Quotes (Page 16)!

  1. "It"s really about the Spongebob." ~Jon Stewart
  2. "Let's see, now...in Hogfather there are a number of stabbings, someone's killed by a man made of knives, someone's killed by the dark, and someone has just been killed by a wardrobe. It's a book about the magic of childhood. You can tell." ~Terry Pratchett
  3. "Testing 1,2,3, can anybody hear me? If I shed the irony, would anybody cheer me? If I acted less like me, would I be in the clear?" ~BNL, "Testing 1,2,3"
  4. "We recognize the present/Is half as pleasant/As our nostalgia for/The past'll be presented/Recast and reinvented/Until it's how we meant it" ~BNL, "Testing, 1,2,3"
  5. "I"m not awful, I"m just more violent than some." ~Mr. Keech
  6. "As long as we"re all committing the same musical atrocity..." ~Mr. Keech on Frank Tichelli"s "Blue Shades"
  7. "Quit being a good musician. Knock it off." ~Mr. Keech to our bass clarinetist at measure 148 of Frank Tichelli"s "Blue Shades"
  8. "If we"re gonna embarrass ourselves, let"s Titanic this puppy. No little pinholes in the hull." ~Mr. Keech on Frank Tichelli"s "Blue Shades"
  9. "That"s my This Section Dance." ~Lily at measure 165 of Frank Tichelli"s "Blue Shades"
  10. "[blushing and covering his mouth with his index finger] I almost said a bad word, I was so excited." ~Mr. Keech during Frank Tichelli"s "Blue Shades"
  11. "It"s a lot of Post-It Notes. Good times." ~Mr. Keech
  12. "You"re not a band unless you play an instrument." ~Ryan Stiles on the Backstreet Boys
  13. "That"s what you get for Riverdancin" in a thong." ~Brad Sherwood
  14. "That's a piece of flesh...not cheese!" ~Mr. Hampton
  15. "Way too much crack for you, Mr. Leary." ~Duckie
  16. "I love the fact that I have a show where you can run over a kid and everyone busts out laughing." ~Dave Chapelle
  17. "Did I mention that dramatic irony bites like a rabid monkey?" ~Tino Tonitini
  18. "Though [Tanis] had come to a strong belief in the true gods " more through Laurana"s love and faith in them than anything else " he felt uncomfortable trusting his life to them, and he grew impatient with those like Elistan who, it seemed, placed too great a burden on the gods. Let man be responsible for himself for a change, Tanis thought irritably." ~Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Time of the Twins
  19. "Try to avoid getting yourself killed. It would annoy me greatly to have to train another bodyguard." ~Rasitlin Majere to his twin brother, Caramon
  20. "Feeling very self-righteous and noble (and suddenly very bored), the kender glared at the clerics irritably, wishing they"d hurry up." ~Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Time of the Twins
  21. "Don"t change colors to match the walls. Look like you belong and the walls will change color to match you." ~Old Kender Proverb
  22. "[Raistlin]"s probably really grateful, just doesn"t know how to express it properly." ~Tasselhoff Burrfoot
  23. "Another time [Tas] misjudged the depth of the water running in the street and found himself being washed down the block at a rapid rate. This was amusing and would have been even more fun if he"d been able to breathe." ~Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman, Time of the Twins
  24. "Don"t have any of the punch. It has sulfuric acid in it...Try the punch!" ~Brad Sherwood as the host of Party Quirks
  25. "Looks like Walt Disney threw up." ~Ryan Stiles about a bowl of sprinkles
  26. "You"re making me sound very hollow." ~Jon Stewart to Ethan Hawke
  27. "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the pebble in the shoe of ignominy. I am...ZE QUEEN OF ZE GALAXY!" ~Darkwing Duck and Talaya
  28. "Aw, come on. Just let him get lightly mauled." ~Cassandra on Icarus
  29. "I always enjoy seeing Adam [Savage] in pain." ~Jamie Hyneman
  30. "Y'know, that's about one of the most destructive things I've ever done. That was cool." ~Jamie Hyneman after shooting a frozen chicken at an airplane windshield
  31. "I pulled a muscle doing an accent. That doesn"t happen often." ~Jon Stewart
  32. "Explosives are nothing to worry about. Unless you"re careless. Then your worries are over." ~Seaman Thomas Wolfe
  33. "It"s true - there are some games that little children should not play, but I am a grown-up lady, and I need to shoot [stuff]. I think it"s better that it happen fictionally." ~Jackie Kashian
  34. "There was a time, Hornblower, when you would have needed some convincing about the merits of any...economy with the truth." ~Sir Edward Pellew
  35. "Once Jell-o becomes Jell-o, it is Jell-o for eternity." ~Jeff Foxworthy
  36. "Once it becomes a physics problem it takes a little of the emotional sting out of it" ~Jeff Foxworthy
  37. "You mix stagnant pond water with raw sewage, you're not gettin' Evian..." ~Jeff Foxworthy on his children
