' The Psychiatrist's Chair' - Interview with Dr Stuart Fischoff PhD, California

I meet Vanessa Paradis in a Hollywood garden outside the studio where she is recording her next album. Without the benefit of theatrical lighting and make-up she has a waif-like quality, strong but pliable. She wears a gypsy skirt, red tights, trainers and a brown shawl, which she wraps tighter and tighter around her narrow shoulders as the interview progresses. On her ring finger she wears what appears to be an engagement ring; but there is no wedding band. She chain-smokes throughout the interview, rolling one brown paper cigarette after another.

To start with, tell me: where do you live?

I live in the South of France, but I like to live in Paris.

What's your place in Paris like?

It's weird, I used to love it so much. It was the first place I bought and I spent three really happy years there with my dog, Loneliness. But life has changed so much. I don't hate it, but I'm not as comfortable there as I was before.

You mean the apartment is not big enough?

It is big enough but the walls, somehow, I don't know…maybe because I know you're a doctor and I know you're going to search inside my head and I'm getting right inside the subject, but it was a tough time personally for me in that flat and now that life is so amazing, so complete…I mean I can sleep there, I can cook there, but it doesn't feel like home.

Many people describe fame as a double-edged sword. Has it made you more egotistical?

It does make you think about yourself more than you should. I take advantage of fame, of course. Whether it's to get a table at a restaurant when it's fully booked, or go through a side door instead of wait in line. Fame takes things away from you as well. But I wouldn't dare complain.

When do you feel most alone?

When Lily-Rose and Johnny aren't with me. It's a part of me missing.

And before they existed in your life?

Probably always.

Always?

I always felt that my home - my parents, my sister - was like a nest and I felt comfortable in it. But at 14 I was working. By the time I was 16, I had moved out.

When do you feel the most vulnerable?

When I'm doing things with my hands, with my voice. Probably when I make music. In the past people used to write and produce songs for me. Now that I'm totally involved in it I feel very vulnerable - I never know if it's any good.

When do you feel the most powerful?

It's always going to come back to this … it's when the three of us are together.

What about second most powerful?

When I go on stage. Besides my personal life, it's the strongest thing that I have ever experienced. It's something going on between you and the mike and your feet on the ground with the bass rhythms. And that space between you and the public, that thing in between. Before a show starts, I love to go and listen to the room. Even though I'm not most comfortable with my singing voice, I love to sing.

You're not comfortable?

People have different ways of seeing themselves. Some people go to a hospital and change their nose and face. I'm not particularly comfortable with looking at myself in the mirror, but I would never go on a surgical table. It's not like a problem in my head or that I hate myself. I don't hate myself.

People describe you as beautiful…

What they see takes a lot of work. It's an hour in make-up and a good light…it takes all that.

Your made this drawing (previous page).

I'm sorry I did.

I think it's an absolutely striking drawing. Do you do any drawing?

Not so much for myself, for the one that I love. I actually did it really quickly, without any picture or mirror, I just did it like that, really quickly with a pen, not even something nice to draw with.

I'm going to be a psychologist now.

OK - I knew that would come.

What the hell. Your eyes are huge, and yet there's a kind of stillness or even a sternness in your face. You're very animated and you smile a lot. And you have a lot of wonderful things in your life that give you joy and pleasure, yet this is not reflecting that.

Well I guess that you should analyse the drawing knowing when and how I did it.

Ok, tell me.

I did it around 11 at night, which is around the time I fall asleep because I wake up really early in the morning with my daughter. So I was tired and alone. At this time my daughter was sleeping and my boyfriend was out of town working. So I was alone and so I guess that's why…

You captured the moment in time.

Yeah, and it's not even something I saw about myself, it's just something I thought about myself at that moment. I didn't do it looking at myself in the mirror or looking at a picture.

Your eyes are most fascinating. Most people equate the essence of who they are with what they see, what others see in them. Your self-concept - how you understand the world - is obviously drawn to your eyes. Why do you hide your eyes?

Because I messed it up.

You didn't draw a body.

I think the face tells you more about a person. Hands too, and feet.

Is there something you want to tell us about your feet?

My feet are alright, because my man loves them.

