. We move through time at a velocity of one second per second.” ~my Sci-Fi prof
• “What exactly [the bug-eyed creature] would want with the beautiful heroine is not addressed.” ~my Sci-Fi prof on classic sf magazine covers
• “He’s got nuclear weapons, for Gort’s sake! But ‘Golly,’ he still comes across as naïve.” ~my Sci-Fi prof
• “When I saw Neil Armstrong land on the moon, I was disappointed...2001 had already done it, and done it better.” ~my Sci-Fi prof
• “It doesn’t matter if it’s accurate, it just has to sound impressive.” ~my Sci-Fi prof on science in sci-fi
• “So, I hope that was clear.” ~My Sci-Fi prof at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey
• “It you’re going to make a movie where you are going to kill off most of the characters, you don’t want them to be sympathetic.” ~My Sci-Fi prof on Alien
• “I hope [gender relations in 50 or 100 years] are much better...assuming we haven’t blown ourselves up by then.” ~My Sci-Fi prof
• "I picked up Deathly Hallows on my lunch break, and when I got home I found that my Doctor Who DVDs had arrived... I am going to overdose and go into a nerd coma." ~scudthefish
• "I KEEP MAKING THESE [icons]... I THINK I NEED A NEW HOBBY. Like... homework." ~scudthefish
• "Wikipedia is an enabler." ~scudthefish
• "GOD, I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE JUST COBBLE JUNK TOGETHER. And claim that is blows up chickens or makes it rain jelly beans or travels in time. Or goes ding when there's stuff. LOW-TECH HIGH-TECH ALL THE WAY." ~scudthefish
• "...SHUT UP, ME, YOU ARE DOING THIS TO MYSELF." ~scudthefish
• "Shut up, my nerdiness gets me through rough times." ~scudthefish
• "All roads lead to Tom Baker." ~scudthefish
• "Then, as tends to happen when a mysterious extraterrestrial lands in some chick's bedroom, the Doctor showed up." ~scudthefish
• "So the Doctor, Colin, and K-9 journeyed to the semiannual Doctor Who Villain Music Festival to have a little fun. That Cyberman sure can play a fiddle!" ~scudthefish
• "I know I need to socialise to get laid right? but how can I when it's more fun been married to fandom, being angsty and trying to avoid everyone I don't like in the world? It's a real social hermit's dilemma." ~scudthefish
• "ME: Oh, hey, Amazon, wanna take all my money? AMAZON: Sure, I'll do that for you. ME: [hands over paycheck] AMAZON: OM NOM NOM [repeat every pay cycle]" ~scudthefish
• "Rule #1 of ihasatardis is NAKED JACK IS ALWAYS EXPECTED." ~Seize
• "[David Tennant] has more teeth than any Earth human ought to." ~selenesue
• "Anything that may produce Jack/Jackie is hazardous to my sanity." ~shadowsonvenus
• “First you have to find a sock lemon tree.” ~Shannon
• "If someone televised fanfiction, it would be Torchwood. But with less spelling mistakes." ~shaxophile
• "Math is beautiful." ~My (female) Signals prof
• "You know the difference between grad students and undergrad students? If you say 'good morning' to a room full of graduate students, they write it down." ~My (female) Signals prof
• "I'm joking, but I'm serious. I'm giving you serious jokes." ~My (female) Signals prof
• "At the end of this class, your brain will be all wiggly." ~My (female) Signals prof
• "You can outsource a lot of things, but it would be hard to outsource defense." ~My (female) Signals prof
• "Someday you will be an old parrot...or an old person." ~My (female) Signals prof
• "Are we going to have anything exploding? No. Safe. Safe and sound." ~My (female) Signals prof
• "These days whether CDs are music or not is questionable. I have teenagers out the wazoo. Has anyone heard Pantera? My god, that stuff is terrible. Megadeath is nothing compared to Pantera. What's the range of human hearing? 20 to 20kHz... I can guarantee my son can no longer hear 20kHz. I'm surprised he can still hear anything." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "When you use the scope, it keeps records because it knows how stupid we are." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "I like to leave [the demonstration] until the end of the lecture because it's so exciting...to allow for applause!" ~My (male) Signals prof
• "I'll turn the strobe off for our own sanity, but I'll leave the fan on because it's such a hot lecture. That was a joke. A really bad joke." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "When I was younger...when the whole world was younger... The plates were closer together when I was young." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "When I was in school and they weren't afraid to be a little geeky, we called [the sinc function] 'octopus on a fence'." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "You've gotta have two times an infinite number of samples... That doesn't work very well." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "I put it over there again. At least I'm consistently stupid." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "Oh, yeah. There's a function for everything." ~My (male) Signals prof
• "Just shut up for an hour, that's all I want. Monday, Wednesday, Friday." ~My Signals prof
