Quotes (Page 32)!

  1. "New York City isn't Chuck E. Cheese. We don"t have ball pits for the kids to play in. We have titty bars and crack." ~Jon Stewart
  2. "Show of hands: who thinks I"m not in my right mind?" ~Dr. Gregory House
  3. "Five, he'd said? P.M., surely. But hunting in the late afternoon? It couldn"t be. Still, it was less improbably than 5:00 A.M., a time that, when presented as the hour to meet, should raise in the presentee serious suspicions of insanity about the presenter. There was, he was fairly certain, no molecular movement of any kind before at least 6:30." ~Michael J. Nelson, Death Rat
  4. "Just a moment ago, as I sat here in this tree listening to the birds, watching the hamsters scamper across the damp forest floor, I felt a profound sense of peace. And apprehension, too." ~King Leo
  5. "Inside, he was filled with loathing over having to touch pasteurized processed cheese food, as he was convinced of the fact that Americans" consumption of such an abomination was clear evidence of their moral failings." ~Michael J. Nelson, Death Rat
  6. "You"re so confident, but you forgot one thing: I"m involved. Things don"t go well for me....Life. Living day to day. Being a human. All of it goed very poorly for me. Schemes fare particularly badly." ~Pontious Feeb
  7. "I was a little nervous. I"m not used to reading psychotic ramblings in front of a crowd." ~Jack Ryback
  8. "You see, anyone living in Copenhagen who has ever tried getting a taxi is bound to conclude that there is no God. And yet, when one is living in the pallid despair of a taxiless city, one needs something to believe in besides bad coffee and boiled fish. Henece Kierkegaard"s invented "loving" God." ~Gus Bromstad
  9. "He"s a history writer. You know the type....Bookish. Smart-mouthed. Face like a conch. Often they smell of rancid salad oil. They"re jealous, corpulent little freaks with no social skills, and yet they...they"ve got the gall to get on their high horses and preach down from Mount Wisdom at the rest of the world as though some high council had given him permission to write All the Rules to Everything in the World, as opposed to dusty little volumes on German immigrants"" ~Gus Bromstad
  10. "I suppose once you"ve seen so many naked men, nothing can ever, ever match it in terms of shock and horror and pure mental trauma. So as far as inuring one to tragedy, perhaps [nude saunas] serve a purpose." ~Gus Bromstad
  11. "Where's the fetus going to gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?" ~Reg to "Loretta"
  12. "Maybe I should take a shower...with my computer." ~Hillary on stress relief
  13. "I"m not really the expert on afterlife torture, I"m just a participant." ~Dr. Doug
  14. "I surprise me sometimes." ~Duckie
  15. "This carrot was handsome enough to tempt me." ~Duckie
  16. "If I could find a man as handsome as an avocado, I would marry him." ~Angela
  17. "Nibble nibble." ~Duckie
  18. "I give up. I"m just going to sleep in this crevice all night." ~Angela
  19. "Last year"s freshmen were not the most...impressive human beings." ~Duckie
  20. "I hope I get proposed to in a Steak "N Shake. [beat] I didn"t say I hope I procreate in a Steak "N Shake..." ~Hillary
  21. "My trough has already been plighted." ~Madama Butterfly turning down a proposal
  22. "I have a Dreamsicle." ~Stephen Corbet on January 16, 2006
  23. "If there"s one thing this situation needs, it"s a well-placed plot device." ~Dr. Floyd
  24. "I was trying to think of what I would like on a stick naked, but then I was like, no. Never mind." ~Hillary
  25. "Bright, shiny futures are overrated, anyway." ~Captain Lee Adama
  26. "You are fine with the dead guys, it"s the living ones you can"t deal with." ~Captain Lee Adama to Captain Kara Thrace
  27. "When it comes to matters beyond your specialties you are consistently and brilliantly stupid. You come out with some of the [gosh-darndest] flat-footed opinions with respect to matters which you haven't studied and have had no experience, basing your opinions on casual gossip, newspaper stories, unrelated individual data out of matrix, armchair extrapolation, and plain misinformation--unsuspected because you haven't attempted to verify it." ~Robert Heinlein to his editor
  28. "I wish this were happening to you instead of me." ~Simon the Sorcerer
  29. "[Trees are] The big, hard brown things with green bits." ~Simon the Sorcerer
  30. "She Japanese likes it." ~Kenny on going down the waterfall in PM2
  31. "Nothing matters but the weekend from a Tuesday point of view." ~"Switchin" to Glide," Aryan Zero and David Diamond