How do you react to the word 'Feminism'?

I'm my man's woman.

Some people would take exception to that statement.

Perhaps if I were 50 I would speak differently, but I was born after women had the right to vote and to speak out and to be treated as human beings. I can't speak for a woman who's been beaten by her husband or been abused. But I love doing things for him, I love doing those woman things for him. And I love, I love to belong to him. And I love, as strong as I can be, as tough as I can be, I love to be fragile in his arms. I don't feel inferior. Because I am treated so nicely, so beautifully, maybe more than I deserve, surely more than I deserve. I can give the best of me to this person. And in my situation I don't see anything wrong with being feminine in this way.

How do you think early success affected you?

When my first record came out, it was a big success and , like all big successes, it got rammed down people's throats. They took me and shoved me into everyone's head, every second of the day. It annoyed people. Maybe it's just that when something is very successful we have to destroy it. And that's what happened. I was 14 and I was not finished as a person. People always think I'm exaggerating, but for four or five months after Joe le Taxi hit number one, life became a nightmare. There were hateful, horrible things said about me. Most of the time it was people my own age, but it was also adults. I've experienced, I guess, what women who slept with Germans in France around 1940 were experiencing in the streets. When people threw stones at them and shaved their heads. I was paranoid and freaked out about people. It was horrible, horrible.

Does that make it hard for you to trust people?

Yeah. It's not that easy to find out who are the true people, it's not that easy to just erase, to push away the people who don't understand this business. You can count friends on one hand.

Do you see your future in film or singing ?

If I had to choose it'd be music.

What do you dislike about film?

I don't dislike it, but it's way less magical. To me, doing a movie is like a vacation. It's difficult to be an amazing actor but the pressure's less than singing. With acting, your lines are written, your costume's made up, your make-up is done for you and as long as you know your lines your life is really easy.

Did you ever see the movie A Star is Born?

Yes.

When two people get involved in show business, their egos tend to get in the way. For example, every time you do an interview they ask you about Johnny Depp.

That doesn't annoy me. It happens more over here than it does in France, because I'm not famous here. I'm not a career runner.

There's no problem between you and Johnny?

No, it's more about his schedule…who is going to follow who, because we can't be apart for so long. It's called organization and it's called compromise. It's called taking a lot of planes and it's called respect and sharing.

So do you not take jobs that you might otherwise take?

Yeah, my life always comes first. Whenever I take a professional decision it always comes first and he does too. I do remember my life before - I remember being sad and lonely and needing someone. But now my life is so full - that's what happens when you become a parent: superficiality is out of your life.

Do you have friends here, or do you hang out with Johnny Depp's friends?

Most of them are my man's friends.

How would you like me to refer to him?

However you like. My problem is always not to say too little or say too much.

Well this interview is about you, it's not about your man - so….

But he's in me, so I don't think you can speak about me without speaking about him. I want to protect him and I want to protect us.

Good. So when you're here most of your contacts are his friends.

I would say so, yes.

It's becoming increasingly de rigueur in this country for women to have children when they're not married. When you were young…

I wanted to get married. Not just to wear a white dress and to have a party, but I thought it was a pretty thing to be given the name of your loved one.

What's your daughter's last name?

Depp. It's not nice when your child and your man have the same name and you don't, but since this relationship is above anything I've ever experienced, the marriage thing has become like a detail and the name thing hasn't caused me trouble yet. Maybe when she starts going to school.

How did your parents react?

Well they met him the day I said I was expecting. It was really funny…

'Hi Mum and Dad, this is Johnny. By the way, I'm pregnant'?

No, he showed up a couple of hours after I'd told them I was pregnant.

Would your parents have preferred you to have married before you had a child?

No. My mum comes from a conventional burgeois family. She wouldn't bug me about weddings, but I know the day I tell her I'm getting married she'll be happy. She wanted to baptize Lily-Rose so much. But she has a sense of humour and she sighed and said, 'I'm just going to fold back that dress into the trunk'.

Last question. Why did you do this interview?

At first I thought, 'OK so he's gonna operate my brain, he's gonna did in there.'. I used to be afraid about interviews but his time I thought, just go ahead and ask your questions.

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