• "Ianto can't be bovvered to clean up his dead puppy because his Pteranodon ate it. We'd get emo!Ianto crying in the rain again" ~singswithmicoff
• "If it was worthy of the word 'quip,' 'quipped' is no longer worthy of it. That is, if it's truly clever, making it associate with 'quip' would just cheapen the moment. Ianto does not quip. he snarks." ~skellerbvvt
• "Although really, killing [immortal character] seems almost like cheating. Sooner or later everyone does it." ~Slybrarian
• “That sucks because stones hurt.” ~My Sociology teacher commenting on stoning
• “We’re going to talk about murder all day today. I like murder. Murder is good for our society.” ~My Sociology teacher
• “I don’t have a real job. I get paid to stand up here and talk. It’s pretty cool. Try to charge someone a dollar to hear you talk sometime.” ~My Sociology teacher
• “Poor Siegfried. Poor [guy]. Big tiger. Big cat. Claws, teeth, kill you, sucks.” ~My Sociology teacher
• “There’s nothing like lights wrapped around palm trees.” ~My Sociology teacher on why Florida rocks everywhere else in America (save maybe South Texas and Hawaii)
• “If you were a Martian and came down to this planet and saw two people kissing, you would think one person was trying to swallow the other.” ~My Sociology teacher
• “Ugly people can groom, too.” ~My Sociology teacher
• "This wasn't in the lecture, but we have to do it because, um, I get paid anyway." ~My Solid State prof
• "If in doubt while having to draw a picture tomorrow, draw a straight line." ~My Solid State prof on energy band diagrams
• "There's nothing wrong with infinities. We have a very large universe." ~My Solid State prof
• "So that's going to be a nightmare." ~My Solid State prof on a calculation he was preparing to embark on
• "Consistency is more important that being rigorous. The whole world does it." ~My solid State prof on electrons having different masses depending on the formula used
• "It's hard to think with seventy people looking at me." ~My Solid State prof
• "You can make that as large as you like...we like milliamp values, not kiloamps." ~My Solid State prof
• "It's non-destructive. The smoke is still in it. If the smoke were coming out, you'd be dead." ~My Solid State prof
• "Let's give it a few more minutes to see who else is brave enough to come back." ~My Solid State prof after a particularly unpleasant exam
• "Everybody thought it was hard. I don't know what came over me." ~My Solid State prof after a particularly unpleasant exam
• "If you ground both sides, the connection is basically the Florida aquifer." ~My Solid State prof
• "As a faculty member, I can move your grade up...or down." ~My Solid State prof
• "They probably don't know what they're talking about. They're circuit people. For circuit people, a good device design is a black box." ~My Solid State prof
• "Hope you learned something. We'll see that on the final, I guess." ~My Solid State prof
• "Handsome as Neil may be, I will not let his face distract me from the dead body under his desk. I'm onto you, Mr. Gaiman." ~Spats
• "I'm just losing my mind. That's okay." ~My State Variables professor
• "If you put all of your trust in some mathematical equation, you will fail." ~My Statics prof
• "You can't push on a rope." ~My Statics prof
• "What if A happened to NOT be at the origin? There are an infinite number of other places it could have found itself." ~My Statics prof
• "It's being squnched." ~My Statics prof putting "compression" into layman's terms
• "Most people can, in fact, tell their right hand from their left hand." ~My Statics prof
• "Three, my friends, is more than two." ~My Statics prof
• "If you ever break the code, then you're not a slave to the stupid table." ~My Statics prof
• "It's not capable of any moment reaction about this axis, otherwise it would be...a crappy bearing." ~My Statics prof
• "When you encounter favourable geometry, do not give it away." ~My Statics prof
• "I'll give you a hint: it's a four letter word starting with 'f'...and it's not a bad one." ~My Statics prof on free vectors
• "Is five equal to three? Not usually." ~My Statics prof
• "Under ordinary conditions the lift force is up." ~My Statics prof
• "You see something on the bottom [of the ocean[, and you say, 'I'm goin' for it.' And then you get down there and you think '...Gosh.'" ~My Statics prof on water pressure
• "It's like you went to the deli and said, 'I want a slice of that salami...and make it infinitely thin.'" ~My Statics prof
• "Thanks for coming today; looks like a lot of you didn't...or a lot of the people who aren't here didn't...all of the people who aren't here didn't." ~My Statics prof
• "Make sure all of the homework makes it back to that side of the room. Alright, we were talking about skinning cats." ~My Statics prof
• "It's like telling peaches from tangerines. Oh, come on, you can tell peaches from tangerines... Peaches have the fuzz." ~My Statics prof
• "If you perturb it a little, it says 'That's okay. I'll just go back to equilibrium.'" ~My Statics prof on why brass cylindars are so chill
• "You wouldn't wanna place prized members of your family in a little rolly cart on top of a mountain like that. The first little breeze that comes along, Woosh! They're goin' down the hill." ~My Statics prof
