STARRING: Christopher Reeve (Superman/Clark Kent), Gene Hackman (Lex Luthor), Terrance Stamp (General Zod),Margot Kidder (Lois Lane)

Many fans of the Christopher Reeve Superman movie franchise consider Superman II to be the high point of the franchise. Just read most of the reviews on Amazon.com. Having seen all the films, I have only four words to say to that: Are you kidding me? As camp, sure, Superman II gets it done. But in terms of quality cinema, it’s pretty bad. In fact, none of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies are shining cinematic achievements. It’s just a matter of which ones are more or less atrocious than the others.

Superman II is well-made, but, oh man, is it lame.

The basic story concerns Superman’s attempt to stay out of the massive plot holes appearing everywhere in the movie, which proves virtually impossible since he also gives up his Superman powers to be with Lois, then has to fight three rogue Kryptonians, lead by General Zod (Terrance Stamp), who start a world-takeover bid from Houston, Texas.

But how come Superman has to give up his powers in order to live happily ever after with Lois? More disturbingly, how the heck do a depowered Superman and Lois get from the North Pole to Metropolis? And we are to believe that Clark, wearing jeans and jacket, is able to hoof it back there on his own, eating snow for sustenance? And exactly what sort of lifeform are Kryptonians, if they’ve never heard of or encountered liquid water before? The caving in of Washington’s authority to General Zod’s laughably campy evil strains credibility even more : “Oh, no! This weirdo’s just demolished a tiny Midwestern town! We have no choice but to cede to all his demands immediately!”

The upshot of all this is that while Zod and his super-human pals are chewing up America’s defenses, Superman is nowhere to be found, because he’s decided to ignore all cries for help whilst he canoodles with Lois in his freaky ice castle boudoir. Seriously. Instead of saving the lives of U.S. military guys being flung through the air and blown up by unskilled, megalomanic aliens, he’s putting his powers to use collecting Amazon flowers and exotic menu items for a romantic dinner. Superman II is mostly worth watching simply because the hero is finally shown for what he really is: a big loser. Once he gives up his powers, he immediately turns out to be a crappy human, picking a fight with, and losing, to a moderately-sized moron in a diner. A bloody nose and split lip are all it takes to make Superman reconsider this whole human thing, so off he goes to cry for mommy to give him his powers back (in spite of the fact that she clearly states that the humanizing is a once-and-done deal).

When Superman returns in all his glory to Metropolis, he picks a fight with General Zod and company, who take turns demonstrating what a crappy Kryptonian Superman is, as well. In the end, he only manages to defeat the trio by stripping them of their powers and kicking them into the ambiguous icy depths of his Fortress of Solitude (A.K.A. freaky ice castle boudoir). Kal-El is only “Super” when he has an outrageously unfair advantage, and even then, his responsibility to Earth’s safety is apparently only guaranteed when he doesn’t have a hot chick in his bedroom he’s trying to impress.

Or, as the movie demonstrates in the opening scenes, when Superman is actively paying attention to the world around him (“What? Terrorists with a bomb in the Eiffel Tower? When did that happen?”). I actually enjoyed watching that paragon of “human perfection” brought down to size.

The movie is enjoyable for other reasons, too. General Zod and his two idiot lackeys (Sarah Douglas and Jack O'Halloran) are the embodiment of camp villains. They dress in vague, black costumes, have ambiguous Britishy accents and a plan that consists of trashing everything in sight and counting on the locals to worship them as gods. They have no common sense at all; they are familiar with metal and paper, but have no idea what water is. Zod has some amazingly bad dialogue, including the habit of using his own name as a curse when he’s angry. It only works because Stamp and his co-stars play their bad guys dead seriously the whole time. They are children, innocent of the dangers in the environment, and it is only the powers given them by Earth’s yellow sun that prevents them from being drowned or run over by a car and killed in their opening scenes. They don’t have a clue how to be human, and it’s absolutely hilarious.

Superman is lovable in spite of his tremendously bad judgement, because Christopher Reeve plays him with earnestness and vulnerability. His interaction with Margot Kidder as Lois works well, and in one glaring example of plotting gone right, Lois’ shrewdness and intelligence are used to their maximum potential when she begins to suspect a connection between Clark and Blue Tights (Glasses on, it’s Clark! Glasses off, it Superman! Glasses, no glasses! Clark, Superman!). Gene Hackman returns as prison escapee Lex Luthor, slipping into the character with the apparent ease of donning a pair of comfy slippers. Luthor’s alliance with Zod has all the makings of an epic clash of egos.

Production values are generally good, especially the wire work, considering how much of it there is, and the score is suitably grandiose. The costumes haven’t yet devolved into the horribly dated 80's wear of the following sequels, even though Superman’s depowering leaves him with a tragic bowl-cut hairstyle (fortunately, with the resumption of his powers, the classic curl returns), and the blue tights never stop looking gay.

Bottom Line: As long you like cheese, Superman II will please.

General Zod's Website