HAMSTER RATING

STARRING: William Shatner (Captain Kirk), DeForest Kelley (Doctor McCoy), Leonard Nimoy (Mister Spock), Stephen Collins (Cmdr. Decker), Persis Khambatta (Lt. Illia), James Doohan (Montgomery Scott), George Takei (Lt. Hikaru Sulu), Walter Koenig (Ensign Pavel Chekov), Nichelle Nichols (Lt. Uhura)

SYNOPSIS: The U.S.S. Enterprise is sent to intercept a mysterious energy force that has destroyed three Klingon cruisers and is on a direct course for Earth.

And that's it.

Chekov does what Chekov does best: scream like a little girlie-boy.

REVIEW: Early on, the filmmakers must have realized that they only had about 10 minutes of actual story for this behemoth movie, so the Motion Picture is an excercise in padding. Jerry Goldsmith's score is so awesome that it gets five minutes all to itself in the very beginning, and the redesigned Enterprise had so many fanboys salivating that they put every single shot they made of the ship into the movie. It's grand, it's awe-inspiring. It's eye-gougingly boring after two minutes, let alone the five, six, ten that's in the final cut.

So little happens over such long periods of time that instead of the cheesy fist fights and human-looking aliens we fans had come to expect from the show, we are treated to a detailed look at the day-to-day operations of a starship in space. If I wanted that, I would play some of the real-time STAR TREk pc games that have come and gone over the years. But when Kirk is involved, I expect some alien kissing and shirt-tearing! But in spite of the severe lack of editing, The Motion Picture is still pretty okay. The mighty triumvirate of Kirk, Spock and McCoy ponder the mysteries of life, bicker amongst themselves and demonstrate their particular skills and foibles. The redesigned Enterprise is 80's-tastic, and Persis Khambata looks great in a miniskirt and high heels (which Kirk picks out for her, I must add). Also, when the story finally gets around to ending, it touches on the same kind of philosophical subject matter that marked some of the best episodes from the show.

Due to budget cuts, the Kirk/Spock fight scene had to be rewritten as the more disappointing Kirk/Spock arm wrestling contest.

On a final note, I suspect it would be easier to take this movie more seriously if the crew wasn't dressed in pastel pajamas, yet oddly enough Kirk's admiral uniform is one of the better Trek costumes I've seen.

FAVORITE SCENE: The transporter accident. Yeech!

FAVORITE LINE: Kirk to McCoy--"I need you, Bones...Badly!" (it's all in the delivery)