• “I just got locked out, by the way, trying to get my pizza. Very dumb of me. But I was so excited that there was pizza at the door... AND for me. And cheesy and saucy and greasy and mmmmmmmm-y” ~Steven
• “I feel the inner kid in me (granted I have a bigger one than most... I still kinda hope there is a tooth fairy... I mean how [awesome] would that be if you lose one when you're 40? A 5 dollar bill to a 7 year old is like sooo much money. So if you're 40 and lose a tooth, can you get like a down payment on a car?) is back. And he wants 2 things: stuff to do and ice cream.” ~Steven
• “Good looks aside, Bale has got serious dramatic chops, and he handled the arc of his character from homicidal automaton to puppy cuddling softie to puppy cuddling homicidal automaton masterfully.” ~Sue from MRFH about Equilibrium
• "Though sleeker and more powerful, it could not withstand the weight of a pyramid collapsing on it." ~Sven's Gargoyles Homepage

T

• “If God is all things, how can you put Him in a little box?” ~Tameika on tabernacles
• “They say God is great and powerful because He can walk on water. What if I don’t think that’s all that great and powerful?” ~Tameika
• “I don’t know what happened during these two years of his life. He must have been a senator.” ~Tameika
• “In a switchblade fight, the guy with the gun wins.” ~Tameika
• "The neat thing about brain-stuff is that it's usually protected by skull-stuff." ~Tameika
• "I'm Queen Elizabeth. It's fun." ~Tameika
• “Pip blew it, it’s over. Yay for Biddy and Joe.” ~Tameika
• “Bushy’s been frying ‘em up in Texas for years.” ~Tameika
• “I do not want the State of the Union to ever rhyme.” ~Tameika on Al Sharpton
• "Anya has without a doubt had some of the worst hairstyles in known history. Think three year old in mommy's bathroom and you pretty much have Anya-Hair down." ~Tania
• “It’s drunk.” ~Tech Writing Guy on Hurricane Ivan
• “I can read the chapter over and over if I want repetition.” ~Tech Writing Guy
• “I’ll name my first born son’s pet after you if you move [the course wrap-up] up. To like next week sometime.” ~Tech Writing Guy
• "The Chinese invented it and found out it wasn't any good, and got rid of it before the Europeans ever heard of it." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "If you... No. I was going to say something snarky [about rushing a fraternity], but I won't." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "I speak with semi-colons all the time. And hyphens." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Epic poetry was like...y'know...Homeric rap." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Listen up - he's gonna do something cunning. He's very crafty, this guy." ~My Technologies of the Book prof imitating Homer in "The Odyssey"
• "You don't want to remember everything you ate for breakfast every day for the rest of your life. You might want to do something else with those neurons." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Oedipus didn't have an Oedipus complex...he's just a bunch of letters on the page." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "You should read with your kids because they might be reading smut." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Here are two people making love that turn into a crocodile." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "You smush 'em, they don't work anymore." ~My Technologies of the Book prof on scrolls
• "[Your desks] were designed by torturers for the CIA." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "[Rearranging my bookshelves] turns into a week-long orgy of self-flagellation." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "...otherwise the roof falls in, which isn't very good for the books, either." ~My Technologies of the Book prof on wasting library space on support columns
• "As though somehow a thirteen-year-old can know for [excrement] what they want to do." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "A magical book, not a real book, because this is the magical world of Borges." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Don't use the royal 'we,' for heaven's sake...unless you are royalty." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Socratic dialogue doesn't work with thirty-five people." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Every now and then, there are fires or the Nazis get put into power." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "If I can't [decipher my handwriting], I'll reimagine what I might have meant." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Reading demands a surface, and the torso is not an ideal one." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "And so, he argued that Shakespeare was Bacon." ~My Technologies of the Book prof on Orville Owen
• "Bacon was a very busy man." ~My Technologies of the Book prof on Orville Owen
• "It's completely cool. It's totally, totally, totally, totally cool." ~My Technologies of the Book prof on...something. I don't even remember what.
