“You hear Ensign Bob used the Seven^2 program?”

“I heard. Ensigns, man, they’re like first graders, only good for the sex.”

“Janeway gave him the works. He gets flogged every afternoon in front of Tuvok. The sick bastard loves to watch.”

“Steve, listen, I got a couple of questions. You play the Belanna^7 program?”

“Yes! You fucker, my balls have turned into triangles. Stop making those things with plot.”

“Plot keeps you from shooting too early. What’d you think of the surprise attack?”

“Certainly a surprise. Didn’t expect a church congregation to interrupt the eight of us.”

“You fight your way out?”

“I lost the gun.”

“You lost it? Where?”

“In the obvious place, Tony. Belanna 4. Got taken down and tortured, couldn’t end the program. What the hell is your problem?”

“Keep the gun, stupid. And keep playing, there’s a way to use the gun for defense and offense, if you know what I mean.”

“Is this all you wanted to ask, Captain Innuendo?”

“That’s Admiral to you, Officer. I wanted to ask… the program, the Holodeck, how does it work?”

“What do you mean?”

“One time in between the chemical buildup I constructed an exact duplicate of the ship and took a stroll through people’s rooms. Lucky I did this because that brown-nosing Kim came in to try and catch me. No sex but I was naked so I took off. He chased me around the ship mock-up for two hours before I found the Holodeck door again.”

“Found? You know you can just ask the computer for that.”

“… Huh, didn’t know that. I wanted to ask how Kim and I can be so far apart. The Holodeck is only about the size of the Brig, but we played grab-ass for miles apart. I saw him two stories up on the transparent sector. I understand particles of light and how they can become tangible somehow, but how do they simulate space?”

“The same way: mathematics. You’re not really that far apart. It just appears that way because of image distortion. The Holodeck can manipulate objective reality so well that it’s uncanny. I was playing Golfballs Club Masta and I chucked this naked midget ten miles across the Atlantic, and I had brought it in from Tom Paris’ room.”

“No shit?”

“And when I turned off the program, he was splattered against the starboard wall. If Kim were, say, two-hundred feet away from you in the Holodeck, if he simply swiped his arm out, it’s possible he could have grabbed you. But you wouldn’t see it the way it happened. Only felt it.”

“Trip.”

“Try it on acid. You’ll be slitting your own throat in no time.”

“Hmmm. I’m horny. Let’s turn on the JungleBusters program and find us some Polar Bear pussy.”