The correct way to draw a middle finger.

One day, just after Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawk broke up, just after Taking Lives was released, just after Chuck Palahniuk decided to stop writing good books, our hero and main protagonist Allison “God I’m So Fucking Hot” Fleury decided to sleep.

And so she did.

The End!

*holds down the ENTER key for 10 seconds*

**********

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing, John Catlett!

Yes, yes, modesty, modesty. What he was doing, you see, was proofreading his latest work that didn’t continue from Knothole, What, sound, For A., or anything else that he began but never finished, and by proofreading I mean masturbating, but the phone rang and so he switched hands.

“Hello? Oh, hey Jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. Just checking my email and writing. Mmm. Yeah, fuck you for having a better job than me. Oh, hey, I got an email. I’ll read it out loud to you:

Dear Mr. Catlett

I’ve been a longtime fan and admirer, ever since the second chapter of Sonic: Sketchy, and I’ve only now gotten the courage to write to you. You are an inspiration to me and a great influence on my writing, and so I figured you at least deserved this heads-up. I want you to know that you are appreciated for all of your fine work on FFNET and anywhere else. You probably hear this a lot, but I think you have the potential for publication if you set out to do it, if you wanted to.

Listen, don’t ever stop. If you ever stopped writing I don’t how I’d handle reading the dreck that is put out on

*DELETE*

“Fucking lowlife. Oh, that reminds me, Jimmy, I just rented Barfly. Bukowski is the badassness…”

*hold down ENTER for another 10 seconds, press TAB randomly for confusion*

**********

Title: The Little Engine That Tried And Failed Continuously

Setting: Cyberspace

Krista: Hey, Sean, write me a story.

Sean: Kay. I promise I’ll get it done.

*time passes, too many asterisks used already*

Sean: Hey, I got halfway done and decided that I can’t finish it. Sorry.

Krista: No problem, it’s not the first time you’ve disappointed me.

THE END

*hold ENTER for 20 seconds, put a “deep” phrase or comment in the middle, press TAB at random*

**********

Bing.

“Hello, welcome to Taco Bell, what can I get for you today? … It’s just a recording. Just a recording. Yeah, take your time.”

Wait by dishes, stopping work, to see what they order. They take their sweet-ass time because it’s Friday night and that means they’re drunk and hungry. Start to do something when they finally order.

“Two enchiritos… a Grande Combo with two hard tacos, no cheese plus sour cream, five hard tacos, a mexican pizza, a nacho bell grande, and a green burrito with beef and green onions… two more mexican pizzas… two meximelts… what? Oh, cancel the two enchiritos and make them grilled stuffed burritos… five quesadillas, two steak and three ch-… oh, one steak and three cheese and one chicken… no sauce on two of the cheese… will that be all for you? … Five cokes. Is Pepsi okay? All right. … I’ll have your total at the window. Thank you. WE GOT ANOTHER CAR, GUYS!”

It’s sad that they expect us to get it out in less than 45 seconds. It’s even sadder that it’s only 11:30PM and it’s going to last until 3:30AM. In the back of my mind, Jimmy is at work, either sleeping or masturbating because his job is better than his hobbies. Quote:

“Because of my job, every dream is a nightmare!”

Me, I wake up in cold sweats because I think that an order is ten minutes late or that I have to cook chalupas or that we’re out of beans and I have to make a batch in thirty seconds or a customer at the drive-thru window is going to call the customer hotline to complain.

Only guys work on graveyard and all they talk about is sex. Girls get free food if they flirt or show tits. Constant references to how much the job sucks and how much the manager should die. Numerous breaks to go into the bathroom to smoke pot. Drunk after drunk after punk kid trying to get free food, which he would if he looked cute and acted drunk. It’s pathetic, it’s pathetic, it’s pathetic.

This job is killing me. But the paycheck keeps me going. The misery builds an experience out of me.

**********

If I became a devout Catholic, would that mean that I sold out?

**********

**********

It happens to the best of us but it sucks when it does. Especially when you constantly read it later to remind yourself never to do it again.

I type my name into google to see who’s been talking about me.

I check my stats once a week.

I check my email all the time.

I post on FFNET because I like being liked, and it’s the only place I can be.

All the online friends I made two years ago are catching on that I’m nothing but an asshole. Macintyre, Zacharus, Valentine, Rex, Donald Ross, JADE, Coming Soon Inc, they’re leaving (read: left) me, and good, good, good for them. That was the idea two years ago. Tears is still around, but I think it’s more of a job to do. And why not.

What happens is, I think of an idea that’s already done so it’s harder to get it that far. So I can’t finish anything. This in everything I do. I hop from obsession to obsession, movies, books, video games, writing, on on on on. It’ll happen to you.

What I’ve learned: make sure you have a good two hours with whoever your first fuck is going to be, and don’t fall in love. You’ll just keep falling.

**********

Sonic the Hedgehog is in this.

**********

Let me just get up on this soap box here….

Alrighty!

The following can suck it:

Jack (David Hopkins)
Better Days… (Jay Naylor)
Badly Drawn Kitties (Mat fuckhead)
Dawn of the Dead
Take a Look in the Mirror
Diary, and Lullaby, while we’re at it
The Class Menagerie (some other fuckhead)
Ozy and Millie (David Simpson)
Quentin Tarantino
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles
R&R
Gimmicks…35.76.5.2.537.I.w..37.………………ant………………………….r.ytjsfjgjsdfpaKTGPAODHJN;JDNC;O

**********

The hotness that was Fleury woke up, crying out. Her wrath caused the weather in California to totally suck, and for nin.com to update and then stop. Vince entered the room in a hurry.

“Milady! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, bad dreams… and I feel the strange urge to eat a chalupa right now.”

“That’s okay, no worse than mine. I woke up with the taste of shit in my mouth.”

“That was just 50, by the way. And you were supposed to notice earlier.”

“Oh.”

I’d better end this before I put more into it.
I have work tonight anyway.

“Fucking the day is fun until it fucks you back.”