• "Human beings are [jerkfaces]." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "I read on the sofa; I swim at the beach." ~My Technologies of the Book prof on beach reading
• "Everyone should have nudie magazines. I'm all in favor." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Actually, if you're from Mars, I wanna know." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "I'm the white-heterosexual guy here, so I'm the one who gets to pretend I'm the norm." ~My Technologies of the Book prof on purple-shirt-white-slacks day
• "The O.C. You WANT that HOUR back. And you'll never ever get it back." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "Poe is, like, freakin' out all the time." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "'Aw [dagnab]...that's funny.' 'They just blew everything up,' funny." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "I'm not the kind of person who says, 'Information wants to be free.' [Tartarus], no. Rent wants to be paid." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "It ends with this much more ambiguous sort of weird...[stuff]." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• "It's got cat flatness." ~My Technologies of the Book prof
• “April 14, 2004. Wait...I was thinking of Bob Dylan.” ~Tracey
• “It is only moral for a cute redhead to get everything they want if that cute redhead is Thomas. So there.” ~Tsionainn

U

• "Mmm... Nana tea." ~My uncle savouring my grandmother's tea after an extended period of drinking only store-bought tea
• "God's a funny dude." ~Another uncle

V

• "Fogg would never [dress an unconscious woman], but it's in Passepartout's nature." ~My Verne prof
• "Where the [Tartarus] has the camera been all this time?! He didn't roll it out when they visited Atlantis!" ~My Verne prof on Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas
• "Verne was very dirty...in a nice way." ~My Verne prof
• "Verne was [a bit of a prude] as well, but in a sort of troubled way that made him still want to tell dirty jokes." ~My Verne prof
• "If you miss class...you're going to miss the side show." ~My Verne prof
• "If you wanna get drunk and catch a venereal disease, you'd be better off doing it in Paris than in Fort Lauderdale." ~My Verne prof
• "My handwriting is terrible, you'll have to get used to it. I have." ~My Verne prof
• "We've had 24 hours in the day since the time of Gilgamesh, and that's good enough for me. I don't know why they decided to make it eleven periods." ~My Verne prof
• "People found out there weren't many ducks...I keep making allusions to these ducks, but no one knows what I'm talking about." ~My Verne prof
• "Those who have had be before know I have a hard time...shutting up. It's in my nature." ~My Verne prof
• "I'm not being a smutty reader here, because this is smutty stuff." ~My Verne prof on Journey to the Centre of the Earth
• "[waving his hand over his head imitating a whirlpool] Verne was fascinated by this Thing. This Swirly Thing." ~My Verne prof
• "I want this to go away. I don't like it." ~My Verne prof about a Firefox update
• "This is a myth... This is a map." ~My Verne prof showing a map of the strata of Britain
• "His plagiarism gets more subtle as he gets older." ~My Verne prof
• "It was really, really other." ~My Verne prof
• "Verne's audacity knows no parallel." ~My Verne prof
• "It's a place in the middle of the earth where all kinds of weird [stuff] happens, to put it as directly as possible." ~My Verne prof
• "Verne is too fascinated by the idea of this giant scary fish monster." ~My Verne prof on the ichthyosaur
• "I imagine the dinosaurs thought [they were masters of the earth], too." ~My Verne prof
• "No one stands up in the theater [during a musical] and says 'What the [Tartarus] is going on?!" ~My Verne prof
• "Let's imagine that you haven't read any Verne and you don't have a professor who beats you over the head with it." ~My Verne prof
• "Verne doesn't bring in the zombies, he doesn't bring in aliens, there aren't Norse gods..." ~My Verne prof on Verne's apocalypse stories
• "The natives don't go to the north pole because it's too cold and there's NOTHING THERE." ~My Verne prof on Norway
• "I assume natural selection selected out seasonal affective disorder." ~My Verne prof on Norway
• "He's going to a place that's absolutely unique. Well, there's another one at the South Pole. There's two of them that are unique." ~My Verne prof
• "Get your SPF factor ten million ready." ~My Verne prof on the magnetic poles filpping
• "It's best just not to think about what you have to do, just do it. If you think about it, you'll FREAK out." ~My Verne prof
• "The hunters who live in those areas don't go in [the Congo swamps]. Only the white people in search of the great mythical dinosaur." ~My Verne prof
• "Boy, this fails the verisimilitude test..." ~My Verne prof on "The Seal and the Bear" (an illustration from The Adventures of Captain Hatteras)