  38. "Don"t mess with me, duck. When I say "Quack," you"re gonna quack, right? I"m the boss here. I don"t want no beak." ~Jamie Hyneman
  39. "Quack, [dagnab] you!" ~Jamie Hyneman
  40. "Technology. It"s like science, only useless." ~Jon Stewart
  41. "One option is a plasma TV, so called because, to be able to afford one, you"re going to have to sell your blood." ~Ed Helms
  42. "I cannot stress this enough " if you try to install an HDTV in a non-HDTV compatible house, you may tear the space-time continuum." ~Ed Helms
  43. "_Sometimes_ I do like a dangerous bad-boy, _sometimes_ I do like a smart alec with a cynical tongue, and sympathetic villains/antagonists are always cool. But boy, I'm such a sucker for sweet, lonely, little under appreciated humble guys..." ~Captain Chaotica!!
  44. "Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?" ~Jon Stewart to Wynton Marsalis
  45. "So the real key is that jazz musicians hate everybody?" ~Jon Stewart
  46. "This is The Daily Show, [dagnabit], you don"t have to be a part of the media mule train!" ~Tom Hanks
  47. "I come from the school of That Horse is Not Dead." ~Tom Hanks
  48. "Here we are with our friend Ken. I might have to take the sound down a notch for Ken." ~Ms. Gibson while switching from the Ethan Hawke version of Hamlet to the Kenneth Branagh version
  49. "I"m really glad my food comes murdered." ~Patrice O"Neal
  50. "If you"re flammable and have legs, you"re never blocking a fire exit." ~Mitch Hedberg
  51. "Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy. All day." ~Mitch Hedberg
  52. "Morning people should be OUTLAWED." ~Megavolt in Captain Chaotica!!"s "Reversed Polarity"
  53. "Why does...EVERYBODY...always start...talking like...Shatner...whenever they get...hurt?" ~Joel Robinson in Captain Chaotica!!"s MiST of Mike Cervantes" "Schlock Treatment"
  54. "Ah, nothing like being hit SQUARE in the face by a hot, steaming bowl of CANON." ~Crow in Captain Chaotica!!"s MiST of Mike Cervantes" "Schlock Treatment"
  55. "Go away, or I"ll poke you with a Fimo stick...Oh, now he"s eating it." ~Duckie to Pighi
  56. "Series programming is about having likeable characters. It"s about relationships. Movies are about more specific ideas." ~Fred Pierce
  57. "Eisner is a machine. He"s a sausage-making machine. He invents something to go between commercials. What it is, he doesn"t care...There is no such thing as a Michael Eisner idea. It"s an oxymoron." ~Richard Sylbert
  58. "Success tends to make you forget what made you successful." ~Michael Eisner in January, 1982
  59. "We have no obligation to make art. We have no obligation to make a statement. To make money is our only objective." ~Michael Eisner
  60. "The company should be run from a creative point of view rather than a financial point of view." ~Michael Eisner (ah, the irony is _delicious_)
  61. "What's on trial here is not the media, it's the jury. Who are they to judge us?" ~Stephen Colbert
  62. "The life of a crime fighter is never easy. Especially when his sidekick uses his cape to wax the car..." ~Darkwing Duck
  63. "No, ma"am. Nice stops at midnight." ~Bill Engvall
  64. "That"s all we"re doin" here. We"re not curin" cancer, we"re just trying to get soda to come out of your nose." ~Matthew Perry on The Whole Ten Yards
  65. "A hibernation is a covert preparation for a more overt action." ~Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
  66. "If the abnormal goes on long enough it becomes the normal." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  67. "Ordinary laziness was merely the absence of effort. Victor had passed through there a long time ago, had gone straight through commonplace idleness and out on the far side. He put more effort into avoiding work than most people put into hard labor." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  68. "People who didn"t apply themselves to the facts in hand might have thought that Victor Tugelbend would be fat and unhealthy. In fact, he was undoubtedly the most athletically inclined student in the University. Having to haul around extra poundage was far too much effort, so he saw to it that he never put it on and he kept himself in trim because doing things with decent muscles was far less effort than trying to achieve things with bags of flab." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  69. "It"s very hard to be bad at acting in moving pictures." ~Silverfish
  70. "The moments that change your life are the ones that happen suddenly, like the one where you die." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  71. "Gosh. Isn"t life interesting when you see it from someone else"s perspective...?" ~Victor Tugelbend
