“Sonic!”

“SHUT UP! Man, you and Tails…”

“Sorry. What’s up?”

Amy’s couch is impractical yet it works. Why I sit down in it is a mystery to everyone but I do. She hands me a drink and lays down next to me, stretching her bare feet over my waist. Her skirt is short, oh believe me.

“Drink up.”

“What is it?”

“Scotch on the rocks.”

“You’re too young to buy scotch and I’m too likely to drink it.”

“It’s apple juice, then.”

“… Better be…” It is. No traces of drugs. Good. We’re not going there. “Mm. Tell me something, Amy, you ever known vomit to breathe?”

“No. I don’t read or go to school or learn anything. I just hit stuff with a hammer and unconditionally fight for your love.”

“Right. And you make me drinks while being a smart-aleck.”

“Glad we’re recapping. What’s with the coat?”

“Look, Amy, if you know what’s going to happen, just tell me right now, please.”

“… I don’t know what you mean.”

“Come now. You know I’m here for a reason: to re-establish our love, to remind everyone you exist, and to set up conflict for later. You know your part pretty well, I’d say. They’ve already killed Tails, now why are we having this conversation?”

“Got me.”

“Liar.”

“What? Sheesh, can’t we just... you know…”

“I… Amy, I… doubt that’d be called for…”

“You’ve done it before… you know you want it again…”

“Sort of.”

“Sort of, he says… what am I doing right now?”

“Stirring my shirt like dough, slowly, in a sensuous manner.”

“Like that?”

“Well, more like you’re moving your bare foot around in circular patterns against my shirt-covered stomach.”

“Like this?”

“More like you’re massaging my belly with your toes while in motion. So what?”

“Tails is dead?”

“Yep.”

“Mm. Tragic.”

“Something tells me you should sound a little more devastated.”

“Well you ruined it for me with this- you know, you’re not helping anything. You’re just changing my purpose. Now, it’s bouncing off your suspicions, for clarity. It’s shadow boxing. It’s a horrid tool and you know it.”

“I know it.”

“And this is IN ADDITION to all of my current functions. And you forgot to mention genital trashcan.”

“No I didn’t. I just don’t know how far we’re going with this.”

“How’s this for far?”

ZIP. Oh God.

“But this is okay, Sonic, because I know you’ll pull back at the last minute. How many people would find me unzipping your pants with my toes so, so hot? Maybe a lot.”

“Probably.”

“Probably a lot. But since when do you wear pants?”

“I don’t know, we never established.”

“You have a coat.”

“It’s the button-up kind.”

“THANK YOU! I was waiting for that. So let’s say now I’m unbuttoning you with my toes…”

“Uhn, yessss…”

“… and you’re moaning in pleasure, obviously…”

“Riiiiight…”

“And you’re looking into my eyes looking into yours… and this is where you pull back… just before contact…”

Not this time. “Not this time.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want to do this.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do. Why should I stop? So I’ll be the tragic hero that never gets his hole or takes advantage of opportunities?”

“You’d be liked.”

“Fuck you. Indeed. Fuck you.”

“You’re still not going to do it, are you?”

“For different reasons.”

“And now?”

“Spite. It’s a trick and I know it. No dice.”

“That makes you an unlikable bastard. Selfish and out of control.”

“It makes me an antihero. It still works.”

“So now you’re going to do it?”

“Yep.”

“And that makes it cliché and depraved and it shows you’re trying to expand an audience. Or keep everyone interested.”

“That’s why I’m not going to do it.”

“Course, you still want it.”

“Course.”

“And want what?”

Amy’s body is all one shade of pink. There are no blemishes, so skin fissures, no scars, no scuffs, no veins. Everything is as round as her breasts. She smells like orange-flavored ice cream and I want her covered in it. Her hair falls over her eyes a little and that is just HOT. Her teeth are straight-perfect. She’s as smooth as latex and as soft as silk. You get it yet? You don’t. She’s shaved everywhere below her neck. Her tail only wiggles with her ass, pointing left to right to left to right with each and every footfall. She can fake an orgasm at will. Glasses look excellent on her and enlarge her turquoise-blue eyes. She wears gloves and plaid skirts. She is discreet about all bodily functions and pretends she doesn’t shit or menstruate. She’ll cook and clean and eat anything you tell her to. She likes it from behind. Her nipples are the size of nickels and point like daggers at your eyes. She likes spit and leather. She likes whatever you like. She’ll do whatever you want. Any time, all the time. No person like this exists in real life, and yet, here she is in front of me, knees touching, massaging my groin, skirt riding up, cocking a dirty devious smile, tongue visible, no underwear, no bra, condoms at the ready. We have to be recklessly responsible, after all.

“How do you think I do this?”

“Easily.”

“You can’t beat it, Sonic. You know you can’t.”

“I can. Don’t tempt me.”

“We’ll see.”

“Tell me why you like me, Amy.”

With no hesitation: “I don’t know. I just do.” She waits. “Because I’m supposed to.”

“I only like you because you make me hard.”

“I only like you because of what it could be like.”

“I only like you because you’ll worship me all the time, which is 50% of the time I’ll want it.”

“I only like you because of the chemical arrangement in my brain.”

“I only like you because you remind me of my mother.”

“I only like you because my father hates you.”

“I only like you because you’re here in front of me, and you’re convenient.”

“I only like you because I do.”

Psychological connections to sex organs, too much of a support. Because they feel the best they think they can override logical thought. Cocky. Very. You get your member cut off under anesthesia and so what? It’s not the end of the world.

“Sonic, you’re doomed. I’m sorry.” With that, she spreads her legs and pulls my hard dick out from under my coat. A burst of pheromones sends my head into a roll, but…

But…

“No. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

I stick my cock into her, pull it out, push it in, pull it out, push it in, and it’s over. My cum lined her insides, and it’s over. If sex is a way to reach our souls then I just shunned hers. When I climb off, she’s confused and upset. There could be other times when it will be better but there won’t be. I’m buttoning the coat and slamming the door on her confused fucking face. This was supposed to be magical, beautiful. I was supposed to do great or leave. Now, I’ve fucked her realistically and she’ll never bother me again.

Thanks a lot.