• "You know the water [at Niagra] is doing that right now. And, like, a week from now, and a month and a year..." ~My Verne prof
• "I know I sound like a, like a aaa br-broken record..." ~My Verne prof
• "I know about this stuff, it's terrible. Why didn't I put these brain cells to better use? I can't remember the opening lines to Wordsworth's 'The Prelude,' but I can sing the Scooby Doo theme song. There is something seriously screwed up about the priorities of my neural processes." ~My Verne prof
• "It's really red. Like a-shirt-I-might-wear red." ~My Verne prof on red snow
• "Hey guys, watch this!" ~My Verne prof as the Imp of the Perverse
• "I'm not interested in melodramatic fiction, but [darn] it's good." ~My Verne prof
• "[Michael Palin] is kind of a charming man, and that makes it more interesting." ~My Verne prof on Palin's travelogues
• "There's a possibility that there's nothing going on in his head." ~My Verne prof on Phileas Fogg
• "He might as well be a pool ball." ~My Verne prof on Phileas Fogg
• "Fogg is not some sort of Scarlet Pimpernel... He's not Batman. He has no secret life." ~My Verne prof
• "It's all about winkwinknudgenudge to the reader." ~My Verne prof
• "Is it Tuesday or is it Wednesday? When is it? No. It's Tuesday. Well, [dagnab]." ~My Verne prof on the international date line
• "No one will ever describe what the Grue looks like because the Grue always eats everyone. [sly look at the side of the room]." ~My Verne prof
• "If you're gonna have a marriage, you have to get a girl somewhere in the narrative." ~My Verne prof on Aouda
• "There are many areas that I don't know about, and one of these areas is lace." ~My Verne prof
• "The most American thing in the novel is the ludicrous episode where they all decide they didn't want to wait, they'd just go really, really fast." ~My Verne prof on Around the World in 80 Days
• "Real life isn't very interesting, and when it does get interesting, you don't want to be there." ~My Verne prof
• "We're very sympathetic - even though he's creepy - with Fogg." ~My Verne prof
• "If you have a nuclear device, I think thirty seconds is cutting it close enough." ~My Verne prof
• "And now Terry Harpold is going to engage in an atrocious pun." ~My Verne prof
• "The land yacht is so great - it's totally awesome." ~My Verne prof
• "The purpose of the exam is not to see if you've paid attention to my wild gesticulations at the front of the class." ~My Verne prof
• "Sex is totally, totally, totally ridiculous." ~My Verne prof
• "Every bit of smutty subtext you think you're reading into the text is absolutely in there, but in a nice way." ~My Verne prof
• "There's nothing harder than trying to grade a bad exam." ~My Verne prof
• "It's not that he's running out of adjectives..." ~My Verne prof on the repeated use of certain words in Verne
• "I'm reading this with a somewhat salacious edge, and I'm sorry, I can't help myself." ~My Verne prof
• "I'm trying to think of a way to do this without sounding smutty." ~My Verne prof
• "Porky's... Oh, god, I don't know where that came from. I want that out of my head. Now!" ~My Verne prof
• "War has been replaced by a capitalist machine. It's a Dick Cheney paradise." ~My Verne prof on Paris in the Twentieth Century
• "If you cannot understand something I have written, come to me and, if I can, I will descipher it." ~My Verne prof
• "Oh, god, I loathe Windows. It's just a [freaking] disaster. It's the worst [freaking] operating system in the world....You can tell I'm jetlagged." ~My Verne prof
• "I apologize for the quality of that; it was obviously captured in an official capacity." ~My Verne prof
• "The only creators who we can be sure are responsible for those things attributed to them are those who sign publishing contracts." ~My Verne prof
• "We'll have a lot to talk about when we get to Hell." ~My Verne prof on the new Turlington evangelist keeping people from coming to class
• "The reptile brain goes, 'This isn't right. Get to the surface!'" ~My Verne prof on SCUBA diving
• "You just shouldn't look too hard at certain aspects of the natural world." ~My Verne prof on differences in heights of the water levels in the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans
• "Abime - it's the magic decoder word of Verne." ~My Verne prof
• "The whole point of the balloon is to get them the [heck] away from everything." ~My Verne prof on The Mysterious Island
• "Once Adam named all the animals, everything was screwed." ~My Verne prof
• "Freud said - and I think it actually is relevant...which is probably why I thought of it..." ~My Verne prof
• "He's French. They don't do dentistry. He doesn't go there." ~My Verne prof
• "You don't work around these things, you have to work through them." ~My Verne prof on racism in the 19th century
• "It's got a real slam dunk ending." ~My Verne prof on The Mysterious Island
• "It would be untoward to kill a student. That would take a toll on my student ratings... 'He was a good professor, but he killed a student.'" ~My Verne prof