  72. "Everything looks interesting until you do it. Then you find it"s just another job. I bet even people like Cohen the Barbarian get up in the morning thinking, "Oh, no, not another day of crushing the jeweled thrones of the world beneath my sandaled feet."" ~Victor Tugelbend
  73. "People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  74. "The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is the Monday which on Friday night was a comfortably long way off. A dog"s wet nose is not strictly speaking the worst of the bunch, but it has its own peculiar dreadfulness which connoisseurs of the ghastly and dog owners everywhere have come to know and dread. It"s like having a small piece of defrosting liver pressed lovingly against you." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  75. "It was always best, [Victor] had learned, never to try to follow the plot of any click you were in, and in any case Soll wasn"t just shooting back to front, but sides to middle as well. It was totally confusing, just like real life." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  76. "Messin" around with girls who"re in thrall to Creatures from the Void never works out, take my word for it. You"d never know what you were going to wake up next to." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  77. ""But look, that can"t be right," said Ginger, in the small voice of one trying to be reasonable while madness is breaking down the door with a cleaver." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  78. "And don"t you go around using that calm and reasonable tone of voice with me. I hate it when people go around being calm and reasonable at me." ~Ginger Withel
  79. "What was it they said about the gods? They wouldn"t exist if there weren"t people to believe in them? And that applied to everything. Reality was what went on in people"s heads." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  80. "Reality didn"t have to be real. Maybe if conditions were right, it just had to be what people believed..." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  81. "The rope continued its swing. There was a noise exactly like a rubber sack full of butter hitting a stone slab and this was followed, after a moment or two, by a very quiet "oook"." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  82. "Man you used underscores... that means I didn't do something... badly... or something" ~John
  83. "People are easy to search when they"re dead." ~Barbossa
  84. "Poets long ago gave up trying to describe [Ankh-Morpork]. Now the more cunning ones try to excuse it." ~Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures
  85. "If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done." ~Peter Ustinov
  86. "There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion." ~Sir Francis Bacon
  87. "A synonym is a word you use when you can"t spell the word you first thought of." ~Burt Bacharach
  88. "I have never fallen in love with my own voice, but I"ve always had an attraction for it." ~Tom Snyder
  89. "The sweetest of all sounds is that of the voice of the woman we love." ~Jean de La Bruv"re
  90. "WHY couldn't I have suddenly turned into an electrically-powered freak in January? Or while visiting the North Pole...?" ~Megavolt on rubber jumpsuits in Captain Chaotica!!"s "Reversed Polarity"
  91. "Okay, so [Quackerjack]'s _still_ creepy, but creepy with a touch of class." ~Captain Chaotica!!
  92. "Te amo...Plutonically." ~Preston
  93. "I"m gonna go drunk-tipping." ~Laura
  94. "Wickedness was invented by good people to explain the curious attractiveness of others." ~Oscar Wilde
  95. "Obviously you"ve never touched a monkey. It"s kinda addicting." ~Strom the Slayer
  96. "Dios, First Minister and high priest among high priests, wasn"t a naturally religious man. It wasn"t a desirable quality in a high priest, it affected your judgment, made you unsound. Start believing in things and the whole business became a farce." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  97. "He hesitated, aware that this was probably too straightforward and easily understood; medicine was a new art on the Disc, and wasn"t going to get anywhere if people could understand it." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  98. "I"m sure sacred cats don"t leave dead ibises under the bed. And I"m certain that sacred cats that live surrounded by endless sand don"t come indoors and do it in the king"s sandals." ~Pteppicymon XXVIII
  99. ""I have learned seven languages," said Teppic, secure in the knowledge that the actual marks he had achieved in three of them would remain concealed in the ledgers of the Guild." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids
  100. "[Ptaclusp] wasn"t used to kings talking to him as though he was a human being. He felt obscurely that it wasn"t right." ~Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

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