Landon pulled up to the little house that Taylor and Brooklynn shared. He let out a sigh and walked up to the front door.
He rang the bell and waited. No answer. So he knocked on the door and waited. Still no answer.
“Brook, come on…I know you’re there…” Landon called desperately. “Brooklynn I can see your car in the driveway…I just wanna talk to you!”
The door opened and Landon let walked in, finding himself watching Brook’s back moving into another room.
“Come on, I’m begging you…be reasonable,” he sighed as he followed her into the living room
Brooklynn sat Indian style on the couch, a cigarette in hand. “Why are you here?” she asked evenly. Her voice was void of emotion.
“Because I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, but I can’t bear the thought of losing you. Not like this.”
“It’s all too much at once…” she started to cry. “Why did it all happen like this?! Why did it happen at all?!”
“Shhh…” he sat next to her and put his arms around her body. “Everything will turn out alright, I know it will…”
“No it won’t!” she pushed him away from her and stood up. “Even if Scott makes it, I’ll never get him back. I’ll never have you. Taylor and I will never be okay ever again. My whole world came crashing down on me this morning. I have nothing!”
“You have me…”
“I don’t have you the way I want you, the way I need you!”
“Intimacy is not always about sex and other physical expressions. It isn’t about romance and marriage. It doesn’t rely on a boyfriend girlfriend title. Intimacy is about a mental and emotional bond. Trust and love and caring. You have my affections, Brooklynn. You also have my trust. That is why I told you my truth. I trust you won’t tell anyone else. If what I’m offering you isn’t enough—and what I’m offering you is my friendship and my heart—then you are not worthy of what we could share,” he explained simply.
“Why don’t you want me to tell anyone that you’re gay? If you’re ashamed of it then maybe you need to rethink you’re lifestyle,” she answered stiffly.
“I’m not ashamed. I’m very comfortable with my sexuality. I’ve just found that my life runs smoother when my sexuality isn’t announced to the masses.”
“Who else knows?” she asked softly, taking her seat back next to him.
“My parents, Will, Red, Damien, Taylor. And now you…”
“Have you ever been with a woman?”
“Yes…I’ve been with a few women, actually. I lost my virginity to a woman, dated girls, had sex with girls.”
“Why the change? I mean…why men?”
“I could ask you the same question,” he answered with a smile. “Why do you prefer men?”
“Men feel right.”
“There you go. All those women didn’t feel right. I mean, I liked having sex with them, I liked being with them, but it wasn’t…it wasn’t right. The first time I ever even kissed a man, I knew it was right. I knew that was what I wanted.”
“You said you hadn’t been with a woman in four years…you quit with women at what, fourteen? How old were you when you first had sex?”
“I lost my virginity at twelve. Then I had sex with two other girls between that time and when I turned fourteen…and that’s when I met Sean. We were friends even though he was seventeen, and he was the first openly gay person I’d ever met. He was incredibly handsome…and I was attracted to him, though I couldn’t understand why. So I asked him about being gay…I asked him about when he knew, how he knew…and I admitted that I didn’t really like being with girls, and I didn’t know why…and then he asked me if he could kiss me, and I said it was okay…so…he kissed me. And I knew. It just all made sense in that moment—why I’d always, even as a child, wanted to be near other boys, why I could never develop any real interest in girls, why sex, for lack of a better word, bored me,” Landon explained, smiling at the memory.
“Why did you have sex with all those girls if you didn’t like sex or care about them?” Brooklynn pressed on. Her anger and hurt were ebbing away as he confided in her. She wanted to understand.
“The first girl was my babysitter—yes I had a babysitter at twelve, but that was only because I couldn’t behave myself. Anyway. She was this sixteen year old alcoholic who seduced me—which wasn’t hard with the whole raging hormones of puberty. It was sloppy and quick…she stunk like vodka…I hated it. So I figured, maybe it was just her. I met Maryanne when I was thirteen, and we had sex…I liked it a little better with her, but not enough to really enjoy it. Then came Lana…same thing. I was still with her when I started seeing Sean.”
“How many men have you been with?”
“Three…well, four including the man I’m with now.”
“And you’ve never been in love? Not with any of them?”
He shook his head. “It’s like I told you when we first met, I don’t really believe in love. I cared about each of them. And to be honest, they didn’t love me either. Nobody got hurt.”
“And you have no interest in women? You’re straight up gay?”
“Well, if you want to get technical I’m bisexual. I am attracted to a few women, but not enough to do anything about it. I like men, plain and simple. It would take one hell of a woman to convert me.”
She laughed. “I’m sorry for freaking out earlier, Landon…it was just a shock, that’s all.”
“Don’t worry about it…I understand. The person you should apologize to, though, is Taylor,” he advised gently.
“Why? She betrayed me by being with Scott…”
“She wasn’t with Scott. She’s not even remotely interested in Scott like that. She would never hurt you like that, Brooklynn.”
“You’ve known her for what, sixteen hours and you can make that judgment?” Brooklynn’s defenses went back up.
“Yes, I can. To hear her speak of you the way she does—with such adoration and affection—I can confidently say that Taylor not, as you so eloquently put it, ‘dip in your kool-aid’,” he smiled.
She blushed and even smiled slightly, though it disappeared as quickly as it came. “I want to believe that. But it’s like I said earlier, every guy I’ve ever even looked at, she’s had. And Scott’s…well…let’s be honest,”
“Scott’s a hottie,” Landon nodded.
Brooklynn laughed again. “Yes, Scott’s a hottie.”
“But even so…remember that Taylor’s going through a nasty divorce—on top of caring about you—she isn’t going to run to the arms of another man.”
A few stray and silent tears fell down her cheeks. “Why did he have to leave? I mean…how can he just, stop loving me…”
Again, Landon pulled her into a hug, and this time, she allowed herself to relax and take solace in his arms.