• "Maybe he overexerts himself. Maybe all that being quiet is what kills him." ~My Verne prof on Nemo's tiptoeing around Lincoln Island
• "It's doing it right now, you know." ~My Verne prof on Niagara "It's still doing it." ~My Verne prof on Niagara
• "It's from The Mysterious Island! Where's Nemo!" ~A guy in my Verne class on an inexplicable coconut in The Meteor Hunt
• "We'll talk about a twenty meter meteorite landing like a soft boiled egg on the coast of Greenland and sliding into the ocean instead of blowing the [Tartarus] out of everything... Verne isn't really interested in planet-destroying asteroids." ~My Verne prof on The Meteor Hunt
• "If I could, I would teach in jams." ~My Verne prof
• "Whatever kind of deity would throw junk at his creation...?" ~My Verne prof
• "The heavens are whimsical. Sometimes they throw rocks at us." ~My Verne prof
• "It could be made of cream cheese, but people don't crave cream cheese the same way [as gold]." ~My Verne prof on the meteor from The Meteor Hunt
• "The end of the world nearly arrives, and then it doesn't. It's quite funny." ~My Verne prof on The Meteor Hunt
• "I want the big pot of gold to land on my head and destroy my land because then I'll be worth more." ~My Verne prof
• "It's been a turbulent semester." ~My Verne prof
• "One of Verne's last novels that he wrote while he was still alive." ~My Verne prof on The Kip Brothers
• "It's really big. It's like totally huge." ~My Verne prof on the Arc de Triomphe
• "Oh dear, your first literature class was a Harpold class? I've broken you for other professors." ~My Verne prof
• "White chocolate, dark chocolate, walnuts, honey, enough flour to keep the butter together..." ~My Verne prof on cookie recipes
• "Plagiarism is really dumb, so if you ever think it might be a good idea, realize that you are dumb." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "The O.C. will come into the Victorian period. Believe me, it will happen." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "How many Victorian Literature classes do you get to read books with pictures in colour?" ~My Victorian Lit teacher introducing The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
• "I will misspell words on the board. Do not correct me; I know they are misspelled, I just don't know how it is spelled." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "You used to have a small old fake submarine, and now you have Pooh's Playland." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on Disney World
• "Disney has taken over all English literature." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "I actually kind of like [the LoEG movie] for its kind of crazy [badness]....When you got to Venice next time, try and take a drive." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Sodomy is not illegal, it's the forcing of it that is. So don't go home and say, 'I can't do that because my English teacher said it's illegal'." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "They get Jekyll...and then they have Hyde." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
• "Orphan boy makes good? Oh, wait, that's every Dickens novel." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "If you're offended by cursing, I'm sorry... I enjoy it." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "I'm not expecting creative genius, but it would be nice if there were some nuggets of goodness." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on our final projects
• "At this point, you're like, 'Duh, Jonathan!'" ~My Victorian Lit teacher on Dracula
• "He's a reader... He is a studier--a studier? He's a scholar. [mocking self] 'I'm a studier.'" ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Transformers were the coolest toys ever, especially when they were made with metal and you could really hurt people with them. Now that they are made of plastic, it's just not the same." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "I always want to talk to the novels, but they never talk back." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "If you didn't get the sexual imagery when she's sucking his blood, you just weren't reading the book." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on Dracula
• "Whale bone, you know, doesn't bend. So remember that next time you want to...breathe." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "High cheekbones? But high cheekbones are pretty!" ~My Victorian Lit teacher on Dracula's "degenerate" characteristics
• "Basically, Hyde is supposed to be degenerative... I'm not giving anything away." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Most people aren't wonderfully radical 24/7...and most of them have really terrible personal lives." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on being disappointed by the biographies of historical progressives
