Brooklynn sat in her living room that night, searching for a movie to watch. She had ordered some pizza and decided that after the day she’d had, she deserved some peace and quiet.
When the doorbell rang, Brooklynn grabbed her money off of the dining room table and headed to the front door, expecting that the pizza guy had finally arrived.
“Hello,” she greeted cheerily, swinging the door open. Her face fell when she realized that it wasn’t the delivery boy.
Sam was standing there, looking completely disheveled and nervous.
“I’m…I’m so sorry, Brook…for everything. I’ve been acting like such a moron and an asshole, and I just wanted to let you know that I feel horrible for the things I said to you and for the way I treated you…you deserve so much better…I’m sorry…” he spoke quickly and gently, and when he was finished he turned to leave.
“Why are you really here?” she called to his back.
“I told you,” he spun around, “I needed to apologize. I don’t need you to forgive me and I don’t expect you to, either…but I needed to let you know how I felt.”
“But why? After all this time and everything that’s happened?”
“It’s been killing me…this whole experience has been killing me, mentally, and emotionally…physically…I turned into a person that I never wanted to be…and I need to change that,” then he got into his truck and left her standing there, completely stunned.
Sam had always seemed to her like such a ‘hard ass’. Yet he seemed as though he were slowly losing his mind. He had finally encountered something that he couldn’t handle…
The delivery man pulled in just moments later and delivered her food.
As she was about to sit down and eat, the phone rang.
“Hello?” she answered.
“Brook…it’s me…” Taylor’s voice responded.
“Yes?”
“I…we need to talk…I’m ready to talk…”
“Do you wanna come over?”
“You don’t mind? I’m not interrupting anything?”
“No…come over.”
“Alright…” Taylor consented before hanging up the phone.
Scott pulled up to Hayden’s place again, and found his friend where he had left him.
“I thought you said you were gonna call,” Hayden greeted.
“What’s wrong?” Scott ignored him and sat down.
“What do you mean?”
“I told you earlier you looked miserable and you still look the same. So what’s going on?”
Just then, Taylor came out of the house. She seemed uncomfortable with the boys being there.
“Hey,” she cautiously smiled as she walked past them. She hurried to her car and drove away.
“That’s what’s wrong,” Hayden lit a cigarette, his eyes fixated on where Taylor’s car was once parked.
“Why? You two fighting?”
“I told her I loved her and she got angry about it.”
“You tell her you love her all the time,” Scott replied confusedly.
“Well, this time I told her I was in love with her,” he sighed as he flicked his ashes.
“You’re in love with her? Hayden,”
“Don’t try and figure it out,” his friend cut him off. “I don’t really understand it either.”
“So she’s mad at you because you think you may be in love with her?”
“I don’t think anything!” Hayden jumped up and began pacing the porch. “I’m in love with her. I have been for years and she thinks I’m just making this all up, that this is just some passing thing. Puppy love, a little crush. And dammit it’s so much more than that!”
“You probably caught her off guard…why didn’t you ever tell anyone about this?”
“What good would it have done? She was with Sam…I didn’t even mean to tell her today…I just got caught up in a moment that never really existed.”
As Taylor pulled into Brooklynn’s driveway, an urge to pull back out and drive away without a backward glance over came her. The reason that she’d agreed to talk was because she meant to forgive her friend. But as Taylor sat in the parked car and looked up at the dimly lit house, she questioned her readiness.
“You know you have to do this,” Taylor told herself aloud.
And as if her words had given her strength, Taylor got out of the car, walked up the sidewalk and rang the bell of the house.
The door opened almost instantly, as if Brooklynn had been waiting for Taylor to show up.
The girls looked at one another with sad and tired expressions. Both had a million words on the tips of their tongues. But neither of them said anything.
Silently, Brooklynn led Taylor into the living room, and gestured that she should sit on the couch. Brooklynn herself settled into an armchair, nervously aware that Taylor was still standing.
“Tell me why. That’s the first thing I need to know,” Taylor spoke first. Her voice was cool and calm. There was no viciousness or daring to it, unnerving Brooklynn even more.
