JOHNNY DEPP: 'WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I'M BECOMING A BIG BOY FINALLY'

Interview in Avantgarde, Dutch issue, September 1999.
Interview by Harold von Kursk

He's known for his pretty eyes, his beautiful women (like Kate Moss) and a row of impressive roles in cult-movies like What's eating Gilbert Grape and Fear and loathing in Las Vegas. And for his short-temper. Interview with eternal rebel Johnny Depp, soon to be seen in The Astronaut's Wife and Sleepy Hollow.

A terrace in Paris. It's raining softly and warm, and no one seems to notice us. Besides me sits Johnny Depp. The women's idol of the nineties has recently become a father, but he prefers not to say anything about his relationship with the mother, Vanessa Paradis. Still, Depp is a though guy who's not afraid to speak his mind freely. "You know, here in Paris people just don't care. Europeans appreciate art for the art. Movies here are about people. In America it's always about killers from Mars. Here no one is interested in me. It doesn't matter that my name is Johnny Depp and that I do something in the movie business. It doesn't matter to me either that I'm Johnny Depp. All this Hollywood shit."
Johnny smiles secretly when I say he's short-tempered. Everybody remembers the outburst of anger from the young man Depp in the Mark Hotel in New York, where he smashed the furniture of the whole suite.
"When I'm sixty, and telling fairy-tales to my grandchildren, they'll probably interrupt me and ask what happened that day in this suite. Yeah, I'm not to good in handling all this attention. The media eats me like I'm a chocolate bar and that makes me furious. At a certain moment, I couldn't go out on the streets anymore. Camera's everywhere, hysteric men and women with tape recorders, hoping to get a nice quote. I know it's all part of the business, but if you're - as I am - born with a nature for paranoia, all this attention can be fatal."

So this loose hands of yours got to do with pushy journalists?
"Exactly. Recently I was having dinner with Vanessa, when dozens photographers disrupted our dinner with their flashes and screaming. I ended that quite violently. Not very polite, no, I'm aware of that. But talking doesn't help. First I tell them that their presence isn't appreciated, but that often has no effect at all. Then I become violent. I'm just a person who lets himself be guided by his moods."

That sounds like an unstable youth?
"I've been quite a messed-up kid. My parents found it necessary to move over thirty times. Nothing was forever. The situation changed per minute and that sucked me dry. I'm not good with new people. I'm often scared, feel like an outsider. On the other hand, this weird youth, this eternal insecurity, has also given me something good. I've no problems with being alone, wander around through unknown streets in unknown cities, without feeling bad or out of place."

But now you've found your home with your girlfriend, French top model/singer Vanessa Paradis?
"We're back together again. We had an argument, my fault of course, but we made up. We had to, because we became a father and a mother. No, I'm not gonna talk about that. It's a beautiful child. The mother is in good health, and further, we will see."

You're not gonna send me home with this little information, are you?
"Our relationship is public. All my relationships apparently are public. There's much talking, infinite speculations. According to the press I'm longing for Kate Moss again, having a relationship with Christina Ricci behind me. It just never stops. So I'm not saying anything about Vanessa."

Christina Ricci, you said. You recently made a movie with her. Tell us?
"Christina is a jewel. The past months I've been working with her on 'Sleepy Hollow', the new movie of Tim Burton. I like working with Burton. In the past I made Edward Scissorhands and Ed Wood with him. Sleepy Hollow is gothic horror. It's enchaining and especially very scary. Christina is the kind of actress that fits in this kind of bizarre movies very well. She's a great actress, but not so horrible commercial."

What's with that rebel attitude of yours?
"My youth? Who's to tell. I don't like conventions. Like to set my own rules. I never choose a great Hollywood production, because I often find them obtuse. Too many bullshits per minute. It often makes no sense. I want to play in movies that tell something. Movies about people, about emotions as emotions really are. A smoothly made tearjerker makes my stomach turn. But I don't want to be some snob kid that turns away from commerciality because that looks so interesting."

So you're real? No attitude, no mask?
"I'm as real as I can be. My opinions are sincere. If I'm nice, I'm nice, but when I'm an asshole, then I really am an asshole. No, I'm not proud of that. Being an asshole is not something you have to rely on. That wouldn't be sincere, that would look a lot like an attitude."

But how do you determine to play or not to play in a movie?
"From my feelings. I have no deeper strategy. How can I, after my life. I never walk the same path. Scripts must to something to me. I must be able to fantasize. If I can't, it all ends."