  32. "You get things like Soylent Green. Not to give away the ending, but Soylent Green is people." ~my Sci-Fi prof
  33. "Science fiction is sort of like The Blob." ~my Sci-Fi prof
  34. "I"m impatient only with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it." ~Klaatu
  35. "There"s nothing strange about Washington [D.C.]." ~Character in The Day the Earth Stood Still
  36. "It isn"t faith that makes good science, Mr. Klaatu, it"s curiosity." ~Dr. Barnhardt
  37. "He"s kind of a cuddly character." ~my Sci-Fi prof on Albert Einstein
  38. "We are all time travelers. We move through time at a velocity of one second per second." ~my Sci-Fi prof
  39. "What exactly [the bug-eyed creature] would want with the beautiful heroine is not addressed." ~my Sci-Fi prof on classic sf magazine covers
  40. "He"s got nuclear weapons, for Gort"s sake! But "Golly," he still comes across as na"ve." ~my Sci-Fi prof
  41. "You are all survivors of a Differential Equations course..." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  42. "I"m sorry that this is boring, but it is what it is: boring." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  43. "If you have an nth order poly, you can expect to have up to n wiggles. By "wiggle," I mean "change of slope"." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  44. "Twenty-two linear equations, twenty-two unknowns. Okay...that sounds horrible." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  45. "The whole point here is we want to keep this thing non-wiggly." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  46. "If you take garbage and divide it by a very small number, what do you get? Lots of garbage. BIG garbage." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  47. "One coefficient down, an infinite number to go." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  48. "Maybe for some reason I don"t like cosines. My mother was scared by a cosine when she was pregnant." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  49. "I can"t do bold face with chalk. I have many talents, but that"s not one of them." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  50. "If anybody wants this cold, I"d be happy to give it to them." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  51. "That was the most godawful way of doing that..." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof after a particularly long derivation
  52. "It"s Squiggly Greek Letter of the Second Kind." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof on ξ
  53. "Alright, so that"s kind of cute...and sometimes useful." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof after a 20 minute derivation
  54. "Same current means "saaaaaaaaame current"." ~my Circuits prof
  55. "Sorry, I am a little excited...This is my favourite lecture." ~my Circuits prof on voltage/current divider formula day
  56. "I like this circuit very much, I really do." ~my Circuits prof
  57. "If you do find a resistor that supplies power, let me know. We"ll make a lot of money...together." ~my Circuits prof
  58. "I like basketball, but there are some things I just don"t do. Camping outside? Nuh-uh. I like my bed." ~Guy in my Linear Algebra class
  59. "I"m from the Panhandle, and we probably have a different set of ethics that those of you from South Florida." ~my Ethics prof
  60. "It"s spring, why don"t we just meet out on the lawn...and bring guitars." ~my Ethics prof
  61. "Bill Gates is not a friend of mine...he"s a whining weenie." ~my Ethics prof
  62. "Return every phone call. I don"t care if it"s Attila the Hun trying to sell you life insurance..." ~my Ethics prof
  63. "The imponderable bloom, declared by a discredited philosophy to be the actual essence of intercourse, was rightly ignored by the Machine, just as the imponderable bloom of the grape was ignored by the manufacturers of artificial fruit. Something "good enough" had long since been accepted by our race." ~E.M. Forster, "The Machine Stops"
  64. "If you shoot it through the heart, and it doesn"t die, it"s a monster." ~McReady
  65. "Boys, meet Clark, the only one we know is human! Meet Clark, the one who proves he"s human by trying to commit murder"and failing. Will the rest of you please refrain from trying to prove you"re human for a while?" ~McReady
  66. "He was going mad and knew it, and somewhere deep inside a bit of sanity was screaming, struggling to fight off the hopeless flood of black terror. It was very horrible to go mad and know you were going mad"to know that in a little minute you would be here physically and yet all the real essence would be dead and drowned in the black madness." ~Isaac Asimov, "Nightfall"
