Date of Viewing: 12-08-2004
Cellular is a movie full of misplaced, and very lucky people. This woman is kidnapped and thrown into an attic where her kidnapper proceeds to smash the only phone up there with a sledge hammer. Now first of all, he used a sledge hammer on a phone from the early 90's and some how the circuit board managed to stay in one piece. Lucky point number 1. Then the woman (a rich wife in L.A. who has a house maid to do everything for her) manages to rewire the phone and make calls out trying to reach someone for help. Now not only does she successfully rewire the phone but she manages to call someone in the same state and from what I can guess about 20 miles away from where she is being held. In the US there has to be at least 1 million phones, Lucky point number 2. Now this woman contacts Ryan who is a guy who can’t even commit to a solid relation ship with his beautiful girlfriend. Ryan brings the phone to the police station and one of the cops (who wants to start a "Day Spa" with his wife) listens to the woman talk and then send Ryan upstairs to homicide or something of the sort, I can’t remember exactly. Well apparently the only way up to the 4th floor is in a stair well which cuts off the phone signal. So now Ryan has to leave the police station for plot reasons (that and its only like 20 mins in to the movie). After a while in what seems like a wild goose chase his phone starts to die. Contently there is nokia (the brand name of the phone he has) store grand opening just to his right. Lucky points number 3. After being harassed at by the staff for not waiting his turn he shots off a gun and gets his charger. Well at this point the bad guys and Ryan and lead to a bank where the object of desire for the bad guys is being held. After a small fight sequence Ryan gets the mysterious black back and runs up a flight of stairs. Now last time he went up stairs the signal broke up so I was thinking "WTF? Why didn't he loss signal there?" But no sooner does he get on the roof then he drops the phone several stores and it brakes on impact leaving us to wonder if it did lose signal or not. Well with the bad guys take the husband to the hideout. As they drive there the woman tries to contact Ryan and the one guy left back at the hideout sees that the house line is in use and picks up to hear the woman whimpering. He walks up there throws her into a mirror. She picks up a shard of glass. He gets on top of her to beat the shit out of her. Now for a small side note. To all of you out there who sat in your high school classes and thought "when am I ever going to use this stuff?" It comes in handy here because the woman paid attention in her 10th grade biology glass and knew acutely where to cut the man along the arm to hit a critical vain. Lucky point 4 I think. She tries to escape but ends up running into the other bad guys as they arrive with her husband. Ryan becomes has gotten another cell phone (Actually his original but, yeah complicated) and gets a brain and uses last call return to call back. He tells the bad guys he'll be at a pier with the object of desire (a video tape of the bad guys being evil cops and such which the husband captured). Well they show up and due to his ex girlfriend Ryan’s position is exposed and they bad guys fight him and the good cop (the one who wants to make the Day Spa). Well the tape gets destroyed and Ryan uses the last call return again to revile the bad guy’s position and the good guys win. Well the few bad guys who are alive are playing innocent because of the lack of evidence. Well Ryan's all like "Well they may have destroyed the original tape but I copied it into my cell phone." Now, I work in the cell phone biz I know that to do something like that you need a computer and some special hardware in order to do something like that. So either Hollywood magic or he had those things set up in a convenient position at which point why the hell not download it into your phone and not onto your computer or a DVD or something.
Final Ratings
Plot: The plot was interesting though a little to convenient. 6/10
Explosions: Only one explosion but it was big. 3/10
Special Effects: Only a few small special effects nothing huge. 3/10
Acting: Not the best. 4/10
Character Intelligence: I don’t know if it was luck or intelligence on the woman's part but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. 7/10
Character Coolness: Not really... 4/10
Final Rating: To much luck and plot holes. 4/10
...Comments from Lynn and Tsufurujin San...
Lynn: If I were her I would have used all that crap in the attic for something or another.
Erik: Oh yeah thanks for reminding me of that.
Tsufurujin San: What's to implausible about her paying attention in High School Biology?