But don't you pass by on a lot of money and fame that way?
"I shit on fame. It says nothing to me, as I told you before. I just won't play in a bad production. I can't hack it. And the money, the fame, that's a pity then."

What do you think of actors that do choose for the money and fame?
"I don't think anything of them. Everyone does what he or she has to do. Take Nicolas Cage, he plays in cult movies, but also in though action films. Would be nothing for me, but I do appreciate him as an actor and a person. Everybody does his thing. And I do mine."

How do you handle critics?
"Not very well. Who does? I try to keep my head straight when they piss me off, but it always stings. I was devastated when my first self-directed movie, The Brave, was knocked down by the critics and the public. Nobody, really nobody, thought it was a good movie. That's awful. The criticism hit me right in the face. Now I'm further and I know that I indeed dropped some stitches in my director-debut. I can say this now, but I'm still enjoy when they confront me with it. Still, I won't ever let something get me down. The Brave was my first time as a director and I found it all great, so I'm gonna try it again as a director. Of course I'll take the criticism with me. I'll show the world."

Actress Charlize Theron, with whom you play in 'The Astronaut's Wife' called you a brilliant actor. Is that really so?
"You don't say such things about yourself. But it's nice to hear. I often hear that they think I'm beautiful or a dirty, self righteous prick. Charlize herself, by the way, is not bad at all. Partly thanks to her, The Astronaut's Wife has become a captivating movie."

What's 'The Astronaut's Wife' about?
"I'm not so good in talking about my own movies. Go see, it's worth while, and I don't say this out of promotional considerations. Okay, it's a thriller in layers. I'm the astronaut, Charlize is my wife, who suffers from temporary amnesia (This is really what the article says. Is the journalist mistaken? Is there a translation error? Or is Johnny really not that good in talking about his own movies? Linda). What the heck, just go and see."

Are you just a bad talker or don't you wanna brag?
"Both. Bragging is something you do with your family and friends. And talking? As a teenager I was so insecure. I was the type of guy that never fitted in because he never dared to choose. I was convinced I had absolutely no talent at all. For nothing. And that thought took away all my ambition too."

When did this self-image change?
"After high school I started a band. What else could I do? That band was my savior. We were quite good, played with Iggy Pop, The Pretenders and The Talking Heads. This semi-success made me move to Los Angeles, and I thought we were going to be world famous in California. Wrong, because we split up and I started selling pens by telephone. After two weeks I got fired - when they found out I was calling my mom in Florida."

And still it did turn out right for you and your self-image?
"With me, yes, but with my self-image it still isn't that alright. No matter how famous I am, no matter how many people go to see my movies, I still have the idea that I'm that pale no-hoper that I used to be. A pale no-hoper that happens to be a little lucky now. Tomorrow it'll be all over, then I'll have to go back to selling pens again."

You really think so?
"Every now and then, yes. I'm an actor and that's the weirdest trade in the world. I get heaps of money to pull different faces every time, to be different from what I really am, to lie, to manipulate my emotions in a way that makes the public react in this or that way. That makes you weird by itself."

Do you take acting serious then?
"Sure I do. But I know who I am, I know what I do. I know who I would like to be. And that takes a lot of work. If I look at Al Pacino, I know I've still got a few things to learn. And even then, I don't think I'll ever get to that point. Pacino is one hell of an actor. That man has got an inner strength and power, that makes you shiver."

What does acting do to you?
"It opens old wounds. Acting messes with you soul. I can only speak for myself, but, with each scene I play, I have to think of something I've been through myself. Certainly when it's about emotional scenes. I'm a pretty complexed guy, so sometimes very unexpected things pop up. Lots of black bile, lots of frustration. Maybe it's all very therapeutic. I haven't figured that one out yet."

Do you see yourself as a confused young man?
"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I've known times with lots of booze, drugs and lots of sex with lots of unknown people. Now I've calmed down. Damned, I just became a father. That child gives rest. It also gives strength to change things."

Do you think you'll be a good father?
"I hope I will. I love kids and I have lots of experience as a babysitter. My sister Christine got her baby when I was seventeen and I was the perfect babysitter. I remember that in that time I read about sudden death syndrome for the first time, and that made me crazy with fear. I stayed with the baby constantly, because I wanted to know if she was still breathing. Now I have my own baby and I'm terrified again that something will happen to him (that's what the article says!). I feel that possessiveness in me. Keep your hands off of my child, you all. Ha, a beautiful feeling also. Who knows, maybe I'm becoming a big boy after all. That would be great, wouldn't it?"

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