• "I have a feeling I would get something like Victorians in Space. While that sounds really cool, I have a feeling it would be lame." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on our final projects
• "'Come and suck my juices...' How can you get more... If you don't get that, I don't... I don't know what to say." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on "Goblin Market"
• "The Victorians were the Victorians. It's not like they had gay pride parades every weekend." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "It's coded, right? So it's not like it comes out and says 'Lizzie and Laura had sex and it was great'." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on "Goblin Market"
• "When you're John the Baptist, you're not allowed to go around sleeping with whoever you want." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "I think they should just give you Prozac with [The Wasteland]" ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Restrain your nerdness at parties... There's no Heigle at parties, there's only pies and other fun things." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Wilde would so skewer Wordsworth, and then Wordsworth would be sad and be like, 'I want to go back to Tinturn Abbey.'" ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "You can have your own alternate reality, but it doesn't gel well with, you know, being in college." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Wow. I'd rather be asleep than watching Alexander." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "If you were at a dinner party with Hamlet, would you enjoy yourself?" ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Do you guys wanna have class or something?" ~My Victorian Lit teacher during a lull in conversation during our break
• "By the way, never try and conquer Russia... Land war in Russia, not a good idea." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on Axis and Allies
• "I hate handing back the first essay. You always get a bunch of looks like, 'You used to be my friend!'" ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "If you don't have a sense of humour about the Victorians, you're not reading them right." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "We're all sort of fond of the Old Testament...some more than others." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "That's how you know that you're a big person - if there's a bust of you and it's in a library somewhere." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "He notices there's less elephants, but he never thinks, 'Well, I just killed sixty of them...'" ~My Victorian Lit teacher on Alan Quartermain
• "[Tom Sawyer] can get other people to paint fences for him. That's really important in your superheroes. He clearly belongs in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "It's entertaining yet...slightly boring." ~My Victorian Lit teacher on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
• "I love talking about Disney Land because it's the perfect example of everything." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Think before you recall [books at the library]." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "The library website is not exactly the most helpful place on the planet." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Don't sacrifice your holiday on this research." ~My Victorian Lit teacher, who apparently actually understands her students have more important things to be doing
• "I apologize for my profession if you do have classes on [the Wednesday before Thanksgiving]." ~My Victorian Lit teacher
• "Does anyone else think that Jack would be really amused by Torchwood fic?" ~viorica8957 (to which ms_treesap responded, "He'd be writing them himself.")

W

• “Quacky always appears to be having fun, as if he's blissfully unaware of the weight of his being.” ~Wakka
• "Um, yeah…What is the point of my part?" ~Wayne on Peter Menin's "Canzona"
• “[Pandora was created] To be a pretty package on the outside, but a terrible [witch] on the inside.” ~My Women in Antiquity professor
• “A lot of people were still dancing around in bearskins and living in caves in other parts of the world.” ~My Women in Antiquity professor on Minoan Krete
• “This is patriarchy gone mad.” ~My Women in Antiquity professor on marriage and inheritance laws in Classical Athens
• “In Egypt you have a god. Ra. He’s huge. The humans were small.” ~My Women in Technology professor
• “Another topic which is too broad [for a term paper] is ‘Zeus’ Extramarital Affairs.” ~My Women in Antiquity professor
• “They used sponges as tampons, as toilet paper, as washcloths. Not the same ones.” ~My Women in Antiquity professor
• “Well, Caesar slept with every woman in Rome, and apparently some of the men, as well.” ~My Women in Antiquity professor
• “He lived a long time, which was to his advantage for several reasons.” ~My Women in Antiquity professor

Y

• "I thought my [DeviantArt] gallery was lacking Daleks." ~YuriPanda