I am Kathy Wells, and I am a waitress at Café Latte in Texas. I am a huge fan of Johnny Depp. I mean, a HUGE fan of his. He is like, the ultimate HEARTTHROB! But I figured that he would never want to travel all the way to Texas just to get a damn cup of coffee.

When I went to work, I was so angry. I dunno why, but I just felt angry. Maybe it was because my boyfriend broke up with me. Maybe it was because I was late, and had to wear clothes about 100 times smaller than what I wear. I dunno. So here I am making a stupid decaf coffee for this old lady and suddenly this fine man with a black beanie ( I think that's what you call those hats ) walks right through the door. I am thinkin' "OH MY GOD!!! Why me, why today, why did I have to wear this piece of shit? I should have just dried my clothes!!" Then this mystery man comes up to me and says, "Lookit, I need a small coffee with as much caffeine as you can fit into it. I have a photo shoot today." And then I finally dared to look at his face. I noticed the nice hair down his eyes as he took off his hat, and I noticed the cute pout and his high cheekbones. I'm thinkin, "Dammit! Who the hell is this guy? I know this face from somewhere." Then I looked at a Johnny Depp picture hanging on a wall and looked at this man. Nah... it couldn't be him. OR could it? Should I dare ask him his name? Of course!

I said lamely, "Um, Sir, um, I was just wonderin' if, um you would tell me, um, yo-you-your name please?" Then he replied, "Sure, what the hell, I'm Johnny, Johnny Depp." Then out-of-the blue I dropped his coffee and said "FUCK it is you!!!!!" He looked at me like I was some crazy person who needed therapy. But wouldn't you go cuckoo if you saw Johnny Depp face-to-face?!? I was soooo embarrassed that I ran out of the shop. He came outside and sat on the sidewalk where I was laughing hysterically.

"What's so damn funny? Did I do something wrong?," he asked curiously. I felt so stupid because he is sitting here acting so serious and here I am laughing like hell. So I said that I was a big fan of his and it was sorta hard to believe that he was right there.

"Well, I knew it! I come here to Texas thinkin' that I wouldn't have to put up with all of the shit people do to me and then you came along and just had to tell me that you are my #1 fan and yell at me like I am some damn idiot!," he said in a tone that would bring a chill down your spine. "Well, thanks a lot lady!"

After he told me that icy lecture I just burst out crying like a baby. I bawled and whined for no reason. This was so totally embarrassing so I just ran to the bench nearby and teared a million tears.

"I am so, so, so sorry Mr. Depp!," I replied solemnly. "And I didn't mean to spoil your whole morning, I just, well, AAAAAWWWW!!!!!" This aww must have made me look stupid, but apparently it make Johnny feel terrible, which was very suprising since, after all, this is Johnny I'm talking about, not Mr. Feelings.

"Listen, I'm sorry, I just don't like it when billions of fans come screaming, saying 'LOOK THERE'S JOHNNY DEPP!!' on the streets. It really makes me ticked off. What's your name?"

"Kathryne Wells, but everyone calls me Kathy. Sorry I dropped your drink, and I'll put it on the house," I said in my dried, crackly voice.

"You don't have to do that," said Johnny. "Just do this," and he put his hand on my cheek and snogged me. Well, he didn't snog me, just a nice, long, passionate kiss.

Before he left, he gave me an autograph and I swore to bug off the paparazzo's. He kissed me one more time and said goodbye, when I finally told him to hold on. I came back holding a cup of coffee with a lot of caffeine and just said, "My treat."

THE END

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