Admittedly I had heard accounts that this film wasn't very good, but I tried to watch it with an open mind. A 'removed' mind would have probably been more fitting. With a terrible script, decidedly wooden acting (mostly from the Playmates, but they weren't the only guilty parties), and rather outdated race views, this did not 'do it for me' as they say.

The story, as such, has Niven's Count Dracula, trying to revive his dead/undead (Oh I'm confused already!!) bride by using the blood of young ladies. Thus giving an excuse to fill the film with Playboy Bunnies. This is all well and good, and maybe even if it had been me calling the shots, I still might have done the same. However appealing it might sound though, this still does not make for a good film. Anyway the Castle has been opened up to the public, in pure tourist trap fashion, as a way for luring people there. Once the guests have bedded down for the night (with the help of some sleeping pills), The Count and his faithful (honorary, not full, family member) assistant take blood samples from any female occupants. This is to find a donor match, for his suspended wife.

To be honest I lost interest in the plot very early on, and only a few of the scenes kept my attention. I thought it was quite amusing to have Dracula as the very stuffy 'old world' kind of character (as you would be if you'd lived for however many hundred years), and his revived Wife as a trendy, party loving, 70's 'chick'. Unfortunately their relationship made no sense at all, in relation to the story. Considering their lengthy separation, they didn't seem to be very interested in each other now. This begs the question, "Why was Dracula still continuing with his quest, when it wasn't going to resolve their character, and age differences"? Anyway that's probably too in-depth for this film. As far a good bits go, hearing Niven uttering the words "Jive Turkey", couldn't help but bring a smile to my face, so it wasn't all a lost cause.

The main problem though, is the films overall premise makes it un-likable from the start. The only reason the viewer has to sit through this ridiculous story is because the main character doesn't want a 'black' wife. Which is in it's self unforgivable, but coupled with the dire quality of the film's overall production, it's almost un-watchable. Admittedly my copy wasn't the best quality, but I'm sure that wasn't the main reason for me not enjoying the film.

aka: Old Dracula

Directed: Clive Donner

Linda Hayden Content:
Not that I'm biased of anything, but I would have to say Miss Hayden's role, was the best thing about this film. Helga is a student (with a very amusing accent) who has been hired to pretend to be a Vampire, for the Castle Tourists. The Transilvania life is not for Helga though, and when she decides "I harve my leetal scooter, und I'm orff", Dracula puts the bite on her. This does not quite go according to The Counts plans, as she becomes too hard to control. Her new found blood lust nearly gets the better of her, with that evenings dinner quests. So, again Linda is cruelly (for us) bumped off very early on, and doesn't really seem to follow any logic. It just seems to be another wasted opportunity by the writers. Her Character was surely worth extending to appear in much more of the film. Things would have certainly been a lot better for it. How come one of our premier horror starlets, had so many tiny roles??? Questions in the Commons need to be asked.

The opposite fate seems to have befallen Bernard Bresslaw (who I'm a fan of). His character is awful, but he just keeps on popping up, through out the film. Each time being forced to spout some of the most boring dialog ever, and each time my heart sinking a little further, at the waste of such comedy talent. He was obviously cast in the role for his comedic value, but why do this, and then not give him any funny lines. He may have had some pretty rubbish roles in the 'Carry On' Series, but none this disrespectful. I know this doesn't have very much to do with Linda's role, but it's difficult to say much more, about such an underused part. Blame the team behind this tacky stuff.

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