“I…Taylor I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve always had a crush on Sam. From the first day I met him…I thought he was…perfect. And when you two started dating, I was so jealous…and the more serious you got, I stared to resent you. It was never strong enough to ruin our friendship, but…and then I met Scott, and he changed all that. When he and I started dating, my crush on Sam seemed like nothing but a vague and ugly nightmare. That night, Taylor…it started out innocently…I only wanted to get him away from that party before he did something stupid…and I wasn’t about to let him drive himself…he was the drunkest person there,” Brooklynn confessed quietly. At times her words came out fast and nervous, other times slow and sure. She let out a heavy sigh and waited a moment before continuing. “When…when he kissed me, all those old fantasies and desires came rushing back. When I felt him against me, wanting me, Scott vanished…you vanished. I loved Scott, and I still do, but Scott wasn’t Sam…and I loved you, but I didn’t care about you just then…I didn’t…I didn’t care about Scott. I had what I wanted…it’s terrible but it’s the truth…”
Taylor paced the floor, not looking at her friend. She was silent, absorbing the other girl’s words.
“Please, say something…anything,” Brooklynn softly begged.
“What am I suppose to say? I can’t say how I’m feeling, because I don’t really know. I can’t say I understand, because I don’t. My whole god damned world has fallen apart in the last month, and two of the people I trusted most in the world are the ones that caused it. Look at me…I’m eighteen years old, pregnant, my boyfriend sleeps with my best girl friend, then, my best guy friend decides to…” she cut herself off.
Taylor closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. “It’s like a bad T.V. movie and I’m front and center, caught in all the drama and heartache.”
“I’m sorry…I know it isn’t enough, and it doesn’t make up for what I did, but I am sorry. I love you…you’ve been the sister I always wanted…I’ve missed you…”
Taylor threw her arms around Brooklynn and held her tightly. “I’m sorry too…I was really nasty today.”
“No, I understand…” Brooklynn gratefully returned the embrace.
“So…what’s new?” Taylor sat on the couch.
“Not much,” Brooklyn sat beside her.
“Have you seen Sam…since that night, I mean…”
“I haven’t been with him, if that’s what you mean…but um, he was here tonight, just before you called. He said he wanted to apologize…he looked…different…he looked sick.”
“Apologize?”
“Yeah…we had it out the morning after, and we all know how verbally abusive Sam can get…I think he’s starting to understand what’s really happened…have you seen him?” Brooklyn explained.
“He was waiting for me at my house the day I got home…he tried to get me to take him back…and I wanted to, but I can’t. I can’t do that to myself anymore…”
“With him or with guys in general?”
“I don’t know…I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want my baby to not have a father, but I don’t want Sam in my life, and I don’t know if I can be with another man when I’m still so stuck on that low life,” Taylor explained quickly.
“Are you really still stuck on him, or are you stuck on the idea of what you had with him?” Brooklynn pressed.
“I don’t know. I mean, I know I loved him, and I still care about him…I’ve been Sam Mullholand’s girlfriend for so long, that I’m afraid to be anything else…”
“Is that way you pushed Hayden away?”
Taylor’s head quickly turned to face her friend. “What are you talking about?”
“Hayden told me about this afternoon. Maybe he shouldn’t have, or maybe I shouldn’t be saying anything to you, but he was really, really upset.”
“Look, it’s just Hayden being Hayden. He always like, wants everyone to be happy, and I was feeling rejected, so…”
“No, that’s not it at all,” Brooklynn interrupted, shaking her head. “Do you really think he’d risk your whole friendship on a little head game? He really does love you. He’s loved you for years, Tay.”
“Shut up,” Taylor smirked. “You’re just trying to make me feel bad for being mean to you today,”
Brooklynn just gave her a serious and silent look.
“He loves me? Like, he’s in love with me?” Taylor’s face fell. “Well…don’t I feel like an ass…”
“Do you have feelings for him?”
“I Don’t know…I did when we were younger, but…I mean…he’s Hayden, ya know…just…Hayden…” Taylor let out a heavy sigh. “This sucks.”
“You need to talk to him…cause right now, he’s hurt and angry…but even if you just tell him that you only want to be friends, you gotta let him know you still care about him,” Brooklynn advised gently.