  67. "Now these men weren"t idiots. They were geniuses who paid a high price for their genius because the rest of their thinking was other-world. A genius is someone who travels to truth by an unexpected path. Unfortunately, unexpected paths lead to disaster in everyday life." ~Israel Lennox
  68. "Figure we"ve got almost one healthy ego between us. That ought to be enough." ~Mick Stranahan
  69. "Gnawing on the [tail feathers] of a prehistoric lizard was not his notion of a gourmet experience." ~Carl Hiaasen, Skinny Dip
  70. "The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid." ~Henry Tilney
  71. "Where people wish to attach, they should always be ignorant. To come with a well-informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person should always wish to avoid. A woman especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can." ~Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
  72. "No man is offended by another man"s admiration of the woman he loves; it is the woman only who can make it a torment." ~Henry Tilney
  73. "[Wednesday] came, and exactly when it might be reasonably looked for." ~Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
  74. ""A pregnant person," and then, "a lactating individual." I was not aware that men could do these things." ~Hillary
  75. "They don"t test you for STDs on Match.com." ~Hillary
  76. "I wonder if I walked into class missing an eyeball if I would still have to take the exam..." ~Hillary
  77. "I love the truth. It's facts I'm not a fan of." ~Stephen Colbert
  78. "I should get a second job so I can afford to throw my computer out the window." ~Hillary
  79. "Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him." ~Jon Stewart
  80. "Stop laughing at me while I'm thinking." ~Hillary
  81. "I figure that if you're stupid enough to not realize that these are stunt people " perhaps insane, drunken and male out of the wazoo, but stunt people nonetheless " then nature is just itchin' to deselect you out of the order of things." ~Justin of MRFH on Jackass
  82. "Turns out being saved by the government is free to tax payers." ~Earl Hickey
  83. "I"m going to go idle on your [tail feathers]." ~Hillary
  84. "The main purpose of the Scratch performances in the bed tracks is to inspire Tyler to play his [tail feathers] off." ~Jim Creeggan
  85. "I"m peeing on the electrical [stuff] off their house." ~Random guy outside my window after a party one night (the party was held next door)
  86. "Why would we waste time having trials for innocent people? That would be a waste of resources." ~Sarge
  87. "Permission to sigh and walk away, Sarge?" ~Grif
  88. "First you have to find a sock lemon tree." ~Shannon
  89. "And on the eighth day, God created butcher knives." ~Jason (a different Jason)
  90. "When I saw Neil Armstrong land on the moon, I was disappointed...2001 had already done it, and done it better." ~my sci-fi prof
  91. "It doesn"t matter if it"s accurate, it just has to sound impressive." ~my sci-fi prof on science in sci-fi
  92. "Two things are going toward each other...it"s sexual! Like gravity. It"s sexual." ~guy in my sci-fi class on claims that the "Blue Danube" segment of 2001: A Space Odyssey was sexual
  93. "That"s how you should do a movie, because then you don"t have to worry about bad acting." ~another guy in my sci-fi class on only having 30 minutes of dialogue in all of 2001: A Space Odyssey
  94. "I"m a professor at MIT. Why would I need a doctorate?" ~Joe Haldeman
  95. "I"m gonna make the calculations easy. If all of a sudden you come up with 176^(1/2) times e, you know there"s a problem." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  96. "Here"s the theorem. The theorem is going to be useless." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof
  97. "My plan today is to let you guys go early...There"ll be no refund of tuition, though." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof, after pausing for applause
  98. "It"ll kick and scream and yell at you and give you things in red." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof on using Matlab
  99. "We have things on this planet called plants." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof, reminding his engineering class about the real world
  100. "Turns out they didn"t." ~my Intermediate Analysis prof on the possibility that oxygen and nitrogen in the Manhattan Project might combust and destroy the earth

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