Hayden glanced at his watch. Nearly twelve-thirty. He took a long drag off of his cigarette, letting the cool night breeze encompass him. At that moment, sitting on the chilled stone of his bedroom balcony, the silence of the night all around, he was at peace. The day he’d left didn’t matter, his anger and sadness didn’t matter. She didn’t matter. No, she still mattered. For the moment however she was pushed to the back of his mind as he let his surroundings soothe him.
“Whatcha doin’?” a female voice—her voice—asked quietly, breaking the calm.
Hayden turned his head to look at her and felt a gasp catch in his throat.
She was standing there, in a long, white sating nightgown, her short hair tucked behind her ears. In the light of the full moon, she was breathtaking, reminding Hayden of a painting he’s seen once of an angel.
He didn’t reply. He was afraid that any attempt at speech would end in him rambling yet another confession of undying love. He looked away, tossing his cigarette over the railing.
She mistook his silence for anger and dropped next to him, resting a hand gently on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry I hurt you…that was never my intention,” she spoke softly, searching his face for any sort of reaction.
“You know sorry doesn’t change anything,” he forced himself to speak. “Sorry doesn’t take away the fact that you rejected me. It doesn’t make me love you any less.”
Taylor closed her eyes and let out a sigh. She was still so lost on her own feelings and didn’t know how to go about handling his, as well.
When she finally opened her eyes again, they were locked on his. They were so sad, so passionate.
She kissed him. It was sudden and impulsive, then deepened into one of passion and desire. Her hand slid from his shoulder to the back of his head, her fingers lightly twisting the hair at the nape of his neck, the other hand holding the side of his face. She could taste the smoke on his breath, smell his aftershave.
He snaked his arms around her waist, holding her slender body close to his.
When their lips parted, Hayden refused to let her go. He held her, feeling her heart beat in rhythm with his own, feeling how perfectly she fit into his arms.
He wanted to tell her all of this, tell her that he loved her more than life. But he knew that if he spoke, words would cheapen the moment, and she’d most likely leave him there alone, just as she had earlier. He decided to hold onto their kiss as a silent understanding that things were going to get better.
“I don’t know what’s suppose to happen next…” she whispered quietly, her head still resting in the crook of his neck.
“What do you mean?” he whispered back.
“I’m so…confused. I don’t know how I truly feel about you…but it feels right. Does that make sense?”
“Sort of.”
“I don’t want to hurt you ever, and I think that’s why this scares me—I’m going to hurt you,” she look up at him, her eyes set on his.
“Do you still want to be with Sam?” Hayden questioned. Inwardly he flinched, afraid of her answer.
“I’m glad Sam’s gone, but I miss him. I don’t want him with me, but I want him to share this baby experience with me. I hate him for what he did and what he does, but I love him with every beat of my heart. I can’t tell you what I do and don’t want, because I don’t know…” she stared to cry. “It’s like everything’s finally catching up with me. And I’m scared, Hayden, and my heart aches. And being with you feels right, it really does, but I don’t know if it’s because I truly want you or if I want a man to keep my mind off of Sam…”she was growing hysterical, all of the bottled up emotions coming out in a steady current.
“Shhhh…” Hayden wiped her tears away and hugged her, hoping to be of some comfort. “Everything’s gonna be fine…”
“I’m glad somebody’s sure of it all,” she pulled away from him and stood up.
“Listen, I know it’s tough…I’m not saying I know how you feel…” he too stood and moved behind her, letting his hands rest lightly on her bare shoulders.
“Hayden, just…be quiet,” she turned around and kissed him again.
“It’s late…I promised Scott I’d go to his tournament tomorrow…” he whispered, lightly running his fingers through the ends of her hair.
“Can I sleep with you tonight? Taylor asked suddenly.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…”
“No…I mean sleep…will you just hold me?”
Her eyes were pleading with him, asking him to be the comfort source he’d always been to her.
Silently he nodded and led her into his room. They got into his bed and she snuggled up to him instantly.
He lay there holding her, realizing that he had everything he ever wanted, and a small, content smile played on his lips. She was his. Finally.
But then he felt her crying silently against him, and his fantasy shattered.